CHAPTER XXXI

                         “THE JEWISH WHO?”

As far as the Insurance Agency had fared, Urang had switched agencies and concentrated on the new type of insurance life policy, supposedly the greatest thing since
sliced bread as far as Urang was concerned--an excellent tax shelter and investment.  (Yeah, right!).  Tank Wisely had been fired because of all the people at
Urang’s he was the most conservative and couldn’t hack the free wheeling atmosphere of the place but mainly because he didn’t have a mistress or production numbers
worth a good shit.  Dom "The Lucky" DeToqueville was finally let go on the pretext that he hadn’t sold anything since 1892, i.e., since his famous Pecadillo case.  He went
down the road to join a “legitimate” insurance firm as a “regular guy” life agent.  Harry "The Horse" and Jimmie "The Gimmie The Adjuster”, left Urang.  They left just
as the bottom fell out of the auto casualty market.  It was next to impossible to place, fire, theft and auto insurance in the South Bronx where these two soldiers worked
in the late 1970’s.  Moody “The Green Card” Passano quietly exited to set up his own scam after he got his law degree and did a brisk loan business, venture capital
funding and made a quick buck from terrorized naive immigrants by helping them to secure their passports,  green cards and other documents.

Calorie, "The Holy Grail", the secretary, along with some of Urang’s left over Bimbolinas secretaries went with Urang to his new
Caesar’s Palace.  Just before Urang
moved across the street he ran into another hick sucker--a brilliant straight agent of the Dom "The Lucky" ilk, who was, according to Rose Hips, a master salesman and
genius when it came to selling life policies.  Almost immediately Urang formed a partnership with him when he brought in rapid succession several high premium cases.  
Coincidentally, the very day that new talent was discovered Urang and Tennis had a parting of thy ways and got a business divorce.  Where Tennis went to I know not but
I like to think he ended up scribbling notes on a yellow pad alongside of Bongos somewhere in the bowels of the Bowery.  As a footnote to my tearful departure, Pisston
Limos. six months after they had been ejected from the County, got their DOT numbers and the last I heard they were running full force.  The “Window of Opportunity”
had been slammed shut!

A year later Urang put up a sign announcing his new partnership with the boy wonder on the front lawn of his new house.  According to Rose Hips, Urang, between his
business alliance with an aging condo owner widow in Northern “Bestchester” and the sale of large blocks of insurance was entering his money making prime and
working on his next one hundred million.

Urang moved to a secluded villa in upper “Bestchester”.  A few years later the sign came down in front of the
Urang, Inc. establishment and in its place was a flashing
neon Travel Agency sign in the front window.  In the middle 1980’s Urang purchased an auto insurance firm in Bonkers and put Rose Hips in charge.  Rose, after the Play
fiasco had been fed up and bored and suffered from teacher burnout after twenty years in the New Jersey Teaching System.  She decided to leave the safe confines of the
educational system and go into sales.  She had had a number of sales jobs and then finally landed in a field she enjoyed.  She began working as an outdoor salesperson for
an exclusive Hotel in Tea-Toes, New Jersey
The Shitzen Inn.  She went around to corporations trying to get them to use the hotel’s facilities.  She was quite good at it and
they wanted her to come in off the road and set up the hotel facilities in the catering area on a permanent basis.  She was to sell potential clients on the idea to use their
hotel for their promotional affairs.  It was in her sales capacity at the hotel that I was to bump into her again about four years later--salesperson to salesperson.

It just so happened that a few weeks before the collapse of the Limo. Service, I had been getting vibrations that things weren’t going to work out in the long run at
Urang’s and so I had been blissfully looking at the
WANT ADS again.  On several occasions I had noticed jobs in the Sales Section, advertisements for Space Sales.  The
notion struck me funny at the time for I had a vision of someone who would go out with a bottle full of air and then sell it to Dumbo’s.  I was not being facetious about
this definition of space sales.  I had no idea what a space salesperson did nor did I bother to find out.

When I saw an ad in the local paper for an ad space person, my curiosity was peaked to perfection.  One week later, after my firing from Urang, I took my naive “tushy”
attitude concerning space sales and went to the office listed in the ad.  On the front door of the small office was printed
and went in.  There were two small offices.  The front office was empty except for a phone, a chair, a desk, file cabinets and other office equipment.  The voice from the
inner sanctum office bade me to come in and there seated at a desk, with a window behind her that looked out to the back parking lot sat an attractive, diminutive
redhead about my age.  She introduced herself as Phyllis “The Jewess” Reicher, Advertising Manager for the “Bestchester” edition of
that was “headquarted” at 1 Park Avenue in New York City.

I gave her a quick resume of my checkered career during the past twenty years and told her that I worked nearby but was thinking of leaving because I thought that
selling insurance wasn’t for me and that if I could find a product that I could get enthused about I would probably be a good salesperson.  I admitted not knowing what
space sales was all about.  She was very polite, kind and amused and explained space sales had to do with the selling of space in the media to advertisers and that she just
happened to be looking for another advertising representative.  She had single handedly built up this edition during the past three years.  It was continuing to expand at a
fast pace.  
THE JEWISH WEEK Newspaper had been in “Bestchester” for three years.  They had a Queens office and a larger office for the Long Island Edition.  There
was also a small office for the Brooklyn Edition.

By the time I took
The JEWISH WEEK job, Urang and company together with the Worst and The Dumbest had moved to the Best Little Whorehouse on the Hardysville  
Prairie.  Although I was in close proximity I lost touch with the day-to-day shenanigans of the Urang Gang that couldn’t sell straight and rarely, if ever, saw Urang or
Tennis or any of the Urang Crew.

Phyllis had been divorced for about five years.  She had been married to a man who kept getting deeper and deeper into the new
Fundamentalist Revival Movement
sweeping the country as well as the county in the early part of the decade of the 80’s culminating in the coronation of the
Religious Fanatical Fundamental “Tushys” in
our Century.  They became more and more estranged until Phyllis had it with his religious activities and eccentricities.  She was dating a bus driver whom she met at
, a New Jersey Syndicate hangout located on the main strip of Hardysville.

Phyllis told me that
THE JEWISH WEEK Newspaper was over one hundred years old, looked it and had a combined circulation of over 100,000 which is respectable for an
ethnic paper.  Most of this was paid subscription.  It had an upbeat, upward mobile, wealthy readership.  The readership consisted of people who could afford their
advertisers’ products.  It dealt with topics mostly of interest to Jewish readers with a strong slant in support of Israel.  It was the largest English speaking Jewish
newspaper in the world.  The “Bestchester” branch under Phyllis’s’ leadership had become one of the fastest growing editions of the suburban editions.  However, the
Long Island Branch, headed by “Stormin” Borman Putz and his consort “Thunder Thighs” McGillacuddhy, his fiancée--had plenty of Agency sponsored clients.

The Park Avenue Branch in New York City was the largest arm and had the most volume of advertising dollars because it was filled with “heavy hitter” advertisers direct
from the advertising agencies.  The New York Reps. had connections with those agencies by virtue of their contacts in the Jewish Business Community.  The Brooklyn-
Queens Branch and the “Bestchester” Branch had to be satisfied to go after the smaller retail stores, restaurants, real estate firms and home improvement companies.  
Naturally, it took a lot more of these inconsistent, cheap advertisers to match the revenues of Long Island and New York.  In addition, it was a fact that the large
advertisers were located in New York City and would have no reason to advertise in the “Bestchester” Branch of
THE JEWISH WEEK, especially since it was an ethnic
paper.  I was hired for a base pay of $200 a week plus commission over and above a certain amount sold.  When I joined Phyllis she was just entering a transition period
and trying to think up some new ideas for her region in the way of attracting different advertising dollars.  

The first couple of weeks I went around with Phyllis to all of her appointments so that I could learn the rudiments of the business, how to figure column inches, prices,
lay-out copy, do articles on the clients, how to submit copy to the New York Branch for publication, mechanical requirements and all the other mundane, day-to-day,
“nitty” gritty details of the space sales game.  After a few weeks I was to go out on my own.  It was at this time that I gave Phyllis some excellent, original ideas on
revamping the paper.  Since our audience consisted of middle and upper class Jewish women with families, it would be a good idea to establish several, distinct pages to
meet the needs of those readers on a long range basis.  For example, we should start off by establishing a
Woman’s Page.  Then, since a good proportion of the
restaurants owe their patronage to the Jewish population we should follow up with a
Restaurant Page.  Since most Jewish families have one or more homes in the County
or are looking for homes to buy we should have a
Real Estate Page and a Home Improvement Page, etc.  We categorized the whole advertising section in this manner,
thus solving a host of traditional advertising problems.  We signed people up for a minimum of 6 weeks thereby establishing a stable format in lieu of the one time shot
hit or miss type of advertising displays that are thrown together without regard for aesthetic appeal, lay-out design or efficient, informative organization.  The pages
would make the revenues from these contracts much more dependable and the bookkeeping chores and paperwork would be kept to a minimum.  Once established this
format could easily be laid out and kept running efficiently because once an advertiser’s contract was up it would only be necessary to replace a few advertisers at any
given time.

At the time that I originated these ideas in 1979, it was a revolutionary technique.  In another few years other media were to establish these same type of categorizations
to increase revenues.  We were in the forefront of these developments.  Later I modified this technique when we were running out of categories to include geographical
classifications which divided the paper into
Northern and Southern “Bestchester” and smaller subdivisions like The White Pains Page, The Scarface Page and The
Bonkers Page

Phyllis immediately seized upon the idea as the way to go and called Plotz and he grudgingly approved although I don’t think he understood the concept at first.  It wasn’t
long after we established the format and it took off that it attracted the attention of “Stormin” Borman, his mistress, “Thunder Thighs” McGillacuddhy, their boss in New
York, David Host, Editor-In-Chief and his boss David “Hopscotch” Hotchkiss, owner and publisher.  They then decided to revamp their editions accordingly and the
Brooklyn-Queens Edition was required to follow suit.  The New York City Edition stayed with the full page ads of the larger advertising agency format because, on
balance, they still brought in the bulk of advertising revenues due to the fact that they had a direct pipeline through the large Jewish Charitable Organizations to the
agency clients.

In a few months we had
The Woman’s Page, The Northern and Southern “Bestchester”, pages, The Scarfacedale and Bonkers pages, The White Pains Page, The Real
Estate Page
and The Home Improvement Page.  All at once we had the equivalent of 12 full pages of advertising which is an incredible increase of advertising in so short a
time.  Since we were only an ethnic paper it was more incredible that we had most of the major restaurants, women’s stores, home improvement firms and real estate
companies in the area signed up.  It was amazing because traditionally advertisers like to use their advertising budgets for the more conservative media that have proved

In “Bestchester” County, those media consisted mostly of
The Northern “Bestchester” Pennyloafer  and The Southern “Bestchester” Pennyloafer under different
ownership from each other.   The former was ten times more successful than the latter.  In the beginning, the ad agencies did not like to use this type of vehicle because
they considered it tacky.  As these media grew in size and stature they started to come around and the
Northern Edition grew to be the size of a small telephone directory
crammed thick with ads.  Some of the agencies also came in with full page ads from major clients.

The Pennyloafer was a throwaway given away free but with a giant circulation of over 100,000.   The Pennyloafer concept began over a decade before I got into the
business.  The original concept was to be a place where for a few measly dollars one could buy space to advertise an item for sale, a garage sale or flea market and the
like.  By word of mouth and free distribution, it wasn’t long before people realized that products were moving at a fast clip by using
The Pennyloafer Classified Ads.  The
smaller retailers came in with small display ads followed by the larger advertisers with half pages, full pages and cover ads.  The Southern “Bestchester” competitor did
not fare as well because there was a different type of readership in Southern “Bestchester” dominated by the Scarface’s mentality.  Snobbish in the extremis, they
predictably thought it was a media rag designed for the ghetto.  They insisted they were a much more sophisticated audience that utilized the “Bestchester” Section of
The New York Dimes on Sunday and regional magazines scattered throughout the area.

Their advertising dollars were reserved for the
Gannett Chain of Newspapers, Gannett being one of the major newspaper chains in the country and soon to be the proud
owner of the successful
USA Today, the first national daily.  The Gannett Papers consisted of local editions for each major city In “Bestchester”, THE REPORTER
being the Flag Ship Edition for the Southern “Bestchester” area.  The combined total circulation of the Gannett string of papers was well over 200,000.  
However, only the more wealthy of the Retailers could afford the Gannett’s rates and so were forced to look around for other local sources.  They went in such four-color
glossy monthly magazines as
SPOTLITE ON PI, SPOTLITE ON WHITE PAINS,  SPOTLITE ON SCARFACE  and the other three of that chain owned, edited and operated
by Susan “Fresh” Meadows out of Ryebread, New York--”
BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED, a magazine owned and operated by the then Mayor of Bonkers, Angel Martini
and “BESTCHESTER” MAGAZINE owned by a conglomerate, an out-of-state national magazine chain published in Mamaroneck,  New York.  These magazines were
somewhat snobbish in their appeal, catering mostly to the upper crust of “Bestchester” Society.  One other outlet was
newspaper which catered to the larger corporations and commercial real estate morons and their moronic concerns.  More on
PBJ  later.

On a somewhat more realistic level was
THE KAISER HANDIBOOKS out of a house bound business in Port-Chop-Chester, and was a successful adjunct to the YELLOW
.  In a few short years, Mrs. Kaiser had built herself a multimillion  dollar business in classified advertising with directories for every
village in the County.  Finally, as a last resort, out of sheer desperation, there were the local FM and AM radio stations in “Bestchester” but their costs were prohibitive
even with a mobile, upward bound, wealthy readership who could afford to buy advertisers’ products.  That would change in the 1990’s.  

I made one more innovation on the categorization idea and that was to establish the first
Professional Page for doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc.  If these professionals
didn’t want to spend money on a display ad they could drop their business card as an ad in itself on a page that was set aside for
Business Professional Cards.  But what
really made these pages attractive to advertisers was the free column we gave weekly to describe the business of the advertisers.  It ran right down the center of the page
and the format gave the appearance that it was a news release or editorial comment on the business and not advertising.  (This was the forerunner to the next decade of
Infomercials on Television).  These write-ups appealed to the big egos of the small business owner.

Phyllis and I would work as a team.  After signing up the advertiser we would go and interview the client for a feature story.  An added touch to the pages was the artistic
originality in which each page was set up with a separate logo across the top of the page that could only be identified with that particular page.

Phyllis and I worked in tandem and in six months we completely transformed the look of the “Bestchester” Edition and all of the other Suburban Editions.  The artist
made a special design for these pages with a unique border to segregate and highlight one page from another and to make them appear as something more than just
another page of advertising.  It wasn’t long before the rest of the media, including
The Gannet Chain, were imitating my innovations and space marketing techniques.

Unfortunately none of the creativity on Phyllis’s’ and my part translated into dollars in our pockets.
THE JEWISH WEEK Newspaper, like so many regional vehicles, was
always hard pressed for funds.  Regional’s had the unnerving habit of delayed pay and sometimes skipping checks altogether and
THE JEWISH WEEK was no exception
despite the fact that they were backed by some of the wealthiest charities in the world including
The Jewish Federation headed by the billionaire Bronfman Brothers
Family from
Seagrams out of Bedford, New York.

This did us little good because we were constantly going into New York for our checks.  We didn’t trust the bookkeeper, Harry “The Gambler”, to mail them out on time.  
It we waited for them to come by mail “Stormin” Borman , along with his concubine “Thunder Thighs” would be in every Thursday with their valise, cramming it full of
money and then dash away to their summer place for the weekend  in the Hamptons.

The clients and the readership itself were slow payers by nature so the paper was always in a cash flow bind.  Adding to this frustration was the fact that the people who
ran the paper itself did it in a most unprofessional, backwards and sloppy manner.  The publication was still not computerized.  It was a miracle that there was a paper at
all.  The New York office was always in a state of chaos and staffed by a cast of characters that had recently stepped off a boat which had been exiled from a Kibbutz.  
Then there was the traditional battle between the sales and editorial staff, the latter having no business sense or feel for the monetary problems of the sales force since
they were all on salary and the sales force couldn’t give a fuck about the editorial content of the paper.  Several key spots in the paper formed bottlenecks in this paper
bureaucracy and were manned by radical leftists left over from a 1950’s Hippie Happening.

The paper itself was politically conservative in the mainstream of the Jewish Community and a strong vocal supporter of the State of Israel.  Throughout this turmoil
Phyllis and I had a constant battle of just getting our “draw” each week, never mind the commissions piling up and owing to us.  So as the months passed, even though we
were one of the most successful of the satellite editions in advertising revenues and volume, we weren’t seeing the results translated into money in our pockets.

Phyllis was getting more and more disenchanted with Borman and “Thunder Thighs” who always seemed to get more of the revenues and commission payments because
of the direct connection to Harry “The Gambler”, the Bookkeeper.  Phyllis and I both suspected that the three of them were conspiring to grab more funds than they
were entitled to but we could never pin the suspicions down.

Despite all these internal problems the paper had not missed an issue in 100 years.  For when the financial pressure got too great
The Jewish Federation would come to
the rescue with an influx of capital and thus avert a newspaper wide revolt or stoppage.

Phyllis and I were becoming more and more aghast at “The Rump’s”, Borman’s, “Thunder Thighs” and Harry’s evasions, deceits, manipulations and broken promises.  
Light and phone bills for the office were rarely if ever paid and there was a barrage of eviction notices from the Super of the building, only to be paid by Borman at the
last minute with the help from
Federation funds because they did not want to see the Central Park Avenue Branch Office of The “Bestchester” Edition close down.  
Phyllis was rightly worried that we had saturated the “Bestchester” Market.   We scurried around as best we could the entire County looking for new advertisers.  As the
current advertisers saw less and less response they would soon cancel their contracts and in another six months the pages would be dead because “Bestchester’s” growth
pattern was leveling off.  

There was no future at
THE JEWISH WEEK because “Stormin” Borman, “Thunder Thighs”, Harry and Hotchkiss controlled the big money.  In “Bestchester”, because
the circulation was too small, we could never hope to attract large advertisers.  

After a year of scurrying around and running ragged up and down the County with our scatological categorical concepts we had just about tapped out the Mother Lode and
came up against an economic and a creative selling stone wall.

Phyllis was also becoming disgusted about the collection duties which Borman saddled her with.  We had secured a ton of advertising over the past year but when it came
time for paying the bills
THE JEWISH WEEK was the last one to be paid.  Collection of money become a time consuming affair for Phyllis.  Instead of hiring a
professional collection agency to handle this problem, “Hop Scotch” Hotchkiss and Borman told the robust Reps. that it was their responsibility to collect and dun for
unpaid bills.  This was sheer lunacy and poor fiscal and sales policy.  When a sales person becomes a collection agent he destroys his relationship forever with past and
present clients.  One of the basics of selling is repeat sales not just to keep signing up new clients on a one shot basis with complete disregard for past and present sales
relationships.  The sales person should be as far away from the sales collecting process as possible contrary to the current sales industry thinking on such matters of state.
Sales managers continually violate this precept mistakenly dumping the responsibility for bill collecting on the hapless shoulders of the Rep. thinking then the problem
will disappear along with the Rep.  They pressure the Rep. to collect under the threat of no commissions, firing or other cruel and unusual retributions.  In reality, a sales
bill is like any other bill and should be collected accordingly-- by an independent third party just as it is in other businesses.  But the stereotypical thinking of
Management is that this will force the Rep. to make good sales.  (Whatever that means!)  This hypocrisy is designed to rescue them from the real responsibility of
collection and the time and expense they would have to incur and deduct from their own enormous profits should they have to put in place sensible collection practices.  
Management wants it both ways, sales at all costs, sell anything to whomever you can, whenever you can, no matter the consequences just so production continually
rises.  Yet, on the other hand, only sell to good paying clients.  This ridiculous contradiction is built into the sales philosophy and is simply designed to keep the typical
schnook of a sales force in Poverty-Ville and to keep Management and Ownership on their perpetual six month cruises to the French Rivera and back.



It was at about this time of growing tensions at THE JEWISH WEEK that I noticed an ad in the NY DIMES for sales positions at a corporation out of New Jersey--
Berenson, Inc.  I walked into Phyllis’s’ office.  The day before she had been making the usual noises about resigning and getting out of sales altogether and going back to
being a secretary where there would be stability and security.  I showed her the ad and said “if you’re really thinking of quitting sales you might as well give sales one
more chance.  This company sounds like it has a good opportunity.  Why don’t we take the day off and take a ride to New Jersey and check it out?”

She agreed to go and so we crossed the George Washington Bridge and drove about twenty miles downstream, just outside of Trenton, New Jersey, to a large, not yet
completed Industrial Park.  The recently completed building we entered was the home of Berenson, Inc.  We were greeted politely enough by a handsome man in his
early 30’s, Cliff “The Stiff-The Beef Cake” Hangar, a former New York City Detective.

We told him the usual pack of lies, that we were thinking of leaving  
THE JEWISH WEEK for greener pastures.  We were looking for other sales work.  It seemed to us
that Cliff listened intently, purposively and sympathetically and came on to us like a long lost sales father.

“Berenson has a great sales opportunity which I can’t tell you much about (so what else is new!) but it would be explained at the two week Greek Orientation at the
Holiday Inn out in Central Long Island.  This Orientation would be completely paid for by Berenson.  (I thought I saw him cross his heart at the mention of Berenson but
I wouldn’t swear to it).  If at the end of two weeks we both liked each other we could negotiate a lucrative commission package.  In the meantime the only thing I can tell
you is that we are a German based firm headquartered in Hamburg, Germany.  This is where our Engineering and Production Factories are housed.  Six months ago we
entered the United States in an attempt to secure a foothold in the promotional advertising export-import business.”

Then he reached into his imitation Peter Falk Colombo London Fog trench coat and pulled out what appeared to be an ordinary but double the size black and orange pen
and proceeded to bend it into several shapes and said thusly: “just as you are fascinated by how I can bend this apparently solid plastic pen in these various shapes so your
prospective clients will also be fascinated.  We make unique products, attention getters, door openers, such as these for Presidents and Owners of small, medium and
large size companies as well as for the retail market in order that they might use them for promotional giveaways to their best clients on special occasions such as
birthdays, holidays or as a thank you in order to secure more business.  This give-a-way, more importantly, always keeps their name foremost in their client’s memory."

"What better way to do it than with a quality gift that can’t be purchased anywhere in the United States.  The gift is not just your ordinary pen give-a-way, or cigarette
lighter, or bottle of liquor or perfume for Christmas, but something that will be treasured and stay with a client because of its uniqueness (silliness).  Therefore, it always
reminds him of you and your company when it is in his presence.  Some of these gifts will come inscribed with the logo of the firm.  Others will be so unique that the
appearance of its uniqueness will be a constant reminder of who gave it and why.  And that my dear Phyllis and Marty is the basic theory (bull shit) behind all promotional
“give-aways”--to have its remembrance last as long as possible especially at the time the President is thinking of making his next big purchase.”

Then he proceeded to shape the pen into the form of a rocking chair.  “For instance: if you were going into a furniture store you could show the owner this and he might
be amused with a pen that looks like a rocking chair and take it from you, fondle it, self abuse it, sleep with it and then be more apt to listen to your spiel on how when
he gives these away to his best client it would separate his gift from other vendors in that this present uniquely represents his business, i.e., a rocking chair pen will be a
constant reminder in the client’s mind of his furniture firm.  Because of its unique quality, it will not be thrown away like most promotional items which lose their
virginity and significance rather quickly.”

Another few twists and he showed us the ever popular Chiropractic Pen used to represent the main functions of the Chiropractor.  “Of course, there are imitation
Chiropractic Pens on the U.S. Market but all of them are as rigid as a hard-on.  But the internal soft Trojan lead of our pen and the rubber exterior design would actually
be more representative of what the Chiropractic Industry does.”  (At this point I was thinking, ‘yeah, you should have shaped it in the form of a screw for that industry!’)

“Berenson holds the patent on the soft lead design which allows the pen to be brought back to its original shape.  It is actually functional. It writes and comes with refills
although it is designed not to be a pen but a promotional item for increasing one’s business.  But it’s a sure bet that the pen, wherever it is tossed will always be noticed.”  
Then he gave Phyllis and me each a pen to take home with us.  “These pens as well as other items are especially custom designed and manufactured in our German
Hamburg plants for exploitation …I mean exportation to the United States and distribution throughout Europe.  They cannot be purchased retail or wholesale anywhere in
the world.  You as a sales person are protected.  If and when cheap imitations do show up, which they do from time to time, we pull our product off the market and
replace it with a clever brand new idea.  Our engineers are constantly working on new products for the sale force.  Today we have about two dozen custom made
promotional items but we suggest you stick to the five or six door openers when first starting out so as not to confuse yourself or the customer by showing him so much
that he is like the kid in the candy store and can’t make up his mind because he wants everything and so buys nothing.  Later, for repeat sales, you can go to the rest of
the line in our catalogue.”

Then he proceeded to show some of the other door openers (depending on your prospective--door closers) and they were certainly, each one, one of a kind, fascinating,
attention getting and certainly something you would pick up and use as a topic of conversation or as a portable dildo.  I could see that Phyllis was already contemplating
the "dildoactic” potential of these soft lead based pens.

“Before I show you some more door openers there is one more thing concerning this pen.  It’s usually our salesman’s favorite door opener because you can shape it into
any design for any business you may encounter.  For instance: if you walk down a street where you live and see a hardware store, you simply leave the pen as is and tell
the hayseed owner that it represents a plumber’s snake that cleans out pipes.  Or one of the favorites with the cash rich pizza parlor joints is the round shape of a Pizza
Pen, etc.  But sometimes, the pen for certain businesses, is not always appropriate as a door opener so we make other more sophisticated quality products to supplement
the pen.”

With that speech ended he pulls out of his wrinkled sperm-speckled-trench-coat inner pockets what looked to me and Phyllis to be a genuine gold bar.  Keep in mind that
this was the period when gold had just finished its run up from 35 dollars an ounce (by being taken off the regulated gold standard) up to $800 an ounce.  I had never seen
an actual gold bar but this to me would be what one would look like had I seen one.  It was impossible to detect that it wasn’t, in fact, a gold bar.  He picked it up and with
an imperceptible flick of his fickle wrist, with pressure on the undetectable to the naked eye switch, the bar flipped open and burst into a lurid Molotov flame revealing
that the gold bar was indeed a lighter.

Cliff “The Stiff” told us that the lighter casing had been dipped in actual molten gold so it’s cash worth at the current price of gold was ten times more than the normal
lighter and this in itself made it a good investment and was a natural selling point.  Phyllis and I were certainly impressed and I am sure most people would have (for
about five seconds) had the same reactions and want to pick it up and feel its gold heavy weightiness.  It felt just like a gold bar should feel, sensual and glowing like a
newly burnished piece of valuable metal and there would be urges to pick it up, try it on, or to talk about it if one saw it resting comfortably on a conference table at a
business meeting.  This is what any business owner wants.  For if a prospect tries out your product, even before a presentation; it should be obvious how easy it would be
to close the sale, not to mention  that the recipient of the gold bar will be appreciative for this most unique gift that makes him the undeserving center of a strange
attraction-- for the moment at least.”  

The concept was certainly sales proof, double-ended and brilliant.  There were a half a dozen other items, novelties really, in his kit but none so attractive and
mesmerizing as the gold items or the pizza Pen--all carefully hand-crafted, one of a kind ideas and brilliantly engineered for wear and tear by the German Technicians.  
To this day, I must confess, that the Pizza Pen is still my favorite and I am sure I still have one bent out of shape laying around my park bench.  They certainly popped up
out of nowhere in the most unusual situations and were always a conversation piece as was the gold bar.  Other items were more subtle but just as sales persuasive.  
Throughout the years I have seen many imitations of the pen but none came close to the ingenuity of Berenson’s and the ingenious selling uses to which they put it.  
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the product line that was Berenson’s undoing.   The chink in their corporate armor was the obnoxious, one shot deal shoddy way in which they
sold their product and the even shoddier, heavy handed Germanic way in which they dealt with their prospective Sales Reps.

Cliff “The Beefcake” went on to say that the gold bar lighter as well as other gold novelties were not meant for all owners but, for instance, somebody into gold like the
owner of a small construction  firm or car dealership in the Bronx might think this a perfect gift to give his chief client because he himself has worn gold chains, has gold
pinkie rings or golden penis collars.  This year he could give something that none of his competitors would think of giving and the receiver would never forget where it
came from.

Then like a magician, Cliff “The Beef Cake” proceeded to go through his bag of tricks.  Some of the products, though of excellent German workmanship, were not all
that attractive from a promotional point of view.  While others related to a particular industry rather well such as the universal bottle cap which he said had been sold
exclusively to the
Cocoa Cola Company.  There was the perpetual sheet metal calendar that appealed to the craftsman or any owner of a small machine shop.

After being at Cliff’s disposal for two entertaining hours of flim-flam, Cliff finished his harangue, showing us the basic line door openers and told us the rest would be
unveiled at the Orientation in two weeks.

Phyllis and I left the office after telling Cliff we would let him know in a week but actually we had made up our minds by the time we had reached “Bestchester”.  That if
the commission return matched their bull shit product line we should do it.  So with light hearts the following Thursday we marched down to David Host.  Borman was
there for his usual Woody Allen grab the money bag and run routine with his famous doctor’s black valise.   We told David and Hotchkiss that we had secured a lucrative
opportunity in New Jersey and were going to resign next week.

They pulled Phyllis aside and tried to talk her out of it but Phyllis was adamant, quoting Nietzsche’s
THUS SPOKE ZARATHRUSTERAWITZ and all the abuses she had
undergone during the past year.  They promised to change but to no avail.  Phyllis’, like my own mind, was made up.  In my case they didn’t say anything to me but
accepted my resignation.  They suspected that I was responsible for talking Phyllis into this.  Of course I was.

Borman, on the way out with “Thunder Thighs” in tow and a stranglehold on his black valise, yelled over his shoulder that if we ever wanted to return to
to give him a call.  We put in a final week at THE JEWISH WEEK., turned on the answering machine, locked the offices, mailed the keys to Borman and hopped in
Phyllis’s’ car and trekked the sixty miles to the Holiday Inn somewhere in the wilds of Long Island.

When we arrived we checked into our separate rooms.  No hanky-panky because Phyllis was now officially engaged to her bus driver friend.  A General Meeting was
called during the first morning of Orientation.  There were about 500 other sales Reps. auditioning for Berenson from varied backgrounds in sales.  Cliff “The Stiff” was
there in rare form smiling his Jane Austen prudish greeting and topping it off with a hefty slap on the back and “hail to thee fair fellow” demeanor.  There were an
endless battery of introductory speeches. We all got up, one by one, and introduced ourselves and gave a bit piece of our background in sales, spewing forth a pack of lies
about ourselves, our past achievements and future goals.

Let’s face it, we were all a bunch of losers for just being there in the first place--about to learn how to twist a Pizza Pen into a Rocking Chair Pen!

Some German Executives high up in the Berenson Chain of Command were in attendance.  Cliff, sitting at the Dais, was flanked by some of the top salesmen in the
Berenson Shock Troops.  On his left hand side sat Ivan “The Terrible Closer” Schmidt.

The day passed pleasantly enough with PG rated films on Berenson’s Hamburg operation.  It ended with rousing speeches on how Berenson was going to crack wide open
the U. S. Market in 60 minutes.

It wasn’t until the next day when they divided us up into groups of about ten or twenty black-bird blockheads, each going to our separate conference rooms, that
Berenson’s true colors became apparent.  The previous night, at one of the lascivious meals at Berenson’s expense, our working group had gotten together for a few
drinks and we started to exchange sales war stories.  Sitting next to me was Doug "The Bug, The Queens Mechanic”.  Previous to a number of douche-bag sales jobs such
as a Hoover salesman and Encyclopedia salesman, he had picked up the art of being a “Card Mechanic” and had been a Las Vegas Card Sharp and Dealer.  He had worked
years ago in the pits at the Vegas gambling tables until they fingered him and banned him from several of the clubs.

He had picked up the art of card manipulation as a kid.  When others were out playing ball he would be in his room and when not masturbating he would practice every
day various trick card shuffles, cutting the deck and picking out cards at random.  He became adept at the shuffles, cuts and other manipulations and headed out West.  
He came to Vegas in his early 20’s and was hired as a dealer for the House but his dream was to study under one of the great Card Sharp’s of the Century.  This fellow
lived just north of Reno and so he met him and paid him for lessons.  It was at this point that he was banned and more easily spotted in the Casinos.  He retired and the
only time he showed his skills, to keep from getting rusty, was when he gave exhibitions to gatherings of friends or at other situations among acquaintances.

He then proceeded to go into the inner sanctum pockets of his Berenson handmade homemade Trainee Trench coat and produced a deck of cards and went through some
fancy shuffles, sleight-of-hand tricks and proceeded to deal Poker and Black Jack hands.  He always dealt himself the best hands.  He did some fancy cuts of the deck,
guessing cards, pulling out with lightning speed various predicted cards, setting up pat hands and dealing from the top, middle and bottom of the deck.   Then he
challenged us to watch as closely as possible to see if we could detect his manipulations and told us that only the most skilled “Mechanic” could detect another Mechanic’s
sleight-of-hand moves.  No one at the table could detect his cheating and I was sitting right next to him staring at the cards not twelve inches away.  It was a real treat to
watch at close quarters this master technician. “Gortz” (from my Army days) would have hired him on the spot.

What really turned out to be a sheer coincidence was the fact that we two were thrown together to work as partners when we went out on our first sales calls.  We spent
time talking about our checkered pasts to each other long after the rest of the group had disbanded and bedded down for the night.  To my amazement Doug had had
another unique career--that of being the Meteorologist at a New York Radio Station.  He was stationed at Kennedy Airport Weather Station and was the voice you heard
giving the weather report.  He would be responsible for making his own forecasts from the new computers that automatically generated weather maps and coordinated up-
to-date satellite photographs which were superimposed upon each other and thereby gave a much more detailed three-dimensional state of the atmosphere.

The satellite pictures were a valuable tool for forecasting because they gave a three-dimensional view of atmospheric conditions based on past experience and intuition, a
little luck, a little skill and with some basic forecasting rules together with a few mathematical differential simultaneous equations and simplified physics’ paradigms.  
The newer methods had all this preliminary figuring computed and there was little more to do than follow some very arcane standardized prediction rules.  (These
computer models were hot stuff until some little known forecaster named Lorenz accidentally stumbled upon
Chaos Theory and the whole computerized scam of being
able to forecast days, weeks and even months in advance came crashing down although to this day the illusion still persists that long range forecasting is possible).

Doug, it seems, along with his unusual hobby of being a Card Mechanic as a teenager, had Meteorology as a hobby.  He went on to give me a thumbnail sketch of all the
revolutionary new satellite computer techniques then in vogue that had changed the face of Meteorology since I had gotten out of the Army in 1962. With the new
techniques, frontal prognosis, temperature predictions, wind and pressure changes could be forecasted within an uncanny degree of accuracy never thought possible.  His
own forecasts he claimed were over 90%accurate for a 24 hour period in all of its major components.  While we were sitting in the lounge sipping a few martinis at the
piano bar he produced from his pocket some graph paper and started to show me some of the elementary computer techniques used to forecast storm movements.  We
talked and analyzed the techniques until four in the morning.  It was a real thrill to talk to someone that was actually using the techniques that I had only been familiar
with in theory and through books.  To converse with someone familiar with the field!  It was the first time in my life that I had been able to do so because in the Army
the Weather personnel had been forced into those positions.

I hadn’t any contact with anyone interested in Meteorology as a first love and childhood passion.  If Doug had been a woman I would have married him on the spot.  It
brought back all my emotional feelings for the Science of Meteorology and the isolation I felt attempting to get into the field without the proper qualifications and
credentials.  It made me aware of how much I missed that part of my life but it also made me aware of how much I had missed in the past twenty years, how far the field
had progressed, how far behind the times I was and that there was even less of a chance, with the field being so technical and computerized, that I would ever reenter the
field.  It confirmed my 1962 view that the days of Romantic Meteorology were over.  Because once a few computer analysis techniques were mastered, there would be
little need to go through the intuitive, romantic observational map construction and make weather prognostications built up from the elaborate Systems of the earlier
Meteorological pioneers--the turn-of-the-century theorists.  But what really puzzled me was that here Doug had had a job that I would have given my short limb for
twenty years ago and he just left it for the life of a Card Sharp.

He told me he was getting bored with the technological end of it but more importantly; he wasn’t making any money so he decided to get into where the money was to be
made.  Most Meteorologists, except for the private ones were, like teachers, underpaid.  It was too dangerous to make money as a Card Sharp.  He had been toying
around with the notion of starting his own private
Meteorological Company to supply pin-point accurate forecasts on icing, temperature, frosting and flooding conditions
to private clients.  But it never got off the ground.  I half jokingly suggested that after this fiasco was over (for I had already deduced by nightfall of the first day that this
whole operation was a crock-of-shit and it wouldn’t be too long when the whole lot of us would be pounding the pavements); we should team up and form a company where
he would be the forecaster until he taught me all he knew and I would be the promoter and get us clients.  He half jokingly agreed to do it but nothing ever came of it for
that very evening he had already started an affair with one of the single women of our group and except for our pairing up on the street we could never get together to
sketch plans for the initiation of
Weather Incorporated (at least a decade before such actual private services became the norm).  After my month or two with Berenson,
to my dismay, I never saw Doug "The Bug" again.

Doug turned out to be an excellent sales person and was one of the top trainee producers.  He probably got hoodwinked into staying with Berenson for a much longer time
than I stayed but I am sure once he wised up to their antics he left them.  The woman he had met was immediately drawn to his card tricks and he probably did a few
fancy shuffles of the deck before he hustled her off to bed.  I knew that his tricks would be good for something although at the time I didn’t know for what.

The next day we began classes and they were the typical non-sensical 1001 ways to make sales closes by not utilizing the
KAMA  SUTRA.  It seems that every sales
organization thinks they are the only one that has the correct magical words and techniques in order to make maximum sales.  Berenson was no exception and they went
through a whole array of brainwashing, Middle America sales methods trying to sell us on the idea that they had the greatest products in the world next to the Bible.

Cliff “The Stiff” was right in the forefront, at the head of the Dais.  Cliff made a great to-do about parading in front of us what he purported to be the heavy hitters of
sales in the Berenson Organization.  He made a pathetic plea for us to swallow everything they said as gospel because they had been to the Mountain and back and that
we would see all these super stud stars of the industry in action when we got out on the road.  These sacred cow salespeople were scheduled for on-site demonstrations.  It
always seemed that just at the time that these “gauchofied” booted dandies were to show up they were hustled away elsewhere to close a big sale.  I am sure the other
groups were left with their tongues hanging out in the same manner waiting for these four-flushers to show up just once.  We never knew what was going on with the
other groups because they did their level best to keep us segregated.

The actual sales instruction was very intimidating, loud and boisterous.  They insisted on absolute attention while some bald headed mustached “monocle” demonstrator
droned on well into the night.

In fact, Cliff and Doug “The Bug” came close to a fist-a-cuffs during a video demonstration when Cliff was role playing and impersonating an owner of a store.  He started
to hurtle abuse on Doug for interrupting his “owner” siesta break.  Doug took it too seriously and backed off to square off and belt Cliff in the mouth when Cliff made a
move to collar Doug and threatened to eject him from his make believe company.

The video tapes were the latest fad in sales training techniques using psycho-drama so you could look back over the film at yourself in a sales situation.  The whole class
would get a chance to criticize your every move.  Some say this is valuable training but I say it’s nonsense, psychologically dangerous and as about as useful in real life
situations as some of the confrontational psycho-drama that takes place in group therapy at your local Day Top Village Drug Rehabilitation Centers.

Cliff gave ground, seeing that Doug “The Bug” had got carried away with the psycho-drama and apologized.  Doug told him never to lay his hands on him again.  The
incident left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and I think it gave the first inkling of the Gestapo type of organization that we were about to enter.

The question also arose, that if Berenson’s products were so good why all the paranoia and secrecy surrounding the whereabouts of the training area and what was taking
place there.  They even frowned on you calling home and talking to your wife and kids while you were there.  They preferred you not tell anyone where you were.  This
was nothing short of Fascist retarded thinking that other companies might be interested in the dreck, “strum” and “drang” of what Berenson was doing and rip off their
products and techniques.  They also did it for the control they wanted to exercise over you.  Some guys quit on the spot, sizing Berenson up for a bunch of Neo-Nazi
thugs.  Being experienced in sales they knew all these chicken-shit tactics were unnecessary.  They weren’t impressed with Super Reps. that never materialized except at
dinner time to stuff their gullets.

A Supervisor was assigned to each work group but I think the Supervisor’s role was to be more a U-2 Spy than a friendly advisor because every time you would ask him a
question you got an EST Therapy type of answer.  “That will be answered on the street or in class tonight”.  These guys were brain-washed boot licking puppets for the
higher-ups and brown-nosed and suckled up to Berenson’s upper management brethren who happened from time to time to put in their noble appearances at the sales
talks.  I think their real purpose was to spy on and report any person who didn’t seem to be a team player because each day the groups got smaller and smaller as they
were winnowed of the people who wouldn’t follow the party line.

I’m surprised that I put up with their horse-shit as long as I did.  But even Phyllis “The Closer” Reicher stayed a month longer than I because she did well in training and
was selling as much as Doug.  Part of the reason with us was that it was a challenge to do the hardest type of selling possible, that is to say, door-to-door, street cold
canvassing.  It was a matter of pride and prejudice.  In other words, the ego boosting trip of making it through Berenson’s Boot Camp in one psychological piece.  
Another reason that we stayed on was the fact that Phyllis and I and a lot of the other recruits had burned our bridges by abandoning other sales positions.

The Berenson Organization was ruled with an iron penis by their complete ignoring of your legitimate criticism of their methods.  If you didn’t accept their whole schtick
lock, stock and barrel you were out on the street literally speaking.  They wanted to purge your brain of all previous training and mold you into a powerful military sales
strike force geared to obey at a moment’s notice any inane order that they barked.

They even had the audacious chutzpah to call Phyllis and I in separately.  Cliff and his Nazi cohorts asked us if we felt uncomfortable working for a German Organization
being as we were--Jews?  It seems that there was a cloud of suspicion hanging over the Parent company.  The Parent company had been formed by Berenson “The Elder”
in the middle of the 19th Century as a printing company and stayed that way up to World War II.  It then was converted into a munitions supplier for the Third Reich and
was mysteriously saved by the Allies as they moved through Germany in 1945.  After the war they switched to advertising promotions and had since become one of the
largest in its field.  After seeing Cliff and his Henchmen at work I’m sure there were some former Nazi Officials within their ranks in the upper as well as lower

Our Supervisors were supposed to give demonstrations on the street but four out five times ours tried and didn’t make a sale--didn’t come close.  They were nothing less
than German hordes of boasting wind.  They were no more impressive than a Hoover Vacuum Salesman having a good day.  In fact, I thought Doug was better than the
Supervisor because he had personal experience as a Hoover Man and the selling of Encyclopedias door-to-door.

What I really couldn’t fathom about Berenson is why they bothered to go to all this trouble to train people to sell what were essentially good (although overpriced)
products and a good concept and then concoct all these off the wall selling techniques.  If they had used simple, basic sales procedures they would have cornered the
market in a year.  I would have liked to give them the benefit of the doubt seeing that they were foreigners and had only been in the United States for a short period of
time, being Germans and coming from that mind set; they thought it was necessary to run rough-shod over their employees--to run the Company as if it consisted of
shock troops that had to be prepared to go into battle.  I guess that that is just a natural part of the militant, arrogant German character--to be incessantly barking
orders and insisting on instant compliance and to assume that everyone else was ignorant or incapable of original thought patterns on their own.  But Americans,
especially sales people can’t be molded like this.  They are too independent a lot.

If their products were really that good, and for the most part they were (the basic concept was foolproof--that of linking the product up with a particular advertiser as a
promotional gimmick) then there should be little need for the overly aggressive buy today tactics exhibited by Berenson’s Trainers.  These flim-flam, wham bam thank
you ma’am techniques were used to cover up the major flaws in Berenson’s thinking.

Flaw number one was that the products were way overpriced.  The second major flaw was that they operated on the basic assumption that the owners of companies were
really sales promoters in disguise and would have the time and talent to put into place a sophisticated promotional campaign in order to keep their logos in front of their
prospective victims rather than just doing nothing at all in the promotional arena which is what most lazy business owners chose to do.  At best, they would buy some
cheap pens, lighters, calendars, whisky or flowers for special occasions and special clients and leave it that.  The idea of them having to commit a minimum of five
hundred dollars and sometimes as much as five and ten thousand dollars on promotional giveaways left them stunned to the rotten core.  They weren’t about to invest in
a delivery that in the first place might take several months to arrive from Germany and when it did arrive that they would then embark on an organized giveaway plan
purportedly designed to lead to future contracts.  In fact there would be no way to track the intangible benefits that might accrue from such a program. Usually, by the
time the merchandise arrived from Germany, the owner forgot what he ordered the goods for in the first place and wound up giving them away to his relatives’ children
as Christmas stocking stuffers and thus destroying the original concept of making it a unique gift to special hand picked people with the purpose of securing future
business.  So here the owner was, standing in the middle of his whorehouse warehouse, awash in a sea of Pizza Pens or buried up to his silver groin in gold bars, and
wondering what to do next since he doesn’t even smoke and doesn’t know anybody that still does!  By the time he came to his bottom line senses and realized his folly by
golly for impulse buying he would pack the whole mess up and return it post haste to Berenson, fight for a refund or sue for one and half times the initial worth of the
goods.  Then the Berenson bastards would turn around and retrieve the monies from the bankrupt hapless sales force.

Another handicap was that the purchaser was only allowed to buy in lots.  There were no individual test sets sales except for the gold, but even in this instance, the
purchase had to be for more than five hundred dollars.  Naturally, the first instinct of the potential victim was to buy two or three samples, test it out and then increase
his order down the line.  So it became difficult to sell on the spot when you were asking small companies to spend anywhere from five hundred to ten thousand dollars on
a promotional giveaway because their normal outlay for advertising might traditionally be nil.  The owners just couldn’t believe the horse-shit that they would have to buy
a dozen of this or a gross of that or nothing!  They might have been impressed with the look of the products but most of them called your bluff when you threatened not
to sell them anything.  Most wanted free samples and they couldn’t believe a sales person would simply pack up his bags (in this instance close your trench coat) and
leave, never to do a follow up call, i.e.; if he (the sales person) had the choice of selling a minimum order on the spot or nothing at all.  The owners just said, in so many
words, “fuck you” and went out to the nearest supplier and secured about a thousand look alike pens for 10 cents a pen whereas the Berenson Pizza Pen sold for $3 a
piece wholesale with a minimum of 100 pens required.

But the biggest flaw of all was Berenson’s closing methods.  That became apparent the instant we hit the streets.  With all our classroom theory and hoopla behind us we
came face to face with the actual sales situations.  The theory that had been concocted by others before them, was a ferociousness unmatched in the sales industry except
by Boiler Plate Bond Brokers in Wall Street at the turn of the Century.  It was an incorrect approach that the sale had to be consummated on the spot--that very day that
a sales person finished his bull shit throwing.  There should be no telephone follow up, no making of an appointment for next week.  There was to be no leaving of your
business cards or letting the owner get away with other stalling tactics like “I’ll call you.  Call me back.  Call me back at the end of the fiscal year.  It’s slow now.  Come
in after the mating season.  I’m too busy come back when it’s less busy.  It’s too slow come back when I’m busy.  It’s raining out come back when the sun is shining.  Or
it’s sunny come back when it’s snowing.  Come back when my Aunt Tillie is here.  She’s my mistress as well as my business advisor.  I never make an important decision
without My Aunt Tille’s seal of approval.  Speak to my partner.  Unless I jerk off I’m not in the mood to buy anything.  No decisions until my Aunt Martha losses her
virginity or hair (she’s bald, eighty one and not dating anymore) sometime next month.  Wait till the Board Meeting.  Wait till Armageddon.  Wait to Judgment Day.  
Then we’ll make a collective decision by the bonfire together.”  And the thousand and one other put-offs that an owner thinks up to get rid of sales personnel and to
avoid spending money.

To the Berenson assholes these were absurd excuses and that the person you talk to in every sales situation can give a definitive yes or no at that moment.  They thought
that they had such world shaking products that they could bluff owners and Presidents of Corporations into thinking that if they didn’t purchase today that never in their
lifetime or the lifetimes of their children would another sales person come to their doors from Berenson to sell them this junk.  Since it was custom made junk they
couldn’t order it anywhere else.  Needless to say, there weren’t too many suckers that bought into this approach but evidently there were enough jerks to keep
Berenson’s scam going.

In the first place, most owners of businesses or presidents of companies are usually off on their six month cruises to the Bermudas.  If they are within a hundred mile
radius of their office, the last person in the world they want to see is some bozo clown dressed up in a multi-pocketed trench coat, garter belt and pantyhose doing an
improvisational soft shoe act with a twistable Pizza Pen strung through his nose and a gold bar on a yo-yo string dangling from his torso or ear lobe.

But Berenson took themselves most seriously on this point and believed in their own German petard.  They unconditionally insisted that there was no reason that
through clever, ingenious dodges of one sort or another--finger-fondling the secretary, seducing or raping her, tying her up; one could make his way past a battery of
such shrews and once done, once in front of the buyer (granted that he gave you five minutes to do your song and dance routine, card sharping or strip tease) that he
would just sit there and let this asshole tell him that this is his last chance in his lifetime to get what you are selling.  Then he has to watch as this lunatic from “One
Flies Over the Cuckoo Nest” salesperson opens his display trench-coat as if he was going to expose himself and pulls out a pen that he spins into the shape of your
business and puts a rap on you that your clients will be forever in your debt if you give them one of these pens.  Then he proceeds to do a tap dance on your PC while
giving you a long laundry list of instructions on how you could use this pen in a promotional way to guarantee future purchases from your best clients.

By the time the President came to his sullen senses, out of a state of shock; he wondered how fast he was going to fire the dunderhead who allowed this Creedmoor
institutional escapee to bug him--this idiot who was trying to sell him a pen that did the Twist or a perpetual calendar that ran up to the year 2400 in twenty languages or
that he should give a gold bar worth $50 to every customer, every holiday season.  Well, by the time he recovered his wits he could only mumble out of restrained
politeness: “I’ll think about it”.  Yet the sales ding bat still has the audacity to run around and demand that he decide now or never and that no Berenson salesman would
be back this way for a century or more.  (This last part was true because with these techniques they couldn’t keep any salesmen).  They expected him to make a decision
on the spot when the closest thing to a decision that the majority of these people had made in the past five months was the decision to get out of bed in the morning.  The
easiest decision then, of course, was to say no and be done with it and point the salesperson in the direction of the door and give him a good boot in the ass.

The question remains in my mind that why, when you had a good product line, perhaps a little bit overpriced, why this company, like so many sales companies (especially
insurance companies) cannot take its time in order to make lasting sales.  Give the customer time to think it over.  That if the customer does think it over it doesn’t
necessarily mean that he will never reach a positive decision.  The most successful industrial sales sectors of the industry never close a deal on the spot but close only
with months of follow up and negotiation.  Berenson should have given their prospects time to make a sensible decision and they would have made just as many sales and
probably more for their concept was based on a firm promotional foundation.

Berenson admitted in training that since their product was a promotional impulse item, one of novelty, when the fascination with the product wore off the buyer would
tend to forget the promotional aspect or the reason he made the purchase in the first place.  That if he got a chance to consult with his Aunt Tillie to validate his decision,
by not being there to shore up his defensive arguments; the advisor would make him feel foolish for buying a bunch of Pizza Pens or gold bar lighters.  That was their
justification to sell on the spot, and not make follow-up calls and giving the hapless victim time to think about his lousy decision.  In other words, the owner had made an
emotional decision based on some clever sleight-of-hand entertainment horseshit that was performed by some noodle-brain salesperson performing the soft-shoe Harlem
Michael Jackson Moon Rap Hustle.

Because of their on-the-spot selling directives, Berenson had to spend an inordinate amount of training time explaining clever techniques--gorilla tactics to bypass
secretaries, clerks and security freaks-- to get through a variety of obstacles to see the owners.  Some of these tactics were amusing, but tacky and obnoxious.  Many of
them were even dangerous.  (Some of the more exotic methods would be to have troops in full terrorist battle gear stage a mock attack on corporate headquarters to
divert attention away from the trainee sneaking in the door under a “fulsade” of machine gun bullets.  Even fires were started across the street to capture the attention
of would be door stoppers and security geeks.

We had many classes where the nymphomaniac instructors would act out the whacko plans, expensive bribes, flashing, streaking, putting on top hat and tails, or putting
on the Ritz with a little soft shoe show.  Then there was Doug “The Bug” with his card tricks.  Others were accomplished acrobats and Greek anal self-abusers.  
Everything but the standard sales approach, God forbid!  (“Hello, my name is Doug “The Bug” from
Berenson Incorporated here to sell you some worthless promotional
crap.  If you’re smart you’ll slap me in the face, give me a good thrashing and have me bodily removed”).

There was an amusing array of cartwheels, trampoline jumping, bungee jumping--jumping right over the secretary’s wonder bra silicone inflated tits and bounding into
the owner’s office with deep knee bends.  You could pretend you were from the I.R.S. hand delivering a refund, impersonating a private detective with secrets of your
closest competitor, lottery award bearers from Publisher’s Clearing House.  You might even be someone just off the plane from Chicago with important news from
headquarters (what the heck it worked at Urang’s) with your plane standing by to takeoff.  By the time they realized they didn’t have any Headquarters in Chicago the
sales presentation had been made.

There were Belly Dancers, Belly telegrams and even strippers dressed up as King Kong Ape Cross-Dressers.  Once inside you moved fast because the President wanted to
know what the fuss was all about, who sent you and why?  Once inside his office you quickly flicked your “Bic” or twisted a Pizza Pen like a hula-hoop around your hips
“Hey, “Daddyo”, look at this!”  Hoping that he’d feel that this might not be a bad interruption to a lackluster day--to savor a few laughs.  “A little entertainment couldn’t
hurt and then in five minutes I’ll get security and bounce this guy out on his rear.   But what the Hell, let the show go on!  This Berenson Gink in a trench coat might be
a good joke to discuss at the next Board of Directors’ Meeting.”  So you were allowed to proceed with your pitch.  By this time he is distracted enough to forget how angry
he is at security or at his secretary for being bamboozled to let this clown interrupt his afternoon nap.

The night before we were to hit the gold paved streets, Doug and I stayed up putting the finishing touches on our routine to get past secretaries.   Doug was a natural for
all he had to do was slink up to the secretary and go “psst, look at this!”  Then open his trench coat as if he were going to flash, pull out his deck of cards and do some
fancy sleight-of-hand shuffles and tricks and then give a full performance to the beguiled boss wonder boy.  Doug didn’t think it would be so easy because it would be
difficult to start off with a bunch of flashy card tricks and then transition to selling perpetual calendars, gold bars, bottle caps, or Pizza Pens.  He would have to work on
his transition because even he couldn’t see the connection between the showmanship of card tricks and the serious business of selling Pizza Pens.  In other words, he was
beginning to take the whole charade seriously, beginning to lose sight of the whole farcical nature of the Berenson Operation.  Besides, once into his card sharping
routine Doug knew they would ask for more--the secrets of his trade and even ask him back to perform at the office party.  They would never relate to the reason he was
there in the first place.  At the end of the week we were primed and ready to hit the streets.

The morning of our departure for the streets of Central Long Island Townships we all met outside the hotel in our respective groups and were given a final pep talk
complete with cheer leaders in pink crotch-less pantyhose.  Then the Brass gave a series of rousing speeches and sent us on our merry way.  There were a couple of dozen
station wagons and a dozen or more vans to ferry the larger groups.  Our Supervisor gave us a map of our assigned territory with the streets clearly designated to be
covered in the next seven days of non-stop canvassing.  Each night we were to return to the hotel to discuss sales made, sales not made, the reason for and against and to
pat on the back the leading sellers of the trainees for that day.  They would then castigate and insult the losers and then reel off a final load of bull shit to spurn you on to
ever greater glory.  Like a bunch of strung out cattle we were prodded into the wagons and vans and driven most gauche to our territories in the outlying Hamlets.  When
the doors opened we were to scurry out in all directions, toothless but not wordless.  We looked like cute little cockroaches let loose on a greasy stove in the middle of the
night when the light is suddenly turned on.

On the first day of Christmas, Doug and I stayed together but it was apparent that I wasn’t going to be able to follow Doug’s Card Sharping antics.  We spent the first day
getting booted out of every type of business in just about every type of style and in every language.  We covered about two blocks in four or five hours in the searing heat
and then headed back to the Supervisor’s wagon for our ride back to the hotel with nothing to show for our labors but an order book full of owner quotes, “Maybe next
year.  Come in at Christmas.  “It is Christmas”.  “Come in after Christmas.  Come in after the first Monsoon strikes”.  (When was the last Monsoon on Long Island?)   
“What are you, a wise guy or something?  Take that pen and shove it!   My cousin is in the business.  I can get it wholesale.  Can I buy one lighter for my girlfriend?  If
she likes it I’ll buy a gross, I promise.  Do you carry condoms?  Psst, I’ll trade a shit load of hot watches for some gold bars.  The owner’s in Sheboygan marrying his Gay
nephew.  I have to speak to my lawyer F. Lee Bailey, to my accountant, or my lawyer’s Mother-In-Law.  I never buy anything until I consult my ‘Horror-Scope’.  Come
back when Mercury is in line with the Rings of Jupiter’s Balls."

We had twisted pens coming out of our assholes and had twisted them into every conceivable shape for every type of business imaginable.  Our Supervisor didn’t allow us
to skip any stores.  He wanted us to get the feel for the rebuff in every type of business situation.  This, of course, was a ridiculous waste of everyone’s time.  For if you
went down any given block in a neighborhood you can tell at a glance that 80% of the stores would never purchase anything but their store’s regular inventory from their
usual outside vendors.  So it was embarrassing to go cold-calling in places that you knew were just hostile to salespeople of our ilk and no matter how good you were you
were going to be humiliated and tossed out on your rear end.  We even had to cover the funeral parlors (during funerals) gas stations and the corner deli’s.

When you did peak their interest it was just as I suspected in training.  When the owners wanted to seriously consider the concept and proposal the Supervisor wouldn’t
let us give ground and compromise with our training methods so the owners became angry and tossed us out.  I’m sure the Supervisor, when he went alone on his sales
calls, gave quite a lot of ground, compromised, gave discounts, scaled down order requirements and did the dozen or so other sales manipulations in order to land a sale.  
But we were watched like hawks and reprimanded when we buckled under owner pressure.  Some of the interested ones wanted immediate delivery and our products,
coming from Germany, might take several months to arrive.

In addition, there was the age-old sales bugaboo of leaving samples overnight for closer inspection.  Our sample kits were expensive and we were each monetarily
responsible for the supplies in them should any have to be replaced.  Since we were covering extensive territories there was no way we could give out samples to everyone
who legitimately asked for one and Berenson had forbidden it anyway. Therefore, a key element for making future sales had been taken away from us.  These owners,
for the most part, were all used to getting salesmen’s samples and they would be miffed when we refused to leave any.  This just added to the air of the fly-by-night
stench of our operation.

Another major stumbling block was the upfront demand for a check or cash to pay for the order.  These businesses were used to the 30, 60, 90 day billing periods and they
thought we had some nerve, just because we were showing them clever products backed up by clever, fun loving presentations; that we would have the gall to ask for
money up front for products they wouldn’t see for months.

There was no way they were going to pay up front for a lot of sweet talk concerning a rather dubious enterprise and for a line of products that was far removed from their
day-to-day concerns, i.e., gift giving to clients in the unlikely event that this may lead to warmer relations and future orders.  This was not high on their priority list of
things to do that day.

As for the most promising of the businesses “vis-à-vis” the Pizza Pens, the Chiropractic offices-- most of these as we entered them, had Chiropractic Pens glaring at us
from desktops.  They were admittedly inferior to Berenson’s being of the non-flexible type.  The few Chiropractors that weren’t too busy cracking bones and crushing
skulls, were duly impressed but already committed to a gross or more of cheaper pens at 10 cents a pop instead of the outrageous $3 a piece that we were trying to hijack
him for.

In short, at the end of the first day in the field, the whole silly business had been unmasked for what it really was and I dreaded going out each day although I went
through the motions.  I stuck it out for a week or two and covered my territory like a jack rabbit in heat once I was out of my Supervisor’s control.  After the second day
I skipped stores, about 90% percent of them.  When I sensed a negative reaction forthcoming in the ones I chose to enter, I simply skipped my introductory War Dance
and slunk out by a side entrance amid a shower of insults and a hoop and a holler.  Sometimes this happened despite my flashing of wares inside of Berenson’s Trenchant
Trench-Coat.  Naturally, by this method I would use up three times as much territory as normal.  By the fourth day I had covered the territory assigned to me,
canvassing about ten square blocks without one sale.  Others had quit by this time, or not sold anything either.  About 25 in the groups had sold at least one order and out
of the 150 left, ten people had sold more than one order.  In this group were Doug “The Mechanic” and Phyllis “The Jewess”.

They, together with other “winners”, were roundly applauded every night and basking in Berenson’s sales footlights while the losers tried to make themselves invisible
by cringing in the far corner of the training room.  We would have to put up with indirect insults and snide remarks designed to shame us into action.  It got so bad that I
didn’t know what I dreaded most, the pissed off owners during the day or facing the pissed off training officers at night.  On the other hand, Phyllis was seriously praising
the company and started to hallucinate about all the money she was going to make and what a great company Berenson was.  I warned Phyllis that this was only
beginner’s luck and in a month’s time she would be gone.  She didn’t believe me.  (I was wrong!  She lasted two months!  Me, two weeks!).

With fear, trembling and much trepidation, the fourth day I approached Cliff “The Stiff” to give me another map and more territory because I had used mine up in three
days instead of the projected year.  Gestapo Cliff was sitting at his usual head of the Dais spot talking to “Ivan The Terrible Closer” Schmidt--Berenson’s top sales robot.  
I told him that I had run out of territory.  He lost control and started to pound his German-Irish fist on the tabletop.  “’Ech’ ‘Valesperson’ has been assigned more than
enough to ‘veep’ ‘vim’ busy for a ‘sentury’.  ‘Vats’ ‘vring’ ‘vith’ you! Ach dimeister ver bleven hausen!  How could you chew up that territory so quickly unless you
skipped half the stores?!  You haven’t ’madse’ ‘von’ sale!  Ict da Bobbin Dobbin Globbin Nudnick!”  On and on he ranted.  I should have rapped him in the mouth and
left instead of subjecting myself to this German gibberish. But at the time I thought I would like to give it one more try before I quit.  After Cliff calmed down he
apologized profusely for getting carried away.  And grudgingly, as if he was giving away his own personal property, he assigned me new streets and a brand new map.  
“Dis’ ought to keepen you busy for the ‘vest’ of training!”

So I canvassed the rest of the day to my heart’s content, this time at mostly small manufacturing plants but to no avail.  By the end of the afternoon I had had it.  I came
in an hour earlier than usual, turned in my Berenson’s sales kit with wrinkled trench-coat and ripped up and disposed of all Berenson’s worthless sales training manuals.  
I dropped by Cliff’s suite.  He was very apologetic and wouldn’t I like one more go at it.  “For ‘Vhyliss, my ‘vriend’’, was doing so ‘vell’”.  I didn’t make any excuses or
rationalizations for my poor performance.  I simply said that this nonsense wasn’t for me.  You need to be a Pavlov Ivan trained dog to perform the circus stunts required
of you.  I was an independent type of thinker, undisciplined and not used to be being shoved around in this fashion.  He asked me what I would do now?  I looked over my
shoulder on my way out and said, “I’m a survivor.  I’ll land on my feet just like a cat.  I’ll be into something before the week is through.”  Cliff looked kind of pathetic
there all alone in his hotel suite--lost without his Dais to spew his bull shit selling strategies. (The Wizard of Oz springs to mind).

I remember hitching a ride home with four other losers each commiserating their woes upon the other.  I believe that by the time we left, Berenson was down to about
fifty shifty eyed people from the original 250 and probably by week’s end they had about a dozen suckers who hadn’t seen through their hustle.

I arrived back in Ossining ready to begin all over again.  After that experience, for the first few days I wanted to chuck sales as a career altogether.  Sue was still
teaching away at thirty two feet per second every second so there was money still coming in.  Robby was seven and in grade school and Tania was five just entering grade
school.  Sue was disappointed that another job had fallen through.  I went as quickly as possible back to some sort of douche bag work, driving for “Panties” Riverview, on
the evening shift, four to midnight.  After about a week my depression lifted somewhat and out of the blue I got the crazy idea that I might return to
only this time as Manager of the “Bestchester” Edition in Phyllis’s’ absence.  I sort of missed the life of an adv. sales rep. in comparison to the anxiety ridden
pressure laden job of the door-to-door canvasser cold caller douche-bag.  Advertising sales would be simple in comparison.  I wanted to give sales one more chance before
I chucked it forever and anon.

I surmised that it was possible that since I’ve only been gone a little over a month that they may not have hired anyone to take our places or they may not have closed
the office.  Knowing Borman, he was probably too busy with “Thunder Thighs” and goofing off to have put in an appearance at the “Bestchester” Office.  Besides, I would
be the perfect pick of the week to take over where we had left off.  I was responsible for creating all those new pages.  I knew the territory.  I knew
operation and would be willing to put up with all the bull shit of fucked up ads, tortured, botched copy, missed deadlines, errors of omissions and commissions, bounced
checks and skipped paydays.  It would take “Stormin” Borman away from his busy schedule to break in someone new and it would be inconvenient to come all the way
over to “Bestchester” to do it.  It would save him the time consuming enterprise of the hiring process.  After a week or so at
Riverview I screwed up enough courage to
call “Stormin” Borman on the Island.  After expressing surprise, shock and outrage at my request (for he always thought that I had purposely talked Phyllis into quitting
with the idea of stealing her job and now I was actually doing it).  On the contrary, it was Phyllis, I told him, that was ready to leave sales.  Her morale was at a low ebb
and I talked her into giving herself one more chance.

He retorted that the idea was so brazen that it just might work to everyone’s advantage but first he would have to punish me for resigning.  He would take me back at a
reduced salary of $175 a week and if sales improved he would adjust it accordingly.  I thought that Borman was being petty, cheap and childish but true to form, for him.  
I accepted the Manager-ship on those terms for it was better than working as a galley slave for

So I made my triumphant return to
THE JEWISH WEEK.  Just as I figured.  No one had been to the office since we left.  When I opened the door I was greeted by a
mound of unopened mail, mostly bills.  The first order of business was to straighten out the paper work.  And then I went into Phyllis’s’, now my private office, patted
myself on the back, went to the closet, withdrew my trusty pillow and stretched out on the carpeted floor and had a good sleep for the rest of the afternoon.  No need
straining myself on the first day back on the job.  From that day on I made it a habitual habit to take a two or three hour snooze everyday because there was no one
around that I had to answer to.  The year was 1980, I was forty one and now Manager of
THE  WESCHESTER  JEWISH  WEEK.   (“The Jewish Who?”)

The major problem I had to contend with was the putting together of
The Pages that had been abandoned.  They were in complete disarray and a shambles.  I hit the
phones and managed to save half of them.  It was apparent after my week long telephone blitz that the pages would soon die out when the rest of them came up for
renewal.  There weren’t that many replacement advertisers to approach out there.  I would have to bring in new business and that meant going out into the field.  It
seemed I had trouble getting away from the office for not only was it more comfortable than the streets but I was constantly interrupted with phone calls, copy
preparation, ad layouts and sorting mail.  Taking up most of my time was the dunning that Borman was forcing me to do since
THE JEWISH WEEK, like most of its
competitors, had a severe receivables problem, especially in “Bestchester” where we had tripled the volume last year.  I got the brainstorm that if I could get out from
underneath the paperwork, especially the dunning collection bills, I could increase production dramatically.  So I called “Stormin” Borman and talked him into letting me
hire a secretary to do the office chores while I spent most of my time out in the field.  (On good days that meant to me to be somewhere flat on my back under a tree in
the nearest park).  He gulped several times but I was ready with my all consuming arguments and Borman buckled under.  Borman said he would try to get the okay
from David Cross, Editor, who in turn had to get the approval of “Hopscotch” Hotchkiss, Publisher and CEO.

The next day he called back and said I could hire someone at $175 a week to do the paperwork but that their prime beef responsibility would be to make collection calls.  
Borman also warned me that he’d better see some results now that I had my hands free to just sell.  The first order of business would be for me to go
The Brooklyn-
Queens Edition
in Queens and help the manager there with his special pages that he was just getting off the ground.  

I hung up elated.  Back two months and I already had my own private secretary to do all the dirty work.  If nothing else this would enlarge my nap times.  I put in an ad
The Gannett Chain of papers and the response was heavy-handed despite the low salary and visibility of the job.  I scheduled twelve interviews--all women, O Boy!

The first woman that showed up was the one that I eventually hired even though I interviewed eleven others--Elayne “The Brain The Jewish Elvita”.  She was a true
blonde, Jewish, my age, divorced with two children, a son and daughter--Jeff and Amy.  Jeff was about to graduate college and enter the Air Force for Jet Pilot Training
and Amy was to graduate high school and enter college for instruction in Architecture in New Orleans.  

There was nothing special about Elayne’s qualifications that impressed me.  In fact, she didn’t have typing skills and wasn’t really beautiful (but she did have Dolly
Parton 40DD’s).  There must have been something during the interview that stuck in the back of my mind to put her in the front running against the others who were
much more attractive than her.  I finally chose Elayne “The Brain”.  I had it in mind to hire someone that I could have an affair with.  Therefore I was looking for
someone that I would be attracted to as well as someone who I could work together with as a team.  My final interview was with a luscious 16 year old virgin’s virgin who
had recently graduated from high school and was looking for a summer job.  Her mother, she told me, would drop her off at work.  She was very anxious to please, young
and innocent and it crossed my mind that an affair would be imminent since there was only the two of us in  the office with plenty of time on our hands.  I could see she
wanted the job badly.   I narrowed it down that night to Elayne and her.  It was a tough choice for I was forty and my marriage had been deteriorating since its inception.  
The only other extra-marital affair I had had was with “Rose Hips”.  I had to make the choice between lust and experience.  I finally decided to do the right thing and
chose Elayne “The Brain The Jewish Elvita” .  She had told me during the interview that she was excellent on the phone and wouldn’t mind collection duties.  I guess I
felt the other girl would not be up to collecting money and therefore that chore would be dumped back in my lap.

Elaine came to work by commuting from her High-Rise apartment on Central Avenue in Bonkers.  Her apartment complex was owned by the multimillionaire wheeler-
dealer, William “Two Face” Beri-Beri, who also had control of the twin hi-rise apartments farther north on Central Avenue in Bonkers.  He had numerous holdings in the
ghettos of Bronx and was a well known Slumlord.

Right from the start I realized that I had made a wise decision by opting for Elaine “The Brain”.  We clicked and meshed perfectly.  Elayne learned the ropes of ad sales
rather quickly.  It wasn’t long before she drew herself out of the clerk-secretary role and we became a team.  We didn’t click sexually although she was attracted to me.  
It was apparent that in her youth she had been a beauty with long blonde hair down to her bottom, blue eyes and forty inch bustline.

I was getting tired of commuting by bus.  When Phyllis and I worked together we would go in her car.  Now that I was alone and Elayne didn’t have a car I thought it
would be necessary to have some sort of cheap transportation to get around the County.  Sue and I had been through a series of used cars and currently Sue was driving a
used Mercury Station Wagon to go forth to The Bronx.  We couldn‘t afford a second used car.

At first I thought because they were under $700, I would get a Moped but that idea quickly evaporated when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to exceed 40 miles per
hour.  I seriously started to consider a motorcycle but not a big one for starters.  Sue and I went to
Apple Cycle in Bonkers and settled on a 1980 Twinstar, 200 c.c.’s
which was a good starter cycle.  For $1,800 I purchased the Honda Cycle complete with a black, one piece, zippered Arctic snowsuit, goggles, sunglasses, winter gloves
(good for 30 below zero temperatures) windshield attachment and Cutter Carrier Case to carry my tools and sales materials.  We took out a loan and paid the dealer cash.

The next day I came down to pick up the cycle and take it home.  I’d never driven a cycle before.  The guy brought it out into his backyard and said I could practice on it
awhile and then take it on the road-- the twenty miles to “Bossining”.  By that time, according to him, I should have it pretty much under control.  Then he left me alone
to tend to his store.  I was on my own.  I felt like an electric midnight cowboy on a bucking bronco.  It took about an hour’s worth of stalling and falling down incidents to
give me enough confidence to go on the road.

It was a scary ride but by the time I was approaching the steep gradient into the Village of Bossining I was feeling comfortable and beginning to enjoy it.  Two weeks later
I took my test and passed.  For the next two years this would be my main mode of transportation through all sorts of “the postman always rings twice” weather--hot, cold,
ice, snow and gale.  That first year was a mild winter so I didn’t miss over five days off of the bike.  The salesperson at the cycle shop told me not to worry about driving
all winter long for there were lots of winter drivers.  But after the month of December passed I didn’t meet or see anyone on the roads until March.  I was the only cycle
out in the County except for the New Year’s Eve Midnight Run out of Cro-Magnum (Croton) conducted by the Cro-Magnum Cycle Club.  

It might have been a mild winter snow wise that year but it was extremely cold.  The temperature in January hovered around the zero mark for about two weeks, which
meant that traveling at fifty-five miles per hour on the cycle made the wind chill factor about fifty to sixty below.  The Arctic one piece snow suit kept my body warm but
the gloves lost their effectiveness when the wind chill shot down to forty below.  On long rides I would take off my gloves and touch my frozen hands to the hot engine
cover to keep them from getting frostbitten.  The other part of my anatomy that would not stay warm were my toes.  I usually wore work shoes and a few pairs of socks
with Long Johns underneath my snow suit, scarf, ski mask, goggles and helmet with a face shield.  The mask and the goggles pretty well protected my face but my
eyelashes would be iced over and dripping frozen icicles.  The worst was getting caught in rainstorms.  Once soaked, which happens rather quickly on a cycle due to the
puddles splashing over you, there was no way to remain dry and comfortable.  I usually carried an extra pair of socks, Long Johns, shirt and pants to change into at the
office in my
Cutter Carrier Case.  I simply lay out my wet clothes on the office rug to dry out.

I got caught out in several snowstorms but managed to survive them because the bike was light and I would be able to slow down and walk it through the rough spots.  
Once, during a snowstorm, I had to stop at the
White Plains Honda Dealer for some oil and tune-up parts.  The owner looked up at me in a state of horrified shock.  
“What!  Are you crazy being out on the road today!  There isn’t anybody out there in February in this kind of weather!”  I shrugged it off and said, “rain or shine, I go.  
I’ve been out there all winter!”  After that I felt like some kind of special fool because I was the only one out there in the dead of winter.  Sometimes the winter night
temperature dropped to 10 to 20 below.

The only time I came close to having an accident that winter was one night on the way home the bike slipped on a patch of ice and swerved sideways under me.  I simply
crossed my frozen fingers and let the bike have its way with me.  Since it was light enough to hold off the ground I managed to right it in time.

I felt at that time, from a safety point of view, that the cycle was safer than a car because you were in more control and there was nothing between you and the road.  You
had an unobstructed view of things.  That advantage was far outweighed however, by the fact that you were extremely vulnerable to a rear-end accident, being bounced off
the road, or being totaled much more easily than you were in a car.  Sometimes you could be thrown by hitting nothing more imposing than a pregnant pot hole or a rock
on the road.  Yet, until one is confronted with one’s first accident one thinks one is immortal.

It was a thrilling experience, especially to feel the bite of the January wind on a clear, bitter, cold winter night.  With my Arctic Kimono snowsuit, goggles and helmet I
looked like Darth Vader from the polar regions of outer space.  I was right out there head to head with Nature.  I was really in my element.  Another good thing about
the cycle is that it got me interested in the mechanics of its operation.  For the first time in my life, rather than turning it over to the Honda Wheeler Dealer, I did all my
own service work.  I enjoyed tinkering around, tuning it up and keeping it in top shape.

The first two years I put on 12,000 miles which is more than average for a motorcycle--just going to and from work.  In the Spring I would spend my Saturdays and
Sundays changing plugs, points, oil, tuning it up and washing and waxing it.  I read and memorized the
Honda Service Manual cover to cover.

I went to most of my appointments on the cycle and people would be surprised that underneath all the hectic Arctic gear was, in person,
Representative.  The cycle and I became part and parcel of each other.  It came through with flying colors in some very dangerous situations.  I got 80 miles to the
gallon.  I was spending $3 a week for gas and $65 a year for insurance.  I felt it was a bargain compared to the expenses that a used car would entail.  But the major
drawback was its lack of power.  It could only wind out to 70 mph. on the straightway and that created a dangerous situation when entering a highway entrance lane.  I
was itchy by the end of the first year to get a larger bike but couldn’t afford to pay cash for it so I stuck it out with the

At one time my driving the motorcycle was almost responsible for the igniting of an affair.  One winter day I walked in to the Barclays Bank in White Pains to cash a
check.  I was dressed in full winter gear and when I approached the window this cute, black haired Teller named Marie said that it was great that I was driving around in
the middle of the winter and that she was thinking of getting a cycle because she had always wanted to drive one.  “Would I mind giving her a ride on mine tomorrow so
she could get (off) the feel of it.”  I said I wouldn’t mind, brought in my extra helmet the next day and went to the Valhalla Dam about five miles north of White Pains.  
That date didn’t materialize into anything more because she was ten years younger than me and we didn’t have much in common except for our love of motorcycles.

Back at
THE JEWISH WEEK offices, Elayne and I were becoming very good friends but not lovers.   She was good at collections and in the first few weeks had collected
substantial amounts of outstanding debts.  She was also getting used to the shenanigans of the Park Avenue Front Office.  Both of us would waltz on down every Friday in
order to get our pay checks.  We weren’t about to wait several days for them to arrive by Pony Express.  It was Elayne that nicknamed Borman’s mistress “Thunder
Thighs.”  She was also wise to Borman’s valise carrying charade that he performed every Friday.

Not long after her hiring, Elayne approached me saying that since we weren’t doing that well in securing new advertising space that there might not be any future at THE
JEWISH WEEK.  Since we had use of the office, phones and mail why not attempt to start another business.  She put forward the idea of an Escort Service where I would
escort the women and she the men.  It sounded sexy as well as interesting especially since the year before I had been toying around with the idea of an Escort Service for
visiting executives coming into town from the various corporations to be built around the station wagon airport concept.

I suggested that in order to learn how the business functions we should pretend to be in need of an Escort Service and invite the manager or owner of one of these firms
over and explain to us how it works.  When we investigated further we saw that there was only one Escort Service in “Bestchester”, although there were many in New
York City, some legitimate some not.

The President of the “Bestchester” Escort Service came over with his portfolio of escorts and we got an inkling of how the operation functioned.  By careful questioning
on Elayne’s and my part we deduced that most of their employees were an assortment of out of work actors, actresses and models--both female and male, whores, bag
ladies, mistresses, she-males, cross-dressers and transvestites.  When we had enough information we booted him out the door ass backwards.

However, before we got too far along with this project Elayne got sidetracked by an event that was to take up most of her time (and mine) for the next three years.
Elayne came into the office one day and described a curious run-in she had had with the superintendent of her building.  The incident cited was the result of lack of hot
water for her shower that Saturday.  She went to complain to the Super’s Office.  They were abrupt with her and didn’t, or so it seemed to her, take the complaint
seriously.  Elayne figured that there should be some sort of
Tenant’s Group that she could take her complaint to and get action.  But there was no such organization for
her building although Bonkers, being under the jurisdiction of the
E.P. H.A., there were other buildings that were organized into strong Tenant’s Groups.

Elayne, not to be denied, asked if she could use the typewriter (remember that instrument!) in order to type some letters of inquiry to various Bonkers’ Agencies, mainly
The Housing Agency to see if she could get some kind of action on her complaint.  Of course I gave her permission for there really wasn’t much to do around the office.  
So began Elayne’s lengthy letter writing campaign to various agencies and the
Bonkers Housing Authority in particular.  It wasn’t long before she discovered that her
building was going Co-Op and shortly an Eviction Plan would be in effect that would give short notice to tenants that they either had to buy their apartment or be
relocated.  This type of Conversion was one of many such plans taking place in the converting of apartments into Co-Op buyouts sweeping the Northeast Corridor.

The scam was to convert the apartments as fast as possible, ignoring repairs, maintenance, upkeep and serious but expensive to correct violations that would put a drain
on the huge profits being garnered by Slum Lords like Beri-Beri.  Millions of dollars were being saved and more millions were being made on these Conversion Scams.  
Beri-Beri was capitalizing on the fact that most buildings were not well organized and most tenants could be steam-rolled into accepting sub-par relocation monies.  It was
right in the middle of such a battle that Elayne found herself.  By asking around the building Elayne gathered that there were hundreds of other complaints and violations
that were being ignored during this “Red Herring” period of the Conversion.  By the time the violations were acknowledged by
The Housing Authority it would be too late
for the tenants for they would not be in control of the building and thus be forced to fix them with their own
Tenant Organization funds.

It was at this juncture that Elayne, increasingly frustrated from the lack of action on her own personal complaint, added to the fact that she would have to move because
she couldn’t afford to buy her place, decided to get deeper into the problem.  She also wanted to help out the many Senior Citizens who would be forced to leave because
they were on a fixed income.  It occurred to her that if she could prove that Beri-Beri and his Real Estate Syndicate were attempting to convert several “Bestchester”
County buildings (in all over 2,000 units that would make them millions without doing the necessary repairs to make them habitable and safe) and if she could come up
with enough evidence for the violations; then she could effectively block Eviction and Conversion on behalf of the tenants.  She hoped to get all the violations taken care
of and then get thousands of dollars in rent rebates and rollbacks for she felt that Beri-Beri, due to his neglect of major violations, had forfeited his right to increased
rents over the past ten years.

She put all this information together in one formal complaint and decided to file against the owners on behalf of all the tenants in those respective buildings.  She filed
The Bonkers Housing Authority.  She requested that Conversion permission be delayed until all violations were corrected, redress for overcharges and withdrawal of
all Eviction Notices to people who did not want to purchase or did not want to move until they received adequate compensation.  It was apparent from the start that Elayne
had taken on quite a battle.  She would henceforth spend her full time enmeshed in a sea of paper work which she had to file and refile to various City agencies and
Tenants’ Organizations in Bonkers and later with State and Federal Authorities.  In the beginning I gave her advice on how to proceed and what to say in her letters to
counter the feet dragging of the corrupt local bureaucrats in the Bonkers political machine.  As she gained more experience, confidence and researched the problem in
depth she was able to do most of the paper work on her own.

Elayne “The Brain” would come into the office in the morning and hunt and peck her way through protest letter after protest letter to the Management and then
simultaneously accentuate her complaints by forwarding the letters to
The Board of Health and various other Bonkers’ Housing Agencies.  She would cite the numerous
violations in the buildings that she garnered from lists of complaints from all the people who resided in the buildings.  She was hoping that the accumulation of all the
violations would cause the city agencies to halt the Conversion and Eviction Plans.

In the afternoons Elayne spent her time on the phone collecting monies from
THE JEWISH WEEK advertisers and then on Thursdays we would take our weekly trip to
New York City to pick up our checks.  Elayne would turn over the collection monies to Harry “The Bookkeeper”.  Harry was turned on by Elayne’s ability to collect
money and tried to put the hustle on her but Elayne thwarted his advances out-of-hand with sleight-of-hand and punched him out.

For my part, I stayed in the background keeping a low profile due to the fact that during the past six months I hadn’t secured any advertising to brag about.  The
immediate attention was focused on Elayne, because Borman, “Hopscotch Hotchkiss” and Harry were thrilled with all the money being collected.  I spent the next several
weeks trying to get
The Pages going in Queens that had been so successful in “Bestchester”.  There was, however, much more resistance there because it was a different
advertising scene altogether.  
The Pages never took root.

Elayne wasn’t getting anywhere with her letter writing campaign so she decided to call a meeting of all of the tenants in her building.  Much to her chagrin there was no
tenant organization in Beri-Beri’s buildings.  Before the night was over they had elected Elayne President of the newly formed
Tenant’s Organization for several
apartment complexes.  She took another tour, this time with book in hand, and added more violations to her complaints and filed a formal complaint against the Beri-
Beris and with the
City of Bonkers Housing Authority.

Up to this point I had been advising her on what to do, what to write in the letters and what format to put it into.  At the point that she organized the tenants she was on
her own.  When her organizing efforts were in full swing she had tenants’ meetings once a week and instituted the collection of dues wherein the monies were to be used
for attorneys she would need down the line.  And some of the money went into her own pockets because the measly check from
THE JEWISH WEEK certainly couldn’t
pay her bills.

She had at her disposal two useful tools.  One was
The E.P.A., The Environmental Protection Act, that protected tenants in lower “Bestchester” from excessive rent
increases and outlined the guidelines that landlords would have to follow if they wanted to successfully convert their buildings to Co-Ops.  This allowed her to hook up
with other Tenant Organizations in the area and the personnel within these groups tutored her on the correct procedures for filing and blocking an
Action to Convert.  
They also gave her a name of a lawyer who was sympathetic to the tenants’ needs even though he worked for the City.  Through him (whom I later dubbed “Deep
Throat”) she obtained inside information on the tactics used by the City and Beri-Beri to sandbag her efforts.

Beri-Beri was never to find out who “Deep Throat” was and couldn’t figure out how Elayne “the Brain” was getting all her legal information without the use of a lawyer
until the end of her battle and how she had obtained information known only to the City.  Another weapon Elayne had at her disposal was a personal one for at the time
she was friendly with an employee who worked in Beri-Beri’s Organization and was privy to all the happenings within Beri-Beri’s Organization and that of course was of
inestimable value to Elayne at the State Hearings at the now defunct-resurrected World Trade Center in New York City.

As Elayne got more and more embroiled in the political life of Bonkers, by virtue of the looming tenant battle she had started against Beri-Beri; it was becoming apparent
to both of us that there was no future at
THE JEWISH WEEK as long as it was controlled by Borman, Harry and “Thunder Thighs” playing “Hopscotch” for a patsy.  
Elayne broached the subject one morning when she came into my office and said “why don’t we quit and join another magazine in Bonkers, “BESTCHESTER”
ILLUSTRATED, a four-color glossy affair that was a lot like the SPOT LITE magazines”.  It was headed by one Angel “The Pol, Marshmallow Face, Little Ceasar”
Martini, the Mayor of Bonkers.  Martini, besides running
BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED and DELAWARE TODAY, two Regionals, had a third regional in Upstate New
York--Dutchess and Putnam Counties, called
HUDSON VALLEY ILLUSTRATED and a business oriented magazine STOCK MARKET MAGAZINE all of which were
housed in Bonkers, in the Ghetto area, in a turn-of-the-century factory building directly opposite City Hall.  It was convenient for Martini to run back and forth between
his main scam, printing, distribution of local newspapers, producing magazines and his full time scam as Mayor of the City of Bonkers.

BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED was in competition with the other Regionals but its main competitor was the better quality magazine BESTCHESTER” MAGAZINE which
had been on the market a decade before Martini’s politically subsidized magazine.

I didn’t ponder the move too long for I hadn’t sold much advertising since my return.  Six months had passed and Borman was getting edgy.  He still hadn’t raised my
poverty level wages.  He had made only vague promises to raise it in the coming months.  So Elayne and I betook our sexy selves down to “BESTCHESTER”
ILLUSTRATED and joined Martini’s flea bag organization.  THE JEWISH WEEK “Bestchester” Edition would never recover the status that Phyllis and I had bequeathed
it.  A year later the “Bestchester” office closed down.  The flowering of the Regionals waned with our spiritual guidance missing.

For transportation I had purchased off Elayne a brown Ford Galaxy wagon for a $400 token payment.  Elayne received the car from her boy friend, a Japanese cook
who worked in a local Japanese restaurant in Bonkers.  He had given her the car as a gift when he returned home to Japan.  He wanted Elayne to go to Japan with him
but Elayne couldn’t see herself as a Samurai’-Shogun Cook’s wife and so declined the offer but accepted the car and turned it over to me.

At the time, it appeared to one and all that Elayne and I were having an affair because we were always together but we weren’t even though Elayne wanted one.  In
fact one day when we were out scouting for ads for
BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED, Elayne suggested we stop at a motel but I declined.  I wasn’t attracted sexually to
Elayne so I thought better of it.  Even Sue thought we were having an affair when she got a quick glimpse of Elayne.  Elayne had the hooker’s appearance but she was far
from being one.  I simply told Sue that we were only business Platonic partners in sales and nothing more.  I guess, since it was the truth, Sue couldn’t pursue the matter
further.  At the time I couldn’t have afforded an affair anyway.  I was only making $175 a week.  After I separated from Sue, Elayne was hinting around for me to come
and room with her.  Again I declined.

Beri-Beri tried to make use of our alliance by discrediting Elayne as a Tenant Organizer and implied several times that she was a prostitute getting inside information
by sleeping with the local politicos, namely Mayor Martini.  Of course this was foolishness for she was getting her information from “Deep Throat” (me and et. als.).  
There were even intimations at the height of the tenant battle that she was getting her information and legal advice from me.  At that point that wasn’t true either
because Elayne had long since been plugged into Beri-Beri’s organization, Martini’s Organization (who were using the battle for political purposes) and “Deep Throat”.  
Between the three of them she was getting all the help she would need to roll over Beri-Beri’s multi-million dollar artillery that he amassed against her.

After Elayne’s Japanese War Lord left to slay dragons in Japan, she hooked up with a local mobster from the Bronx who drove a
Daily News Truck silly on his days off
from The Syndicate.  She was glad to have him as added protection during the final days of the Hearings when Beri-Beri’s forces initiated strong arm tactics to get rid of
“Evita The Nuisance”.  At that point she was costing him a lot of money in legal fees and possibly a $1,000,000 in rent roll backs if he lost his case at the World Trade
Center Hearings, plus a possible cessation of conversion of his buildings which would mean further losses in the millions.  Elayne was a problem and a thorn in the side
that Beri-Beri couldn’t shake.

An additional problem with Beri-Beri was that he was an outsider in Bonkers, not of the Italian in-crowd.  He was not lined up politically with Martini’s brand of
the Republican Party.  Martini & Company couldn’t care less if Elayne won her battle against Beri-Beri.  In fact, politically speaking, when Martini was up for reelection
and got wind of Elayne’s talents for organizing groups of people he fortunately found himself on the right side of the issue “vis-à-vis” Elayne.  He realized that the
election was going to be close and here was Elayne, a Space Rep. in his own organization who had control of several thousand tenants who adored her because up to now
she had forestalled eviction and conversion.

Martini started to watch more closely the proceedings at the
World Trade Center Hearings.  He began to monitor Elayne’s off-hour activities and realized that as election
time drew near that the election was going to be a close one.  He called in Elayne one day and promised her that he would help her at
The Hearings in any way that he
could behind the scenes if she would attempt to bring in the tenants on his side for the election.

Elayne actually combined the political electioneering for Martini at her tenants’ meetings with her fight at
The World Trade Center.  She brought them in as a voting
block unit and helped to defeat the Democratic candidate for Mayor by exactly the margin of her tenant groups.  As far as Elayne was concerned, there was no conflict of
interests by backing Martini because he was the lesser of the two evils and had always fought against Conversion whereas the Democratic Candidate had been for the
Landlords.  As I said, Martini was lucky to be on the same side as Elayne or else he would have been bounced four years earlier than he was.  In the middle 1980’s, during
the Condoms-Are-Us Stores and Desegregation Scandals that rocked the City of Bonkers, Martini was tarred, feathered and run out of office on a rail.

It wasn’t long into our association with
BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED that we were to realize that the magazines were just a clever tax dodge for Martini’s organization
and also a status, political vehicle for Martini to give to his sons and relatives to run when he expired.  Martini’s real interest lay in politics and his bread and butter came
from the printing contracts he secured through his connections in Bonkers.  The magazines were a front from the outset.  It’s too bad because they could have been a
Contender with the other Regionals.

Martini turned out to be exactly what his reputation said he would be.  He had plenty of charisma but was a politician through and through.  He ruled the roost like
Julius Caesar (whom he in fact resembled) -- a short, squat, good looking man in his white haired middle fifties.  He had been married forever and had several sons one
of whom was involved in the burgeoning
Cable TV Network in Chicago and had been the only one to rebel and not come into the family business.  One son was put in
charge of “BESTCHESTER”
ILLUSTRATED.  Under him Elayne and I reported to the Editor-In-Chief, Stunt “The Rump”, a voluble, likable, “rolly polly”, politically
ambitious type who wasted much of the magazine’s space on gossip surrounding the newly opened casinos in Atlantic City instead of dealing with issues closer to home.

At first, Elayne and I gave it a real try until we found out that Martini & Company knew nothing about developing a quality magazine and that we were wasting
our talents.  We stayed there a year, just long enough for Elayne to win her battle with Beri-Beri.

The way we found out that the whole operation was a tax dodge was when Elayne and I came up with the idea of having several issues devoted to Shopping Centers.  
was a multimillion dollar white elephant shopping center that had just opened its doors in White Pains.  If we could secure advertising from them as a Block Unit
together with half a dozen other large shopping centers in the County, the magazine would have a steady stream of advertising dollars coming in every month.

Elayne and I spent several months putting together a package deal which was about to be accepted by all of the Shopping Centers but hinged on
Cadillac Fairview (the
Canadian owners and builders of
The Galleria) getting what they wanted in the way of free publicity from our magazine.   Stunt “The Rump” was more interested in his
local election to
The Board of Education in New Rochelle at the time and more engrossed in the comings and goings of Atlantic City.  He sabotaged the whole package
when he refused to give
The Galleria the Front Cover of the magazine in exchange for them using their influence to bring The Galleria stores in as a Block.  End of
Shopping Center Advertising Package!

Martini, being so engrossed with his election, didn’t have the slightest notion of how Stunt blew the whole deal.  Even if he did know he wouldn’t have recognized
the potential of the deal.  It appeared to Martini that we had been goofing off since we had been there three months and hadn’t produced any advertising.  The fact was we
had taken a chance and put all our efforts into one large project.  But like so many owners of these small publications, they didn’t have the slightest idea of what
advertising sales was all about.  The basic misleading assumption is that a lot of little sales would have been better than going after a big advertising package.  Of course,
this is shortsighted and typical sales managerial nonsense.  At least Martini had the sense to fire Stunt “The Royal Rump” six months later because when he finally woke
up he realized that
BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED was headed for bankruptcy.

One of the more odious, unprofessional practices of the Martini organization were the instances where the magazine was always about two weeks late and into
the following month by the time it hit the newsstands.  The advertisers never knew that their advertising dollars were wasted because the pulling power of the ads for that
month would be wasted.  Another malodorous factor was that the magazine was lucky to have a circulation of ten to fifteen thousand instead of the much touted 50,000 to
60,000 claimed in the PR information.  The advertisers were paying big dollars for dubious Demographic claims.

On the more personal level, Elayne and I had the same problem with the Martini Organization as we did with
THE JEWISH WEEK and other sales organizations I have
worked for, i.e., getting paid on time or getting paid at all.  We were constantly bugging “Vestal Virgin”, Martini’s in-house secretary, confidante and concubine.  Week
after week the checks would bounce on the way to the bank and Vestal would go through the innocent acting charade of writing them all over again.  This is a typical
scenario enacted by publishers in order not to have to part with their money.  They just keep enough money in the business account to keep the level of the operation
from dipping into insolvency.  This tactic stalls off creditors as well as employees and through the guilt it engenders gets people to work for practically nothing.  
Meanwhile, the owners and a small “in-clique” have personal accounts crammed with monies skimmed from the businesses’ profits.

Elayne, after the Shopping Center fiasco fell apart, continued to strengthen her position “vis-à-vis” the tenants and now was involved in a full fledged Hearing on behalf
of the Governor’s
Task Force looking into Condo Conversion subversion corruption.  

“Deep Throat” and her allies were feeding her a steady diet of legal and inside information which simply stupefied Beri-Beri’s Syndicate.  At first, when they couldn’t
discover where the leak came from, they tried to intimidate Elayne with strong arm tactics designed to frighten her off-- phone calls in the lusty night threatening to put
her in a cement block and drop her and her “40” tits into the East River.  But then they realized that she wouldn’t sink taking into consideration the buoyancy factor of
her large bust.

Beri-Beri would go into these ranting and raving tirades against her-- this Elayne “The Brain” who out of nowhere had made his life a nightmare.  She had single-
handedly stopped his multi-million dollar organization cold, causing them hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, in time wasted and loss of future profits from
Conversion.  At
The World Trade Center Hearings he would intimate to The Hearing Examiner and anyone else who would listen that Elayne had an unsavory past in
prostitution.  Elayne, untainted and undaunted plowed ahead despite the threat of bodily harm by Beri-Beri.  She was able to legally outmaneuver and discredit him at
every turn.

It got so bad at the Hearings for Beri-Beri that one day while they were both exiting from the underground parking garage of
The World Trade Center in downtown
Manhattan (site of the 1991 bombing) Beri-Beri, in his chauffeured black Caddy, backed up to Elayne, who was about to hail a cab.  He rolled down the window and offered
her a job.  He figured since Elayne was so good he might as well co-opt her into his organization and silence her that way.  He offered her a $50,000 year salary and her
apartment rent free to drop her suit in order to be the manager of the Condos that she was now representing.  Elayne turned him down because, as she told me later, it
meant being a traitor to the Tenants’ Groups who were counting on winning the Hearings and getting rent rollbacks, refunds and the cessation of the eviction harassment
tactics.  Beri-Beri was furious at her refusal Elayne’s contacts told her; because Beri-Beri thought he had the solution to the Elayne “The Jewish Evita Elvira” problem at

Even Martini, at one point in the proceedings, was going to testify on her behalf, by affidavit, not in person as he had promised.  But for the most part Martini judiciously
stayed on the sidelines to cover his ass through most of the battle.  

Elayne finally realized that despite “Deep Throat’s” legal assistance she would need an official attorney to successfully complete the Hearings.  Martini referred her to
one of his legal politician cronies in Bonkers.  He at first performed well but when issues got close to home with threatened exposures within the various and a sundry
City Agencies her lawyer backed off and was going to sell out and negotiate a compromise before things got out of hand.  Elayne fired two of these legal beagles and
finally got hold of a tenants’ rights lawyer and won the case three years after its inception over a faulty shower head!

The Hearing Examiner ruled that Beri-Beri would have to roll back the rents to the previous decade rates because the increases had exceeded the guidelines of
E. P. H.
 Conversions couldn’t proceed until all violations were corrected and refunds of excess rents had been made.  Beri-Beri was fit to be tied when he heard the decision
for it meant losses in the millions.

Elayne was still somewhat protected by the shield of the
Martini Organization.  Beri-Beri, as I said, was an outsider with no political, social, ethnic or racial base in
Bonkers.  Martini was impressed with Elayne’s victory.  The day after he was re-elected Mayor he offered Elayne a job within his administration as
Head of The Housing
--the same Authority she had managed to dismantle and expose piece by piece.  I remember well the first day that she went to work.  It was to be her last day in
the Martini Administration.  I drove her to City Hall, dropped her off and wished her well.  

I received a phone call at about 4:P.M. that she had served the shortest term on record as the Mayor’s aid.  When she reported for work she had gone to her assigned
office.  About 1PM she was called into Martini’s office and asked to resign.  Regretfully The City Council had met during the morning and discovered that she had lied on
her employment application (so who doesn’t?)   It seemed that Elayne’s political enemies on the Council wanted her terminated.  Her firing was also due to the fact that
Martini didn’t really want Elayne working for him.  He was afraid of her political future and had simply offered the job as a political ploy of returning a favor but jumped
at the slightest opportunity when he saw he had an excuse to get rid of her, i.e., before she could settle in and “clean house” in the City of Bonkers (which, as she told
me, she was determined to do).

Coincidental to these events, I had gotten the idea two months previous to Elayne’s appointment to the Mayor’s Office, that should the Shopping Center Package collapse
and since Elayne and I were a good Ad team; that another strong source of advertising might be the Singles’ Market.  It might be a good idea to start a Singles Column of
our own in the magazine.  We went to Stunt “The Rump’s” office and sold him on the idea and he in turn went into Martini’s office and convinced him.

We named the monthly column
THE NIGHT OWLS and as far as we were concerned it became the best feature of the magazine.  Elayne and I went out to the major
restaurants, hotels, bars and Special Events in the County using our reporter’s pass to gain entry and much in the same manner as we did on
setting up
THE RESTAURANT PAGE-- we wrote reviews to get free meals, drinks and other trade-offs (this being the Era of Bartering in sales situations of which we
became experts at the technique).

                                     CHAPTER XXXIII

                                 THE  SINGLES’ SCAMS

One night I decided to do a story on Marion “The Princess of  Singles” Smith.  At this juncture in Marion’s career she had been operating tennis parties out of the
Sound Shore Tennis Club in Portchester.  She had dreamt up the idea of blending her hobby tennis with the growing popularity of Singles’ Events.  This was an
original concept for its time, blending sports activities with Singles’ "get-togethers".

I went to interview her at her base of operations in Portchester but was directed instead to a "Disco" next door where she was throwing a Singles’ party that
night.  Her events at the Sound Shore Tennis Club involved nothing more than a luscious buffet with food provided wholesale by her husband’s deli in Manhattan
or sometimes free from the various sponsors of her events by companies who requested only that she throw special events and use their food at them.  The idea
was that if the singles didn’t meet the love of their life they could have the meal of their life and still have a good time.

I caught up with “My Lady” Marion, who was a whirlwind of nervous activity, in her late forties and drained from the strain of throwing sometimes six
events a week every week.  She was supervising the setting up of the Disco sound system when I managed to pull her away to a bar stool so I could interview her.  
When she heard that she was going to get more than just a column she gleefully sat herself beside me and gave me any information I needed as to how she got
started in the business, where she was now and where she was going with it.

Marion got started in the Swinging “Swingles” Singles’ World about six years ago around 1975.  The Singles’ Business itself had been around since 1960.  She had
the inspiration that since she had connections in the local tennis world she would approach the owner of Sound Shore as to the possibility of throwing weekend
parties.  At first the owner was skeptical but with full courts committed in advance most of the week; he changed his tune and gave her a carte-blanche run of the

After awhile, as her mailing list and membership grew accordingly, with added contacts and the help of wholesale prices on food and beverages, she started to
branch out and throw dances.  There would usually be at least three hundred people in attendance at most of her events but she was rapidly outgrowing her base of
operations and was at a loss presently to know in which direction to turn for future growth.  She had been toying around with the idea of getting more and more
into the seminar business, that is, mixing lectures with Singles’ affairs and inviting well known speakers and charging admission.  She was also thinking of
expanding in the packaging of trips for Singles via Club Med. and other travel packages; then booking them through the largest broker of Singles events Richnik
out of New York City.  At the same time, she had been wanting to expand her Singles Parties away from the Sound Shore Tennis Club and share in the profits
being made in the lucrative networking business developing in the Corporate sphere that if nothing else would triple her mailing lists and add to her growing list
of contacts.

I could see she was flushed with her own success at this point in her career but still wanted more.  It was then in our interview that my promotional instincts
were aroused and I off-handedly suggested that the time was ripe for her to move away from Sound Shore and start to capitalize on other areas in “Bestchester”.  
That with her following she would have no trouble in getting attendees for her functions wherever they were held.  I suggested that since I am constantly on the
road and visiting and dropping in on these places I could secure her a respectable place.

She told me that she didn’t mind if I explored expansion opportunities but was very cagey about giving me anything in the way of a percentage for my
efforts.  But for my part I was just itchy to get back into promotions and more exciting work than just selling ad space.  I hadn’t been involved with a Singles
Operation since my Christopher Street days in Greenwich Village when I helped raise money for Sue “The Arkin” Ullman’s rent.  I thought that if I was
successful at placing Marion elsewhere, I could solidify my arrangements with her and thereby eventually benefit monetarily.

Now in 1981 it was the height of the Singles Operations especially in “Bestchester” and New York City.  The scene was dominated by about a half a dozen
major promoters and numerous minor ones each specializing and catering to a certain type of crowd.  Most of these promoters were women and most were married
and had taken their cue from Lucia “The Elder Queen of Singles” who in 1960 catered to the older crowd that were interested in ballroom dancing.  These dances
were held at nightclubs with an admission charge at the door.

Privately there were some sophisticated exclusive organizers out of New York City and locally, throwing house parties by invitation only, but these house
parties were more prevalent upstate in Albany.  The fact that house parties had trouble getting off the ground was because of local ordinance laws that forbid
businesses to be run in residential areas.  Then there were neighbors complaining about the congestion caused by parking.  Therefore by the early 70’s
commercial house parties were all but a thing of the past.  Most of the big promoters were operating out of night clubs, restaurants, hotels, bars, giving Sunday
buffets or Friday and Saturday night dances with the larger organizations like
Parents Without Partners hiring large ballrooms.  Their networks of people were
not only local and regional but national and even international.

Besides ”Lucky” Lucia there was Paula, also married, who catered to the older dancing crowd with her home territory at the Colony Night Club in New
Rochelle.  Later she expanded out to New Jersey and Queens.  Then there was Marion who dominated Long Island, “Bestchester” and later Connecticut.

I guess the reason that most of the promoters were married was that that status allowed them to keep their mind on their work instead of being on the market
themselves and it allowed them to act as surrogate mothers to the lost singles. Marion was too busy with her promotions to fool around for she loved her work and
played hostess seven days a week without a break.  Then of course, there were a half dozen large dating services with the video computer aspect or the more
personal old fashioned style and finally numerous minor dating services.  There were outside groups from New Jersey and Manhattan and Long Island who were
continually trying to make in-roads into “Bestchester”’s lucrative single territories but mostly without success.  In the end, the Singles Market demographics
were shifting into New Jersey and Connecticut.  One of these foreign organizations was headed by Al “The King of Singles” Dorkman of Singles International that
was a group as large if not larger than Marion’s and operated for the most part out of New York City Hotels.

There were smaller, innovative creative groups like Thelma “The Tit” Titkin’s
Singles on Stage.   This group mixed Singles’ Events with Improvisational comedy
and acting.  This was a new blend at the time.

Finally, there was the granddaddy of all the Singles’ Organizations headed by Richnik “The Rich Noodlenick”, a former school teacher who was immensely
successful during the 70’s.  During the 80’s he was undisputed leader, instrumental in developing the now famous package tours of
Club Med., Singles' Cruises to
Nowhere, Everywhere. Otherware, Underwear and other exotic travel packages.

Groups like B’nai’ Brith Singles and dances at the Jewish Community Centers were successful but considered “non-profit” organizations for they raised funds for
their respective charities as well as in the process lined their own pockets.

The one exception here was the
Unitarian Group Rap Discussions that sprung up in the early 70’s and catered mostly to the older crowd who were fed up with
competing with young hot bloods and disgusted with the bar, boob watching, smoking, drinking and meat market scene.  

One of the first of these types of groups, besides the one on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, was started in the 1960’s.  It was the Westport, Connecticut
Unitarian Group.  It eventually spread to Stamford and then to “Bestchester” County, to the White Plains and Mount Kisco Unitarian Churches.  These were
informal rap bull-shit sessions later called discussion groups led by a group leader-facilitator (brainwasher) where small groups would go to various rooms in the
church and discuss any topic of interest and then meet at the end of the discussion in a large room to mix, mingle, meet, to sip some cheap wine and eat rancid
cheese and hopefully eat each other.  Usually, once a month, dances were held without the discussion bull-shit.  The discussions themselves were mostly on sex,
relationships, where to find men, where to find women, where to find Unicorns, separation and divorce matters.  These groups thrived and they started to
overflow.  In Westport they had to spread discussions out over several nights with the younger set and older set.  The charge was high, $6.00 to walk in the door
for non-members.   A lot of money was made by this so-called “non-profit” dodge organization.  They said they simply turned the profits over to their war chest to
finance ski trips, picnic outings, camping in the nude, nude dude ranches soirées and the like (yeah, right!).

Even with this expense the profits must have been enormous with turnouts of several hundred per event four times a week.  I’m sure some of the money found
its way into the pockets of the small clique that set the guidelines.  At the head of the group was a divorce lawyer and that in itself must have generated for him a
substantial amount of contacts and business.  What better place for a divorce lawyer to function than at the head of a Singles Organization!?

I attended several functions myself and they were quite entertaining, hearing the extroverts in the crowd unburdening their most private concerns for public
consumption.  Several copy cat look alike groups sprang up trying to imitate the format of the Unitarian Groups but most of these petered out by the 1970’s.  By
the 80’s, the only one left with a strong following was the Unitarian Church Groups.  There were however, Black Only Groups, For Men Only, For Women Only,
Divorce and Separated and Catholic Groups and of course the Gay Groups of the 90’s.  But none of these seriously competed with the Unitarian Groups or the
professional promoters like Marion, Paula, Thelma, Alan Dorkman, Noodlenick and “Grandmama Lucky” Lucia.

At the time that I got involved in the Singles’ World I was still married--about two years away from separation and three from Divorce.  This is one of the main
reasons that I didn’t push my alliance with Marion from the promotional end.  It would have meant full time night involvement plus all the temptations inherent
in mixing with singles.  It wouldn’t have fared well with Susan even though our marriage had been on the proverbial rocks since the day of the wedding reception.  
I still kept an arm’s-length distance.  I also wasn’t fully committed to that type of promotion.  I would have preferred to get more deeply involved in the
entertainment aspects of promotions.

To get the flavor of what some of these discussion groups were like, Elayne "The Brain" and I did a piece on The For Men Only Group out of the Scarsdale Jewish
Community Center.

They spent most of that session verbally beating up and castigating some guy who had been sleeping around with most of the ex-wives of the guys in the Group.  
The ex-wives populated The For Women Only session that met on a different night but often got together with the men’s group for co-ed copulation activities.  
Sleeping with the ex-wives and husbands was supposed to be an unwritten no-no, violating the incestuous taboo of such relations between groups.  The leaders of
the groups were also under the mistaken apprehension that they were little Sigmund Freud’s and somehow above all the marital messes and single peccadilloes
that were being aired in public.  Usually these groups were dominated week after week by the same old extroverts or “in-crowd” who needed an audience of
strangers in order to perform or unburden themselves.  Simultaneously, the sucker introverts would sit there week after week in semi-wide eyed silence
pretending to be impressed with the gush of mush.  I quite properly belonged to the latter set.

The problem with the Unitarian Operations is that they had so many ground rules for their discussions--being afraid of heated arguments, confrontations,
accusations and cross-accusations, or unfounded claims; that by the time you gave your name, rank and serial number you had already violated a number of
ground rules and were summarily executed.

Parents Without Partners utilized the theory of getting the kids and family involved with the philandering dads and moms.  They indulged in many family fantasy,
togetherness, nightmarish functions where the kids attended with their parents.

Needless to say this was a disaster for the last thing singles wanted to see on their rare night off at a dance was someone else’s kids never mind your own kids
tagging along for the ride.  Despite this handicap PWP had hundreds of thousands of sucker members across the country.

So it was into this frothy, sexy, frilly, singles’ atmosphere that I got involved indirectly by helping to promote the expansion of Marion Smith Enterprises.  I
approached her with the possibility of securing a restaurant in White Pains to do a Sunday Brunch Event.  I picked out Sam’s Saloon, a turn-of-the-century
neighborhood brothel-bar and restaurant which had an upstairs and downstairs dining room.

I saw the owner and told him what he already knew, that Sunday was usually dead at his place.  That Marion Smith wanted to throw a brunch bash from his
restaurant. He would supply the buffet and we would supply the crowd.  After an initial skeptical few minutes interval he agreed and I was off and running with my
first Four-Wall Singles’ Promotion.  Marion sent out her monthly mailing announcing the Brunch.

The day of the Event I decided to stay in the cloakroom and hang up coats which kept me away from the growing wrath of the female crowd.  Nearly 200 women
showed up and only a handful of men.  This was not my fault.  It just so happens that Marion’s mailing list, like most Singles Organizations lists are composed of
twice as many women as men.   This was aggravated by the fact that a brunch, especially on Sunday is more of a woman’s thing.  A lot of men would be stuck with
the kids on Sunday where conversely the women had been given a day of freedom.

I spent the day fending off pissed off ovulating females who thought we had deliberately sent the mailing to women.  The owners complained that singles
weren’t interested in drinking and therefore he couldn’t make up for expenses never mind make a profit.  According to him singles were more interested in free
food and sizing each other up than his regular drinking crowd would be.  This is a perennial horse-shit complaint of owners in a Four-Walled restaurant.  In
reality, the increased traffic more than makes up for the lack of spending money on excessive drinking.  The waiters and waitresses had their own set of
complaints, mainly that singles were cheap and didn‘t leave tips because they already had to pay $6 just to get in the place so they figured that covered everything.

At the end of the day, while leaving with Marion, I said “you know Marion we are fooling around with these small time, small minded greedy owners.  With your
name and reputation and your well established mailing list we should be able to do something much bigger than these petty brunches that are more of a headache
even with a good turnout.  There is no sense in putting up with all these petty grievances.  I mean with the 250 people we brought into that place on a usually dead
Sunday afternoon, that owner should be down on his hands and knees begging us to return instead of whining all the way to the bank.”

“Let’s cancel out the rest of the month and shoot for the new Marriott Hotel complex in Tarrytown.  I know that they are empty on Sunday evenings and would be
very interested in drawing a Sunday crowd to complement the Friday and Saturday night Wall-To-Wall crowds that they already drew.  It has plenty of parking,
excellent facilities, sound systems, is located in the heart of “Bestchester” and is near all the major highways.  The Gambit Room is wired for Disco, video tape
wall projections, music, has the luxurious ambiance of cushioned chairs and can hold well over 500 people.  It has already been tested.  The office complexes that
surround it provide its Friday and Saturday night crowds.   For Sunday your lists should provide a crowd that will eventually regard the Marriott as their regular
stomping grounds in conjunction with your Sound Shore Operation”.  In reality, that is exactly what happened!

The next day I went into THE
“BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED offices and made one phone call to the new Director of PR.  She just happened to be looking for
ways to attract new business to the hotel.  I knew she would be amenable to a suggestion for filling the place on a dead night.  With that one call I gained control
of this multi-million dollar hotel complex for a long range contract.  The cost to Marion, absolutely nothing!   They said they would be glad to meet with Marion
and might even consider using busses to shuttle guests back and forth to the Sound Shore Tennis Club.

The next day Marion met with them and two weeks after I had laid the groundwork and Marion’s mailing had been sent, we had scheduled a buffet at the
Marriott’s Gambit Disco Room.  The first couple of weeks were light in turnout, but each week the crowd was growing.  Eventually the crowds would swell Wall-To-
Wall, standing room only, with lines of people waiting to gain entrance for the next fifteen years!!!

The deal Marion struck with the Marriott was at first she would charge for the buffet but a few weeks later the head people at the Marriott forbid Marion from
charging her admission.  The food would be provided by the Marriott.  Supposedly it was against New York State law to split liquor profits from the bar with an
outside promoter.  I don’t know whether that’s true or false but that’s the cock and bull story Marion gave me and she in turn said the hotel gave her that line.  
More importantly, Marion would gain by virtue of the fact that everyone who came in could be approached to join Marion’s organization and I’m sure her
organization quadrupled in membership over the next several years that she occupied the hotel.  I am sure that the Marriott slipped her money under the table.  I
however, never saw a dime.  Yet I was responsible for directing her there in the first place and it turned out to be the most successful singles’ operation in three

The reason that I couldn’t push my interests is that I had to make a commitment to handle the Marriott Operation while Marion would handle Sound Shore and
Long Island.  Marion was very hazy about my future function with her organization and what I would get in return for being on the spot and doing what amounted
to crowd control and touting membership for her organization.  I was anxious to get involved in a more specific promotion so I let the Marriott opportunity slip
through my fingers.  By the time I was separated a year later the operation was in full swing and my involvement had been ignored or forgotten.  I simply didn’t
want to be a flunky in Marion’s Organization so I quietly left the Singles Scene and returned to it after my separation.

Things had not been going well at
“BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED and our days there were surely numbered.  Mayor Martini was getting pressured by his
magazine’s creditors and the advertisers to get the magazines out on time or refund ad money and pay up past debts.  He in turn would lean on Stump “The
Rump” until he finally fired him in a fit of Republican rage.  With Stump gone could “The Metaphysician” and Elayne “The Brain” be far behind?!  Elayne’s son,
Jeff, at this time, was entering the Air Force to be a jet pilot and her daughter Amy was entering a southern college in Louisiana for Architecture.

As expected, one day Martini called us into his leather lined office, at the School Street factory building and started to give us a lecture on our lack of production.  
We were ready for this and interrupted him before he got carried away and we started to lay the blame where it properly belonged on Stump ”The Rump” and his
incompetent editorial staff.  They filled the magazine with gambling tips for winos, whores and pimps, political puffery and gossip that no one was interested in
except for a certain “in-crowd”.  We castigated Martini for the quality of the magazine, its production layout and general format.  The magazine should try to
develop material that interests its upward mobile “Bestchester” constituency.  We droned on, on how the magazine misled advertisers by bringing out an
unprofessional magazine several weeks after deadlines and not living up to its demographic promises.  About the botched shopping center promotion which
accounted for months of lack of production on our parts.  In addition, it was all but impossible to get ads from prospective clients when the magazine had lost its
credibility.  We showed him old issues of the Magazine before Stump’s hiring.  It was his wrecking crew that had ruined it and we added that at the very least the
magazine should revert to the way it was when it started ten years ago because then at least it was an honest attempt.  We summarized with a long list of things
he could do to improve the magazine like pay his Reps. on time--not with bounced checks, use quality paper, quality photographers, lay-out and design staff and
increase production to at least 20,000 copies, etc.  None of these ideas would he relish because it meant putting out some of his own money for a change.

Martini just sat there like a stupefied Dictator.  He wasn’t used to his underlings bawling him out.  Being of a typical dictatorial Type A personality he was usually
surrounded by “yes” and “maybe” people.  When he recovered his composure he fired us on the spot using the excuse of lack of production on our parts.  It was
most likely to his advantage monetarily to maintain the status quo.  We went back to our desks, cleared them out and departed in a huff and puff after grabbing
our last paycheck from the bountiful cleavage of Martini’s concubine “Vestal Virgin” Virginia.

I still wanted to give space sales another try but would temporarily need a job so I went back to driving for good ole Riverview.

About two weeks previous to our firing, Stump had hired a former chimney sweeper turned Ad Representative from a business weekly in “Bestchester” and
THE “BESTCHESTER” AND CONNECTICUT BUSINESS JOURNALS respectively.  At the time of his hiring I didn’t pay much attention to his sob
story of why he left
THE JOURNAL.  It had something to do with the hiring of a new Advertising Director who was also an investor in the paper.  When she came
on board she canceled all the Christmas bonuses (the first downsizing-reengineering maneuver to be used in the country) and past due commissions and in his
case, according to him, amounted to several thousand dollars.  The “Maverick” Mellons used the excuse that it was a monetary budget measure designed to
prevent the paper from slipping into bankruptcy.  (This was of course absurd because
The Pulitzer Foundation and David “The Canker Sore”, publisher, personal
fortune was in the millions).  The Rep. had quit and was constantly badgering them for his money from the
that he was wasting his time and that he could have secured his money in short order in Small Claims Court.

The Mellons, when they came to
THE “BESTCHESTER” BUSINESS JOURNAL, cleaned house by summarily firing the entire Production Department under the
same excuse used to cancel promised bonuses and commissions.  They gave the employees (some of whom had been there over twenty years) only one week’s
notice.  The newspaper, a monthly, had been produced in-house.  Ginseng “The Meana” Mellon became Advertising Director with her husband, a lawyer for
Management during union negotiations, becoming a silent partner.  Ginseng had worked about a year for the national monthly
OMNI Magazine but really hadn’t
paid her street dues and knew less about running a newspaper than I did.

BUSINESS JOURNAL itself was owned, operated and published by David “The Canker Sore”, a Scottish meathead, no talent, great grandson of Joseph
Pulitzer.  It seems that under the terms of the will of the Pulitzer Foundation
THE BUSINESS JOURNALS were put in trust for David “The Dip” and were his so
long as he kept them operating profitably as a business monthly.

As stated earlier, I didn’t pay any mind to the new Rep.’s story at
“BESTCHESTER” ILLUSTRATED but after a week at Riverview I started to dwell on the
possibility that a newspaper in transition and cleaning house might want new Reps.  On the slight chance that they were hiring immediately I called and got
through to Ginseng “The Meana The Dragon Lady” Mellon.  She said she would be delighted to interview me.

In one week’s time I had an interview and a week later I was hired as Classified Advertising Manager of the “Bestchester” edition of
making about $225 a week plus commissions.  Oh well, an increase from $200 a week that Mayor Martini grudgingly paid me.  Elayne “The
Brain” didn’t follow me to the
JOURNAL, but retired from advertising space sales and lived off her gangster boyfriend from the DAILY NEWS for a year and then
booted him out when he got too demanding.  I lost touch with her after that.

WBJ was located 45 minutes from Bossining in the small provincial hamlet of Sarrison, New York and it would be there that I would spend the next three years
THE JOURNAL was located in a loft like building on the second floor of a dilapidated building in the center of Sarrison.  Now that Ginseng had gotten
rid of the production people they didn’t need much room since most of the paper would be put together by an independent printing company located in Southern
Connecticut.  The staff was now reduced to two full time editors, old “Red Pencil” Penny “Pincher” Zinger who had been with the
JOURNAL since its inception
around 1960 and her assistant editor “Clueless” Linda.  They had a half a dozen rag bag rag tag stringers, freelance reporters who didn’t come into the office that
much and when they did it was usually for the traditional reason of trying to get paid for their work.  David “The Canker Sore” was a master at stalling off
creditors and not paying his help.  There was a bookkeeper and a secretary, “Sweet” Annie Oliver.  Annie reported directly to “Canker Sore”.  She also wrote
comedy routines for TV comedians in her spare time and even supplied cartoons for
WBJ.  There was only one survivor from the old regime, Wally “Big
Accounts” Bagley, who had also been with “Canker Sore” since the beginning of the paper.

Wally was a drinking buddy of “Canker Sore” but was having trouble working for a female boss like “The Dragon Lady” Mellon.  He was finally forced to resign
by Ginseng and the gutless “Canker Sore” refused to back up his old buddy because Ginseng would gain control of his accounts and commissions.  That was more
valuable to “Canker” than an old friendship.

I was given a separate office and carte-blanche to redesign the
Classified Ad pages any way I saw fit.  Most of the ads were for commercial real estate by the heavy
hitters in the County and the rest, about 50% of the four pages allotted to Classified, was ad space given away free to small business and individuals in order to fill

I immediately set up the Professional Directories like I had done at
THE JEWISH WEEK and redesigned the graphics to make the pages more attractive.  
Naturally I did a Business Directory and tried to institute a Travel Directory.  I had several dozen travel agencies signed up but Ginseng didn’t come across with
the free advertising PR space to support the page.

In reality, I was limited as to what I could accomplish with the Classified Section because
WBJ was not designed for Classified Ads.  Most of the advertising were
display ads for Commercial Real Estate, banks and other large financial institutions.  If people wanted to use Classified Advertising they would go to the more
conventional outlets like
THE PENNY LOAFER or The Gannett Chain.  After I had been with WBJ for awhile I got wind that Penny Dinger, long time editor at
WBJ, was going into partners with Merna “The Promoter” Popcorn to start an all women’s newspaper.  I don’t remember exactly how Merna and I met but
somehow she got my name, probably from Penny Dinger and invited me over to her house to one of her organizing meetings.

Merna Popcorn was about my age, a vivacious, aggressive promoter type, married to a Wall Street stockbroker--who incidentally was going to write the cooking
column for the paper.  The paper was going to be launched from her basement.  She invested about $10,000 in start-up costs for the first edition, plus her time and
energy going around to various “Bestchester” potential advertisers.  The idea should and did prove attractive to advertisers because it would be one of the first
vehicles of its kind on the East Coast that was exclusively devoted to Women’s issues and virtually run and owned by all women.  Certainly the upscale women’s
audience in “Bestchester” County would be a powerful consumer group.  She got off to a flying start with such institutions as an all women’s bank.  Many
boutiques promised ads.  The paper would concentrate on local women who had made it in the social, art, business, sports world and the political arena.

Merna spent the afternoon explaining her plans and told me that Penny Dinger would be a silent partner, contributing articles and using her influence at the
WBJ and all her contacts she had developed over the years.  Merna would be the publisher going around to various institutions and meetings, drumming
up support as well as being responsible for the day-to-day activities of the paper.

The paper itself would be a monthly and distributed free.  The first edition would get off to a good start with 20,000 to 30,000 distributed at various locations
around the county such as supermarkets, malls, banks and the like.  She asked me if I would like to get involved as a volunteer to help start up the Classified and
give training once a week at her home in space sales techniques to her new female Reps.  Most of the women Reps. were either divorced or separated and looking
for a source of income while still being close to home.  There were for the most part married women who were bored with the Country Club way of life in
“Bestchester”.  Most of them never had any sales experience. Hmm, all these horny women, of course I could donate some time. I had quite a lot of free time
WBJ and I could do pretty much as I pleased so I decided to get involved with an eye to a future percentage for my efforts.  Perhaps if the paper got off to a
good start I would drop
WBJ and come into WOMEN’S NEWS as the Advertising Manager (and get laid at the rate of 32 feet per second every second).

One of the Reps. that was recently divorced latched onto me immediately after the first training session, Joan “Fine Arts”, a divorcee in her middle forties.  
She invited me to her Scarsdale home to give her more pointers on space sales.  She had been teaching but was looking forward to dropping teaching now that she
had gotten a divorce and try for what she surmised as a more lucrative field-- sales.  I fleetingly thought about having an affair with Joan but her interest in me
was picking my brains for information on space sales.  I also realized that I wasn’t that much attracted to her so we became acquaintances.  

I taught her everything I knew about sales and in two month’s time she was the top producer at
WOMEN’S NEWS.  When two young Reps. left WBJ, one for a
National Magazine,
PLAYGIRL and the other to work for his father; I suggested to Joan that she might want to switch to WBJ where she could at the very least
get a salary.  At
THE WOMEN’S NEWS she was working on straight commission.  She would have to wait a long time after a sale to collect her commission

Since the
WBJ was established, she would theoretically make a lot more money.  Since she had expressed a desire to take the shortest route possible to the Big
Leagues, i.e., the magazines in New York City; I told her that she would be better off at
WBJ than at WOMEN’S NEWS.  The National Magazines would know that
WBJ had at least some track record.

When I gave “Fine Arts” this advice I had no ulterior motive.  We had decided together that we were not going to have an affair.  I had no intention or no reason
to steal a Rep. from Merna “Popinjay” Popcorn.  I could have cared less about whether
WBJ was fully and effectively staffed.  I had nothing to gain by securing a
Rep. for
WBJ.  In fact it hurt me financially because when Joan came to WBJ she got the lucrative “Bestchester” County Accounts and access to immediate
commissions from ongoing contracts.

I should have been more aggressive and asked for the District myself but I realized too late that I should have switched from Classified Ad Rep. to regular Display
Advertising.  I simply did “Fine Arts” a favor as a friend by letting her know of the opening at
WBJ and gave her my best advice on how to take the shortest route
to a National Magazine.

When “Fine Arts” came to
WBJ Merna naturally blamed me and we went our separate ways after that.  I couldn’t afford to quit WBJ for WOMEN’S NEWS and
wait for commissions.  Sue would have strongly objected to me dropping a salaried position albeit for only $200 a week.  The first thing that “Fine Arts” did when
she joined us was to ask me for advice on how to get her back commissions from Merna.  Seeing that I was the King of Small Claims Court due to my experience
with American Legal Publications, I suggested that the best approach was Small Claims Court.  She went ahead and sued Merna and won.  Merna was forced to
pay up.  That gave Merna two things to hold against me, stealing her Rep. and causing her to live up to her financial obligations.

“Fine Arts” stayed at
WBJ for a year and during the time that she was supposed to be working she was interviewing for a New York City Space Sales job.  She was
hired by a National Magazine
ART NEWS.  Eventually it turned out to be a dead end job because a year later, at a singles function, she told me that she had
returned to teaching.

I also realized after a year at
WBJ that there was no future although it was a cushy job because I didn’t have to venture out in the field.  I had the same problem
here collecting commissions as I did elsewhere. “Canker Sore” played the same delayed check scam routines.  In his case he also stalled off his creditors but if the
shoe was on the other foot and someone owed him money he didn’t hesitate to move into court immediately.  He hired a young, obnoxious, collection agency
telephone person to harass people for past due advertising accounts.  He himself was constantly under threats by the Postmaster General to shut down
WBJ if he
didn’t pay his newspaper distribution bill.  He was months late on commission checks to Display Reps. and yet he had his own personal fortune which ran into the
millions.  He tried to float his business on receivables and that is an impossible feat in the publishing business.

Ginseng “The Meana” Mellon lost a lot of Wally “Big Bucks” Bagley’s accounts, due mostly to her overly aggressive manner on the phone and her constant
badgering and nagging of loyal clients.  She managed to alienate most of the Reps. that came to work for her and the three years that I spent there there was a
turnover rate of over 80% and that percentage is superseded only by the hapless, clueless Insurance Industry.

It became obvious to me, even after giving the New York National Market a try by interviewing for National Magazines like
VOGUE; that I wasn’t going to get a
job in the big time.  The interviewer at
VOGUE said to me I was already too set in my selling ways, street smart and they were looking for people that they could
brainwash with their techniques.  In addition, I didn’t have any Advertising Agency accounts that I could bring them and therefore they would rather settle for the
younger person right out of college with two or three years of space sales under their belts.  Naturally I started to feel the pressure to look around for another job
to supplement my
WBJ paycheck.

At first I answered an ad in the paper for a space sales job that sold space in a
TV GUIDE type of newsletter format.  I gave it a try for a few weeks but it was
apparent that advertisers, already uptight for advertising dollars, weren’t about to shell out their money for this untried media.

I then answered an ad in
THE GANNETT newspaper for Crew Chiefs for their Subscription Department.  The job consisted of using your car, in my case at the
time, a beat up station wagon “on the rocks”, over 100,000 miles on it, and taking kids around to different locations.  Then you would drop ship them to knock on
doors to secure subscriptions.  This job hardly paid for the gas and wear and tear on the car.  It turned out to be a farce for the kids goofed off for the most part
and spent little time actually trying to sell subscriptions.  I dropped that job in a hurry before it got to the point of me paying them for the privilege of getting
them subscriptions.

I answered another ad that was advertising for Guards on weekends to work at
The New York State Department of Transportation Facility in Pleasantville, on an
abandoned estate, about five miles from Ossining.  The
DOT used this mansion as Headquarters for their administrative arm.  There were two buildings and a
computer cottage that needed a guard.  The shift was weekends to midnight on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings.  The pay was four dollars an hour.  
Ironically this was the same organization that two years previously had turned down our attempts at securing a
DOT number for our Limo. Service.

I was responsible for going around and around once an hour to the two buildings and the computer cottage and turn a key in the watch-clocks at each station.  
There were about a dozen or so watch-stations on my rounds.  This took all of ten minutes and the rest of the hour was my time to do with what I liked.  But I
couldn’t stray too far away from the mansion because every hour I had to make my rounds.  Sue wasn’t too thrilled because the job killed the weekends since I
had the late shift-- midnight till 8:AM.

Robby and Tania used to enjoy coming down to visit and romping around the plethora of rooms in the main headquarters of the mansion.  In the evening it was
lonely for there was no one on the grounds except me.  The three buildings were surrounded by a thick forest.  I began to exercise at night to pass the time when I
wasn’t reading.  I had the run of the mansion and exercised in any area I chose.

Six months into the job I returned to my writing after a hiatus of twelve years.  My poetry days were obviously over because I had no desire to return to what in
effect had been my “final nail in the coffin” poetry statements of the 1950’s.  Nothing more worthwhile could be accomplished in that genre that hadn’t been
already written by me or a few other Romantic Poets.  If poetry was to return at all in the upcoming century it would be in a form (computer poetry)
unrecognizable as poetry.  I therefore came out of the starting gate in a new phase--short story writing.  My first attempt was a rather disjointed surrealistic
rendition of a watchman who in reality was a mass murderer that kidnapped passersby’s or people from the broken down cars off the highway who wandered into
his domain looking for help.  The story ended with the brutal discovery of the bodies exhumed by the police.  The story was titled
THE WATCHMAN most of which
was lost but bits and pieces found their way into the surrealistic tale
SHADEED, THE WATCHMAN AND THE NOOTROPICS.  Then there was a writing lull and a
year and half later, after a trip to Block Island, the Bermuda of the North, the Surrealistic Magic Realism of
TIME’S BOTTLES was inspired by the history gleaned
from two slim volumes describing Block Island’s past.

The Block Island story represented a watershed event as far as setting off the urge to write in a new form for me-- that of the short story genre.  Although it was
composed in a realistic naturalistic style, the stories following it were to make a dramatic break with my romantic, naturalistic style.  I forged ahead into the
macabre, magical surrealistic stories for the next few years.  
TIME’S BOTTLES came about as a result of a summer’s trip Sue and I took with Robby, Tania, Ruth
“The Late” and Zack “The Quack”.  We took our main car, the Mercury Station Wagon that had recently had a second engine installed when a head gasket had
blown.  Two years before, in 1981, we got started with the tradition of going up on Memorial Day to a farm resort outside of Utica in the little town of Bethlehem
(Richmondville, NY) called
Fieldstone Farm.  This was an inexpensive retreat to take the children and it offered an escape from the “Bestchester” rat race.

Each year, following this one, Sue made this trip a tradition where she would invite Ruthie, Rachel, their husbands or lovers and other couples to rent out
cabins with everyone sharing the cost of the long weekend.  That made it very cheap because groceries were purchased in the market and all meals were prepared
by a different person who would be responsible for cooking the main meal at night which would be his or her specialty.  The kids could do all the “farmy” things
while the adults could just relax.

Each year the couples and the kids who joined us grew in number.  When Sue went, five years after our divorce, there were 20 people in attendance.  Sue carries
on the tradition to this day (2015) and it is starting into the next generation with relatives and friends bringing their children.

But the first Block Island trip was something special.  From the moment I took the ferry from Point Judith for the forty-five minute crossing to Block Island, I
fell in love with this Bermuda of the North so called because of the Gulf Stream which runs parallel to its shores and is responsible for bringing up a warm waft of
waves from the Gulf-Stream.  As a result, swimming is very comfortable from spring to late fall.  It also had some romantic connotations for me dating way back
to my weather observing days in Albany.  Anytime a storm passed over the North Atlantic the Gale warnings would be issued from Cape May, New Jersey to Block
Island.  At that time it seemed a dark mysterious place where all the storms in North America would eventually visit.  Finally I was to set foot on its ravaged

The trees were bent at forty-five degree angles, blown forward in the direction of the prevailing westerly’s by centuries of winds at Gale and Hurricane force.  In
fact the Hurricane of 1938 had practically sliced the island in half when it struck and reshaped its shoreline as well as reconfigured Block’s Island’s economy.

The Island was still isolated because the only way to it was by Ferry three or four times a day.  This limited the amount of people who could be on the Island at any
given time.  Cars, except those owned by the inhabitants of the Island, were outlawed.  Motor scooters, cycles, mopeds, bicycles, red wagons and three-wheel
battery driven carriages were to be seen everywhere.  In the off-season the island was inhabited by only a few thousand people but in the summertime the
population swelled to about 10,000.  It was increasingly becoming like the Cape, Martha’s Vineyard and Provincetown in recent years--populated by the college
set.  But to this day it is still a safe haven of escape.  It is rich in Indian Lore and sparked by one of these stories I wrote
TIME’S BOTTLES which strikes a
familiar chord by describing an urge that we have all had as little children at one time or another and that is the urge to see what would happen if we put a note in
a bottle and tossed it into the ocean. Would it ever be discovered and if found, answered and returned to its owner?  In this Century notes in bottles stories were
all the rage.

I got fed up with all my weekends being taken up by the Watchman’s job.  My marriage was dead but in reality it would drag on another year or two.  It was also
apparent at this time that the
WBJ income needed some supplementing.

One fine afternoon, while taking my three hour lunch in Sarrison, I got talking to this handsome, elderly white haired gentleman.  It turned out he was a retired
commercial airline pilot originally from Canada.  The Ancient Mariner woman whom attended him was recently retired from a space sales position at
COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE.  Together they formed a space sales team and independently freelanced for a large publishing house located in New Jersey, just
across the George Washington Bridge—The Bandito Corporation. They said they would like to get together with me near my home in Bossining to discuss the
opportunity they had to offer.  At first I thought this was going to be some kind of schlock Urang-Tennis-Berenson Hustle but agreed to meet them at the
Sheraton Inn.

At that informal meeting he introduced himself as Duncan “The Flying Dutchman” Tall Story and his girlfriend as Barbara “The Wig” Sergeant.  They seemed to
be a sweet, innocuous, lively old couple and described what in essence seemed to be an excellent sales opportunity.

Their employer, Ranno Bandito, which was the name of the owner of a privately held company, a printer-publisher, had been principally a printer since World War
II.  After the War, Mr. Ranno, a feisty old Italian, got the idea of producing low cost magazines.  The way the Dodge worked was quite miraculous.  The sales Rep.
would go out to local businesses like real estate offices or restaurants and hotels and convince the hapless owners that it was in their best interest to have their
very own magazine!  Naturally, at first this would appear to be a very expensive proposition.  But in reality the cost to have their own magazine was nothing
because the Ranno Rep. would line up advertisers to pay for the cost of the magazine.  The advertisers would want to come into the magazine because the
distribution would be to a specific target audience.  For example: a real estate magazine would be placed in doctors’ waiting rooms, in restaurants or hotel rooms.  
The magazine would make an excellent secondary source of advertising for local retailers.  About a half a dozen or so ads committed to a six or twelve month  
contract was all that would be needed for the smallest of the magazines--sixteen pages.  There would be four cover pages and twelve pages of editorial, PR and self-
serving puff of Sponsor information.  The magazine would be professionally bound, four-color glossy slick paper with professionally written articles as filler .  
These were to be written by freelance editors at Bandito.  

The rest of the magazine would feature the Sponsor’s cover picture of his business title and usually the inside cover and back cover was devoted to PR material for
the Sponsor.  The Sponsor could also make use of the internal magazine for filler on his business if he so chose.

It was indeed a unique package because everyone gained which is certainly unusual in sales where, except for the House, everyone gets screwed.  The advertisers
got their ads in a four-colored glossy magazine cheaply and hit a specific market geared to their customers.  The Sponsors received a free magazine to call their
own at no cost.  Bandito gained because of its national distribution and printing network it was able to mass produce these magazines cheaply and gain a handsome
profit by the sheer volume of business and the Rep. gained with timely, upfront, paid commissions.  The magazine itself, of course, was given away free.

Once the prospective Sponsor got over their initial skepticism that the deal was too good to be true; they embraced the idea with enthusiasm and complete
cooperation especially when they saw it wasn’t going to cost them a cent.  They supplied the PR pictures, accompanying editorial comments and other material on
their business that they wanted included in the magazine.

When Duncan “The Flying Dutchman” Tolme paused for a drink interrupting his hype of the plan, he asked me if I would want to freelance on a part time basis
yet still keep my job with
WBJ.  I would be under his, Bandito’s and Barbara’s guidance.

The Rep’s job would be to pick out business Sponsors such as real estate firms, hotels and restaurants that would find the idea of having their own magazine
attractive.  Then I would get the Sponsor to sign the contract declaring to potential advertisers that the Rep. is soliciting on behalf of that business (the Sponsor)
advertising space to pay for the Sponsor’s magazine.  When I had obtained enough advertisers to cover the cost of a 16, 20 or even a 32 page magazine I would
cease my selling efforts, collect all the material from the Sponsor--like the layout copy for ads, turn over the material to Barbara or Duncan so they could layout
the magazine.  They would then submit it to Bandito and then I would move on to the next potential Sponsor.

The one weakness in the plan was the distribution aspect.  Bandito simply dropped shipped the finished product once a month on the doorsteps of the Sponsor and
it was up to the Sponsor to see to it that the magazine was distributed locally.  This was a small request to ask of the Sponsor in exchange for a free magazine of
their very own.  But, as usual with the retail business person, it was too much to ask because most of the time the magazines languished, under utilized, at the
Sponsor’s place of business.  They were really too lazy, crazy or stupid to see the value of adequate and timely distribution.

I would get paid my commissions contingent on the collection of a one third down payment in advance by the advertisers.  This was the hard part of the sale for the
Rep. because most advertisers are traditionally slow payers and rarely, if ever, pay in advance before they saw their ad published.  This attitude was further
exacerbated by the fact that they do not write checks on the spot to cold calling sales people.

Duncan finished his spiel and toasted our new partnership.  It became apparent by the end of the meeting and several toasts later that Duncan had a drinking
problem which was the real reason, as Barbara was to tell me later, that Duncan retired from the airlines.  Barbara, of course, was his mistress, nursemaid and
business partner all rolled into one.  When he became too drunk to function it was her job to stuff him in the car and drop ship him at his home.

They went on to discuss an opportunity for this type of business to be pursued in Europe.  Duncan and she were trying to get back to Europe to reopen negotiations
that they had started with European Branches of the Ramada Inns.  Duncan was even thinking of leaving Bandito and establishing his own magazine business in
Europe by simply using Bandito as his distributor.  They were looking for someone to learn the “Bestchester” Territory and pick up the slack while they were out
of the country.  I told Duncan “Donuts” Toldmeso I’d give it a shot.

I thought my connections and knowledge of the restaurant, hotel, real estate market that I had gained from
, WOMEN’S NEWS, and the “BESTCHESTER” BUSINESS JOURNAL would help me greatly ease into the business by supplying me with some
quick Sponsors leading to quick commissions that might allow me to leave the
WBJ to work full time for Bandito.  There was also another element working in my
favor at the time and that was the fact that little by little, as I got closer to separation from Susan I was slipping back into the Singles Scene and this got me
reconnected with the Hotel-Restaurant arena.

My next attempt at a Singles’ venture was when I attended the first Tri-State Singles’ Convention at the “Bestchester” County Center Field House.  The idea was
to model the Convention on the format used by indoor Flea Markets, antique shows and trade shows.  Actually the idea had originated simultaneously with me and
another female promoter two years earlier--at the time that I was shopping around for an Armory to do an indoor market.  I was soliciting the 68th Street and
Lexington Avenue Armory--the largest armory in the state as far as space was concerned.  At the moment I was attempting to rent it there was the First Singles
Convention in full swing with the Singles Organization buying space to set up booths to exhibit their wares of the Singles’ Trade such as astrology tables, dating
tables, travel groups and the standard, party, hotel, bar, restaurant, church groups, rap and discussion groups.  At that time I was unsuccessful at getting that
armory so I never followed up on the idea for “Bestchester”.  I thought about doing it in the “Bestchester” County Center but it was too expensive to rent.

Barbara Ben Frankly, a promoter in her early 40’s, who worked for the County of “Bestchester” and was the Director of Recreational Activities for “Bestchester”
County, had an operating budget and would have access to discounts on the rental at the County Center.  Before leaving
and I did a column for
THE NITE OWLS and decided to interview Barbara.  I attended the function she promoted and it drew 3,000 attendees that night for a gross
of $20,000 or a net profit of over $10,000 for the evening which went into the County coffers-- I hope, but doubt.

It struck me that it was time to revive the Singles Convention idea with Marion Smith.  I thought that such a Convention should take place in a more attractive
place than the whorehouse-warehouse environment of the County Center.  We should make it an entire weekend of dining, dancing, meeting, as well as
exhibiting, using as a backdrop the luxurious surroundings of The Marriott.  The Marriott Hotel came complete with ballroom, bars, restaurants and ample
parking facilities.  Discount rates could be worked out with the hotel for sleeping accommodations.  The success potential should be greatly enhanced with
Marion’s following.  Since she was a professional promoter in the field where Barbara Frankly was not, we should be able to take over this annual event.  Since
Marion had a Four-Wall-- Wall-To-Wall success on Sunday nights to her credit, the Marriott Management should be conducive to turning over the entire hotel to
her once a year for this event.  In addition, the idea was to then link up this event with another idea I had dreamt up of the International Singles Talent Weekend
where we would Four-Wall the “Bestchester” Premier Theater next door to The Marriott Hotel for the same weekend.  The theater had an additional 2,000
parking slots.  We would have an indoors-outdoors talent show with singles from all over the world competing for cash prizes in their respective entertainment
specialties.  They would be judged by single professionals at the top of their fields.  (Sound familiar in the year 2015!  
American Idol. The Voice, etc.,  might come
to mind!)

It was beginning to shape up as a rather large blockbuster promotion and in such cases word gets around fast to the competition.  In short order I received a call
from Barbara Frankly coming right to the point and warning me that she considered the Singles Convention her pet project which belonged exclusively to the
County and that if I tried to upstage her event with a similar one at The Marriott she would make life very difficult in the future for any future events that I
might try in the County.

At the time, I let her get away with these threats.  It wasn’t so much that I believed she had a case.  It was bluster and bluffing on her part but I felt I was in the
weaker position and I better not rankle the County Officials for I might need them (the Croton experience was still fresh in my mind) in some future event.

The reality of the situation was, that although this may have been her pet project the idea had been mine two years ago.  Because of her unique position with the
County Recreational Department and with a budget at her disposal she had beaten me to the starting gate.  I had been planning a Singles Convention in my head
for two years before she came out of the woodwork.  In addition, was the fact that Singles Operations were Marion’s full time occupation and she had every right
and the experience to produce such events unlike Barbara Frankly who worked under the protective, non-profit influential umbrella of the County wherein the
event was just another Recreational Department function-- one among many.  Marion and I had every right to produce a function that might yield us a profit.  
However, I let Barbara Frankly have her way with me on this one because I didn’t want any roadblocks for my plans for the giant three day International Singles
Event that would line up the ten major singles promoters in NY, CT and NJ utilizing the facilities of the “Bestchester” Premiere Theater and The Marriott Hotel
and I would aim for a gross of $1,000,000 to be divided ten ways, $100,000 per promoter with a fifty-fifty split with Marion netting me $50,000 for putting it all
together.  That figure looked more attractive than the five or ten thousand for a Singles Convention alone.

The upshot of all this manic wheeling and dealing was that the following year Barbara Frankly quit her job for the County and moved to Connecticut.  Therefore,
nothing would have happened had we co-opted her event.  There was only one other Convention that took place the following year.  As I predicted to Marion,
another promoter from the Singles’ scene made his move and took over the Convention shifting it to the Bonkers Raceway Grounds, indoors, where because of
the Schlocky environment it died a quiet death.  It was replaced soon thereafter by an indoor Flea Market and a week long festival-carnival in the summer.

The promoter that took it over, “Ipswitch The Dipshit” was, of all things, a former Meteorologist (shades of "Doug The Bug").  A few years previous to his
entrance into the field he had got the brilliant idea to form a central clearinghouse for all information that would be of interest to Singles such as personal
columns, Singles’ event announcements and the like.  He had a book-magazine devoted exclusively to this trash where for a nominal charge you could place and
receive personal ads, or list your activity.  It was a glossy paper, well bounded and publicized book-magazine that came out once a month and was distributed free
at functions, by subscriptions and on the bookstands.  It was extremely successful in “Bestchester” and expanded to Connecticut, Long Island and New Jersey.  It
was called
THE SINGLES DATE-RAPE-BOOK.  It became the Bible of the Singles World.  It was at the peak of THE DATE BOOK’S popularity that the publisher
started to fancy himself as a big time promoter and tried his hand at the Singles Convention at the Bonkers Raceway and flopped like a limp penis.  His
still continued for a few years to be a success in the years preceding The Internet.

It was obvious to me that the momentum had come and gone for the Singles Convention so I started to concentrate on other areas.  When I saw the first issue of
THE DATE BOOK and even before; I realized the potential for an exclusive, local, regional, national and international Singles Magazine devoted to the concerns of
Singles.  I took the idea, quite naturally, to Marion “Singles” Smith because she had a ready-made distribution and customer list with an almost immediate profit
margin with the first issue.

Marion agreed to support the magazine if I could drum up other investors.  I thought this was a mistake on her part because if she put up the money herself she
could control the most powerful vehicle in the Singles World--the Media.

My first thoughts were to link her up with Alan Dorkman “King of the Singles” of
Singles International.  He had a large mailing list and following in Long Island
and New York City, second only to Noodnick of New York City.  This team should make a powerful combination. I set up an interview with Dorkman under the
pretense of doing an article for
THE NITE OWLS but the real reason was to broach the magazine investment possibility.

I interviewed the arrogant Dorkman who was a slightly balding man in his late 40’s with an accompanying Vincent Van Gogh sideburns, Wizard of Oz whiskers,
Glen Turner harelip and Duke Ellington wardrobe.  I interviewed him in his long underwear in his Long Island Penthouse.  He began with a long winded boastful
account of his early days in the business when he threw parties out of friends’ apartments and houses but eventually was forced out of business by zoning laws,
neighbors’ complaints, secondary smoke inhalation and police harassment and was forced to go into hotels, bars and restaurants.  He boasted that he was bigger
than Marion Smith and the largest Singles’ promoter east of Noodnick.  I interrupted his patting himself on the back motif at this juncture and broached the idea
of the magazine.  He said it was a good idea and if Marion agreed he would come in.

In reality his real interest was using me to regain a foothold in “Bestchester” County.  It appeared, because of his overly aggressive marketing techniques with
bars, hotels and restaurants, that he was personae-non-grata in “Bestchester”.  This was one of the few instances where the Singles’ Operators came together in a
concerted spirit of cooperation and managed to get him booted out of “Bestchester”.  He called me up a week after our interview and told me he was having
trouble getting booked in “Bestchester” and could I make a few phone calls?  

Evidently he felt that since I was linked with Marion, I had that kind of power.  I possibly did but it was evident that he was stalling on the magazine investment
idea until he had his desires met. Marion, for her part, didn’t warm up to the idea of teaming up with Dorkman and so the magazine idea (another excellent idea)
had to be tabled for the rest of eternity.

It was around this time that I had joined Bandito and started to solicit ads for my first book.  Due to a referral and advice from Duncan and Barbara I began
in Chappaqua, New York with a Sponsor (no, Ex-Presidente Clinton wasn’t there yet) whose contract had expired and I was supposed to approach him for renewal
and then after I got him signed up get new advertisers for his already existing book or renew the old contracts.

The first Bandito book was the
HOLMES & KENNEDY REAL ESTATE magazine.  The year was 1983.  During the same year, my second year at WBJ, I took an
auto repair class at
BOCCES.  Because I wasn’t the least bit mechanically inclined, I always had a desire to be able to repair or at least to diagnose basic auto
problems but I had little natural aptitude to do this.  After completing the course at
BOCCES I was quite capable of making simple home repairs on  my car and
able to make an adequate diagnosis, to do tune-ups and lubes in the same manner that I was doing with my motorcycle.  I spent many enjoyable hours on
weekends performing these chores and sometimes I would get lost in a hypnotic concentration trance for hours while performing some mechanical repair on the
station wagon or on my Honda.  It also helped me to take my mind off my many failed careers and a rapidly disintegrating marriage.    Sue made an attempt to get
us back on the right track that we had been off since the beginning of our marriage by making an appointment with a marriage counselor who held court in a
small Episcopal Church building in Briarcliff Manor, a village outside of Bossining.  I went grudgingly but saw little sense in repairing a marriage that had been
wrong from the beginning.  I went for one session but when I met the counselor, a middle aged schnook with nothing more than a Masters in Psychology; I was
put off by her “me doctor you patient” attitude as she begged off being questioned on her own qualifications.  Much later, after separation, Sue admitted that the
woman was not all that effective and she had ceased going to her.  I didn’t open up at all due to the fact that I saw little point in continuing on with a marriage
where I didn’t have any deep feelings for Sue.   Actually we had stayed together out of laziness, habit and fear of the future.  I was always concerned how Sue
would fare on her own since she always operated in a dependency mode.  On the other hand, she shouldn’t fare too badly.  She had a steady job of over 15 years, a
future pension, health plan and a roof over her head.  I didn’t have anything.  Sue would be okay although certainly it was a handicap for meeting eligible men
having two children.

As for the children, they were basically good children, of mild temperament and familiar with the divorced and separated state because many of their friends and
half their classmates came from broken homes.  The 70’s and 80’s revolution in marriage relations had erased the stigma of coming from a one parent home and
it was gradually becoming an accepted way of life and not the tragedy that society had pronounced for generations before.  Robby at this stage was nine and Tania
was seven.  I planned to remain close and I even toyed around with the idea of living up the block from them in Bossining.  I decided at the last minute against
being this close for this would make it too convenient for Sue to depend on me for unpleasant chores like emptying the garbage and/or the kitty litter.  I thought
it best if the break was to be made it should be a clean one with a safe distance between us but not too much of a distance.

I didn’t have dependable transportation at the time although I would take the station wagon with over 120,000 miles and my cycle with me.  Neither were
dependable enough for more than just short trips.  I decided that I wanted to be centrally located so I could use public transportation if the need arose.  The
perfect place would be the City of White Pains which is right in the center of “Bestchester” County and thirty minutes by express train to New York City.  It was a
twenty minute cycle ride to Bossining and a forty minute bus ride.  I would visit the kids every weekend.

A few months before separation, I started to exercise by jogging every morning at 5 AM for three miles a day at the track across the street from the Highland
Terrace Apartments.  Five years ago I had quit smoking, never being a really heavy smoker (a pack a week).  It wasn’t that difficult to stop all together.  And so
the stage was set for separation.

After the failed attempt to get a Singles’ magazine started, I concentrated on booking Marion Smith.  First I put her into Par’s, an exclusive restaurant in Pie In
the Sky, NY where she decided to experiment with lectures, seminars and networking.  Her first Par’s event had Ginseng “The Meana” Mellon, Advertising
Director of
WBJ  giving a speech.  I had talked Ginseng into it by telling her it would give good exposure to the JOURNAL.  But that speech was a flop for singles
weren’t the least bit interested in the
WBJ’S advertising woes.  This kicked off the networking concept where Marion had everyone exchange business cards
retaining a copy of all of them for her files which would prove invaluable for contacts in the future.  People made good business contacts at this and subsequent
networking events.  The networking concept was modeled on the same approach utilized by Women’s Liberation groups in the 70’s to make further inroads into
the so-called mythical male dominated business world.

Marion wasn’t able to stay at Par’s for very long and moved into White Pains to Godzilla Gambelli’s restaurant and finally found a permanent home again at The
Marriott on a weekday night by catering to the Corporate Singles.  These events were modeled on the Jerry Rubin (of Chicago Seven fame) networking, singles,
mix and mingle events held at Studio 54 in Manhattan which combined business with pleasure and mostly the latter.

I didn’t get too deeply involved when Marion switched her thrust from traditional parties to the networking at The Marriott.  She still continued her bread and
butter affairs, tennis parties and the Marriott Gambit Room Sunday evening bash.  At this point she started to get more involved in the direction that all Singles’
Promoters were headed--
Club Med. travel packages where they said the real money was to be made.  They would act as agents (not travel agents) and packagers of
entertainment getaway Singles’ packages where people within their own memberships would sign up for trips and excursions.

The travel arrangements, hotel bookings and nitty gritty details were left to the actual travel agents and bigger packagers such as Noodnick in New York City.  
Most of the Singles Promoters were getting into travel and slowing easing away from the slackening attendance of the dances and parties.  Paula Di Paula, another
large promoter out of Kavetch, New York with operations in The Colony Club in New Rochelle, Queens and New Jersey was involved almost totally with the
burgeoning travel business by arranging trips abroad as well as domestically to Nude Dude ranches and the Catskill Mountain Resorts.  Even Marion had a unique
twist to this idea with jaunts to castle retreats in the Catskill Mountains for her
Mystery Weekends where the participants would join in solving a faked Agatha
Christie type of murder.

Finally, I got fed up listening to Sue’s phone calls to and from her Latin Lover.  I was also put off by the fact that she thought she was getting away with
something.  I felt like a Shakespearean cuckold, not wanted in my own house; so I picked a day, December 18th. 1984--The Day of George Orwell, seven days
before Christmas, to move in at the Y in White Pains.  A week before, I had taken a trip to White Pains and scouted out the Y to check out the accommodations.

The White Pains Y was a “Family Y” which meant that there was a lot of activity going on, on the premises.  It had recently been renovated and supplied with
the latest in exercising equipment, an indoor track, sauna, athletic club and indoor pool.  I took a quick look at the old wing but one glance reminded me of the El
Paso Y and Jail of my army days with its bunks and dormitory style of living.  I wasn’t in the mood for that and so took a $75 a week private room in the new
wing.  The rooms were small but comfortable and fully furnished with a desk, chair and a motel style TV on a shelf near the ceiling.  The room included a toilet
and a shower separated from the living quarters.  There was maid service every day to clean the room and make the beds and complete privacy.  The heat control
for the winter was in the room and it was air conditioned for the summer.  All in all, not bad for the Y.  There was also a phone where I could receive calls but I
would have to go into the hall and use a pay phone to return them because the Y didn’t want to be bothered by transit phone call bills and hassles with the phone

The Y was located right on the main drag, Mamaroneck Avenue, of downtown White Pains, close to all the main transportation, the main library, post office and
night life.  The two main drawbacks were that I would have to eat out all the time which didn’t bother me because I didn’t like to cook and spend a lot of time
cleaning up and there were no visitors allowed in the rooms which did bother me because that meant I would have to visit the kids in Bossining every weekend.  
There would be no place for them to stay in White Pains.  But my relations were on a friendly enough basis at that time with Saint Sue that this was acceptable.

White Pains was a rapidly growing, clean, bedroom community where most of its inhabitants commuted thirty minutes to Manhattan but there was also a large
percentage of its inhabitants that populated the major corporations that had sprung up like weeds in the past decade around the growing city and newly
constructed highways.  New malls and vast shopping and business complexes were in the process of being completed both in and around White Pains.  White Pains
offered a dramatic change to the sky high rents and crime ridden “Rotten Apple”.  White Pains, with its new railroad station under construction and its downtown
renovations just about completed, represented a city of the future.  Yet it too, in the housing area, remained second only to New York in rental costs and this was
one of the reasons that I was not able to move into an apartment.  I wound up spending five years at the Y.

At the time I left Sue I was still working at
WBJ but my days were numbered.  Ginseng and her husband had spent their two years since they came to WBJ,
allegedly skimming off the profits of the advertising receivables and the paper was on the verge of bankruptcy.  They had failed to move
THE JOURNAL  forward
so “Canker Sore" had purchased their shares and gave them the middle finger boot out the door.  Canker was having troubles of his own collecting receivables
and meeting his bills and was being forced to dip into his personal funds to keep his bloating ball sacs and the paper afloat.

I, in turn, was having trouble contributing to our household expenses because Canker would fail to pay commissions, letting them pile up and using half baked
excuses so that when the temptation presented itself it was not too difficult to fall into the pattern of pocketing Classified Advertising checks that came across the
transit.  I got away with it for so long because the bookkeeping practices were so sloppy.  I did a few at first but then the perceived need became greater and it
became easier to justify the "stealing" (actually my commissions) of checks every now and then under the guise that if Canker Sore didn’t pay his commissions
that it was perfectly all right for me to claim my money in advance.  I probably pocketed two to three thousand dollars in this manner.  I was still trying to make a
go of it with the
BOAT pages and similar absurdities to no avail.  To break new ground for the WBJ was virtually impossible because of the nature of the paper.

Skinny Canker Sore brought in another so-called hot shot turd face, Jack “The Vacuum Head” as Ad Manager.  He was one of those used car salesman type of
phonies--using a carnival barker clown act and who spouted a lot of wind (mostly out of his rear end) on how to get space ads using the Master Sergeant
technique.  All the while he simply got fatter on three hour lunches and pulled numerous other disappearing acts--showing up at intervals to issue another spate of
asinine orders, directives, regulations and ultimatums and then disappeared again or headed home in the middle of the day.

I have never been able to have much truck with these type of sales assholes ever since my experiences with their counterparts in the army under Major “Double
Bourbon” Durbin, Sergeant “Wolfbane Wolfbags”, the manager at Pan American in Ascension Island or at Urang’s with Gucci and a whole host of other douche
bags whose major aim in life is to make the people around them miserable.  In my case, I have never put up with their horse-shit for long and vacated any
organization populated by these cretins within six months of the stench of their arrival and “Vacuum Brains” was no exception.  

One of the major troubles was that Jack “The Sad Sack” Vierra fancied himself coming from the old school of sales therapy and expected us to go out cold calling
for ads.  Now there is no way that with a business newspaper that deals mostly with large institutions where they take weeks and sometimes months to make
decisions on ads that one can go out and cold call the advertisers and break new ground.  It not only degraded the paper in everyone’s eyes but sets a precedent
that’s impossible to maintain.  I proved right for “Vacuum Head” was out on his Spanish Portuguese ass in less than a year.  
WBJ was strictly by an appointment
only proposition.  But that was Jack’s smoke screen tool for blowing horse-shit into Canker Sore’s rectum.  Because Canker didn’t know diddle about sales, Jack
was pretending he was tightening reins on the operation and that he was a hard-snot-nosed professional.  He was doing neither but faking out Canker and pulling
the wool over his eyes.  When Canker Sore finally woke up one day (24 hours before the paper's potential bankruptcy) he saw that Jack had gotten the paper into
a bigger creditor mess in one year than Ms. Ginseng had done in two.

As for “Canker Sore” himself, from an artistic point of view, he couldn’t write his way out of a douche bag!  If it wasn’t for the fact that he owned the paper he
would have never been published.  
WBJ wouldn’t have hired him as a free agent substitute janitor on waivers.  His writing was boring, lackluster and padded with
meaningless quotes from his export-import cronies.  The paper itself steered clear of any controversy and was nothing more than a PR supplement as repayment
for the advertisers’ space purchases.  The only saving grace on the editorial side was Penny Dinger (Chief Editor under Canker) and an investor contributing
editor to
WOMEN’S NEWS with her in-depth, incisive profiles of businesses and business heads in the County and Anne Oliver’s (the secretary’s) cartoons.

During my first week of separation I managed to sell and collect a $200 commission for Bandito Publications which allowed me to visit the kids Christmas Eve
accompanied by presents from the commission money.  Had that commission not come in I would have just about made my rent payment.  This was a depressing
reunion, celebrating my first week away from the kids since their births.  The sadness of the event showed on their faces.  They wished I had just been away on a
business trip and would go to my room at the end of the day and never leave.  When the time came for me to depart that evening there was an overwhelming wave
of sadness at the thought that things would never quite be the same and that this was just the beginning in a long series of perpetual weekend good-byes.

This feeling was exacerbated by the fact that in the first few years after separation and then divorce, I could not bring them to White “Pains” to stay over the
weekend.  I found myself in the unusual position of week after week saying good-bye from the premises of the apartment which I was supposed to have vacated
for good.  I would stay in the apartment during the day while Sue went about her daily chores, met socially with her friends or latest lover.  The depression was
compounded by the fact that since I was in such close quarters to someone whom I should have been separated from I couldn’t help be privy to conversations, both
sad and gay, with lovers, et. al. of Sue who held no further interest for me.  I found myself constantly emotionally drawn into Sue’s comings and goings where in
fact had I not had to visit every weekend I would not have experienced this trauma.

One alternative was to go back to Albany but I thought that would separate me permanently from the kids except for holidays trips and family get “togethers”.
There was not much going on job-wise in Albany that could match the survival potential of the New York City area.  During the next few years I considered many
times moving back to Albany, went through the motions, but in the end I stayed in “Bestchester” and later in New York-- Titty Clitty City.


                    THE SHADOWS OF ARMAGEDDON


I try to remember that the day of our parents’ off-handed executions was the first time I became intoxicatingly aware of Man’s inhumanity towards his own sexes
and Nature’s other sex.  In the middle of the middle of that subtle awareness I sensed my own wealthy destiny preordained by that singular conflagration of
circumstances.  It was no mere accident that Adelie and I were queued up to view with disdain my parents’ and her parents’ demises.  For we both traveled the same
corridors of life but on a somewhat different, slightly perverted nuclear time schedule.  Still, it takes a certain amount of immaturity to view the extinction of your
own species with a dispassionate disposition despite the razor sharp delicate immediacy of it all.

The work of this particular company consisted of slaughtering Adelie Penguins.  They slew Kings (that was my father’s brave breed) and Royals (that was mother’s)
and then boiled their soiled carcasses for lecithin oil.  This day, as many as twenty thousand birds were gathered together for the Disgrace inside the turgid
Digesters.  My soon to be mate told me they would produce casks of penguin oil, as much as several gallons worth.  The trick you see, was to sidetrack the penguins
as they came rushing triumphantly in from generations of the gracious sea.  A fence, more or less, was placed across their stubborn paths.  In sheep-like procession,
forward they playfully ambled towards the Rookery’s charitable Cairns.

When the yard was full, two men would come out before breakfast and club the birds.  When that initial clubbing was over, it would sometimes become necessary to
re-club the penguins who have been momentarily dazed beyond recognition.  The cadavers, I suppose, such as they were, would be passed into the Digesters and
boiled without respite for what seemed half a day.  The crude oil would then be wind blown into a cooler and “casked”.

From my sullen vantage point on the beach, littered with the Atomic wastes of last Spring’s Fallout, I look back at those rusty execution cauldrons with reluctant
wonder and some slight disappointment.  But here again I am speaking in tongues, with a vague, emotionless detachment concerning the intestinal interesting
generalities of my parents’ demise and the theoretical implications for countless other demises in and for themselves.

From where Adelie and I were standing, we could see my parents innocently approaching the narrow netted runway which terminated at the other end where an open
vat lay in public waiting.  At this far end stood a human being with a club foot.  My parents arrived unintentionally enough, rounded the last corner of their lives, a
knock on their bent moist heads and an angry kick from behind sent them tumbling into the boiler without protest and so unprepared for their eventual
termination.  It was the most pitiful sight that I have or will ever witness.  But we penguins must all witness at least one despicable sight during our lifetimes.  I am
relatively relieved that so early in life my quota has been met.  For now only joy can lie ahead for me and my beloved Adelie.

This scene could only be matched in pathos by an event soaked in bathos and that is the exact opposite of economic human cruelty.  It consists of one of
Nature’s purified miracles that circumscribes the survival of the fittest syndrome.  It is an event that the entire animal-bird kingdom partakes in and enjoins
sympathy, loyalty, devotion to duty and an unprecedented form of paternal-maternal love.  Shortly I will have to partake in such duties and perform these sacred
rituals for my beloved Adelie.  She for me and I for her, in order to insure the survival of our future Chick.

I was besides myself when my parents were forced face down alongside their feathered brethren into the boiling spit.  The lid was sealed and the steam turned up.  
For twelve grueling hours we watched as we gently rocked in mourning rhythm with the wind.  We watched for some vital signs.  Instead what we saw was the
sodomized fat running from the tanks into voluptuously erotic barrels.  The bones, the flesh and feathers of my mother and father were deposited as refuse.  Then I
turned to sexy Adelie and we made love, as is the way with us penguins, on the garbage dung heaps of our parents’ funereal rookery.

The weather on Macquarie Island was rapidly disintegrating.  The wind shifted to the eastern flank and drew a steady flotilla of scintillating snow squalls that froze
everything to its appropriate place.  A bleached blonde fog obscured the wild precipice coastline, ripped asunder by a virulent vehement anger visited only on
inhabitants of the extremis of the Northern Latitudes.  It was for reasons less than this that all ensembles of sensible life deserts the antagonistic Antarctica.

Adelie and I were very fat indeed when we next came ashore the following year.  We had fed on krill, squid and small fish fry of every kind, kith and kin.  With our
sharpest senses, unerringly we marched single file to the nursery site built upon gem encrusted solids of sequin, grey-green ice abutting the katabatic undercurrent
upwelling beneath the glacial Growlers that would imprison our baser instincts.

Adelie looked around for food that was not completely there, or if it was there, not readily accessible.  The sea was steadily and inexorably retreating into itself, a
hermit preoccupied with its own troubled institutional tidal movements.  Adelie struggled up to the soft underbelly spot that I had created for her winter incubator
shelter.  It had by now replaced the absent, warmer, lacy glacier caves of prison time gone by.

One day sooner than I expected I heard Adelie’s loud, anxious, expansive voice.  She rose and there was this single beastly egg.  I picked it up at once with my
curved beak, rolled it over my feet and up into the sleek pouch between my legs.  There I will protect it with my feathered belly and it will be warmed by constant
masturbatory contact with my naked hidden brood pouch.

Adelie was starved and exhausted by her birthing techniques.  For she had fasted from our first and last mating, that very day that our parents were executed.  She
had lost most of her important weight.  I kissed Adelie good-bye and untethered her anchored heart and sent her thin ebbing being slowly waddling to the sable sea.  
She tobogganed down the slopes, now and then sleeping for short periods among the ice hills.  As she marched she was joined by other less attractive but liberated,
gaunt females moving pathetically with swaying gaits, huddling together in their life saving Lesbianism, simply to blot out the blizzard’s bite that perpetually nursed,
gnawed and lashed unabated at the nipples of their unsupported bosoms.

The journey to the sunken sea lasted two weeks.  Once there, in the open water, they would restore their body fat and prepare for their return march to the Spring
Rookery.  So it was good-bye for three agonizing months.  I would defend my egg with a stored up lifetime of fierceness that can only be attributed to the mothers of
our off-spring.

Adelie bounced into the water just off the southern tip of Macquerie Island.  This is where the tiny inlet is at its most lambent, exquisite self, encircled by an elegant
array of blue-green, fire-lit-from-within, “transplendent” glaciers.  It wasn’t long before my Adelie found herself flirting and trifling among a tribe of fin-back
whales.  They dwarfed my Adelie for each one stretched out more than sixty grotesque feet in length, dark brooding buttresses with grayish white patches on their
blood splotched, bloated, distended bellies that contrasted wildly with Royal Adelie’s scarlet beige beak.

On the apex of the waves, they and my Adelie were feeding on the same hapless krill and smaller plankton meals.  Then unceremoniously they were sucked down in
the ravine of the wave’s bitter sweet vacuum troughs.  The great whales would belch emissions of warm mists through their spacious, sexy blow holes.  These same
mists would comfort my Adelie and her disconsolate friends of the Deep.  Then this one giantess, pregnant with her son’s son, her pink vagina livid red from
menstrual flow, turned and faced Adelie’s lachrymal procession dead on.

Countless grooves were riveted on her portly frame from her chin to her Iron Maiden navel.  In one scissors like motion, her throat, swollen with male sperm,
expanded to enclose a ton or more of water and food.

Adelie and her fabled friends were worried now as the whale beast, not a hundred yards distant, compressed her pleats using her tanned adamantine muscles,
expelled the seminal jocular juices through her baleen plates and hung her bloodied gums from her upper jaw in raw suspension over Adelie’s shivering silhouette.  
The ferocious whale used the same technique of echo location on Adelie as it did on all fish of feather and fowl or of similar schools, transmitting a pulse of low
frequency which enabled it to identify and isolate its prey with laser precision.

Closing on its target it began to circle the school of penguins at the remarkable speed of twenty knots.  Then it swished sideways presenting its erotic white
underbelly to the stunned procession of aroused females.  The penguins swam awestruck by the flash of fleshy reflected light that confused them and threw them off
balance.  The sexy, grinning fin-whale then expanded its pleats like a stretched accordion and sucked in a plate full of Adelie’s companions.  Its tongue rose to expel
the French-kissed water collected and the whale digested the food in the same manner (as Adelie described to me later) as had the Digesters on Macquerie.

But for one fleeting instant, the Seeing Orifice of this whale beast met Adelie’s petrified pregnant look of mortal disdain.  There in their mutual hate, mother to
mother-to-be, this sustained look of primeval endurance, passionless, was enough to stay the fin-whale’s pornographic appetites.  She abruptly cut off her attack and
retreated behind, what looked to Adelie to be, a man-made castle of ice gliding frictionless upon a scentless, silent, windless, sperm less sea.

The distinct symmetry of its a-symmetry was left-handed strange with its inverse square turrets almost engulfed by a block of sinewy, smooth regular ice.  Below, in
the center of the tepid emptiness, an arch deacon entrance opened upon a terra-cotta central courtyard of doting, indifferent ice floes on the brink of frozen sexual
exhaustion.  The deep soffits of this teetering arch were evenly striated, glowing with a sharp, electric, prismatic rainbow of “bice” cerulean turquoise.

Outside, round the Palladian window threshold, lapped an uneven emerald sea foaming between the pillows of the shallow, perambulating, porcelain breast fed
waves.  This whole floating inlay of icy diadems drifted by utterly silent while around its crown flew snowy white Petrels.  In the vaporized distance virulent flashes of
nothing splashed against an “orchreous” sunset.  It was a simple sapphire Starberg, remote, lifeless, empty and timeless.  It came into being, changed, then ceased
to be.  It served no other purpose or had any other meaning save one, to be the winter quarters for Adelie and her fabled flock.  There she would wile away the
desolate hours until the homing instinct took command and drove her back to her frozen lover.    The procession came to rest in the Berg’s towering silent embrace.  
The precipices of the nearest multi-faceted cliff were tilted four-dimensional planes of azure, albeit roughly hewn as if dealt a final mortal blow-by-blow by a Hegelian
god-like chisel.  Presently they were being brow-beaten and buffed polished smooth and glassy-eyed by a whining frostbitten wind.  Adelie came to rest in this
surrealistic silence, a silence interrupted periodically by an occasional breaking up of a submerged Growler Iceberg.  It was for Adelie one of the harshest symbolic
silences that she would have to endure but such a silence was needed to reassure her of her limited existence.

That famous winter, my best friend’s egg was stolen from his pouch by a penguin whose egg had fallen, broken and frozen all in a singular movement.  The poor bird
did not know what to do so he grabbed a stone that looked like an egg and put it into his pouch.  He thought that this gesture would pacify his mate next spring.  
Poor misguided soul.  I wish he could have been with me at the execution of my parents for then he would not worry over such trifles.

Now, as the winter drove its downy stakes of frozen malice over the insanity of the Rookery, we males settled down for the coldest period of the mid-winter darkness
in an all encompassing misery and loneliness.  We knew that the only way to survive would be to huddle so close together that we formed a solid sheet of compressed
Homosexuality against an even more impenetrable blanket of snow phalanxes that charged at us and retreated with more or less of Nature’s dignified regularity.  
We might now avoid being blown to destruction by an act of our predetermined combined wills.

During the infrequent breaks in the weather, I would take short, intermittent steps.  I had to make sure the egg remained safe and existing in its protective pouch.  
In order to keep the Rookery clean, we saved our excrement until the spring thaw.  We relieved our slaked, constipated thirst by ingesting an occasional mouthful of
snow.  Now, at long last, I am as thin as Adelie was the day before she abandoned me along with my good wishes and good looks.

Towards the end of my ordeal, with nothing left in my emaciated testicles to feed the oncoming hatchling, the Chick burst forth from my pouch like Spring let loose
on the bottled up emotions of a frigid Antarctica!

I groan softly.  I hear the Chick ‘bibble‘-babbling away in the midst of the useless struggle to be born.  My beak stands at the ready, to push back the pouch should
my Chick expose its wet skin to the hoarfrost.  The heat from my bloated brood pouch dries the Chick as it emerges sexless from the egg.  Voraciously it eats the
yolk and this saves me the agonizing process of feeding it from the disappearing contents of my own sexuality.

In this instance however, I succumb to the morbid desire to eat the empty husk of an egg-shell as it falls timeless to the ice.  I have interrupted my three month fast
yet I will still receive my reward for this incomplete heroic devotion to incubation duties.

As I raise my dejected head and look eastward beyond the drip drop of the frozen Rookery, on a sunless attentive July afternoon, in the piercing peppered distance; I
see my fat full-bellied Adelie returning from her sojourn among the heathen krill, small fish, whales and meaningless icebergs-- a surprised survivor.  She has a
much longer trek back to the Rookery for the winter ice is still forming far out to sea.  I realize that to keep my Chick alive until she arrives, I must manufacture
sufficient, nourishing fluid from my bile and stomach secretions.

And then suddenly, without sudden delay or fanfare, on the lea of the last day of a dismal July, above the din, depression, cacophony and psychosis of the Rookery, I
hear her Royal Voice, persuading me to turn over the Chick to her keeping.  I hear and obey.  Relieved of my fatherly duties, I kiss Adelie good-bye, to go forward
to the Ocean’s feeding grounds.

In September, as the ice is breaking up, Adelie and I are both free to go fishing together.  We leave the confining orbs of the web like crèches of our preordained

Six months into her French afterbirth, our Chick, with blackened nose and Yesterday’s Eyes, surrounded by a beautiful flamingo rosette, caked with the grime of a
jet white patch, sees his parents set off into the feloniousness of a muslin sea for the last time.

On this all forgiving, transitory, twenty-four hour midsummer solstice morning, in the dusty sub sun-light beams, both of them were borne away on the murderous
icy currents.  The Digester’s lids were clamped shut and twelve grueling hours later another Generation together with father and mother, our beloved Adelie and
spouse, has vanished from the Fun-less-Face-of-Various-Views.  

While I, their young Chick, in the receding icy shrouded waters off Macquerie Island, completely unawares that I was simply storing up enough fat and gristle for
the annual genocide, “porpoised” and played fishy games that we unsuspecting mammals often play so well.  There, in my delicate innocence, I did not know that I
would provide for Mankind, a cask of Penguin Oil and several gallons at that!

                     TIME’S BOTTLES


Captain Oswald Littlefield, a Block Islander and Keeper of The North Light, lived with his family on the windward edge of Sandy Point.  Percy Littlefield, age eleven
and school chum, Bertrand Emerson, were whiling away the uncomfortable hours of a hot summer’s afternoon in July of that year.  They had just completed an
arduous, meandering walk along the craggy Beach Path to Sandy Point while somberly engaged in their daily enterprise of collecting orphan sea shells and brightly
colored Stone Age stones.

Sandy Point is nothing more than a treacherous sandbar.  Deadly.  Mysterious.  Dangerous.  Unseen.  Unannounced.

During storms, seas become quite angry there.  Like warring pairs of giant cymbals, migraine waves crash in unison with a deafening crescendo that sends forth
froth and foam hundreds of fathoms into the salt taffy air.

But today the air was clear and sea blown.  Crows and starlings fed under a gabled sky speckled with picnic clouds.  Sparrows and mockingbirds serenaded mighty
blue herons.  While black ducks and misty-eyed mallards were engrossed in a cantankerous pre-autumnal gossip.

....Nothing but an  emblazoned buzz blue of a white patch near the base of its tail ablaze in the noon day sun, Percy had noticed this one marsh hawk skimming over
the life taking marshes.  Mute swans were back paddling gracefully in the nearby ponds.  Black ring-necked pheasants and wild turkeys were not far at bay.  The
ever present herring and the great grey-back gulls gleamed in the steamy sauna of July’s astonishing heat.  Just before they made their way past the beach trees,
beach plums, the tall wavy Golden Rods embedded among the soggy beach grass, Percy and Bertrand glimpsed the eternal Pale Everlasting.
The boys settled in on a jagged rock and stared out towards the tedious ocean.  Percy was day dreaming about the year THE LARCHMONT went down.  It was in
February of not so long ago.  His father, in another form, had been there.  In fact his father had been the one who saw the ice-coated isolated figure stumble up the
rugged beach.

It was one of those stormy nights when the waves were as large and fretful as city skyscrapers.  THE LARCHMONT had been severely tested, found wanting, duly
pounded and blown off course.  It finally ran aground off Sandy Point.  They all had assumed that the unseen reef, in spite of itself and its surgical suicide
tendencies, had simply been waiting its chance to strike a mortal blow for Block Island’s illicit history.  Wracked back and forth by cross currents that abutted the
miserable reef, and battered by all four quadrants of the buxom Beaufort Scale, her masts and hull, shorn from perfection, soon tore to soggy shreds.  The sailors,
disease encrusted, hoisted themselves onto the rigging and climbed aboard the shoulders of onrushing death, meeting their timely ends either by hanging themselves
out to drown or by freezing their limbs off in the icy winds.

His father had seen this bedraggled spectacle of a disembodied sole survivor and signaled the Keeper of The North Light Station to give the sullen alarm.  The motley
garrison of impotent men at North Light assembled a rescue brigade with their anchors and ropes in tow and with only the vaguest of hopes that a lull in the storm’s
sickle cell fury would provide enough of an opportunity for rescue operations to commence in earnest.

On this particular February night, the Paddle Wheeler LARCHMONT, bound for New York from Boston, with 200 passengers and crew, was destined to be sliced in
half by the Coal Schooner HARRY F. KNOWLTON.  One dreary hour later she sank in the putrid dank.  THE ESLIE, manned by my father and six others, spotted
the deckhouse awash with the only survivors clinging to her stays in the eerie tinsel light of approaching dawn.  All the rest perished.

It was a hot, humid, lazy day.  Percy rose from his perch and yelled to Bertrand.  “See those bottles over there?”

“Where?”  Percy pointed to the gathering edge of the receding hairline of the trochee sounding tide.  “There!”  “Yeah!”  “Let’s write some notes and put them into
the bottles.  Then we’ll toss them into the ocean.  We’ll see if they end up on Rhode Island.”  “That’s ridiculous!  They’ll never end up on Rhode Island!  They’ll
never travel that far!  Probably just break against the outer rocks.”  “So what!  Let’s do it anyway!”  Percy jumped down from his precarious position and ran
towards the unwilling, chaotic collection of ancient bottles recently left awash on the scribbled beach.  He took a pen from his pocket and on a browning drawing pad
he etched:

"This bottle is being mailed in the hopes
that someone on the Mainland will return it
forthwith so that we might know how far it traveled
and how long it took to get there."

" Please write me at Block Island, 4 Cow Grove,
Or Keeper of the North Light, Sandy Point,
Block Island."

The same message, more or less, was recreated for eleven other bottles and then the bottles were flung unceremoniously at the same fibrillating tideline.

Eleven year old Maureen Arlington was spending her last vacation day near Cape Hatteras.  The very next day she would board Flight 22 bound for her Block Island
home.  Her last hours on the beach, on earth, were spent shell gathering with her sister.  While approaching a soft bed of soggy moss protruding from the rocks she
noticed a rather odd looking bottle, amethyst pink from overexposure to the sun’s wobbly rays.

Maureen seated herself in the waning twilight glimmer and read the note.  Then she used the remaining daylight of the Cape Hatteras dusk to compose her reply.

"We found your bottle washed up on the
sand dunes of the Atlantic Beach of North
Carolina, some forty miles north of Cape
Hatteras Lighthouse.  The cork was still tight
and the note intact but greatly yellowed."

In her haste to open the bottle it burst from the rapidly entering air colliding with the partially heated vacuum from within.  After she composed herself from the
jolt she received as a result of the exploding glass fragments, she read the note more intensely...

"If found, please send answer just to know
when found."

"Percy N. Littlefield,
Sandy Point,
Block Island, Rhode Island"

Maureen was so excited.  When she arrived home she would personally deliver the message to the boy.  The next day she boarded Flight 22 with the message safely
tucked away in her overnight suitcase.

In all four quadrants, day broke, sunny, humid, hot, hazy and oppressive.  At 1:11 PM Maureen Arlington boarded Flight 22 with a one way passage to New York
City.  Once there, by train and ferry to her final destination of Block Island.  Flight 22 lolled out of its taxi stance and then checked with the Tower for last minute
instructions.  The plane arrowed its way down the runway corridor and strode majestically into the arrogant air at 1:22 PM, 11 minutes later, Maureen would notice
the bloated sun on her right hand side suddenly sink into obscurity and then curiously reappear on her left hand side.

The boastful Tower had advised Flight 22 that it was running 222 miles ahead of a severe line of insurmountable thunder squalls that stretched from Fayetteville,
Texas, all the way to the North Atlantic coastal waters just south of Boston Harbor.

The first tragedy of the day struck at 1:11 PM.  A tour boat carrying 22 people was snuggling its way past the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel.  As it was penetrating
the harbor core, the leading edge of the squall line’s winds smashed the vessel.  11 people were strewn over the ocean’s tepid exterior rug and immediately drowned.

Flight 22 had enjoyed a peaceful takeoff with only a few sparse cumulus punctuating an otherwise happy go-lucky, dancing, bobbing western horizon.  The scene was
dramatically different 211 miles to the stubborn northwest.

For days on end, water vapor had been pumped up from the recently raped Gulf Stream.  It rose swiftly over the cooler drier air to the north and west.  Within the
squall line itself, the clouds transformed into turbulent cauldrons of confusion.  Parts of the snouted tips turned coal black.  The curvy busts of the frothy cumuli-
nimbus-“mammatus” seethed and rolled with malicious intent.  A mature thunder cell had developed by the time Flight 22 was zeroing in on La Guardia’s approach.  
Dark swathes of rain flowed in massive hemorrhaged sheets from the lower portion of the thunder cell.  Powerful downbursts of cold air rushed in to smooth out
nature’s instability.  Wind gusts “vortexed” back and forth across the sexless marshlands, while jugular veined lightning flashed on and off its naked ions.  The
clouds towered up to 122,000 feet, scraping the stratosphere and causing havoc well in advance of the squall line.

Within the boiling chaos itself, lightning, sometimes several layers thick, intensely spread over 111,000 square miles of threadbare terrain.  111,000,000 tons of
eager water were converted to 222 trillion calories of kinetic energy.  At 2:11 PM Flight 22 went into a brief holding pattern over LaGuardia.  The squall line had
been moving all morning at the record breaking speed of 111 m.p.h.  It had just about overtaken Flight 22’s path but the two would come face to face over the New
York Marsh Lands.  A thunderstorm was in progress at the southern tip of the landing strip as Flight 22 approached the landing corridor.  The pilot radioed in for
landing instructions and the Tower bellowed back that wind shear conditions were developing on Runway 11 Left.  As the pilot well knew, wind shear could be
extremely dangerous and in this case deadly.  In a short span of time, the winds shifted vectors so that they would be oriented in opposite directions both vertically
and horizontally.

Maureen got up from her seat and stumbled towards the front of the plane.  The steward, in the midst of preparing the passengers for a rough landing, went to the
restroom and nudged it gently.  It was at this juncture that the sun did an about face and disappeared into the leading edge of the cumulus-nimbus cloud bank
rushing in from the southwest.

At 2:11 PM Flight 22 entered the lethal thunderstorm’s impervious left hand quadrant wall and what was left of it emerged at 2:22 PM.  The tremendous updrafts
caught the plane and sent it up the storm’s chimney chute from 2,200 feet to 22,000 feet.  The sides of the plane were pelted by hail stones the size of shrunken golf
balls.  Due to the unequal pressures from within and without, bodies were blown out the windows with explosive force.  They were propelled thousands of feet higher
than the heavier plane, up to where the air temperature was 22 below zero.  The bodies froze before they started their grisly descent in the ever more violent

The pilots had been jettisoned and were blown against their wills upwards at the rate of 1,100 feet per second.  They became human hail stones.  The slaps of the
thunder came with such resounding ferocity that the pilots’ eardrums would have burst had it not been for the tight fitting helmets.  Lightning ignited the seething
mass with blood iron blue sheets.  The torrents of rain forced the descending pilots to clamp tight their nostrils but nonetheless they drowned in their own sweat due
to the relentless outpouring of precipitation.  The engine of the plane had not fared well.  It was raining so hard that the moisture and hail combined to cause the
plane to lose thrust.  So much water had invaded the inner sanctum of the driving force that the compressor stalled and the jet propelled blades broke.

The Downburst took the frozen bodies, the pilots and the remains of the plane and shot them earthward at 1,100 feet per second.  The plane struck a steel light
tower less than 1/22 of a mile from the obscured runway.  It flipped over and disintegrated.

11-year-old Angelina Bethel had been the first on the accident scene.  She burst forth towards the frenzied environment strewn with torn luggage and mangled
bodies thawing in the warm late afternoon.  She tripped and fell over the charred remains of an overnight suitcase’s carcass that had suddenly flipped open.  As she
scrambled to her feet, a strong gust of wind whipped a yellowish, brackish brown sheet of paper against her bruised kneecap.  Angelina reached down to peel it away
but noticed the child like etchings scribbled on the parched document.  She paused and read it quickly, stuffed it in her side pocket and then disappeared well ahead
of the all enveloping darkness stretching like an awkward bird hovering over the crash site like some melting requiem.  11 days later she sat down to compose a
letter to Percy Littlefield.

"Dear Percy,
I found a letter of yours that must
have been set adrift last month of this past
year.  It turned up in a half opened suitcase.
The suitcase belonged to a Maureen Arlington.
I checked her destination.  She was a resident
of Block Island and apparently she was going to
personally return the letter.  She found it on the
beach north of Cape Hatteras.  Unfortunately the
bottle must have broken when she released the
message from the glass vessel.  Would you like
me to mail you the note?"

In a lonely salt beaten cabin, on a sultry September’s day, little Angelina’s note was put into the soiled hands of one Bertrand Emerson.  11 days later a polite note
was to arrive from Block Island and found its way into the hands of one Angelina Bethel.

"Dear Angelina,
It was so kind of you to go through
all this trouble.  It has been seventy seven
years since Little Percy Littlefield has
walked the face of this earth.  I have missed
him ever since he was killed during a
terrible storm of thunder and lightning
on the Ferry’s midnight crossing."

"Percy wrote that note in July of 1911,
when he was age 11.  He died at the age
of 22.  After 77 years you have literally
put time in a bottle by bringing news of
this message which seems to be so intricately
bound up with the unending mysterious
cycles of storms and disasters.  If you
should ever be in the neighborhood of
Block Island, please don’t hesitate to
drop in and let me see the letter.  It
would bring me much closer to my long
dead friend.  He would appreciate it
so much if I could return it to him
when I join him for our eternal reunion.

One stormy night, 11 years later, one Angelina Bethel, age 22, boarded the Midnight Ferry at Point Judith.  At long last she was going to return the infamous note to
its place of origin.  It is not known whether she made the crossing safely or ever arrived at her destination.  Least of all, nothing is known about the whereabouts of
Percy’s message.  All I know for certain is that my boyhood friend Bertrand Emerson still dwells on the windward edge of Block Island, I (Percy Littlefield) went by
the cabin the other day and was tempted to inquire of my good friend within but was distracted by something that seemed at the time more important to my world.  
My spirit world was about to come to an abrupt conclusion.





Mount Katmai in the Alaskan Peninsula erupted in 1912 sending a flood of steaming hot ash fifteen miles along the valley
subsequently renamed The Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes.

Lassen Peak’s eruption in northern California in 1921 was the last eruption in the Continental U.S.A.

After an eruption in 1973 destroyed part of the town, the town was rebuilt using the Volcano Heigafjell for thermal heating.
12,000 people perished in Indonesia’s Tambora eruption of 1815.

2,000 Indonesians were blessed with brilliant, fiery red sunsets before the Mount Agung’s eruption killed them in 1963.

The super heated cloud from Mount Pelee on Martinique in the West Indies in 1902 rolled over the town of St. Pierre in a matter of seconds destroying the town and
snuffing out the lives of 30,000 people.



Blockage of a cooling system causes melting in 1959 of 12 of the 43 fuel elements in an experimental power reactor at Santa Susana, California.  
The radioactivity was contained.

Control rods removed in error causes a steam explosion in a military experimental reactor near Idaho Falls, Idaho and kills three technicians.  One of them
is impaled by a control rod.  Radiation levels were very high but contained.

Failure of a sodium cooling system causes partial meltdown at the Enrico Fermi Demonstration Breeder Reactor thirty miles from Detroit.

A false signal from a meter at Commonwealth Edison’s Dresden II plant in Morris, Illinois was blamed for a two hour loss of control.  A build-up of radioactive
iodine at 100 times the permissible level was contained in 1970.

The waste storage space at the Northern States Power Company’s reactor in Monticello, Minnesota filled to capacity and spilled over.  About 50,000 gallons of
radioactive waste water flowed into the Mississippi River and some was taken into the St. Paul Water System in 1971.

A technician using a candle to check for air leaks set fire to electrical insulation at the Brown Ferry Reactor in Decatur, Alabama in 1975.  Cables controlling safety
equipment burned out and the cooling water fell to dangerous levels before a makeshift system was devised.  No radioactive material was released.

In the worst U.S. commercial nuclear accident, a series of equipment and human mistakes led to a loss of coolant and partial core meltdown at the Three Mile Island
Reactor in Middletown, Pennsylvania.  In 1979 the plant came within an hour of catastrophic meltdown.  Some radiation escaped into the air, but health risks were
found to be minimal.

Highly enriched uranium was released from a secret nuclear fuel plant near Erwin, Tennessee in 1979 and about 1,000 people were contaminated with up to five
times as much radiation as they would normally receive in a year.

In 1981 eight workers were contaminated when 100,000 gallons of radioactive coolant leaked into the compartment building of the Tennessee Valley
Authority’s Sequoia I Plant in Tennessee.

After a steam generator pipe broke in 1982 at the Rochester Gas and Electric Company’s Ginna Plant near Rochester, New York, radioactive water spilled into the
containment vessel and some radioactive steam escaped into the air.

16 equipment failures and human mistakes started a sequence of events similar to the Three Mile Island failure at Toledo Edison’s Davis-Besse Plant in Oak
Harbor, Ohio.  Auxiliary cooling pumps averted damage to the core.

A cylinder of uranium hexafluoride, a chemical used in nuclear-fuel production, was improperly heated at a Kerr-Mcgee Plant at Gore, Oklahoma.  One worker died
and 100 were hospitalized as small levels of radiation were detected in the area.



Nine months before his flight test of an unmanned rocket at Cape Canaveral, Astronaut Glenn was to witness almost exactly the same fate as The Challenger.  On
July 29, 1960, Shepard, Glen and other Mercury astronauts were brought to the Cape to view a Mercury capsule launched atop of an Atlas rocket, the system
designed to take these same astronauts into orbit.  It appeared to be a perfect launch.  After 60 seconds the rocket was almost directly overhead and gradually
nosing over on its long arc toward the horizon when “ka-boom!”  It blew up.

On January 27, 1987, a fire erupted in the first manned Apollo spacecraft as it sat atop its Saturn 1-B rocket during a test at Cape Kennedy.  The blaze killed Virgil
“Gus” Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffee.  Grissom was the second American in space, White had taken the first space walk and Chaffee was a rookie.

Suited up they clambered into the gleaming steel some 218 feet above Pad 34 and hooked themselves up to the life-support systems.  Technicians sealed the airtight
double hatch plates and pumped pure oxygen into the little gas chamber.  The test countdown had proceeded several hours when suddenly, over their radio link to
the spacecraft, controllers heard the cry: “Fire aboard the spacecraft!” followed by movements, more shouts and a sharp scream of pain.  “It was horrible!  We could
hear it happening and we were powerless to do anything.”

The astronauts died of asphyxiation in the raging inferno which began as a short circuit in the Apollo’s twenty miles of wiring.  Flames spread along a nylon net
under the astronauts’ couches.  The blaze flashed through the pure oxygen atmosphere in seconds.

Just three months after the Apollo fire, Colonel Vladimir Komarov plunged more than four miles to earth in Soyuz I after his parachute snarled.

In June, 1971, Cosmonauts Georgi Dobrovolsky, Vladislav Volkov and Victor Patsayev suffocated during reentry when a valve opened after the capsule separated
from the Salyut I Space Station, allowing the cabin to depressurize.



Today commenced free of clouds and so quietly that no one could have foretold of the disasters to follow.  Seismicity during the early morning was moderate, about
the same as it had been in recent weeks.

At about 8:30 AM, some campers north of the mountain were up and enjoying a clear blue sky and warm, gentle breezes from the west.  Others were still in their
tents and sleeping bags.  Fishermen, a few loggers, and other early risers had long been on the move.  Several volunteer volcano watchers and amateur radio
operators were at their posts.  Some photographers, cameras cocked, were already awaiting the mountain’s next move.  At Coldwater II, Johnston had already made
two sets of laser measurements of the distended growing bulge and had transmitted the latest data to Vancouver at about 7:AM.

In Eastern Washington, everyday activities were going on with little or no concern for the increasing instability of Mount St. Helens.  In Spokane, the Annual Lilac
Festival brought an influx of visitors to the city.  Fair weather was expected for the activities after which people would be homeward bound.

In the farming area around Ritzville, the winter wheat was about twenty inches high.  Although spring had been cooler than normal good crop yields were expected
because precipitation had been abundant, and the soil was moist.  

At Yakima, the late spring had delayed crops, but the blossoms were gone from the extensive orchards.  The tiny fruit was beginning to form.  The alfalfa crop was
good.  The first cutting of hay was about ninety percent complete and the rest of the fields were about ready to be cut.  The Army National Guard’s 116th Air Cavalry
Squadron was in the Yakima area with its helicopters for summer field training.

Nearer to Mount St. Helens, about 30 ships were expected to depart at the busy ports of Vancouver and Portland and head down the Columbia River for the Pacific
Ocean.  About twenty incoming ships were expected to steam upriver to these same port facilities.
Volcanologist David Johnston was writing field notes at Coldwater II Observation Station.  He was alone, 5.7 miles from the mountain summit, measuring the
volcano’s bulging northern side.  He was among the first to see the beginning of the eruption and tried to send a warning to the control center.
“Vancouver, Vancouver, this is it!”

Then, as the black, billowing front of the lateral blast raced towards him, he tried to send a second message, which was garbled by the atmospheric disturbance from
the eruption.  Then nothing.  The lateral blast obliterated Coldwater II Observation Station and David Johnston.



It was Saturday, five days before May Day.  A warm southwesterly breeze swept up from the Black Sea through the breadbasket of the
Ukraine.  Many of the 2.5 million citizens of Kiev, the Republic’s ancient capital and the country’s third largest city had their minds on the soccer match.  Workers
were papering the streets with red flags, holding party placards awash in the bright lights in preparation for the most festive holiday of the year.

Eighty miles north of Kiev the disaster was to unfold slowly at first and gain pace with each passing hour.  It began with a massive loss of coolant in the
reactor’s core.  The accident happened while technicians were carrying out a test on a turbo generator during a scheduled shutdown.  The aim of the test was
straightforward.  Was there enough residual energy in a still spinning turbine to supply electrical energy during a station blackout?  Technicians wanted to find out if
sufficient power could be maintained while standby diesel generators were brought into emergency use.  



On Sunday morning, McAuliffe, had reassured her parents by telephone that she was set to go.  Her parents along with eighteen third graders from Concord, had
flown to the Cape to watch the lift-off.  The Astronauts were ready but the weather was not.  A cold front was moving down the Florida Peninsula pushing showers
ahead of it.  Rain does not hamper takeoffs by airplanes but its impact on a space shuttle at the speeds it reaches shortly after lift-off could damage the heat-
resistant tiles that protect the craft’s thin skin.  CHALLENGER would not blast off even into a drizzle.

Monday was better and the crew members settled into their couches on the orbiter’s two decks just ahead of CHALLENGER’S cargo bay.

The crew could see bright blue sky ahead of them.  The countdown reached T minus nine minutes.  There was a four hour hold for a sticky bolt preventing the
removal of an exterior-hatch and there was no replacement on hand so a hacksaw was used to free the bolt.

Wind gusts picked up to 35 m.p.h. and NASA decided that the crosswinds were too much and the launch was delayed.  That night temperatures fell to twenty seven
degrees but the wind died.  On Tuesday it was clear.  Even before CHALLENGER’S crew, wearing gloves against the chill, crossed the access arm to take their
assigned places, NASA’s “ice team” had inspected the shuttle and its towering gantry.  They decided that there was no danger of any icicles breaking away on lift-off
and harming the heat-shield tiles.

A Rockwell engineer in California telephoned the Cape to urge delay because of ice but the Director at the Cape was advised that there was little risk and
let the countdown continue.

“We’re at nine minutes and counting”, intoned NASA Commentator Hugh Harris over the Cape’s public address system.

School children and other spectators cheered.  The countdown was past where it had stopped the day before.  The mission designed to show that space belonged to
everyone was finally set to launch.  The CHALLENGER’S flight crew continued to run through their elaborate checklists.  The orbiter’s main computer supported by
four backups continued to scan the data from some 2,000 data points and sensors.  They would shut down the entire system in milliseconds if anything was wrong.  
Nothing was.

“T minus eight minutes and counting.”

Thousands of motorists in the area, listening to their radios pulled off the highways and faced the ocean.  At dozens of points around the globe radar tracking
stations had now synchronized their antenna systems with the countdown sequence in Florida.

“T minus seven minutes, 30 seconds and counting.”

The external fuel tank stretched some 154 feet high and carried 143,351 gallons of liquid oxygen and 385,265 gallons of liquid hydrogen.  Two lines connected the
fuels to the orbiter, where they would be mixed at controlled levels to power the spacecraft’s engines.  The other two companions were gleaming white boosters, each
149 ft. tall and packed with more than 1.1 million lbs. of solid fuel.  Once ignited at lift-off they would burn uncontrollably until the fuel was spent.

“T minus six minutes and counting.”

Pilot Smith was given the order to prestart the auxiliary power units that would operate CHALLENGER’S control surfaces and swivel its engine nozzles.  The last
pints of oxygen were pumped into the external tank.

“T minus four minutes and counting.”

Mission Control reminded the flight crew to close the airtight visors on their helmets.

“T Minus three minutes and 30 seconds.”

Now the shuttle was operating totally on its own internal electrical power system.

“T minus two minutes and 20 seconds.”  “No unexpected errors reported.”

Everything looked good.

“Ninety seconds and counting.  The 51-L mission ready to go.”

“T minus 45 seconds and counting.”

The Launch platform was about to be flooded by powerful streams of water gushing from six pipes fully 7 ft. in diameter to damp the lift-off sound levels from
CHALLENGER’S three engines for the acoustic energy itself could damage the craft’s underside.  The main-engine firing sequence was turned over to computers.

“T minus have main engine start.”

Even now the onboard computer sensing the slightest glitch, could still abort a launch.

“ lift off.  Lift-off of the 25th space shuttle mission. And it has cleared the tower.”



...The quiet was ended abruptly at 8:32 AM by an earthquake of about magnitude 5.1.  The earthquake shook the walls of Mt. St. Helen’s summit crater
and started many small avalanches.  Then, a huge slab of the northern slope of the volcano, in the area of the bulge, began to separate from the main cone along a
crack across the upper part of the bulge.  As this immense mass of rock and ice plunged northward, small dark clouds emerged from the base of the slide, followed
closely by vertical plumes of steam and ash from the crater area.

As the huge avalanche raced down the volcano’s lower flank, black clouds grew from the scar of the mountainside.  Within seconds, as more of the
northern flank slumped downward, these clouds developed into a large blast, directed outward, that became a devastating hurricane of ash and coarser fragments.  
The avalanche, now outdistanced by the lateral blast, slammed the ridge about five miles north of the old summit, forming a pudgy hummocky debris flow that over
tipped the ridge at one place but mostly turned to flow westward down the valley of the North Fork Toutle River as far as fourteen miles.

Farther east, part of the avalanche debris dived into Spirit Lake, where it displaced the water as a huge swash onto adjacent slopes, buried countless
trees already blown into the lake, and raised the lake-bed by more than 100 feet.

The major lateral blast began 20 to 30 seconds after the triggering earthquake and spread northward at 250 miles an hour with a debris laden cloud.

Johnston’s message had been received on the radio of a private citizen and recorded on an attached tape recorder.  Another volcano watcher on the ridge
top north of Coldwater II radioed a description of the avalanche, the beginning of the eruption, and the progress of the blast cloud.  “The camper and the car just
over to the south of me are covered.  The blast cloud is going to get me too.”  There was no escape from his position.

For nearly six miles wide all life was immediately destroyed.  Trees were stripped of their branches and snapped off near the ground or uprooted, and vehicles were
overturned.  Farther out from that zone trees were mostly denuded and toppled and on the outer limit some 18 to 23 miles distant trees were left standing but
seared.  The temperature rose to 680 degrees Fahrenheit.

Looking down into the crater, land sliding of rock and ice debris inward into the crater was seen.  The whole north side of the crater began to
move instantaneously.  The nature of the movement was eerie.  The entire mass began to ripple and churn up, without moving laterally.  Then the entire north side
of the summit began to slide north.

The initial cloud began to mushroom laterally to the north and plunge down.  To the east of the volcano, the ash cloud separated into billowing,
mushroom-shaped clouds and a higher overhang of cirrus-type clouds.  Ash fall from the mushroom shaped clouds was heavy.  Lightning bolts shooting through the
clouds were tens of thousands of feet high.  Soon, the ash extended to altitudes of 50,000 feet.

Fires started as lightning in the cloud ignited trees.  Airborne ash from the volcano was streaming eastward with the wind.  Thunder was a constant
rumble.  Rocks the size of golf balls began to fall.

Seismograph records show that the triggering earthquake came from a depth of roughly 1,000 feet below sea level and from a point about one mile due north of the
summit.  The initial quake was followed about two minutes later by a second quake of roughly the same magnitude.  The dense column of ash from the eruption
billowed out of the volcano for more than nine hours after the lateral blast had removed the upper northern side of the mountain.  The large white cloud extended
above a low layer of ash and was rising from large steam explosions in hot avalanche deposits near the southwestern end of Spirit Lake.

Dense clouds of ash from the continuing eruption turned daytime to darkness as far as 120 miles away.

Water from the melting snow and ice on the slopes of Mount St. Helens and in the avalanche debris and from the now buried and disrupted stream channels
produced dozens of mud flows.  On or near the blasted mountain, mudflows developed within minutes, some pouring over and eroding deposits of the debris
avalanche itself.  Many mud-flows stopped on the lower flanks of the volcano, and others were damned temporarily behind debris deposits: many however, coalesced
and began to move through the major drainage ways, generating floods all the way down the Toutle River and the Cowlitz River and on into the Columbia River.

Twenty miles away the heat was severe enough to burn vegetation.  Overhead, a mushroom shaped black cloud billowed to 65,000 feet.  By midday ash was so thick
over Eastern Washington that cities were engulfed in complete darkness.  Street lights were on at noon.  Fallen ash was everywhere.

One cubic mile of material had been removed by the eruption.  Melting ice from glaciers and snow packs sent torrents of mud and debris ravaging down river
channels.  In the Toutle Valley, debris from avalanches and pyroclastic flows varied in depth from 60 to 300 feet deep.  In all, 156 square miles had been devastated.
Trees snapped like matchsticks by the volcanic blast and were swept miles from their point of origin.  Trees left behind, were stumps charred and blackened by a
wave of volcanic ash...



Friday, April 25 was a spring weekend where the orchards and gardens were on the verge of bursting into masses of color-pale green foliage, violet lilac blooms, pink
cherry, white apple blossom, acacia and lilies of the valley.  Many of the power station workers had taken advantage of the weather to leave town on fishing trips.  
Major Leonoid Telyatnikov was having a day off.  Not due back at the plant until Sunday, he was at home four miles away.
It was a holiday period.  No. 4 Unit was being shut down for its annual fuel-change and maintenance.  The night shift was more lightly staffed than during the day.  
There were less than 150 men on duty that fateful night.  Many of them would never see another day of the early spring.  Aleksandr Akimov was the crew
supervisor, a veteran engineer.  Anatoily Kurguza was an operator in the vast reactor hall directly above the sealed core, who handled changes in the fuel and control
rods there.  Vladimir Shashionok worked on the automatic control systems.  Valery Hodiemchuk was a basic grade operator.  
They were all to die soon.

During the night shift at Chernobyl No. 4 Unit there were muffled sounds.  There was a harsh hiss of escaping steam.  At precisely 40 seconds after 1:23, a fireball
appeared in the night sky over the roof of the turbine hall.  The nuclear reactor at Chernobyl had just exploded.

Near the joining of the rivers Uzh and Pripyat there is a one story weather station building.  Eight times a day the six station workers check wind flow and direction,
analysis of the soil moisture and noted cloud movements.  Station Chief Zinaida Kordyk was carrying out morning measurements.

She was taking down different readings the same as she did every morning, until she stopped at the station’s Geiger counter.  To her horror, the counter had a
reading that showed there was a sudden and severe increase in radiation levels outside her station.

An experienced meteorologist, Kordyk knew that the rapid rise could only mean that something had gone wrong at the Chernobyl atom plant.  She was the first
person outside the stricken atom plant to discover that its deadly radiation had already begun its journey across Europe.

By late Saturday morning, much of Reactor No. 4 and its surrounding buildings were fiercely ablaze.  Vast plumes of highly radioactive debris were being hurled high
into the atmosphere.

The first serious error was to switch off the emergency core cooling systems.  At 1AM on Friday, April 25th, 24 hours before the accident was to occur, operators
began the task of gradually reducing power of Reactor No. 4.  They were aiming to bring it down from 3,200MW to between 700 and 1,000MW.  By lunchtime, it had
reached 1,600MW and at 2PM they switched off the emergency cooling system.

Then the operators received an urgent call from the local grid controller at Kiev.  He needed the reactor’s electricity for several more hours and told the operators to
stop running down the power.  They obeyed but failed to turn the emergency cooling back on again.  So the reactor went on running without this crucial safety
system, a clear violation of the rules.

At 11:10PM the Grid Controller said he no longer needed the electricity and the operators returned to reducing the reactor’s power.  Then at 28 minutes past
midnight, the operators made another fatal error. They forgot to set the regulator properly.  The second crucial violation of safety procedures.  So the reactor’s
power slumped dramatically.  Instead of stabilizing at 700 to 1000MW, it crashed to 30MW.  At this point the reactor should have been closed down.  They frantically
tried to restore power.

Xenon-135 gas is one of the fission products produced during reactor operation.  It absorbs neutrons, the lifeblood of nuclear fission.  During full-power operation,
there are enough neutrons to overcome this absorption.  At low power, xenon build-up is a dominating factor.

The stage was set for the third dangerous violation. The operators pulled more control rods until there were only six left instead of the safe 15 or 30.

By 1:AM, the power had climbed to 200MW and the fourth violation occurred.  At 1:03 and 1:07 they switched on two extra pumps to join the six that were already
circulating cooling water through the core.  At low power it fatally altered the balance of steam and water in the circuit making the reactor unstable.

Water and steam levels began changing unpredictably from second to second and were out of control.  At 1:20AM a fifth mistake was made, in response to steam
pressures that were sagging and to the water level that was dropping below the emergency mark, they blocked the automatic shut-down system that would have
closed down the reactor.

At 1:23AM plus four seconds the final mistake was made.  They switched off the last safety system which would have come into operation automatically when the
turbines shut down.

The reactor was now running free, isolated from the outside world, its control rods out and its safety systems disconnected.  The reactor could do as it pleased.

The shift manager realized within 30 seconds that something was wrong.  He ordered an operator to press the AZ-5 button.  This would have driven all the control
and scram rods into the core.  The rods fell, but did not go fully in because they were already distorted by the heat.  Banging noises were heard and rods disconnected
to allow them to fall into the core by their own weight.  But it was too late.

In the last second of the reactor’s life its power surged from 7% to several hundred times its normal level.  A small part of the reactor’s core went prompt critical.  
The effect was the equivalent of half a ton of TNT exploding in the core similar to the detonation of an atomic bomb except that the reaction instead of taking only a
few billionths of a second was longer.  Disaster struck so fast that the fuel did not have time to melt.  It simply shattered into fragments.
Four seconds later a second explosion occurred.

The explosions blasted the 1,000 ton lid clean off the reactor, and brought the giant 200-ton refueling crane crashing down on the core, destroying more cooling
circuits.  Within seconds, the zirconium cladding of the fuel rods began to react with the steam to form hydrogen producing a fireworks display of glowing particles
and fragments escaping from the units.  It set off 30 separate fires in the building.  The huge blocks of graphite in the reactor core also caught fire.

The continuing reduction of water flow through the fuel channels as the power rose led to intensive steam formation and then to nucleate boiling, over-heating of the
fuel, destruction of the fuel, a rapid surge of coolant boiling with particles of destroyed fuel entering the coolant, a rapid and abrupt increase of pressure in the fuel
channels, destruction of the fuel channels, and finally an explosion which destroyed the reactor and part of the building and released radioactive fission products into
the environment.

By now the entire Chernobyl complex was facing complete destruction.  Because of damage to some oil pipes, electric cable short circuits and the intense heat
radiation from the reactor, focuses of the fire formed in the machine hall over the turbo generator Number 7, in the reactor hall.

The fate of Chernobyl Reactor No. 4 was sealed.  Its double containment was breached and the top of its core had been smashed open.  Broken pressure tubes were
no longer providing coolant to the top of the core, which continued to overheat, triggering further reactions between the steam that now poured over the reactor’s
zirconium and its red-hot blocks of graphite.  The graphite began to pour out plumes of Lanthanum-140, Ruthenium-103, Cesium-137, Iodine-131, Tellurium-132,
Strontium-90 and Yttrium-91.  The cloud escaped through a gaping hole in the reactor hall roof and into the night.



Cheers went up from 1,000 spectators watching on bleachers some four miles from Pad 39-B.  Even at a distance, they could feel the power of the blast-off, which
elicits an almost instinctive elation.  A graceful sculpture arising from an awesome explosion; it was just as it was supposed to look.  Among the relieved viewers
were the relatives of the CHALLENGER’S crew.

In the Shuttle the crew was about to be jammed back onto their couches by three times the force of gravity.  Their immediate fate was out of their hands.

“Houston, we have roll program”, declared Commander Scobee.  The flight was only 16 seconds old.

“Roger, roll “CHALLENGER”, acknowledged Mission Control.  Like a fly clinging to a caterpillar, the Shuttle turned gracefully on its back as the tank and the
boosters assumed the proper downrange course for entering orbit.

At 35 seconds, CHALLENGEER’S engines were throttled back to 65% of full power to pass through the zone of high turbulence.

“Three engines running normally.  Three good fuel cells.  Three good auxiliary power units.  Velocity 2,257 ft. per second, 1,538 m.p.h.  Altitude 4.3 nautical miles.  
Downrange distance three nautical miles.”

NASA’s long-range television cameras had been following CHALLENGER’S shiny white rocket plume, recording the graceful roll that had awed the spectators.  But
then the cameras caught an ominously unfamiliar sight, imperceptible to those below.  An orange glow had first flickered just past the center of the orbiter, between
the shuttle’s belly and the adjacent external tank.  This was near the point where the tank is attached to CHALLENGER.  Milliseconds later, the fire had flared out
and danced upward.

“Roger Go at throttle up.”  Those words from the Space Shuttle’s Commander Francis R. Scobee, had been described by NASA as the last before the craft exploded.  
And a single additional comment Challenger’s pilot Michael J. Smith: “Uh-oh,” less than a half a second earlier the craft had made a sudden movement to the right,
the result of the first stages of the explosion almost coincident with Smith’s comment, a brilliant flash was seen between the Shuttle and its external fuel tank.  
Suddenly there was only a fireball.  Piercing shades of orange and yellow and red burst out of a billowing white cloud, engulfing and disintegrating the spacecraft.

Snaking wildly out of control, the two boosters emerged from the conflagration, both clearly intact.  They veered widely apart, leaving yellow-orange exhaust glows
and gleaming white trails behind them.  The configuration resembled a giant monster in the sky, its two claws reaching frantically forward.

Alive or dead they hit the ocean at about 207 miles per hour .

“Where in Hell is the bird?  Where is the bird?”  “It exploded!”

In Houston, announcer Nesbitt had kept his eyes on the programmed flight data displayed in front of him, not yet aware of the images of disaster appearing on the
TV monitor to his left.  He reported what normally would have been the readings from CHALLENGER.

“One minute, 15 seconds.  Velocity 2,900 feet per second, 1,977 m.p.h., altitude nine nautical miles.  Downrange distance seven nautical miles.”

To millions watching on their own screens, Nesbitt’s narration was surreal.  They had seen the fireball.  There was a 40 second pause and silence on the screen as
viewers stared in baffled horror.  Then, his voice still calm, Nesbitt announced.

“Flight controllers are looking very carefully at the situation.”  He added quickly, “Obviously a major malfunction.”  His unemotional tone did not change.  
Communication with the craft had been severed, he continued.  “We have no downlink.”

On the consoles in front of Nesbitt and the rows of technicians on duty in Houston, a series of S’s froze on the monitoring screens signaling “static”.  No data were
coming from CHALLENGER.  The range safety officer at the Cape pressed a button to destroy the two boosters by radio.  Another pause of 40 seconds, Nesbitt
pronounced the fateful verdict:

“We have a report from the flight-dynamics officer that the vehicle has exploded.  The flight director confirms that.”

“RTLS!!!  RTLS!!!” yelled former NASA Engineer Jim Mazell, watching from the press stands at The Cape.  He looked up in vain, and in horror, expecting
CHALLENGER to arc away from the unnatural cloudburst and return safely to the landing strip.  In the VIP bleachers, only a few experienced viewers immediately
sensed the disaster.  To the naked eye, the flames were diluted by the distance.  Many thought the explosion involved a normal separation of the boosters from the
main tank and orbiter.  But that maneuver was to have occurred at two minutes, seven seconds into the flight.

A fleet of 13 vessels, four planes and nine helicopters began searching an area of 6,000 square miles of Atlantic coastal waters.



The mudflow in the South Fork Toutle River reached the Camp 123 logging area twenty seven miles downstream from headwaters on Mt. St. Helens about an hour
and forty minutes after the eruption and left a tangled mass of logs and heavy road hauling equipment.  The mudflow in the Muddy River left stream banks strewn
with logs between ash-coated trees at a distance 16 miles downstream from headwaters.  Mudflows destroyed nearly eleven bridges that crossed streams draining
from the northern, northeastern and northwestern parts of Mount St. Helens.  The mudflow in the North Fork Toutle River was dense enough to support heavy
machinery and carried sections of steel two lane highway bridges downstream.  The mudflows moved this heavy debris for miles before depositing it at places where
the mud lost velocity.

The maximum stage of the mudflows on the Toutle River reached the second floors of houses and any lower or less protected homes were completely swept away by
the mudflows.  The debris floodwater from the Toutle River inundated the flood plain of the Cowlitz River to a width of one mile at Castle Rock.  Flood deposits were
as much as 40 million cubic yards.

Mudflows also moved rapidly down Smith Creek and Muddy River, which drain the eastern side of the mountain, and Pine Creek on the southeastern side.  The
mudflows, which were laden with heavy logging equipment, homes, logs, trees, vehicles, roads and bridges took out a bridge near the mouth of Pine Creek as well as
Eagle Cliff Bridge across the Swift Reservoir.  The Eagle Cliff Bridge was taken out by a towering flood surge of thirty feet high that struck without warning at 9:
00AM.  The flood surge entering the reservoirs raised the water level six feet in fifteen minutes.

It was a barren, bizarre scene of grey and brown volcanic debris interspersed with fumaroles: dozens of steam vents shooting heated water hundreds of feet into the
Searchers brought from the muck an assortment of odds and ends.  Blue jeans, shirts and long underwear.  Towels, newspapers and cookware.  Sheets of aluminum,
apparently siding from some sort of structure.  Electrical wiring extending up to ten feet in length.  Then a mattress was uncovered.  The searcher’s eyes turned
intently to the spot.  Found lying on its side with top edge a good eight inches below the surface, the mattress was wrapped around a narrow tree trunk.  Lying on his
stomach, the searcher pushed his arm down through the muck.  Sunk up to his armpit, his fingers probed the fine warm ash to no avail.

A Missing Person’s Report stated that two women had driven a logging road along a ridge top and camped just below Elk Rock.  On Sunday morning before the
eruption of St. Helens was scenic grandeur with a 360 degree view of clean running water, evergreen forests and St. Helens puffing steam.  After the eruption the
entire hillside of trees had been bowled over, brushed straight up the slope, their sharp tops piercing the air above the ridge like thousands of spears.  Entire forests,
thousands of acres of valuable timber had been leveled in a single instant.  Travel was like threading through a horizontal jungle.  Sometimes it was necessary for
searchers to crawl on their bellies in the ash—with St. Helen’s poised for another eruption.

Search dogs noses’ went down into the ash, like pigs rooting for food.  One found the carcass of a family dog in dozens of pieces.  As searchers sifted the ash at the
flagged spot and turned up pieces of meat, they assumed it to be camper’s food but later would be identified as the portions of a human heart and lung.

One of the searchers became stuck in the mud.  One bent leg was in a partially submerged log.  The other simply would not come out of the muck.
He tried to push off with a long-handled shovel, but the shovel disappeared.  He gave up trying to touch bottom when the mud covered his hand up to his waist.  
Slowly he levered the leg from the hole virtually using his elbows as paddles.

Protected by the cliffs, isolated pockets of trees had been left standing.  Though spared from the leveling force of the eruption, their branches had been scorched
brown by the heat, then coated with a thick grey ash.  It looked as if it had rained cement.  Weaving through the maze of burned out evergreens, the searchers
finally picked out a single tree and stood motionless.  Mt. St. Helens had left her victim, crucified and impaled on fourteen separate branches piercing through her
decayed arms, torso, forehead and feet.  The victim was a lifeless form dangling grotesquely from an equally grotesque dying tree.  A makeshift casket of bright
yellow vinyl was taken from a field pack and unrolled at the foot of the somber tree.  Seven searchers turned pall bearers for the procession away from the shattered
forest, back along the bottom of the cliffs.  Only rarely did searches turn up the remains of life lost to the volcano.  Only an impaled arm or a fist of a badly damaged
corpse was recognizable as human.

In the background, St. Helens, her once white capped mantle gone, her eroded brown soul exposed, gazed down on her wasteland.  Steam rose from dozens of small
vents inside the crater, then merged with light puffy clouds that slowly drifted by.  A brown haze hung over Spirit Lake.  Wind was swirling ash into a dust storm
filtering out the sunlight along the horizon.  Fires continued to burn.  Inflamed by the heat of eruption, broken forests lay smoldering under tons of ash.  
The Ghost of Spirit Lake lay hidden beneath thousands of logs swept from nearby hills.  A cloud of swirling ash marks the site of Truman’s Lake-side resort buried
under 200 feet of pyroclastic flow, composed of volcanic compost fragments, human remains and hot gas.

The cloud of ash (pulverized rock) ejected from the crater of Mt. St. Helens rose over 10 miles into the atmosphere before high level winds carried the cloud to the
East.  Cities in Eastern Washington were immobilized by seven inches of ash fall out.  Reports of ash-related problems came from as far away as Montana.  Brilliant
sunsets, caused by ash particles suspended in air, were visible from the Mid-West to London, England.  In less than two weeks ash-laden clouds were passing over
the Pacific Northwest after circling the world.



A minute after the fatal surge the first warnings were sounded.  The duty crew of No. 2 military fire-fighting unit heard a roar.  As soon as Telyatnikov had arrived
from his home 6km. away he saw that 28 firefighters were losing the battle against the fire.  The flames were threatening to spread through the cable channels to
other parts of the reactor complex, including a nearby Reactor No. 3.

Telyatnikov split his men into groups and several times led one group by climbing to the highest part of the station roof.  Fumes, flames and smoke were pouring
from the blazing hall below while the bitumen on the turbine-hall roof melted rapidly in the intense heat.  They found that their boots were becoming heavier by the
minute.  Their feet were caught in the molten mass and turned leaden as the resin stuck.

They fought the flames for three hours until they halted the flames and prevented them from spreading to Chernobyl’s three other operational reactors.

Many of the firemen on the roof were in a very bad way having fought the fire and intense radiation for hours.  They were taken down and put into ambulances and
replacements filled in.  Six of them died from the effects of radiation that poured over them.

The 1,000 bed hospital No. 6 was like a battlefield.  The casualties were sorted ruthlessly into three groups, those who would die no matter what, those who needed
immediate help and those who might recover without quick attention.  Help was given to the middle group.  The most critically ill were in terrible condition.  They
were badly burned, hairless and racked with infections.  Some had began to vomit with radiation sickness, and others were on the brink of developing spontaneous
internal bleeding.

The very first victim of Chernobyl was Valery Hodiemchuk, a power station operator.  He was pinned beneath collapsing masonry at his work station as the explosion
went off.  His fellow worker and friend Vladimir Sashionov, an auto-system setter, was caught in the blast.  Staggering from the wrecked block with 80% burns,
Sashionov fell into the arms of horrified workmates and gasped “Valery…Inside.” before losing consciousness.  Sashionov died in the ambulance.  He never had a
funeral.  The ambulance crew, fearing radioactive contamination, buried him on the spot, in the cemetery of the first village that they came to.  As for Hodiemchuk,
before going on night duty, Hodiemchuk told his wife that the family would travel that weekend to the next village, there to help his mother plant potatoes.  When
the weekend came, Hodiemchuk’s wife and small son traveled on a bus to the village as planned.  His little boy thought his father was on duty at the plant.  He was
but the bus was in an evacuation convoy, fleeing the radiation of Chernobyl.  Hodiemchuk would never be able to leave his duty station at the plant.  His body was to
be covered in cement and abandoned inside.  The huge concrete sarcophagus being built over the No. 4 Reactor will make an awesome tombstone for his son to visit;
as it will for his own children’s children, on through the many centuries it will take for Hodiemchuk’s grave to become safe.




DiBattisto, Leonard, L. Died on June 26, 1990. Beloved            
husband of Consulea. devoted son of AbiGina (Jeannie)
Macarolla.  Dear brother of Horace Dimenico, Lionel
Dimencio and Cestina Dibianci.  Loving father of Andreas
DiBattisto and Rowina DiBattisto.  Funeral Mass, Wed.
11:AM, at St. Marmain of  The Immaculate Conception
Church.  Entombment at St. Marmain of The St. Samaritan
Cemetery, Esterwood-On-The Hudson.  Reposing at DelBello
Funeral Home, Inc.  Visiting hours Monday 7-9PM & Tuesday
2-4 and 7 to 9PM.  In lieu of flowers, donations to the
Hospice of D’Assisi St. Thomas Hospital of Esterwood-On-The
Hudson would be appreciated.

L had had a long archaic history of academic and behavioral difficulties as far back as the fourth grade.  He failed reading, social studies and
science.  His teachers described him as destructive and immature.  He would interrupt the class with his unsavory behavior and appeared to need a more structured

L was a twelve year old male Caucasian student who appeared to be of average height and weight.  He came to the testing situation displaying a
somewhat reserved and guarded manner.  However, after initial discussions with him he seemed to relax and became quite cooperative and appeared to put forth
good effort.  It was duly noted during the conservation that his speech had a strong nasal quality to it and it was difficult to understand his pronunciation of some
words.  L stated that at times some of his classmates and friends mocked him by mimicking his speech difficulty.  L became upset and tended to withdraw and not
participate in activities that might focus on his speech difficulties.

L was referred to me by his Guidance Counselor and the Child Study Team for speech and language evaluation.  Speech evaluation indicated that L
was intelligible but lacked animation.  L’s speech was on a one pitch level and was monotonous.  Articulation was not crisp.  There was minimal movement of the
articulators.  More obvious than his lack of crisp articulation was his vocal quality.  His voice was a little nasal characterized by intermittent mild nasal “snorts”.  
Sometimes his pitch dropped unexpectedly and he seemed out of breath.  He had trouble sustaining phonation.  Breathing was “clavicular” (high chest).  Projection
was non-existent.  He complained of some asthma, but there was no school record of such.

Hearing acuity was satisfactory.  He was “stuffed” up and had a sore throat.  Palatal action was minimal and contributed to hyper-nasality L’s strengths
appeared to be in excellent verbal reasoning ability, including solid long term memory ability.  L’s relative deficits appeared to be in poor visual and auditory short
term memory ability.  He seemed to have a problem with spatial relationships.  L had difficulty manipulating blocks and puzzles.  By trial and error, on the Block
Design Test, he was able to eventually copy the designs from the model.  The Bender Gestalt indicates a level of visual motor functioning at a seven year old level,
with errors in distortion, transcription and rotation.

Emotionally L presented a facade of a somewhat shy and reserved youngster who expressed many concerns about these feelings of inadequacy at school.  He
appeared from the Projectives to be extremely vulnerable and guarded to what he considered to be a hostile and a non-nurturing environment.

It appeared that L was repressing much of his anger which was directed at himself for being unable to cope with the demands of school and the taunting of
his fellow students.  He was extremely defensive and cautious and seemed to have created some fantasy world for himself which helped ventilate his feelings.  
In summary, L appeared to be functioning at the average level of intellectual ability.  However, his potential surely is at least in the Bright Average Range.  

In brief, it never occurred to the investigators that L had cancer, would die, knew he would die and therefore was an emotional as well as an intellectual basket case.

On Wednesday June 24, all Hospice Staff are invited
to a “Day-In-The-Sun” at Manner Ray Island Home,
Esterwood-On-The-Hudson.  "The fun takes place between
9:AM and 3:30PM.  We are looking forward to seeing you
there.  Lunch is being served “Al Fresco” and there will
be a cash bar.  We’re having a morning program on stress
and an afternoon program on communication
So bring your bathing suit, a patient or two, and
remember this is a day to take care of ourselves!"

L had been sitting up reading all night when he came across the picnic flyer on his night table.   It lay absentmindedly tucked away between the space separating two
folders on patients’ rights and patients’ responsibilities that had been left serendipitously by Louis, L’s Hospice Social Worker to be.  L finished the report on him
made by the school psychologist ten years ago.   How insignificant the report seemed compared to the picnic flyer!  How significant it
seemed back then!  Would the report help or hinder him in the uncertainty of the viciousness that awaited him?

Patients had the right to considerate and respectful
care.  Patients have the right to obtain from their physician
adequate information concerning their medical problems, the
planned course of treatment (including procedures and tests)
and the prognosis or medical outlook for their bleak futures in
terms that they can reasonably be expected to understand.
When it is not medically indicated to give such information
to the patient the information should be made available to
an appropriate person in the patient’s behalf.  Patients have
the right to know by name, the physician responsible for
coordinating their care.

Information was no problem for L.  Concerning his disease, he had more than he could absorb.  What troubled him this dismal, grey, starchy day was
the circumstantial evidence pilin up in his own mind that June 26 was the day that he had decided that he wouldn’t mind dying, giving up the battle.  But now one of
his favorite pleasures had been scheduled on this holy day of departure from this world.  Ever since he had become a troubled little boy he did so love picnics!  Yet he
also wanted to pull the plug!

Louis D. remarked in his Daily Log that L was well aware of his cancer diagnosis and requested Hospice through his mother.  “My job is clear.  To help
maintain L’s independence as long as possible and keep L comfortable.  I will provide support and understanding to L and Mother T.  I will assist L in his episodes
of nausea and vomiting.  I will monitor increase and decrease in pain and discomfort.  I will encourage expression of feelings.  I will make frequent contact with L to
emphasize to him that he is not alone although the truth of the matter is that he is very much alone!  I will help L recognize when he and his immediate family need
to talk about death and dying and when he needs to talk about other things unrelated to that subject like sexual awakenings or when there is a need just for silence.  
In short, when he needs to philosophize in order to prepare for the sickening, darkening void.”

Louis made his initial visit to L’s family and spoke with Mother T concerning L’s status and family situation.  Apparently there is no other close family
besides Mother T.  She lives nearby and will be visiting daily.

Mother T states that L needs supervision, assistance and increasing care.  Mother T requested more Hospice involvement.  She would like to care for L at
home as long as possible.  Mother T states that L is aware of the cancer diagnosis but she feels that his brain involvement should not be mentioned.

Mother T is nervous, isolated but organized.  She is giving medications.  L told Louis that his sister S died of cancer a year ago after a long debilitating
illness.  Mother T traveled all over the world for a cure.  She had Scleroderma.  “My sister was a wonderful girl.  I miss her very much.  I’ll be with her soon...,
(crying).  She suffered.  We were very close from early on.  She died a year ago this day.  I hope to go soon.  I don’t want to linger.  I didn’t take care of myself
when my sister was sick.  I knew I should have.”

Louis notes in his Daily Log on the 21st that L was lying prostrate in his hospital bed, alert and oriented.  B/P-100/80, AP=80 degrees, R=17. T=97 degrees.
Lungs remain clear right lobe.  Left lung increased bronchi/increased wheezing, increased pain and discomfort with colostomy.  Stool liquid at times.  Increased
pedal edema.  Egg crate applied to patient’s bed.  L occasionally has episodes of nausea and vomiting and L’s n/v seems to be relieved with increased doses
of Compazine.  L has been giving himself insulin but Mother T has taken over this chore as L can’t lift the needle.  L complains of light tremors when eating.      
Sometimes L has episodes of confusion and hallucinations and is in need of pain relief.  (8mg. Dilaudid Pv & PRN).  L is aware of increased fluid intake.
L was in good spirits and verbalized feelings concerning death.  Louis suggested a priest to visit and have a prayer session with his mother.  L thought this
would be very helpful and discussed this with Mother T.  Mother T would call the parish priest to arrange this for June 3rd.  L stated that he had one episode        
of urine incontinence and was very embarrassed about it.  L would sign himself onto Hospice on the condition that his care became too much for Mother T.

Patients have the right to receive from their physicians
information necessary to give informal consent prior to
the start of any procedure and/or treatment.  Except in
emergencies such information for informed consent should
include, but not necessarily be limited to the specific
procedure and/or treatment, the medically significant risk
involved and the probable duration of incapacitation.  Where
medically significant alternatives for care or treatment
exist or when the patient requests information concerning
medical alternatives, the patient has the right to
such information.  Patients also have the right to know
the name of the person responsible for the procedures and
the treatment.  Patients have the right to refuse treatment to the
extent permitted by law, and to be informed of the
medical consequences of these actions.

Louis had been informing L and he had done a yeoman’s job as informant.  “The care given to our Hospice patients is provided by Public Health Nurses who possess a
desire to care for the dying and have the dedication required for this sacrosanct area.  All of the patients are counseled by certified social workers.  Hospice has a
large volunteer component.  Volunteers are an indispensable part of the program and they are called upon to do just about everything for the patients, from giving
them a bath to taking them out to lunch.”

“The focus of the program is to provide care at home.  Most of the patients are able to die at home which is where, for the most part, people want to die.  Hospice
concentrates on enhancing life.  We do this by attempting to relieve stresses from one’s daily routine, by seeing that patients receive adequate medical assessment
and treatment, and by encouraging participation in their own care.  One of the patients told me that she thought Hospice was a place that taught you how to die but
now she knows Hospice is to teach you how to live.”

“Hospice receives donated monies from various sources including the friends and families of deceased patients.  Almost always the obituary includes a sentence at
the end requesting that in lieu of flowers, donations be sent to Hospice.”

Louis confided to L the other day, how as a very young man he got involved in the extremely taxing profession of consoling people in the time and place of their most
dire need.  Louis then casually revealed that since the age of 9, now being 36, he had decided to devote his life to “volunteerism”.  He says he cannot remember
when he wasn’t preoccupied with volunteer work.  Plaques and citations landscape his wall and salute his work on behalf of The Boy Scouts of America, The YMCA,
The Salvation Army, his church and other superb organizations.  “How can you work so closely with dying people, Louis?”  L persisted.  “I can only respond that for
me, and I am sure for most Martyr volunteers, there is nothing depressing about it.  To us, Hospice has become a place for the living dead, not the dying trying to
live.  I try to make it possible for my patients to live full and actively during the rest of their lives.  It’s time to point out to them the accomplishments of their lives,
things that they can take powerful pride in.”

“Many of our patients complete their unfinished business and get satisfaction from doing so.  My physical association with patients ends over and over but it has an
effect on my life.  My soul is transported by their agonizing deaths and thereby selfishly becomes enlarged and engorged by the added life given to my own jagged
years.  I have been able to suck unselfish love from another human being and therefore my life, as if by concussion, has been defused rather than enriched.  I know
that I am not a humble person, never have been, never will be; but I have a certain compassion, however deluded or inbred, that leads to an understanding of others,
inherited from a wish fulfillment dedicated to a higher understanding of myself.  I found I can love a person less, or hate a person more, without being materially
judgmental.  This is one of the brutish strengths of the Hospice Programs.  I can bring warmth, understanding and snobbish concern to a lonely, bewildered,
beleaguered, frightened individual only because I am unencumbered by the morass of conflicting memories, Kantian moral imperatives and legal ramifications which
would only serve to dull a certain proscribed infidelity of sincerity.”

“Hospice is a home at the end of life’s journey.  It is special care created by loving hands of family, friends, physicians, social workers, home health aides, clergy and
trained volunteers in the futile war against cancer.  A comfortable refuge in the darkness of fatigue, loneliness and anxiety.  It helps patients and families
physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  A labor of lost love, which lets some light through the darkened blood splattered glass, when the windows of shame
and opportunity have been preoccupied with unrelenting pain, drugs and the fear and stench of death.  Sometimes this light is but a fascinating snickering streak of
brightness and sometimes it becomes this light of a quiet, steadfast laser radiance.  To have someone come in from the cold purr of reality, the cold piss of existence,
and not be afraid to be with them because they are dying, is comforting to them as well as to me.”

PHYSICIAN:  “Patients often ask me as an innocent bystander, ‘what’s wrong with me’?  I never answer the question directly or in the future perfect tense unless I
am certain that the patient is prepared to cope with the answer.  The patient, in his own way, and in his own time, singing his own tune, comes to the place of
understanding where he really wants to know the medical bull-shit, that is, the full extent of his tragedy.  When I’m sure the patient is at that place I
tell him my opinion as truthfully, skillfully and hopefully as Oncology Ethics will allow.  I imitate the same tone of voice that a top salesman would use during a
corporate presentation.  If the patient shows no signs of wanting to know the seriousness of his crimes, I respect that cowardly silence, in spite of my conviction that
there is foolhardy wisdom and no great help for the patient who can face his death openly.  But not for me!  That speech is for the Herd mentality!  The truth is that
I can’t face the truth and I personally don’t want to know!  People are dealing from the bottom of the deck of life.  They don’t know if it’s a month, four months or
six sexless months.  But they try to come to terms with the fact that there is no future beyond the immediate injustice of a toothless and hairless grave.”

L. “The pain is wearing me down.  The nausea.  I can’t give up.  If I’ll just...oh the hell with it!  Maybe tomorrow...when you know...O Christ! tomorrow is going to
be as bad or worse!  I want to give up!”

REVEREND BISHOP:  “Despair has many voices besides my own.  All of them are circular in their reasoning, self-referential in direction and singular in their silent
condemnation of despair.  The worst one is the voice that says that life has meaning.  Death is the ultimate winner every time.  What’s the use anyhow?  Clergy are
people who live by sleight-of-hand and mis-direction in the midst of despair and oftentimes answer the deepest questions with a polite grimace or an unexcused
smirk.  With unabashed hubris, in their darkest moments, dying persons answer their own self-probing questions.  Some people push the tautologies away like
recursive Heraclutian river sludge.  Some people gratefully fall back upon the rocky foundations of Faith on which their lives, steeped in original sins, were infected
since childhood.  Others reach out for new answers to the same old questions of an impoverished potpourri of Eschatology.”

“As comforters, clergy know, like snake oil salesmen know, that the very deepest betrayal in life is love in the third degree--that very yearning after life.  Therefore
they meet the dying where they are in that sojourn of the soul.  They do not try to push them ahead into the gawking abyss or pull them back from the brink of
existence but they lean upon their dying shoulders so they can steal a pre-mortem peek at Infinity.  And where are they, you might ask?  Nowhere in particular this
fine day.  So they gently push them into their wretched but richly deserved pauper graves.”

L., wearily, “my needs are for more glorious pain killers!  The pain’s so great!  The steps are getting heavier.  The road is getting shorter.  The state of disjointed
Being that I’m in now doesn’t matter.  It is devoid of a substratum.”

L was lying in bed and remembering all he had seen and heard in the hospital.  He was about to have a cerebral-vascular experience.  For if he could convince
himself to repeat the most obnoxious of the medical terms that he had overheard the past few weeks, repeat them out loud, shout them; he could cure his ailment
with a simplistic, medical linguistic magic bullet.  He gave recognition to the most deadly sounding words in the medicinal lexicon.  He made his miracle list.
“Acetonuria, ketonuria, acidosis, anorexia, anuria, oliguria, anxiety state unspecified, pain of the joints, arthralgia, colostomy, cystotomy, gastrotomy.”  (The irony
was that he did indeed effect a cure of sorts).

“Illeostomy, asictes, abdominal cachexia, carcinomatosis (the disease of cancer in its most harlequin of disguises), cryptosporidiosis, dysurthia.”  (L would use only
the important Latin sounding words for therein the linguistic combinations would have a certain medicinal value.  He left the cruder words out.  These words he felt
wouldn’t work wonders such as dyscrasia, dyspnea, dysuria emersis, rectosigmoid junction, leptospirosis, metastasis melanoma, myasthenia gravis, mycosis
fungordes, splenic flexure and carcinomatosis”.  Some words would do him more harm than good for instance, “orthopnea, pericarditis and pharyngities.”  (That last
word didn’t help Franz Kafka all that much so how could it be of use to L?)

“Preumocystosis, economic inadequate material resources, adverse effects of the work environment or no work environment at all!  Wouldn’t that be a magic
bullet!  Dissatisfaction with employment.  Dissatisfaction with the dissatisfaction with unemployment.  Inadequate housing, interpersonal problems, loneliness,
isolation, vertigo, decubitus, paroxysmal, stenosis, tracheostomy, reticulosarcoma, antineaplastic antibiotics, immunosuppressive, ostegenic sarcoma metastatic to
the lungs.  Finally, acute depression reaction in a bereaved person.”

“Patients have the right to expect that within its capacity the hospital must make reasonable response to their requests for services.  When medically permissible,
patients may be transplanted to another baser facility only after they have been given complete information and explanation concerning the need for an alternative
for such a transplant.  The institution to which the patient is to be transplanted must have first accepted the patient for transfer a priori.  Patients have the right to
be adored and advised if the hospital proposes to engage in or perform a diabolical clinical investigation affecting the soul.  Patients have the right to kneel and
refuse to participate in such invasive cell raping techniques.”

Patients have the right to every consideration of their
privacy concerning their own medical care program.  Case
discussion, consultation, examination, and treatments are
confidential and should be conducted discretely.  Those
not directly involved in the patient’s care must have the
permission of the patient to be present.

Louis spoke at great length with L’s Mother T.  She has many ambivalent feelings.  She has been the closest to L because the last nine years she has been alone.  
Mother T cried as she spoke of the funeral arrangements she had made with the funeral parlor in “Bestchester”.  The body would be picked up by a nearby funeral
parlor and then brought to Esterwood-On-The-Hudson.

Louis told Mother T to ask the funeral provider about terms, conditions and prices of funeral goods and services.  By using the telephone, he told her, she could
compare prices among funeral providers.

“The Funeral Rule requires funeral providers to disclose to you in writing if they charge a fee for buying cash advance items.  Cash advance items are goods or
services that are paid for by the funeral provider on your behalf such as flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers and clergy honoria.”

“Mother T, you may want to select direct cremation, which is cremation of the deceased without viewing or other ceremony at which the body is present.  If you
choose direct cremation, the funeral director will offer you either an inexpensive alternative container or an unfinished wooden box.  An alternative container is a
non-metal enclosure used to hold the deceased.  These containers may be made of pressboard, cardboard or canvas.  Because any container you use will be destroyed
during cremation, you may wish to use an alternative container or an unfinished wooden box for direct cremation.  These containers lower your funeral cost since
they are less expensive than traditional burial caskets.”

“Some people prefer a ceremonial service, religious or secular, with the body present.  Others choose an immediate burial and hold a memorial or other ceremony
with no body present.  Another service is cremation which may be performed either directly or after a ceremony and the body sent to a medical or educational

“Most decisions about purchasing funeral goods and services are made by people when they are grieving and under time constraints.  Thinking ahead may help you
make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements.  In this way you can carefully choose the specific items you want and need and can compare
prices offered by one or more funeral providers.”

Patients have the right to expect that all communications
and records pertaining to their care should be available only
to those directly concerned with such care or as otherwise made                                         
available to third parties by permission of the patient or by rule of law.

May 15th.  The colon feels good.  Appetite bad.  Has occasional bouts of nausea and vomiting.  Weight has decreased 90 lbs. since discharge.  L now weighs
10 pounds.  L feels like a pocket of ground zero gravity in a black hole somewhere in the outer dimensions of the universe.  This fact of life has discouraged L.  L is
deteriorating and evaporating slowly.  L has a desire to eat but cannot keep food down.  L stated that he has generalized bony pain which will be controlled by
Dilaudid, 8 to 12 mgs.  L stated that these pains were not new, not severe and inhibiting in nature and occurred most often while he was lying in bed drunk with
overdoses of drug therapy.  G.I. soft and mushy, non-extended abdomen, active bowel sounds, liver edge smooth.  L states that he has urge to void but has difficulty
starting a stream of conscious urine.

L wants to go like people in the movies.  He wants to get this dying over with and hoped he would go in his sleep.  He said that of course he held out some hope
externally.  He didn’t have a great deal of hope within.  When L was asked what he would like to do he said he didn’t have enough energy to do much.  “It’s a let
down feeling when you feel so good, then you can’t get up.  I don’t have any energy.  I feel sub-human and sick.  I know I am supposed to be feeling sick instead of
feeling good.  It’s just so discouraging to feel good one day and the next day have no energy.  I am very depressed.  I have nothing to look forward to.  I don’t know
what I am feeling.  No I don’t have any pain.  I’ve overcome the nausea but have been overcome by the pains of dying.”

Recommended that L get dressed in his own clothes to raise his sheep like spirits.  He should see Hospice today, on their own grounds, to discuss feelings of
depression, death and dying.  “I’m so depressed.  I think often of my short life.  Life is not worth living like this.  I don’t think things will change when I’m in so
much pain.  I have to force myself to keep going.  Then I can relax when it’s all done.  I can feel myself getting confused.  I don't need a volunteer but if  Mother T
wants you to stay I can’t say no.  I think I can stay alone.”  (Levo-Dromoran, 1-2mg. P.O.g 4h for pain).

All funeral arrangements discussed with Mother T.  A list of funeral parlors given to L’s mother.  A list of family members completed by Mother T.

Visit made June 25th.  Patient comatose at this time.  All family members present.  Offered comfort and support to family.  Color pale--all extremities cold.  Skin
cyanotic.  Adult diapers being used.  

L just hanging on now.  L just can’t let go of life.  He is hanging on as if something is not quite right.  Usually there’s one sentence someone can say, one thing that
allows them to release.  I have not found that one sentence in L’s case.  I think to myself, maybe the sentence is “die you mother fucker!!  Get it over with you
skinny, emaciated son-of-a-bitch!”  During the final moments Louis will sit with L stroking his arm, talking, hoping to find the magic bullet.  Sometimes a simple-
minded religious metaphor will do the trick.  L wants to know there’s a heavenly presence who loves his children even if they get dirty faces every now and then.  
After all, half of the heavenly human race does not recognize the legal doctrine of “clean hands”.


The likelihood of any further pain in L’s case is:

L = nII(nil + ncZ)
11 i=1(Nil + NiZ)
(NiT + N) (Si) +NiZ)

The likelihood under the alternative hypothesis is the product of the likelihood’s for each group namely:

L = II2 L
11                j
n                  J=1
The likelihood ratio test statistic:    -Z(1nLH- 1nL),
is asymptotically                             (o 11)
distributed as x2 with K degrees of freedom.

Comment:        The Hospice Movement has stressed the management of pain associated with terminal illness. There is no evidence given by the above formula that
treatment in a specially designed unit yielded any clear benefits in terms of pain symptom relief.  The role of the Hospice may be less in the technical area of pain
and symptom control than the advocates suggest.  The conclusion being that Hospice has become less effective than conventional care.

Hyoscine 0.4 to 0.6mg. is given to dry up L’s excessive secretions.  As L lay dying these moistures accumulate and cause the “death rattle”. The doses can be
repeated every 4 to 8 hrs. if required (PRN).  They should be given with an opiate, usually 10 to 20mg. morphine to increase sedation.  Diazeparn intramuscularly is
used on The Day of Atonement following L’s Last Supper in order to control muscle twitching.  Diazeparin may be combined with meprazine.  There is no need to
deny L relief of severe pain even while its detailed cause is investigated.  Adequate relief must be given as soon as possible and morphine is the best drug.  Physical
signs of withdrawal are rare and will be avoided by tapering the dose over several days.  This fact should be more widely recognized so the drug will not be withheld.

During the last agonizing hour L ingested hydromorphine, dilaudid, levophanol, levo-dromoran, neperdine, demerol, methadone, dolophise, morphine, oxycodine,
percodan, oxymorphine, nuerphine, codeine, talwin, darvon, darvon-N, thorazine, mellaril, prolixin, trilafon, haldol, stelazine.  All of which were mixed in a special
brew of Brompton’s Cocktail topped off with Hospice Mix, zomax, anaprox and motrin as chasers.

Louis attached a drab little notice to the front of L’s bed.




After the family left, and the soul left the body and the body left the soul, Louis held L’s hand until L fell asleep for good.  Louis was no doubt sobbing during
the final countdown.  Saying nothing, Louis put his arms around L and helped him through the clammy night.  L was cold to the touch, bluish in nature, color and
tint and rigorously limp.  Louis wrapped a warm blanket around L and he could feel the tears streaming down his face.  Louis took L to the morgue for a final

Picnic day dawned like a handsome, water-logged, beached shipwreck.  The adulterated clone of a morning was awash with the stolen colors scraped off the state of
the art cutting edge residues of spring’s opal pastel easel.  Ester’s Woods remain essentially unchanged since primeval times--resembling some outdoor cathedral
with the forest an indecipherable detailed scroll bracketed dormer.  The verandah of grass supports an unrelenting sky like a tiled ceiling supports an overabundance
of terra cotta ornamentation.

Ester’s Woods are situated slightly askew with vistas stretching to the northern vales and eastern edges summarily stunted yet undistributed among the sinecures of
the countryside and an intriguing reminder of a time when health was conspicuously and unselfconsciously displayed.

Three and half miles wide, this forest repast was constructed of white pressed brick trim.  A cupola of brownish red crowns the eastern facade and showers bits of
copper reflections upon the casual hiker passing underneath.  The forest’s main path is surrounded by polished granite trunks standing like columns of Doric on
high plinths.  Their leafy brass wreaths emissaries hove-to like petulant awnings sheltering oriental mosaic floors stretching to the very furry core of infinity’s sable
lined horizons.

These ancient Cranberry Bogs are seven thousand acres of wetlands.  They and the rounded hills are the matrix-like intrusions of glacial intercourse many sexual
eons ago.  At the southern limitations of the open water there is a dike that slices the wetland habitat in half and then half that again.  A nature lodge is located at
the concentric terminus of the partially paved road.  The lodge preserves staid, outdated exhibits and is the staging area for L’s preordained, protracted nature walk.  
There is parking for countless cars.  Hiking trails allow the more patient patients to walk through the woods unmolested at their own pace.  L should have done this
but chose not to in order to view the magnificent rock outcrops, the growths of Mountain Laurel, the Old Root Cellar, and the spectacular rock walls with their
nutritious sumptuous variety of vitamin fed flora and fauna.

“Susan Newhouse, Tristan Isolde, Joseph Holly, Teren Nadir, Maria Newhouse.  Lloyd Weston, Annie Marie Weston, Oliver Poundstone, Louis DiBattista, Mother T,
Louis...”  The names were being jettisoned like so much flotsam from the Register of Names by the expectant monotones of the Hospice Director and then floated
into the oblivion of L’s dreamy coma.

The day was Sunday, two past two in the afternoon.  The nature walk was to begin in the oregano sunlight of an understanding spring day.  On the surface of reality,
the leaves were at parade rest or were otherwise being blown with a quick march step from the militaristic White Oaks.  The tips of the leaves were like pointed
bristles and from where L stood his iris zoomed in on the rounded ear lobes of acorns that were mystically maturing in the succulent summer breezes.
Having approached Esterwood with some slight apprehension, L could just begin to hear the indistinctive buzz of voices engaged in energetic conversation.

Simultaneously the roll call from the attendance log continued to ebb and flow into the undulating soft chaos around him.  L knew nothing except that the early
afternoon was certainly blameless.  The people gathered in the Anteroom were of an even more innocent cast.  There were children of 5, 7, 11 and a bewildered
babe belonging to an over-protective couple-- 38 and 31.  An elderly gentleman on paltry, hairy Spindle-shanks Garment District Legs was accompanied by a silent
walking stick.  Finally, L melted awkwardly into the mainstream of the gathering.

Out of the thinning of the air these strangers had materialized.  They had no more in common with each other (except for their dreaded terminal diseases--some
known to them, others not) than the mutual nagging feeling of foreboding has in common with the estranged fear that clings to the inner sanctum garments of a
rank mist of insidious, befouled smelling humus “hoving to” near a gently rotting bark precisely at the moment of the onset of winter.

The Guide, Virginia Jordan, a robust rust colored redhead gave a brief orientation before L began his excursion.  L blends somewhere in the circle of walkers where
he feels most comfortable--not quite on the outer ring, yet not quite on the inner circle.  Actually, he was quite close to Virginia.

“The New England Aster adds a brilliant purple splash to the highways, byways and fields.  Like the daisy, the Aster belongs to the most successful of the highly
evolved family of plants, the Composites.  Each flower is really a collection of over a hundred flowers.”

While the Guide slowly arrests the remaining spans of their attentions, L’s eyes strayed to the basement elevator and adjacent to it, the service stair with ornat
bronze newel posts, balusters, and a polished walnut railing.  The main level is really nothing more than six large formal rooms, vestibules, and service areas in a
dramatic combination of stylistic detail of sumptuous materials.  The sixty foot long Great Hall is a two story edifice, a masterpiece of some obscure, obscene will
with ossified coffered ceiling and two and a half rectangular stained glass skylights.

Within the Hall, a divided staircase with pink Italian marble risers ascends to an intermediate landing and from there to a gallery which overlooks the hall at the
second level.  The balcony is supported by cream colored marble Ionic columns.

Bronze newel, supporting brass and frosted torchers, are elaborately carved, as are the railings of brass.  There is a massive green and white marble fireplace with
heavily “leadened” carved limestone surrounded mantel over mantel.  The oak parquet floor has a Greek key border which is generously repeated in the carved
decoration on the underside of the second level gallery.

“Now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, if you will follow me we will begin our nature walk.”  L followed, as did they all.  Why did L do so?  He should have known
better.  But it was compelling.  Without question this was the important date, more important than his birthday had been.

A torrent of tormenting Blue Jays spat on them with their large feisty eyes.  Full of a sense of their own mischief, destiny and relief, the group passed underneath
the dwindling glare of the svelte Umbrella Trees.  The Sentinels of The Woods certainly would not let them pass without announcing their presence to the fox, cat,
owl and to other immortal beings of Ester’s Woods.

The Guide stopped to point out the fact that Blue Jays delight in imitating other bird calls and many a Birder may follow the call thinking a hawk is near instead the
Jay laughs uproariously from the top of the unimpressed oak.

But L’s undivided attention is waylaid again and again--drawn back to Esterwood and the dining room’s oak paneling heavily encrusted with carved decorative motifs
of strap work.  L seemed to recall boars’ and rams’ heads inlaid on the service units supported by caryatids.

The fireplaces had a mosaic hearth and surrounding it on the north side wall were horizontal mosaic panels and plaster surfaces, coffered and medieval in
appearance--were probably the originals.  But opening off the dining room was the terrazzo flooring of the Conservatory.  Opening off to where?  The question
rebounded in among the static neurons of L’s dilapidated memory.  “Why?  Why here?”

L was kidnapped from his reverie by the lyrical nature of the lecture of the “Virgilian” Guide.  Now the troupe found themselves at the foot of the pond and
naturally the striped bass did as well.  At their feet, the young bass fed on tiny crustaceans.

“The circumference of the tree is measured at the point four and half feet above the center of the base of the tree.  If growth or branch exists on the trunk at this
point, the circumference is measured in feet and inches below this obstruction where the circumference is least.  A string can be used to measure if a tape measure
is not long enough...”

...Oh, yes, now L remembers in a hurry where the Conservatory left off--the Music Room, the Red Room.  On its north face an alcove flanked by red marble
columns beamed through.  The columns were paired with pilasters and all have white capitals highlighting the gold leaf.  Adamesque swags and garlands also bless
the gold leaf, decorating wall and ceiling surfaces, and are interwoven with recurring musical motifs, lyres, horns of plenty and Pipes of Pan.  The decorative patterns
and motifs are repeated in design of the stained glass window transoms.  The sole wall, of mahogany with brass trim and decoration, contains the fireplace, flanked
by carved ceiling height Corinthian pilasters.  But why should it be like this, today?

“The total height of the tree is considered to be the vertical distance between a horizontal plane passing through the topmost twigs of the tree.  The most reliable
measurements of the tree’s height are made with standard measuring tools.”

Now the fun really began.  Guess what they did?  They held a straight stick at its base, vertically at arm’s length, making certain that the length of the stick was
above their crossed quivering hands, equaling the distance from their hands to their eyes.  They walked backwards as a group from the tree, staying on the ground
approximately level with the tree’s base.  When the stick was above their hands and appeared to be the same length as the tree they all stopped.  They were sighting
over the top of the stick to the top of the tree.  They measured how far they backed away from the tree and this was the tree’s measurements.  Well!!  The kids
really enjoyed that bit of nonsense and yelled out all sorts of preposterous heights for the clearly displeased trees in front of them.  And so they continued...

Oh, but this “Dantesque” Guide was not through with them yet!  She continued...and yes, those vestibules...the west one in particular, with its mosaic floor, marble
baseboards, classical molding, and original bronze ceiling light fixtures, combined many elements and materials found in the larger spaces.  It must be those spaces
that keep drawing L back.  Or was it the Gold Room?  All wall and ceiling surfaces were heavily scrubbed with intricately patterned gold plaster work.  Two windows
with gold stained glass panels and an ornate brass and crystal chandelier were duly noted.  Why does L get the feeling that he will never return, enter or see this
place again?  Never return to it, even in his constantly disappearing thoughts.  

You’d think that determining the height of those trees on this lovely picnic day would be enough of a blaspheme, but no, she had to continue!

“To determine the average crown of the tree, trace an outline of the tree’s crown on the ground by placing stakes...” (she was going to have the dying do this mind
you!  L of all people do it!) “ the soil directly beneath the outer tips of the branches.  A string with a plum bob or other weight attached can be used to decide
where to place the stakes.  Using an imaginary line that would pass through the center of the trunk, measure the distance between the two stakes
furthermost apart and the two closest together on the opposite sides of the tree.  Add these two measurements and divide by two for the average width of the tree’s

Surely she’s not going to make us add those figures today of all days!? of those precious babes kicked his father in the shins and the group as a whole,
thoroughly disgusted, is forced to move deeper into Ester’s Woods.  And the Leader, must of necessity, follow.

Still, there is one more room that L missed and that room was and still is the most memorable.  The Library is a room of unusual size with proportions octagonal in
configuration.  Centered on the ceiling was an octagonal skylight, stained in pale colors and etched with appropriateness.  The skylight was constructed on two layers,
the stained glass was set in lead at the ceiling level, and at roof level, heavier clear glass set in copper.  The transoms of the two large rooms on the north wall have
semi-circular canals of stained glass sections with richly colored floral.  The Library woodwork is Honduras Mahogany.  It is sheathed in dark wood wainscoting with
eared window and door.  The whole is massed and swathed in sheathed gray shingles and clapboard.  A two foot thick fieldstone foundation with an entrance and
stairwell within the tower at the structure’s northwest corner is a cast iron columnar beam support set with tongue in groove yellow pine.  All the remaining surfaces
curve inward to engulf the never completed stairs...

Finally there was a certain plausibility that goes along with the positron mesh of filtered mixed feelings.  L will never enter this place again or never recall the
details exactly as he has done now.  He looks with the others at this final deer of nature...this white tailed deer, symbol of untamed wilderness, health and life, eating
leaves, twigs, acorns, lichens and mushrooms.  His one distinctive summer spent in his thick coat of reddish thinly matted twisted hair...

A triangular fork ruts the path they have been following and brought them into a confounded confrontational angle across from the disturbing Root Cellar.  The
Cellar had seen numerous ancient generations and stored their meats, vegetables and other perishables.  While the dismayed group stopped to gaze at it (this damp
subterranean intrusion) a few of the more urchin like children did their children’s thing and crawled on hands and knees into its bestial royal confines.  I would say
that its dimensions were at the very best, thirty meters by thirty feet in length and eight fathomless leagues in circular depth.  The adults, becoming as curious as
the younger ones, with the assistance of the Guide’s troubled encouragement, bent down and entered this unblessed Tabernacle-Of-The Earth.

It was a root cellar that’s for certain!  That is just about all any genuine writer could say about it.  It did not impress any of them beyond that fact.  But when they
passed through and exited the opposite end somehow the things in them were not the same things they once were.  Gone was the frivolous Helium light-headedness
of the situation.  In its place, docile spirits filing one by one, with heavy indoctrinated steps of remorse, one behind the other.

A certain grotesque feeling of nauseated emotion swept sideways over L.  That somehow he has lost his way and doesn’t quite know where he is going.  This
deduction appears logical despite the fact that the Guide up ahead is gently leading them on to lesser heights, through the brush at her own quickened pace.  She is
seemingly as optimistic and confident as ever.  But then she belongs here and they do not.  At least L does not think so.  For she does not explain away the
doubt lodged between their electrified, petrified, horrified eyes.  In the beginning it is not the first foreign steps that matter but the latter ones that are increasingly
becoming more important.  The Guide continues to point to this and that blessing of Nature but somehow what she says does not have as much intricate relevance as
it once had.

Non-incestuously their steps are forced, bitter tasting and without desire or pleasure.  All is “absenteeism” an absent-minded jamais-vu of walking dreams, step by
arduous step.  They do hope closer to Esterwood.  As L looks backward and then forward, he wonders again what is going on here?

What then prevents L from shaking this terminal indefinable fear?  The fact that L does not want to be here with less than healthy strangers who mean nothing to  
him, or this particular jocular scenery which means everything to him.  L would have chosen a different set of circumstances if he had had an option.  He doesn’t,
however, know what he would have chosen.  L has to admit that this dying is not all that bad.  The Guide, she’s very informative.  She’s out of voice range now but
she’s still giving lessons to the younger crowd in front of L.  They have suddenly become very attentive.  They lean on her every utterance.  I’ll wager that during
this eternal walk she’ll tell them everything they could care to know and some things they would rather not know.  Surely L is faring better than his counterpart
Dante did alongside his Virgil.  No horrors here to relate.

If only L could break loose from his lethargy.  Because it’s not all that satisfying.  But his feet, like his thoughts, are pressed down by an extremely fine granular

They are moving so slowly now.  There is no need to rush anymore.  But if L is trapped here then it is essential that he get to know his neighbors as fast as he can.  
L tries to communicate but no one answers.  Ah!  L thought it was too easy!  They are not only trapped with each other but they will never be able to approach the
vital “other”.

“Let me reach out and try to put my hand on the "Other"-- that little boy trailing behind his father--or that young girl pinching her apple cider cheeks while
mimicking Louis’s frolicking gait.  Or let me approach that lithe bystander who has rested briefly on the cumbersome rocks.  But no one wants to know they’re
dying and stuck with me in the same manner that I know that I am dying and stuck with them.”

Perhaps they also had visions of their gentle passing and each one is expressing his reaction formation in his own way---feeling empty, cheated and violated--robbed
of traditional demises among family and friends--sympathy, sickness and old age.  L doesn’t really care at this point.  L can’t tell how the others feel.  They won’t
convey those feelings to him.  They won’t touch him.  Besides, none of them remembers Esterwood exactly the way L does.  He knew, even before the Root Cellar
became their reality, that Esterwood is deleted from his memory, surrounded in a haze of sorrow, grief, pity and advanced sets of simultaneous differential
equations.  A mist of loneliness plucks him up from this reality and plunges him into the abyss of an endless journey.  What lies ahead?  What lay behind?

The natural part of it is acceptable for at least a day or two.  But an eternity!  Oh what punishment!  Worse than any Hell described in all the Bibles of the Universe.  
Although L enjoyed the walk before entering the Root Cellar, certainly now he has had his fill and is getting bored with these rotting leaves, trees and stench of the
dead humus in agreement spreading about him.  L wants to leave but dam it he can’t!  L is at loose ends with these strangers who won’t talk to him or take his
sullen hand.  L is getting the feeling of unrelieved tiredness in his legs.  L doesn’t want to look at the leaves, flowers, or the grass anymore.  They all disgust him,
especially that blue, blue sky.  Why couldn’t L be climbing straight up to Eternity or hang glide straight down to Hell?  At least that would be melodramatic.  Why
does L have to be stuck on this dam winding path of thistles, briars and aching puddles to cross while simultaneously the light is rapidly reacting with the chemicals
of the leaves to change them into that god forsaken, infra-red orange, resplendent, yet mangy Fall foliage?

But what’s that up ahead, a little excitement, a roar of shrieks!  Oh, it’s nothing.  One of the classic little babes got stung by a bee.  A Yellow Jacket of all things!  
Not even the masterful Hornets venture this far into the woods.  Poor Christian Babe!  Two power house stings just below the right eye.  Twice no less!  And the
panicky mother throws her jacket over her son’s bowed head to protect him from the anthracitic, venomous attacks.

Someone by accident must have disturbed a bee’s nest on the ground.  Oh for Christ sake, why wasn’t that dam nest in the tree where it ought to have been?  Why
is Nature all of a sudden turning ugly and choosing this time to relax and disobey all her regulated natural laws?  Just because we are dying is no excuse!  Shh...the
others don’t know yet so let them panic while the bees charge out of their hive like a trumpeting brigade of drunken drone brigands.  The bees are absolutely
incensed that we have disturbed their status quo.  They are testing everyone.  Finding them wanting, they sting them.  

So, taking the Guide’s cowardly cue, they flee from the spot, swatting Yellow Jackets and wrapping their sore hands about their swollen heads.  L gets pricked twice
and several bee stings later the significant others are stung more profusely with no rhyme or reason and that gives him some hope.  The poor babe, six painful bites
right on the face.  But worse is the fact that his mother and father don’t know that they won’t be allowed to go home and treat the succulent wounds.  They are still
under the impression that this perpetual nightmare is about to end.  It is only just beginning.

They have left the manger’s danger area but they are unaware that the bees will accompany them at a safe distance--now and again injecting their plentiful painful
venom into their struggling cadavers.

Finally, each person becomes slightly aware of their true situation and the real consequences that flow from that awareness.  They slowly turn to look at L with
restrained anger in their accusatory eyes.  Suddenly and without malice, frozen horror fills their shock infested pale faces.  They wished they had spoken to L but it
is much too late.  They must keep silent, moving with the painful rigor-mortis bee stings as their one and only reminder of the End Game that is to follow.  It is a
reminder of their complete, separate vulnerability and their unpreparedness for this obtuse adventure.

As they reach a Bluff overlooking a rigid plain, they see the canopy of their future existence stretched out for laborious miles before them.  L doubts anyone in this
group of innocents, including him, deserves this by sub-human standards or measurements of “deservement”.  Certainly not the babe in the woods with his six
standard stings, six red splotches across his adorable face.

It is about time that L reflects and discovers for himself what Esterwood is truly about.  Why is his purgatorial tutorial existence beginning here in this manner,
shape and form?  Should he be happy or sad that he is spending forever and ever in this elementary, rudimentary, anti-intellectual, beautiful, mysterious though
frightening place?  He feels none of these luxury emotions. He feels something beyond emotion--a numbing computerized sense of hopeless gloom.  In short, L feels
nothing but thought provoking bee stinging fear.

The by now shapeless Guide bends down to secure the shackles with one compassionless movement.  They snap shut with a final earthly noise and then the Shape
motions for them to continue their lateral movement.  L really doesn’t want to but the inertia of death’s stunted entropy has become quite attractively gripping
now.  The Guide looks at them with a sexless glance.  It is neither a look of disappointment or approval, envy, greed, anger or hate.  It is just simple patterns of
intimidating, piercing, accepting, neutral glances of enigma.  It sees in return the stigma of human uncertainty.

L can only judge by the outward appearances.  It is much too early to judge the inner ones.  The first feeling that swamped over him was a tidal wave of alienation.  
He has not lost eye or limb yet.  It begins with insomnia and loss of appetite.  Even death is a cancerous act of deception and a dubious transformation.  There is
difficulty in concentration, a generalized disinterest in life and a withdrawal from social, economic and sexual relationships.  The first flash of fear’s fever is
due to the rejection they will surely face because of their susceptibility to economic and societal disfigurement as their deaths progress.

Death is no longer a circular incongruency or an abstract identifying process but an uncomfortable, stabilizing reality.  There is an all pervasive feeling of dread.  L
now begins to wonder anew.  Will there be pain without endurance?  Formally there is a sense of utter fatigue, debility and loss of control.  L was angry, resentful
and depressed all at the same time.  Later, the feeling materialized that their condition was becoming more generalized and that they were all suspended from the
same noxious state of being.  The individual consequences of their deaths did not matter anymore--if they ever did.  They were suffering together in a communal
constant fabric of pain.  The effect of this was to dislodge nausea, vomiting, dizziness and retching beyond belief.

They have simple visions, horrid in their content and implications.  Their organs were dancing on the Salisbury Plains engulfed by howling winds before their
distended disemboweled eyes.  They were mutilated beyond recognition by belated funeral rites.  There was the first surgical removal by a residual skin grafting.  As
the women lost their breasts they became suddenly undesirable and uncomprehending.  This bothered them immensely.  They were receiving assaults from an
adulterated, unlimited, relativistic, unforgiving and empty universe.

One of the worst things that happened to the women of the group was when the decay had progressed so far as to cause them to lose their hair.  There was no place
to hide and go seek.  I don’t think the women realized how their hair was so much a part of their identity.  In the last analysis it was the who and what they were
physically, mentally, socially and politically.  When it fell out with a crash it was like watching the body disintegrate into one’s eyes.  One begins to
realize for the first time what death can do to you.  Few of the women and none of the men were close to being prepared for clumps of their psyche being ripped

The Guide interjected in the midst of all this dying, decay and agony, “O stop complaining!  I’ve heard it all before!  Only makes death worse than it really is!”  Now
L feels guilty and debased beyond recognition because he no longer is important as an entity.  Because everyone who dies goes through the same Lorentz
Transformations.  They have lost all importance and potency.

Each of them stood naked before the insignificant “other” cropped and crippled in spirit, damaged in body, incomplete and mutilated in their sexuality, ashamed and
embarrassed--insane mirror images of each other.  Self-disgust is projected on their visages and disengagement withdrawal symptoms take the place of engagement.  
Changing from independent realities to dependent ones subtracts immeasurably from the essence of their deaths and the insubstantial qualities and quantities they
see implanted there.

Most people are uncomfortable with death in adults but to witness the children of the group dying is particularly disturbing and heart rendering.  One wants to rush
out of their own suffering and protect the children from the next onslaught of unrestrained Nature.  But they are preoccupied with their own decaying processes, self-
absorbed and proudly fascinated just trying to cope.  They can do nothing to help the children who are being tortured before their fractured and half sutured eyes.

They are judged truly powerless when they can’t help the children.  They want to spare them from the excessive pain.  They want to explain in the simplest terms
possible why this is happening.  But this situation is very complex.  There are no simple ways to explain it away.  They don’t quite know themselves what is
happening!  They’re not yet convinced that what they think is happening, is happening!  They have no explanation at this time and certainly none for the children on
their level of understanding.  They want them to still think that there is hope and that they will live to see another day.  But they must also help them accept the
fact that they probably won’t.  Besides, over protectiveness at this fragile stage may even be harmful because in the next few paragraphs they will have to succumb
to total blindness and progressive unsteadiness of the worst sort.

It is at this juncture that L is interrupted in his own dying processes by what the Guide is now doing well ahead of him.  IT is ever so feverishly digging and the
crowd, en-masse, disappears into the holes regurgitating in the ground that IT hastily prepares for them.

The Stonecutter’s fibered scrawled inscriptions over the grave sites were read with a dented concentration as they issued from the Guide’s non-corporeal fingertips.


Just before L could read his own inscription he glanced ahead and saw Louis DiBattista kicking and screaming, being shoved unceremoniously by the Shadows of The
Night.  L kicked Louis from behind and saw him slither into the black hole of a makeshift grave.

Finally, inexorably, the Journey begins.  It is L’s turn to enter.  As L passes IT by, L looks into ITS eyes for some sense of a reprieve--a non-judgmental one of
course.  But what he sees there is neither a metaphor for hope, nor discouragement, anger, love or lust--just a compassionless, disparaging neutral stare and flash of
indigent, indignant recognition.

Then L looks in front of him and sees in the abyss the wormy maggots already filled to bursting with History’s implacable cadavers.  They are busily engorging and
dis-engorging from their distended bellies the groups that have preceded him.  And from the blackened dung hole, bubbling with regurgitation they beckon him
forward.  Just before he enters the urchin termites, the filthy cockroaches and writhing worms’ gaping mouths he sees ESTERWOOD’S silhouetted phantom against
an orange-black Halloween headless sky.  He even hears a reaffirming musical refrain from somewhere deep within ESTERWOOD’S halls.  “Deliver him O Lord.  
Beneath thy light of thy peace may even the valley of the shadow of death be unto his feet as the green pastures and the still waters.  Strengthen and comfort him
with a sense of thy peace that though he walks through the Valley of The Shadow of Death Yea he will fear no pain.”  And it helped him not!  Then L crossed himself
one hundred times in vain before he was sucked intravenously into the protective, porcupine, jeweled, purloined, prison groin of Infinity and stepped hesitantly into
the crowded charnel Crawl-space of Eternity.


She was surprised to see Rudolph at the Funeral Mass.  There had been only one notice in THE WALL STREET JOURNAL:
"Ex-Philanthropist and Philanderer dies.  Marty Claus, commonly known in various countries under the monikers of Santa Claus, St. Nick The Greek, Chris
Kringle, et. al., died in his sleigh last night from a combination of exhaustion, mononucleosis and an assortment of venereal diseases.  His last days were spent in an
insane asylum in exile at the South Pole.  He worked as a major discount distributor of presents to billions of children throughout the Free World.  He was known
throughout his territory for his generosity, verbosity and tax deductible goodwill."

"He is survived by his rotund wife of the past 2,000 years, Sylvia Claus, his dog Bouser, some two dozen schizoid reindeer, a collection of circus midget brown dwarfs,
a Hubbell Telescope and several structurally underemployed leprechauns, elves and fairies.  He resigned for economic reasons during the past “Balance The Budget”
Administration and quickly filed for protection under Chapter 11."

"He lost his government subsidy during a leveraged reengineering buyout and could no longer afford to borrow or give away other people’s pension money.  Towards
the end he was federally indicted for charging children under twelve for delivery of their Christmas presents and other nefarious undertakings such as consorting
with a known Venture Capitalist Scam Artiste, Scrooge.  He often could be seen working off the books at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parades selling crack filled
balloons to Neo-Con-Nazis Blockheads."

"The couple were childless because during their long years of wedlock they were so busy giving themselves to others that they hardly had time to give themselves to
each other.  Mrs. Claus is currently taking her Baccalaureate in Applied Ethics and serving out a one year term at the computerized, semi-automatic weather station
prison on the north side of the South Pole."

The church was nearly empty as Santa had made few friends since he stopped giving away presents.  There were scattered throughout a few U.S. poet Laureates
from government posts around the world who had come out of courtesy to Mrs. Claus.

It was a dark snowy day at the Pole, with Nimbus clouds at 5,000 feet, visibility less than a snugly zero and a wind chill factor of 270 Degrees Absolute.  Mrs. Claus
recognized her former lover immediately.  The bulge of his huge antlers was unmistakable and unsettling.  The flashing red light from his nose drowned out the
mourning sighs from the last flickering candles in the church."

There were only two sleds, five snowmobiles and two Bronco sleighs in the funeral cortege.  Rudolph asked if he could drive in her frostbitten sleigh.  Mrs. Clause
said yes.  The trip back to Santa’s tax deductible mansion was a quiet one.  Neither her or her husband were members of any one particular Congregation.  They had
stayed away on purpose so as not to offend any one denomination while at the same time it had the effect of offending all of them.  In fact there were widespread
rumors about that Santa had always aligned himself with all faiths without playing favorites.  At different times of the year, according to the legend that was taking
place, he could be seen sporting a skull cap on Passover, five times each day bending down on all fours and kissing snowballs while facing the East River, handing out
pamphlets to a consortium of runaway Walruses, Jehovah Witnesses and the Christian Radical Right Coalition.  He also was spied nailing Internet porno tracts to
church doors during the Lenten mating season.  He didn’t slight the Eastern Religions either.  He always practiced the 1001 sexual Lingus positions from the Karma
Sutra and recited OM’s from The Book of The Dead.  My husband obviously slighted no one!  Like a good politician he sang Hava Nagila at Irish Wakes, kissed the
zebra offspring of mixed couples and put his reindeer to sleep during The Cultural Revolution by quoting verses from Mao’s Little Red Book and singing “The First

They sledded towards the Pole, in silence, for about half an hour.  Then, “was he happy those last few years in exile and not giving anything away?”  Rudolf asked
ungrammatically.  “No.”  “What a waste!”  Rudolph giggled.  “He was such a generous oaf!”

“What did he do after they booted him out?”  Rudolph asked cynically.  “He “mooned” and molested me most of the time when he wasn’t running around with
Eskimo Tarts from Thule, Greenland.  He did write his memoirs.”  “Yes, I would imagine he had some kinky stories to relate, what with all those years of slipping in
and out of chimney stacks right into the middle of people’s soap box lives!”  “Indeed!!!  I have a drawer full of his unpublished crap!  My. job selling Mary Kaye rouge
to Eskimo virgins helped us through those hard times!  Is Dancer with you?”  He looked back at her with surprise, chagrin and anguish.  “Didn’t you hear?”  “Hear
what?”  “We divorced two years ago!  She ran off with a mechanical moose she met on the Internet from Manitoba.”  “I’m sorry”, she said with good intentions.  
Rudolph shrugged his antlers.  “It wasn’t much of a marriage.  We were in love when we were chauffeurs for that beleaguered bearded Bastard from the North but
then she caught me one too many times sniffing Prancer’s, Prixen’s and Vixen’s rear ends.”  Rudolph then reached for his shiny new red business card.


The sleigh stopped in front of Mrs. Claus’s Igloo.  It was still snowing.  “You sure you don’t mind being alone.  I’d be delighted to come up and...”  “Thank you, no.”
She said indignantly.  “Well, I just thought I had to come.  We had so many good times together.  You and I.  Santa and I.  You and Santa.  Santa, you and I.  I and
the other reindeer, and you on the top us on the bottom and...”  “It was very good of you to come.”  And with that she patted Rudolph on his "blowsy" mane and his
nose lit up with three times the candlepower that it used on Christmas Eve.  She watched admiringly as Rudolph galloped away at a mighty clip.

She entered the Igloo and without further emotion she looked at a picture of her charitable husband in a gold frame, set in among all the gold tarnished records and
platinum trophies of appreciation from his admirers.  It had been ten years ago.  Santa looked like a spaced out silly little old putz trussed up in his red pegged zoot
suit badly in need of a good pressing.  The sort of man you would expect to find in your local shopping plaza with opened raincoat exposing himself to fast food
patrons instead of giving away endless piles of junk.  He certainly did not look like he had stepped off the front page of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.  He was once
voted one of the ten worst cross-dressed trans-dressers in the world.

She went to the closet where she kept her files and pulled down a carton with 1984 scrawled upon it.  She found what she was looking for:


By Mrs. Sylvia Claus

She laid back in her Igloo and read with bemused detachment.

“I have never written anything before and in all the years during and since my marriage.  In all the interviews, talk shows, questionnaires from Social Services and
on official responses and in my resume I have put down ‘OCCUPATION, ASSISTANT TO SANTA CLAUS’.  Perhaps that is why I never got a job.  I am still
shopping, making beds and sleeping in them--mine or others.  While I am sure that the facts are more lurid than the rumors (even living as I do now on the edge of
night (or the opposite Pole from my former home) I cannot rid myself of the feeling of constant persecution”.

“My husband never went to high school, much less joined a Santa Claus Seminary.  He never went into town for fear of being stoned by the nursery school children.  
This was a double entendre irony in itself since he was stoned most of the time.  Somehow the Eskimo kids decided that my husband was a Welfare cheat with a
beard.  Naturally, I did nothing to disabuse them.  In actual fact he did collect benefits for a time.  Santa Claus, of course, was nothing but a pervert and his name
appeared from time to time in all the newspapers.  The events leading up to his early retirement were highly sensationalized in the domestic media”.

“My decision to write this farcical but true story, of Santa Claus’s early demise at the hands of Wall Street Arbitrageurs developed for a variety of reasons.  First, I
needed a simplistic topic for my Ph.D.  Second, I had nothing better to do at the South Pole.  Every 24 hours I would take ice depth readings, then stick my grisly, fat
middle finger into the air to record barometric pressure, temperature and humidity.  I simply stand with my back to the wind posing as a wind vane with silver bra
cups revolving around my head.  When I become dizzy I stop.  I have a snow gauge strapped to my fur lined panties.  What more could a nice Jewish girl from
Flatbush want?  Every night, via Satellite, I dutifully send in my weather observations to the Six O’clock News”.

“When we arrived here Santa became less and less jovial.  His sexy ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ generally tapered into a curt ‘Hee Haw, Hee Haw’.”

“He spent the greater part of the endless nights poring over X rated videos of nude Santa Clauses.  The question of illegal political fund raising for tax exempt
corporations and gift giving became of less and less importance.  I have reached the stunning conclusion that my husband, at the age of 2,012 (this year being the
year 2,015 AD), will never work nine to five again”.

“When we first arrived I supposed our exile was only temporary while Santa came to his senses concerning the Cabbage Patch Doll fiasco.  In the beginning, he sent
several threatening letters to Attorney Generals, Congresswomen, Ward Heelers, Consumer Advocates and IRS Customer Service Men.  He used his enemies
mailing list that he had collected while shopping on the Christmas Eve Circuit.  He made several baseless threats that if they did not give him his old job back next
Christmas Eve he would go across the world with a sleigh full of leaky Neutron Bombs.  Needless to say his letter writing campaign fell on deaf and dumb
bureaucratic ears in Washington and intimidated no one.  He came to realize that in the field of bleeding heart Liberals and public sacrifice for the common weal he
was washed up.  He thought that a man of his congenial spirit, congenital obnoxiousness, dashing, daring and political cunning would be welcomed as a talk show host
in the Third World.  This delusion was to prove unfounded”.

“For months on end he didn’t write obscene letters or make breather calls.  At first glance he thought it would be kind of cute for young ladies to be the recipient of
his aerobic breathing techniques.  It would be like receiving the Nobel Sex Prize from the South Pole.  After awhile, however, he gradually ran out of shock-jock
dialogue.  It was then that the novelty of receiving winded calls from a defrocked Santa Claus lost its luster.  Santa has never told me the real reason why he
stopped playing around and giving children free rides in his sleigh.  My hunch was that he turned gay sometime after the Cabbage Patch Doll Affair”.

“Believe it or not I spy on him!  I have his long underwear bugged!  I read his letters and peek at him through the keyhole!  I do not do this because I love him or
for any neurotic compulsion to do so.  Quite the contrary to the ordinary, I do it to amuse myself and to pass the lonely hours away.  I do it simply for spite”.

“Santa is an ordinary man, a typical schlep in the street.  He wears a black lace corset underneath his ketchup colored pantsuit.  No one knew that until now.  He has
a bald head and is a ninety pound weakling stuffed with silicone and helium.  Once, at the beach, while vacationing in Disneyland, he permitted his toe nails to grow
longer than Howard Hughes’ to whit a four-year-old kicked sand in his face.  His manners, worse than his appearance, were custom designed by Toys-Are-Us.  He
was a psycho who finally graduated last in his class at the Macy’s Santa Claus University.  Obnoxious to his inferiors he is totally disinterested and non-plused when
in the company of upper management.  He is subject to temper tantrums.  He has often pinched, kicked and peed on Scarsdale bred children perched upon his knee.  
Sometimes he revealed his distemper by holding his breath until he turned a powerful cleansing blue or until one of the kid stuck a pin up his safety sake air bags.  
He was perfectly aware that he was an idiot yet he had nothing but contempt for his underlings.  He spent endless hours in meetings listening to their requests to
change the Christmas Line and in the end he would reject their proposals”.

“He was a Santa Claus tortured by ambition--to be not unlike a God and likewise revered.  He consistently used underhanded techniques to advance his unsavory
career to Chief of all the Santa Clauses.  Horny in the extremis, he oftentimes grabbed my ass at news conferences.  He showed not an inconsiderable interest in the
beautiful women who were anxiously awaiting his arrival every year at the bottom of their chimneys with open terry robes.  He was wont to slip into a few robes and
kiss a few bosoms during his long tenure.  This story is a portrait of a man who still wears his uniform bedecked with barnacles of ribbons, decorations and scout
badges listing his numberless escapades and gift giving beyond the bounds of charity”.

“Since there is no other way to earn a living at The Pole I have taken to walking the icebergs looking for four footed animals who can afford me.  I have no
experience in the field but they tell me it is the oldest profession and that I have a certain talent for it.  Certainly a person with a Liberal Arts Education and one
who has been so close to the seats of powerful Johns should be able to sustain herself.  I admit that I look forward to the exquisite pleasure of female flesh let loose
on a pure white Antarctica for I am a vain and sexy woman”.

“I am a woman of class who for a long time had to remain in the company of Republican perverts and political hacks.  I feel that there is considerable profit to be
made in bootlegging my body.  Prostitutes of the first class, I have been told, are obsessed.  I share with them an obsession too.  That obsession was my late
husband’s, Santa Claus’s, affair with the erstwhile Miss Piggy and the Cabbage Patch Dolls.  It is of him and those affairs that I shall write about”.

“My husband came from a family who in another epoch would have been classified as assholes.  I was kinder and more indirect and considered them fools and dolts.  
The family jewels held out long enough to send Santa Claus to Reformatory School where he plied his trade of shoplifting with the best of them.  Totally without an
ethical sense of any sort, springing from a family of free loaders and welfare frauds, my husband applied for a job as a stock boy at a local department store.  Retail
selling, because of its highly restrictive income potential, but easy access to an unlimited quantity of toys, was one career that would be perfect for a man with a
penchant for sleight-of-hand and a Robin Hood complexion.  My husband, a Bonus baby on waivers, who was never to be found when work was to be done, managed
to get himself traded from one gold-bricking post to another.  By the time he married me he was an overrated, bloated, blithering, happy-go-lucky weight-watcher
monstrosity free agent.  But the Star Wars were to change all that”.

“He got a job with UNESCO dropping pictures of food out of airplanes over famine stricken Africa.  This gave him his first sub-Saharan taste of dropping things from
great heights.  As long as it was someone else’s things it didn’t phase him.  I do not know of a single marriage bed within my Penelope’s sewing circle of friends and
acquaintances that did not involve some sort of mate swapping to keep it fresh and to ensure the ill-fitting survival of the very institution of marriage itself”.

“I had no intention of allowing Santa’s affairs ruin a comfortable life that I had staked out for myself.  So with numerous wild affairs of my own, I spent my life
forgiving and forgetting.  I did not worry about being horny for I was confident that when I appeared on the scene a ménage a trois would be quickly established”.

Unhappily, when my husband told Miss Piggy of my impending arrival and announced to her that it would mean the enriched enlargement of their relationship, she
made one of those half-witted attempts at ‘Dollyicide’ which outdated toys of the female gender try to prove to themselves, their paramours and their mangers that
they are not over the hill.  Miss Piggy telephoned my husband just after she swallowed a room full of Clue and Mormon-Monopoly games.  The next day, she
wasfound unconscious in her doll house apartment in a rubberized negligee.  When Santa arrived at the melo-dramatic scene, he did what he could for a forty year
old pig doll.  He gave her an enema and stayed with her in the ambulance that took her to General Hospital.  Santa managed with bribes to keep the episode off  the
Six O’clock News.  There were rumors of course; but in Switzerland, present scandal usually blends quite easily into centuries of foreign debauchery.  Two weeks
later, at an outdoor flea market for the benefit of the Caine’s Film Festival, Miss Piggy appeared with a Woody Allen Doll wrapped around her arm.  She looked
more pregnant than ever”.

“My husband told me this sordid scenario, in every detail, the moment I arrived ‘au naturale’ in Geneva.  I have managed to nag, needle, poke fun and torment him
about it ever since.  With a pig no less!  I think I can safely say that I have not permitted the incident to change our celibate way of life in the smallest particular”.

To continue—“there are crucial days in the lives of young female poets, as in the lives of governments; these are the days like any other days--dull,
uncomprehending, boring and filled with ennui and nausea.  They give no warning of the crisis that lies ahead.  This is the crisis that topples Republican
Administrations, leads to the impeachment of dead Texan Quakers and springs leaks in the strongest willed condoms.  Careers are brought to a catastrophic close in
one giant orgasm.  The crucial day for my forlorn husband was a clear day with increasing cloudiness towards afternoon.  Two of my old flames were coming over to
have me for dinner so I asked my toady husband to vacate the premises.  Despite all the years spent on the Social Register, he left our loveless love nest, as usual,
in his Sunday best--fly agape, cap-a-pie at right angles, unshaved, unkempt with dental floss dangling from his canines and looking unmistakably like the nebbish
that he undoubtedly was”.

“Miss Piggy had gone south for several days and my husband was temporarily Head Honcho of the Far Eastern Toy World on the Pacific Rim.  Mickey Mouse came
into his office just as he was finishing his ‘Dear Santa’ mail and disposing most of it unread into his confidential shredding machine.  Mickey had the oval office next
to my husband and wandered in and out at will, making both a public and private nuisance of himself by lobbying for some outlandish ‘pinko’ issues of one kind or

“Mickey was over one thousand years old and belonged, like Santa, his hero, to the older generation of toys.  He had little truck with the razzle dazzle
special effects CYBERSPACE toys of the first part of the 21st First Century.  Even so my husband considered him a Marxist Revisionist and would have preferred to
have him circumcised to prevent the spread of Aids to the other toys”.

“’Holy Mother, Queen of Spleen, Mary, Jesus and Joseph!’  He exclaimed rhetorically, bursting in on Santa’s Workshop Seminar in Toys 101.  ‘That Vatican!’  
‘What’s bugging you Mick?’  My husband asked.  ‘I just received a fax from the Pope’, said Mickey.  ‘Friend of mine works in the Toyagon.  They’re putting the
squeeze on.  Toys by the gross are getting dumped on the Common Market!’  ‘A certain amount of deadwood!’  My husband interjected parenthetically.  ‘Deadwood
Hell’!  Mickey retorted rhetorically.  ‘They’re dumping wind-up toys, Lincoln Logs, Erector Sets, Chemical Sets, Scrabble, Chess, Boggle, Raggedy Ann Dolls and
even stuffed animals from Noah’s Ark.  They’re dumping them on the foreign markets in a move to balance the trade deficit!  Everything!  Then they’re going on a
re-engineering Santa Clause Crusade!  They have all the toy factories downsized and bugged.  They’ve already fired two hundred Franchise Santa Clauses and caught
another two hundred thousand screwing under artificial Christmas trees.  They’re looking for all the pansies now!  Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been sponging
off the Republican Party!  They give them an exit interview in an outhouse somewhere east of Brazil, Swaziland and then out the door at the close of the fiscal day!’  
‘Well’, my husband said grimacing even while smirking, ‘I don’t imagine you have to worry about that last point too much!’  Mickey had something of a real doll’s
man reputation for he acted more like a whacked out liberated Bugs Bunny than a self-perpetuating mouse.  ‘I don’t give a dam about myself!  I’m getting fed up
with green laser beams and fruity Barbie Dolls dressed in black face masks trying to seduce Russian dollies with nothing but a strange defense Force between their
legs.  It’s the principle!  Once people zero in on one particular toy line others will suffer.  They won’t be satisfied until they’ve eliminated Dominoes or until the
Cabbage Patch Line is the only game in town.  Santas will be out work.  You won’t be able to deliver them because they will be scarcer than ever.  Any old hack
working out of a Hewlett-Packard garage can’t mass invent them.  They will create an insatiable demand with Madison Avenue Ad Agencies promoting endless
waiting lines for toys that are never going to materialize!’  ‘Your friend is a nervous old fart!’ said Santa maliciously.  ‘My friend, as you so aptly call him, happens
to be the Pope!  He has a lot invested in the outcome.  He says all the Santas are earmarked for extinction next week!  Spies are reporting back all the time.  They
sit next to you in restaurants or church and write down your bad jokes when you’re not looking.’  ‘Don’t go to church, eat out or tell bad jokes! quipped my
husband.  ‘Like me!’ said he in his best advisory tone”.

“‘That’s not all!  They’ve got a new wrinkle.  Callers to a Right To Life radio talk shows may decide that they don’t like a certain Santa Claus.  The FBI hears the
program--that you’re drying out and at the same time wrapping an American Flag around you at a nude beach in Far Rockaway.  A few days later someone goes
before a Congressional Confessional Committee to save white water rats and complains that you’re two weeks late on your rent.  Then they claim that you’re a
pinko because you wear a red suit that doesn’t match your Mary Kaye eyeliner.  Two weeks later it’s all over!’  ‘Do you really believe that crap?’ My husband asked
incredulously.  ‘Hell’s Bells! said Mickey, ‘if you can’t believe the People’s Pope who can you believe?  Walt Whitman look “alikes”?  Didn’t I think that Walt
Disney was my real father?  I’ll believe in anything!’  With that said, he doused his joint and went back into his office”.

“After Mickey left, my husband sat at his desk, as he so often did during the off season, picking at the lint balls fulminating from his inverted belly button.  He was
a bit ticked off at Mickey for having spoken the truth in matters that had been lying dormant for centuries in the neural transmitters of Section 134 of his brain.  If
perchance someone, somehow, had taken a Cat Scan of Santa’s brain at that moment, that someone would have detected the thought waves indicating that all those
predicted events were about to take place”.

“Santa had been passed over for Chief Santa Clause two thousand times in the last two thousand years.  His present appointment could only be regarded as a sign
that he had been passed over on purpose.  In recent months he had been visited by little green men in pink tights and Reebok sneakers from the IRS; who quietly
questioned him on every business deduction he had taken in the past two centuries.  My husband was and still is a tax cheat, a fornicator and pre-fabricator of frozen
wet dreams.  Since his union dues were several centuries in arrears, my husband rightly deserved the persecution and scrutiny he was receiving at the hands of the
Santa Clause Union.  It was not without foundation that he was considered a reactionary and he would take a conservative stance on the influx of Japanese Cabbage
Patch Dolls on the domestic market.  To judge the virginity of female toys is one thing, it is quite another, in order to bring the worldwide interest rates down, to be
forced, on the most innocent of occasions, to take part in international conspiracies and orgies hatched by the IMF or the World Bank”.

“Santa’s speculations on the free market and his past sins of omission were interrupted by that arch conservative toy doll, Clark Kent, alias “Supershitman”, the
defender of the status quo, bureaucracy and the American Way.  Up to now Kent had been able to scale tall skyscrapers with a single bound.  But lately Kent had
been losing the popularity polls when he could no longer leap the Sears Building in that manner of speaking,  He had spent the last several months on a work release
program for using his X-Ray vision to peek into women’s fitting rooms in department stores throughout Metropolis.  His original sin and the one he was arrested for
during rush hour was for looking up women’s dresses on the IRT Subway.  Kent was trying to stage a comeback in a three dimensional crack hologram video game
in the ingénue role as Super Girl”.

“My husband rose to shake the hand of the man who had shaken the hand of the Man Downstairs and then mild mannerly Kent grabbed Santa’s balls and gave them
a good squeeze.  It was all Santa could do to wrench himself free and thus kept himself from becoming a soprano at the Grand Ole Opera.  The two of them threw
the usual executive bull shit and then settled down to the bull shit at hand.  ‘Something stinks in Gotham!  There’s something I want your advice about’!  He looked
furtively at Santa.  ‘I seem to have a problem Santa.’  (‘You sure enough do,’ Santa muttered to himself while graphically and gradually recovering the feeling in his
freshly squeezed orange juice balls.  ‘What did I do to deserve this?’)  ‘What is it now Kent!  Speak up man!?’  My husband asked somewhat disconcertingly--slightly
annoyed and highly pissed off”.

“Kent hesitated, adjusting his tight fitting Super Girl Skirt.  ‘Well’, he answered unobtrusively.  ‘I was once asked to join the Cabbage Patch Doll Party’.  ‘What!’  
My husband reacted surprised and somewhat amused at the same time.  Kent is a fairly large country bumpkin fag, garishly dressed with spiked hair, brooding eyes
and bloodshot bonded teeth.  He still retained an image of what in fact he was--a lazy good for nothing wind-up toy snob”.

“‘What did you say’?  ‘I said I was asked to join the Cabbage Patch Doll Party’.  ‘When?’  ‘In 1984, the year of the UGLY DOLLS.  It was just around the time that
I was bashing heads and serving on the Governor’s peace keeping force at Attica State Prison.’  ‘So what!’  My husband responded aghast but more afraid that the
real reason for this meeting was that Kent was about to hit him up for a raise.  ‘What should I do?’  Superman asked.  ‘Who do I look like, a deceased Ann
Landers?  Do, do you want to be a joiner?  You were always a loner’.  ‘Maybe, I’ll admit that I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.’  ‘I don’t see the hang up.’  
My husband was getting annoyed now because the inanity of Kent’s issue was encroaching on his morning snooze time.  ‘The doll who asked me said she had been
the first Cabbage Patch Doll Brigade to be sold at a Glasnost Department store in the new Russia.  He was a real swinger!’  ‘Yes!  Yes!  Go on!’  My husband said
getting more and more pissed off.  ‘Well’, Kent said, ‘I see they’re going after the college kids now.  There are Cabbage Patch dogs, cats and even lingerie.  I’m
wondering if I should hop on the band wagon?’  At that precise moment, for the first time in his life, my husband decided to be careful.  He realized that he didn’t
know Supershitman very well despite the afternoon walks spent at the North Pole’s golf links.  He picked up a pencil and with a lawyer’s pretentiousness started to
scribble gibberish on a yellow pad”.

“‘What’s the doll’s name?’  ‘Oh no you don’t Santa!  You’re looking for a new toy to fondle on Christmas Eve.  I’m not so sure I’m ready to give up this
relationship.  She gives real milk from her breasts and has her period once a month!’  ‘Where’s the doll now?’  ‘No, no, you dirty old Santa Clause!  Even with your
connections on the Internet you won’t be able to find her.  For all I know she might have run off with a Cabbage Patch 5th Generation Micro Chip Cookie Doll!’  
‘What exactly’, asked Santa, going completely berserk and losing his cool, ‘what is it that you want from me Kent?’  ‘I wanted to turn you on!  I also need some
hackneyed advice to help me make up my mind.  Should I or shouldn’t I?  That’s the question of the 21st Century!  To be a Cabbage Patch Supershitman Doll or not
to be?’  My husband, checkmated, sensed that he was in for some more whining so he cut Superman short.  ‘So join already!’  ‘Well,’ said Superman, relieved, ‘I
don’t see any environmental impact for a Man of Steel to become a gay Cabbage Patch Doll, do you?  It’ll certainly mean an increase in pay and benefits.’  ‘No!  You
asked, I answered!  My advice is to join the Party at once!  Now get the fuck out of here!  I want to sleep through next Christmas!’  At this very moment the door
opened and the Chief Santa Claus came bursting in without knocking.  (‘Good God!  What now!  That flaky bastard wasn’t due back for another century!’).  My
husband was surprised to see him.  He had been sent on one of the first inter-stellar junket tiddlywinks safaris.  He was to see to it that all the newly hyped quarks,
pulsars, quasars, white and black holes, superstrings and the Fifth Force got traditional toys.  He was completely out of touch with market psychoanalysis and the
existential terrestrial toy market”.

“‘What the hell are you doing here Kent?  Get back to your rack!’  The Chief ranted sarcastically.  ‘And as for you Santa Farce,’ (his pet name for my husband) ‘as
soon as you get rid of this Gink I want to see you in my office!’  ‘Err, err, I was just going chief.’  Assuming that the Chief had a thing for him, Kent soberly hiked
up his Super Girl skirt exposing a fist full of steely, fleshy thighbone.  ‘Thanks for everything Chief Santa.  ‘I’m sending in my dues first thing in the morning!’”

“The Chief Santa slammed the door behind Kent and turned towards my husband.  ‘Sit down dipshit!  I have some bad news and then some more bad news for you.  
Clean out your sack!  Thanks to the brilliant advice you gave to Kent you’re fired.  Kent was wired!  And I’m tired’”

“The Chief Santa was a mere child, a former heavy metalized, rapper, skin head, rock folk singer from Nashville.  He was much younger than Mickey or my
husband.  He was one of those fortunate young men who appeared from nowhere, usually the boss’s family and swam against the organizational current without
effort on his way straight to the top via the shortest route possible--nepotism.  He drove a sawed-off Lexis Sled and never did a lick of work in his life.  He always
managed to have box seats at Yankee Stadium.  He married a different fairy every year.  My husband, as well as the rest of Santa’s entourage were always trying to
sand bag his career and sabotage his many voyages into the outer spiral galaxies but without success.  That is to say, my husband was deeply envious of him and his
ilk.  My husband was too conscious of his own lack luster achievements not to feel a sense of rectitude and injustice when he thought about their comparative
positions and their probable futures.  No man takes easily to a twelve-year-old bonus groupie from AOL Time-Warner Finland sitting on his authoritarian asshole
issuing inane directives.  Mickey Mouse didn’t think much of him and called him ‘I Claudius’.  I must admit that I wasn’t all that enamored of him either.  There
was a peculiar body odor that constantly enveloped him and I never, like some women I knew, was into musty, stale, natural male musk odors”.

“There was one curious incident in which I and the Chief of Chiefs were the only participants.  I was out walking the icebergs one winter’s day, plying my trade when
I stopped to fix a wrinkle in my pantyhose.  I saw this strange looking object protruding from a hole in the ice.  If I had kept walking I would have tripped right over
it.  It was the Chief submerged in a Yellow Submarine under the ice.  He was trying out his “Toyagon” Peeping Tom Nuclear Device on the Russian Polar Hookers.  
When he saw that I had detected him he pulled in his scope and disappeared beneath the ice.  I looked through the hole and saw the Chief in his birthday suit
holding a periscope in one hand and his candy cane in the other.  I winked at him from above when suddenly he threw the submarine in gear and swooshed away”.  

“But now back to my husband’s firing.  Speaking of that moment my husband told me that he experienced a sensation not unlike an ejaculation.  Subconsciously
during the past two centuries he had been wanting to get his walking papers and released on waivers as a free agent and finally he had managed to get picked on the
last draft.  He was getting fed up with giving away his own crap and giving away things in general.  Never once in all the years of his tax deductible giving did he ever
give me a present or receive a present in return”.

“‘Repeat that please’, my husband said.  ‘Whaddya hard of hearing you bearded whacko!  You’re fired.  I’m tired.  Get the fuck outta here!’  ‘What’s the complaint
against me?’  My husband, full of concern, asked.  Curiously enough, despite all the circumstantial evidence that had piled up against him in the past two centuries,
my husband had no inkling of what the complaint was.  ‘It’s a morals charge, Schmuck!  Don’t fight it, forget it!’  ‘They’ll think that I’ve been kicked out for
heterosexuality!’  My husband responded indignantly.  ‘Well, not the Fuck Bags who really know you’, said Santa Chief conclusively with a certain Satanic gleam in
his right eyeball.  ‘But everyone else!  And if I fight and win?’  ‘That’s not possible Matzah nose!  Mrs. Clause had you tailed and the Piffy Pig Face tried to commit
Dollicide when she found out she was pregnant with Boyachik!  The best thing that you can do is to leave town on the next sleigh south.  Hide out at the South Pole
until this blows over’.  ‘What if I were to hold a press conference and take the question directly to the people.  They won’t let me down!’  ‘Don’t make me laugh!  
The children of the world are not the least bit interested in your extracurricular activities!’  All they want are their toys on time every year!  ‘Even so, what if I get
certain testimonials as to my character from the people that really count--the people they could trust?’  ‘Trust?  Like whom for instance?’  ‘Like major league ball
players, rock stars, the man in the street, the man on the moon and yes even you!’  ‘Me!  Kiss off!  How much would you pay me?’  ‘I’ll give you a million dollars for
a sixty second cameo appearance on my TV Special!’  ‘No deal, now scram!’”

“My husband collected his jelly beans from the stockings dangling from his over ripe drawers and walked out of Santa’s Workshop for the last time.  He came home
and told me what had happened.  Naturally, I boxed Santa’s pierced ears.  We canceled all of our credit cards and a concert appearance that we had scheduled for that
evening.  Under the sheets, the better part of the night, we discussed the matter at great lengths.  We were trying to figure out who the wiseacre was that spilt the
beans on Miss Piggy.  In the morning, Santa returned his Reebok snowshoes and Toyota Sleigh for a refund.  Two weeks later we hitched a ride to the South Pole on
the back of a South American Mongoose.  We had a lovely trip and on the way down we stopped off at Disneyland X.  We enjoyed immensely talking once again to
American Tourists after having to put up with foreign nincompoops for so long!”

“About five miles walking distance from the Pole, we found an Igloo on the Bayou.  After a five minute closing with Century 21, we put a down payment on a piece of
the South Pole’s rubble strewn rocks.  The only furniture we had was Santa’s stuffing’s from his space suit and our collection of Norman Mailer’s Literary Trading
Bubble Gum Cards with all the great men of Literature painted on them.  We also saved as a memento some fireworks left over from the July 4th “sodomization” of
the Statute of Liberty.  This was the last day that Santa did a day’s work.  I kept it for sentimental reasons”.

“The only incident worth noting during our early retirement, that made me think that it wasn’t going to work out, happened on one of my shopping sprees in the
Red Light District at Filene’s.  I bought a fashion magazine which had an article illustrated by life like photos of nudes titled LIFE’S FASHIONABLE SANTA
CLAUSES OF THE FUTURE -- MR. AND MRS. GALAXY UNADORNED.  There, pictured in all their holographic glory, on a very snowy terrace in Buffalo, New York
was the Chief Santa Claus with his new wife Miss Piggy.  Miss Piggy held her new born baby in her chubby arms.  The baby was dressed in a form fitting, designer
dungaree diaper”.

“They looked, I must confess, very sexy in their birthday suits.  Thinking that it would be nice to piss my husband off, I passed him the magazine commenting, ‘he’s
quite a piece of ass isn’t he’?  Santa looked at the photograph introspectively for a long time and after several surrealistic obscene gestures with his middle digit he
gave it back to me”.

That night, without warning, he went for a long walk to Mt. Sinai and back.  When he returned he carried a microchip clay floppy disk with a self-addressed envelope
attached.  Ten sentences were scrawled on its surface.  ‘Thou shalt covet thy neighbor’s wife.  Thou shalt steal.  Thou shalt commit adultery.  Thou shalt murder.  
Thou shalt mug and several other shalts’.  I gave up!  I had little time or patience in my busy schedule for this type of phenomenological theological ranting cant”.

“This very morning I came back from town with a letter from Mickey Mouse.  It was a short note which my husband read on his throne in the John.  When he
finished his critical analysis he handed it to me.  ‘Read this smart ass!’”

“‘Dear Santa.  Just a note to keep you up to date.  Santa’s Workshop at AT&T-MCI’s had been leaked at a Singles’ party on the West Side that he had had a
Cabbage Patch Doll Transplant.  He and Miss Piggy ran off to meditate on the matter on top of Mt. Fuji’”.

“‘Now’, he said, ‘what do you think about that?’  It was a predetermined, rhetorical conundrum that plumbed and probed the depth of his Styrofoam being and
therefore needed no response from me.  He took one more jog around the Pole then he said, ‘what do you think really happened?’  ‘I don’t know, I suppose he saw
the light at the end of the Holland Tunnel.’  ‘Saw the light hell!  Miss Piggy squealed!  Then he touched my tits for the first time in over 2,000 years and he smiled a
very strange smile.  ‘Do you know what I’ve been thinking?  It might be a nice idea to hop into the sleigh and celebrate with your nuclear mother in The Bronx.’  
‘Yes’, I said, ‘that would be a nice idea.’  I went indoors to throw on three postage stamps (an original bikini outfit by Gloria Clause).  We bought a kilo from Milo
The Dwarf and were whacked out of our minds anon.  When we arrived home I slipped in my diaphragm while I prepared for my husband in bed.  We laughed and
fornicated to the wee hours and if any marriage counselor had been observing our behavior she would have thought that we were very happily reconciled indeed!”

Mrs. Claus put the folder down.  The story had never been published.  There had been over 12,000 unsigned, preprinted rejection slips.  She had given up yesterday
morning.  Editors and publishers, she was convinced, were a cowardly lazy bunch, never able to break new ground left to their own tautological devices of rejection.  
She started to write two gothic romances, three “how-to” books and five celebrity treatises that reached the best seller list before she had time to write the first
chapters.  It became apparent to her that having the right letters after your name, wisdom, education, injustice, suffering and being in the right clique were only
some of the requirements of being a published writer.

The ipso-facto Igloo was sold for a farthing and she moved to a Pig Sty in Secaucus.  She threw away some of the memorabilia she couldn’t auction on E-Bay and the
candid photos her husband had given her.  She was not sorry that Santa was dead.  She looked out the window.  It was raining Cabbage Patch Dolls.  The raining dolls
drowned out her sorrows.  It turned out to be a swell day to turn on and then go out and look for a legitimate job.  But questions remained.  What sort of toys were
they that they demanded that kind of allegiance and obedience for their survival?  In a world of Cabbage Patch Dolls, must all be Cabbage Patches?  And finally, who
was this Cabbage Patch Doll who had sat in a pretty doll outfit--proud and ugly as sin, dining under the stars in full complicity with the Man himself, my husband,
Santa Clause, the first circumcised Cabbage Patch Santa Claus Doll in the Galaxy?


I understood that should I participate in this research program that I would receive a total of $475.  This fee would include a bonus of $275, awarded for keeping all
appointments, following technicians; and coordinators’ directions as well as to make up for some of the inconveniences that would occur.  Since I had always believed
that a human being was entitled to do everything at least once, even mass murder, it never occurred to me that because I had committed my murders that I would
be inconvenienced on Death Row or anywhere else for that matter.

If I discontinued the program for any other reason besides illness, accident or other medically related reasons, I understood and agreed that I would not be paid
except for the sessions that I had completed and that I would forfeit the bonus.  I understood that I would not receive payment until after all of the Post Study
Examinations have been returned.

That in essence, was the core of the document that they shoved into my bony hands in November of 1997.  Well, I wasn’t doing anything very destructive with my
time these days.  I was simply awaiting restlessly for the results of my final appeal to the Supreme Court.  The day that I saw the notice, I was rummaging about in
the prison newspaper and spotted a curious Want ad.

Wanted - Paid Volunteer.
For the testing of latest
anti-depressant drug.  Must
be in good health-age 21 to 50.
Flat fee--$475.  Must pass
complete physical.  Contact
Prison Infirmary.

I made the decision immediately.  I had never volunteered for anything.  Besides, this was paid volunteering.  I entered the waiting room of the Infirmary which
happened to be empty except for the prison receptionist.  I was instructed to sit down and wait until a medical technician would join me and explain exactly what I
would be doing.

Ten minutes later the technician returned, sat down besides me and started to inform me of my duties, rights and obligations as a volunteer.

“You have volunteered to participate in a research study.  I, or the rest of the staff will answer any questions you may have about this study.  The purpose of this
study is to determine if Nafazodone, an investigational new drug (predicted to have anti-depressant effects) will have an effect on human EEG (a Brain Wave Test)
pressure, pulse rate, etc., in comparison to the effects of a placebo and a known anti-depressant, Trazodone, on the same parameters.  I must realize that at some
point, 50mgs. Imipramine may be administered to me at our discretion.”

“A screening interview (to determine acceptability for the study) will be conducted.  I think it necessary to perform a medical history, physical examination,
neurological, psychological and physiological examinations, electrocardiogram (ECG--a heart function test by the recording of the electrical activity of the heart)
electroencephalogram (EEG--a test by the recording of electrical activity of the brain) hematology (blood cell count) blood chemistry and drug screen urinalysis
evaluation will be conducted prior to each individual’s inclusion into the program.  Each subject’s acceptability will be determined exclusively upon the results of
these investigations.  I will be one of approximately 12 volunteers participating.”

I subsequently learned, that during the course of the study, I would receive single doses of either Nefazodone, Trazodone or Placebo.  Doses of Nefazodone would be
50mg., 100mg., 200mg or 300mgs.  Active doses of Trazadone would be 100mg.  On any given study day, I would receive any dose of Nefazodone, or 100mg. Trazodone
or the Placebo.  Neither I nor my Technician would know what treatment I would receive on any given day.  I also was to understand that the Technician had the
option to give me 50mg. Imipramine.

I would report to the lab the morning of each treatment day and an EEG would be conducted.  This would be followed by measurements of vital signs (blood pressure
and pulse) and Psychosomatic testing.  Following this, a single dose of Nefazodone or 100mg Trazodone or Placebo would be administered orally.  Later, a second vital
sign measurement, followed by a neurological and behavioral reaction completed.  Three hours later, a third EEG would be recorded, followed by neurological and
behavioral assessment and psychosomatic testing.  These evaluations would be conducted again at 6 hours after drug (Placebo) administration.

“There would be a minimum of 7 days period between each of the seven research sessions over a period of 2-3 months.  All subjects would be asked to return for one
final session in which all clinical and laboratory assessments that were measured before treatment would be conducted again a second time.  If any abnormalities
that did not exist in the pre-study assessment are observed in the clinical assessments (EEG and ECG) blood and urine exams, a repeat evaluation would be
conducted and medical consultation would be arranged if necessary.”

I interrupted with a question.  “What is known about the safety of the drug?”  Taken aback by the absurdity of the question, in my case, Shadeed, The Technician,
responded affirmatively.  “Where previous studies have been initiated, Nefazodone has been administered in 9 healthy male volunteers up to 500mg, and in 18
hospitalized depressed patients up to 750mg. daily.  The results of their studies indicate that doses up to 450mg, three times daily were safe and well tolerated.”
The results of these test I was told, would have no direct benefit to me but might be useful in finding a drug for the treatment of depression.  I was to understand
that should I incur any injury during the course of my participation in this program, and the injury resulted from an adverse experience in either of the compounds
involved in the program, the sponsor would pay medical expenses covering my confinement,.  No compensating payments would be made.

The next day it was Shadeed, the foreign looking technician, who would educate me on the State of The Art of Depression.  “Do you enjoy things less than usual?  Do
you have less energy, motivation, get-up and go or pep than usual?  Do you find yourself more tired than you would expect to be?  Do you have less than your usual
level of interest?  Do you find you are getting less done than normal?  Do you concentrate on things less well than you used to?  Do you feel pessimistic?  Do you
think things are not going to work out for you?  Do you feel that life is not okay?  Do you blame yourself for your problems?”  “No!”  I responded to this barrage of
insults to my mental integrity!

I did confess to Shadeed however, that I enjoyed things less than usual.  That my time spent on Death Row did cause a certain morbidity and sense of my own
mortality.  The problem, was for me, to distinguish my normal Angst at the completion of my deeds from normal sadness, grief and unhappiness of a prisoner being
in the world.  Generally speaking, I told Shadeed, that the symptoms would be similar.  The differences would be in intensity, duration and appropriateness of
symptoms.  My symptoms of depression did not coincide with the long years on Death Row and do not show a qualitative change in my mood or interfere with my
personal prison life.  They should not be considered pathological and interchangeable and I never dreamed of seeking restitution treatment for these wretched
conditions.  I was not, I pointed out to Shadeed, here because of any cognitive or physiological problems.  It would be the State in its typical “computercratic”
arrogance that created a problem for me by being problematical.  I was not particularly angry or irritable.  I had no lethargy, weakness or inability to cope.

It was at this juncture that Shadeed leaned back and uttered some surprising revelations of his own which he spat from his foreign face.  “You know, I have ill-
defined aches and facial pain, am constipated and have sexual inadequacy.  I cannot sleep and have chronic headaches.”

It unnerved me to no end to hear this from the darkened foreign figure who stood in the foreground before me and whose face sliced out of his shirt collar like a
galvanized meat cleaver tilted at a minus 45 degree angle on the Cartesian Coordinates from his torso’s cosine axis.  Subsequently this quiet desperado desperation
observation then sliced into my own porticos of pain and decorum and became transfixed into derision.  What I finally perceived did not at all alleviate my anxiety.

It appeared to me that Shadeed was showing a deterioration or amelioration of the intellect far beyond his years and far beyond interfering with his normal pattern
of socio-occupational obsessions.  In brief, within the prison context, Shadeed was a complete fabrication foisted upon his own benign presence.

It began simply enough.  I noticed that as we progressed in these non-relevant tests, that Shadeed would inadvertently suffer from memory impairment especially of
recent events concerning the fecal content tests.  He would make uncharacteristic errors in judgment, such as inappropriate remarks and this would infiltrate some
or all of his actions.  He would have trouble finding or remembering the words to express himself.  Pieces of his soft personality would fall away from him like gobs
of hair from a cancerous, receding hairline--like a scorpion’s deterioration of human values disintegrates before crucial events.  He was losing, as I suspected from
the start, interest in the potential of this test.  He was becoming more isolated in his withdrawal and there would be no connection whatsoever with his previous
personality traits.  He was constantly angry and irritable with me where before he was only occasionally this way.  It was as if he had already made a final decision
deep within his inter-galactic pores.

This latest observation did not sit at all well with me.  It started so gradually that I had attributed it to the aging process in both of us and its naturalistic by-products,
hopelessness and ennui.  Even his closest associates did not notice.  But so close to death, I noticed with my usual detachment.  It was progressing to its logical
conclusion.  Soon the Technocrat within him would be overwhelmed and would not be able to care for himself--would not be able to communicate as I know the
meaning of the word.  In short, Shadeed had been going legally insane in the midst of his ongoing presence.

I spent several of the next few weeks attempting to look for some cause and effect relationship for Shadeed’s strange affliction.  I hoped to glean some momentary
inherited characteristics from his children’s children pictures that stood as mute testimonials to his virility on his vacant desk.  Could I spot some chemicals leaking
from his brain where probably an accumulation of abnormal levels of metals and viral factors forced them out of the crevices of his skull?  But there was not a clue
to be gleaned by this staring beyond belief at our temporary, albeit, intimate interaction.

It was shortly after a collection of diagnostic computer analyzed EEG’s, EMC’s, computerized ECG, a subtly interpersonal Cat-Scans, subverted by x-rays, rCBF-
Regional Cerebral Blood Flow Mapping and Hormonal evaluations, that the next incident in our shaky alliance occurred.  I noticed today that Shadeed was jittery,
jumpy, nervous, anxious, agitated and irritable.  His heart was palpitating and he complained of chest pains, respiratory difficulties and menopausal stomach cramps.  
What he needed, he confessed, only to me, was a shot of “Nimodipine that would dilate the cerebral vessels and increase the cerebral blood flow.”  As he was applying
the tourniquet of electrodes to my skull, preparing for the tests, he bent over and whispered conspiratorially into my young ear lobes, that he was suffering from a
migraine headache of the third degree this morning.  He confessed that this was a unilateral headache that had been plaguing him for months.  His vision was
flickering and blurred and I spotted the tearing of his eyes.  He told me there was a numbness and tingling paralysis on one side of his body that always faced me
during these experiments.  And as he told me this he slipped Inderal and Timoliol, two powerful Beta Blockers, into a mouth made simple by its sheer abstract

The final day of the experiment I was not allowed to take sleeping pills or tranquilizers.  Coffee and tea were not permitted for 24 hours before the test began.  I was
not to eat any kind of heavy food for at least 3 hours before the test drug was taken in order to avoid variations induced by the effects of the food in the stomach or
the rate of absorption by the drug.  Smoking was not permitted during the six hours preceding the trial and for seven hours following drug administration.  I would
not be allowed to take alcohol for at least forty eight hours before the study began and twenty four hours following the drug administration.

Shadeed let me know some of the side effects and disorders associated with the drugs I would ingest on the last day.  With Nafazodone there would be headache,
gastric symptoms, including nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, sore stomach, light-headedness, dizziness, dry mouth, dry hands, sweaty palms and various aches and
pains, including neck, shoulder, wrist and  chest pains, drowsiness, lethargy, increased insomnia and tremors.

In exchange for this information I told Shadeed one of my secrets.  “That the Electric Chair was constructed of agony wood and would be equipped with silver
manacles for the arms and legs.  Wires would come through interesting pipes under the floor and carry an egregious current that would be produced by a special
atomic turbine at the prison.  One wire would attach to a head electrode, and would be in the form of an ear piercing.  The other would be custom fitted to the leg
electrode which would be attached to my calf.  Both electrodes are faced with sponges which are soaked in brine to assure good contact and to minimize burning of
the flesh.  The great man of Technology himself, Edison, had mercifully invented this.  Current voltage varies by use of synthesizers and mathematics and can reach
10,000,000 electron volts.  When this massive current hits it raises the body temperature to boiling causing immediate microwave reddening and cooking from the
inside out.  Death, when it occurs, within days, perhaps months, is due to overstimulation of the respiratory and dilation of the heart muscles”.

Shadeed had a rough and ready answer for me.  “The control drug, Trazodone, is a relatively new marketed anti-depressant.  It causes blurred vision, constipation,
dry mouth, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, shortness of breath, tachycardia (fast heart beat) decreased concentration, dizziness, light-headedness,
drowsiness, excitement, fatigue, headaches, ennui, nervousness, gastrointestinal symptoms such as diarrhea, insomnia, nausea, vomiting, muscular aches and pains,
tremors and priapism which is inappropriate penile erection which may require a rupturing castration to be reduced.”

I told Shadeed about a hanging I once experienced.  “The day before the execution I went through the harrowing experience of being weighed, measured for length
of drop to assure breaking of the neck, the size of the neck and other body measurements.  When the trap was sprung I dangled at the end of the rope.  This
happened to be one of those times when the neck was not broken and I strangled to death.  My eyes popped out of my head.  My tongue swelled and protruded from
my mouth and the rope took large portions of the skin and flesh from the side of the face that the noose was on.  I urinated and defecated and droppings fell to the
floor while the witnesses looked on.  I remained dangling from the end of the rope for fifteen minutes before a doctor would climb a small ladder and listen to my
heartbeat and then pronounce me more dead than alive.  A prison guard stood at my feet to hold the body steady, because during the first few moments I put up a
considerable struggle in an effort to exist, to breath.”

But I could tell Shadeed and I were at cross purposes and was not listening to me nor I to him.  “The optional drug, Imipramine, is a widely used antidepressant
which had been on the market for many years.  Possible side effects include agitation, rapid pulse, confusion, dry mouth, headache, increased sweating, muscle
tremors, gastrointestinal upsets, faintness on arising from the dead, hallucinations, vomiting, impotence, jaundice, drowsiness, dizziness and other disorders.”

Yet I was determined to make him listen to what I had to say next.  There wasn’t any way to ignore me.  “I would be ushered into a grand ballroom antechamber
pot.  The bay windows would open at Noon giving 32 Grandmasters their first glimpse through the glass partition at the condemned man.  I would be strapped tightly
but comfortably in a grotesque way, to a reclining Iron maiden, a black silk mask draped across my eyes and a gas mask pasted to my mouth.  Suddenly, and without
the slightest provocation, a black hood would be dropped over my remaining visage and sixty accomplices would step backwards.  The Executioner, her identity a
secret, had her ashen face shrouded in mystery and black lace.”

“I would be dressed in designer slacks which have a slit right leg seam.  (You see I am right legged after all!)  This permits attachment of the electrode.  I will be
strapped to the chair with a baby in my arms.  The lever is pulled, the baby will rock, the baby will cry.  We both pitch forward, straining against each other’s
entwined arms.  Full of burnt gravitons, love and affection, we will hear a whining cry of the current and a crackling, sizzling sound.  My body, the baby’s body, will
turn a livid red and sparks will shoot from the electrodes.  A wisp of white smoke may rise from our heads, the side from which the electrode is attached.  This will
be produced by the drying up of Edison’s Sponge, our remorse, singed hair and our browning, burning flesh.  Offensive odors will be everywhere.”

“I know the changes I’ve made since being here.  I want them to know who they are killing, the real person, not some DVD monster’s idea that they have in their
heads about me.  My mother will shout.  ‘They don’t even know my son.  How can they kill my son, my only begotten son?’  I know that there are other values of
life and death involved here, including the value of the lives that have been taken so bitterly.  But I don’t care about that.”

Shadeed was not mortally interested in all of this so he droned on without mercy.

“The Placebo, the sugar pill, will cause dry mouth, nausea, headaches, dizziness, blurred vision, coordination difficulties, sweating, palpitations, drowsiness,
sleepiness, anxiety, sadness, tiredness, tremor, light-headedness and restlessness.”

I was losing Shadeed rapidly now.  There was one more thing I could tell him to save myself.  I could confess and I did.

“With that first CLICK CLICK at precisely Midnight, another lackluster, ennui filled watch Tour filled with the sour ring of sweet mayhem had begun at the
Parkway Facility of the State of New York.  At 6:AM the next morning my life would be changed for the better, forever, for which I am eternally grateful.  I took my
Watch clock, the accompanying keys dangling obscenely from the baseline and started down the long aspen corridor carpeted drab olive green by the fumes of
reality’s Humidity Index spreading a ganglion net secure in its inner connectedness with itself.”

“I approached the first Watch Clock Station and drove the nickel plated key home with a resounding CLICK CLICK announcing that the main floor of the Facility
was secure for one more hour.  Down the well trodden cellar stairs I strode majestically into the pepper black asphalt caked grime spreading over the lime smeared
walls.  Quickly and deftly I kneaded my dough like way to the one and only hallowed light bulb glowing vicariously by sucking its light from an otherwise moribund
cellar.  There and there only it sprayed its spayed rays across a festering festoon of a scatter-brained wash basin.  There the second key would be found to announce
that even here in the cellar of my nightmares security prevailed just as long as it was allowed to prevail.  With equal aplomb I scaled the stairs like some
bloodthirsty, bludgeoned gladiator, stairs that led to the awful certainty of outside night.  The musky staleness of the air smashed across my face like a recently
discovered Egyptian Catacomb would likewise do when suddenly some researcher released pockets of one hundred centuries of trapped air.

Forward to the pitted potholes stashed away in the inkwell parking lot that had been dredged of Official Cars.  The remaining orphan vehicles were forlorn with
static abandonment on this solitary weekend.  Stumbling now, almost imperceptibly against the night’s insignificant resistance towards the small jetty where the
computer cottage housing stood--the Technical raison d’etre for the Facility.  I opened the door jamb and was greeted by a buzzing hack saw environment of
disenfranchised enfeebled electronic gear banging away with a staccato syncopation with the crickets’, chronic Midnight concerts that skipped past the other side of
Midnight, CLICK, CLICK.”

“It would be here in the Vestibules of Technology, in the cottage’s catacombs, that my crimes would begin and end without mercy, remorse or regret.  I suddenly
remember how it began, how it ended.  Visitors, intruders really, from stalled cars on the Parkway, were begging me for help in the stale mix of the elephantine
smelling Egyptian air.  My only requiem reply was, ‘ why me ?  my God why are they bothering me?’”

“Later perhaps, I would savor these terse moments of murder and mayhem, that glorious surge of power when the last frantic seconds of your victim’s life are
measured by the slowly increasing tension of your trigger finger--when the helpless drones before you have heard the sound of the guillotine and know as only they
can know what’s coming and just as surely can do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop the razor of revenge.  It was something to write home about, something to look
upon, and relish in those very private moments during the long hot crimeless years to come on Death Row”.

“Portions I ate, at first raw, later cooked, gaining immense pleasure from the thought of what I was eating.  As I progressed from tiny slices to fair sized morsels I
would go around with these young beauties tucked away in my Moby Dick belly.  With surgical knives and a butcher’s precision, I cut deep gashes in their torsos and
limbs.  With rustic music sand blasting away the madness in the background I took bottles of nitric acid and began pouring gently.  In the end the corpses dropped
gasping from my scorching blowtorch.  Sometimes some of them lived for three or more weeks in perpetual agony and for my perpetual happiness.”

“For a moment I paused in my semi-theoretical discussion with Shadeed The Technician because I sensed that he finally was about to have a foreshortened vision of
a moment’s worth of lucidity.  It was just before Shadeed was to hand me a letter painted red with a black border around it.   It bore the Governor’s signature.  ‘Oh,
I almost forgot.  The mail room asked me to give you this letter.’  Now I was forced to stare long and hard at the contents of the document.  It was the positive result
of my last Appeal.  I showed it to Shadeed and he was devastated.  He completely collapsed.  It was the last straw as far as he was concerned.  I was to be pardoned

“ ‘A Nootropic (noss -- thought or reason trepo-- turn or change)’, screamed Shadeed, ‘is characterized as a drug which selectively affects the higher cerebral
functions.  In contrast to the classical psychotropics which have an influence on limbic and reticular activating systems, the nootropics have a direct effect on the
integrative brain function.  The nootropic concept emerged in the early 1970’s essentially from the study of the unusual pharmacology of piracetam (Nootropil).  
Piracetam does not fit into any known category of psychopharmacological, cardiovascular, respiratory, or any other well-known pharmacological action.  It enhances
integrative brain function in animals and patient populations and compensates, at least partially for deficits.  Thus Nootropics seem to have more similarity to
hormones, vitamins, and natural substances than classical psychotropics.  Like hormones, but in contrast to other psychotropics, Nootropics do not produce any
immediate subjective or objective behavioral changes in animals or man.’”

I screamed back at Shadeed.  “I battered them all to death with a jack hammer.  Riddled them with machine gun bullets.  I wrapped their Arabian bodies in blankets
and dragged them to a barbecue pit, then doused gasoline on them and they burned in the naphtha filled ashes.  I stomped the bones to fragments with the energetic
feet of a simple Watchman.”

“The main therapeutic indications for nootropic’s are found in geriatric and organic brain syndromes, in post traumatic post hypoxic events and in the learning and
speech disabilities of children.  In addition to priacetum, newer compounds, oxiracetum, entiracetum, praniracetam and diprolizine are Nootropic.  Among the drugs
with cerebral circulatory effects, pyritinol, neclofenoxate, sulotidil, and to some extent hydergine and vincamine, do show partially Nootropic activities.  The routine
assessment techniques of classical psychopharmacology involve certain target symptoms which are treatable and which then produce immediate and noticeable
changes in general behavior.  However, some other normal functions of the brain, such as psychomotor activity, cognitive and higher mental functions, so-called
instinctive functions (i.e., desire, drive, interest, satisfaction) which are not normally assessed, can produce behavioral abnormalities if they are impaired.’”

“The concept of behavioral changes due to impairment of a normal brain function is new to me.  I have learned to assess and treat the symptoms of a hormonal and
vitamin deficiency in medicine.  But I must also learn to deal with behavioral deviation resulting from an impairment in supposedly normal brain functioning.”

“Nootropics represent a new therapeutic concept in psychiatry.  The advent of psychotropics represent a significant advance in the treatment of psychiatric conditions
since, unlike shock, coma, or convulsive therapies, psychotropic drugs have more selective influence on human brain function.  The newer Nootropics now seem to
be even more selectively effective on human brain function than most psychotropics.  Successful treatment with a Nootropic requires a careful classification of
patients and their symptomatology, the selection of an adequate dose and proper titration.  The timing of the drug administration may also be critical.”

“The “Psychopharmacologist” of the future has to be an able physician and knowledgeable scientist.  Selectively effective second generation psychotropic drugs such
as the Nootropics (as well as hormones and peptides) are difficult to deal with; but they also revolutionize human psychopharmacology.”

“But before this can occur you must be sacrificed.  You must die.  I must not let you live.”  Then Shadeed stuffed my mouth with his chemicals and poured all the
abrasive electricity into the electrodes.  He tried to kill me with his chemicals and his electrodes and with all the Technology that resided in that abrasive room.  But
he did not succeed.  I remained intact and it was Shadeed who disappeared from my drugged stupor.  He returned me to that sticky morning.  The morning when the
Authorities went to the cottage like an oven awakening in Buchenwald.  The Authorities dripped sweat and cynical tears before they raised their shovels.  First came
a few objects, sneakers, rags of shirts, socks, belts, pocketknives and mildew comic books.  Then came the stench, the overwhelming blast of foulness from the earth
that turned the Authorities an authoritarian sickly off-white and made them rebel against the hellish nausea.  Then came the bodies.  Each in its own cute little
shroud.  The mouths agape as if screaming into silence.

Then out to the country fresh morning air, retching, laughing uncontrollably--in harmony with the growing joy of daylight with all its secondary promises--fire
engines, rescue trucks, floodlights, TV camera people and investigative reporters.  At the bottom of the pit, the muck, stench and sights had become bearable once
again.  The sacks had disintegrated and the surrounding soil was an indigenous, a glutinous peat bog of decay, sautéed with limbs sprinkled among the skulls and
bones.  Technology had been defeated.  My voice had drowned out Shadeed’s


Donald De Wicks

December 24, 1995

Dear Sir:

Your wife has retained this office in connection with a possible Separation Agreement.  I would appreciate hearing from you or your attorney so that we may
amicably conclude this matter.

Very truly yours,

Donald De. Wicks, Attorney-At-Law

cc:        Mrs. Lenore Sansone

“Agreement made and entered into on this day by Lenore Sansone
(residing at 62 North Lowe Street, Burbank, California ) (hereinafter
referred to as the ‘Wife’ and/or ‘Mother’) and Lief  Sansone (hereinafter
referred to as the ‘Husband’ and/or ‘Father’).

Wherein, the parties hereto were duly married to each other on
June 10, 1985 in the State of California, and, Whereas, there are two
issue of said marriage, to wit: Lance Sansone, born May 8, 1986 and
Roxanne Sansone born June 4, 1988 and Whereas, certain unhappy and
irreconcilable differences have arisen between the parties, as a result
of which their respective financial and property rights, the case and
custody of their children, and all respective rights, remedies,
privileges and obligations to each other arising out of the marital...”

January 1.  This is the beginning of my 40th year.  It is the beginning of many good feelings.  Many new beginnings in my life.  Separation is now three months.  My
birthday party was a friendly affair.  I felt much cared about.  The days that follow will be a new learning experience for me.  All of my friends over.  Wilifred and
Darlene hold birthdays in high regards.  They made me feel special.  However, it is important to have a special thing within one’s self.  To keep it.  To hold it dear.  
Life can be such a joy and alternatively, odious and swathed in pain.

My resolutions are as follows.”  Self-esteem.  You don’t always have to think.  Let living take its rotten course.  Preparations and expectations often leave one
depressed.  But think positive and the good will come.  So will the bad.  Privacy is dear.  Keep it!  Even if it is necessary to lie!  Keep secrets.  Some happy, some sad.  
Friends needn’t know everything.  Repress and guard when necessary.  But be yourself and giving.  It will be understood by someone you care about.  Do not call
men even if it means you’ll never see them again.  It is manipulative and doesn’t work in these times.  Be patient.  Not expectant.  Time makes things right, or
wrong.  Otherwise put things aside forever.  It’s all right if some people don’t like you.  You need not know why.  You don’t like all people.  People are not
necessary.  Stop emoting the need to be liked.  Be yourself at all times.  Guard yourself with men.  They all stink!  But enjoy them.  Concern yourself with other
endeavors.  Don’t wait too long.

A.  Masters.  B. Possible Auditions.  C. Chorus.  D. Auto Class.  E.  Continue with drama class.  F.  Don’t pay for therapy if it becomes paralyzing and uncertain
help.  It’s all right to quit if you want.  G.  Make decisions.  H.  Legally separate.

Get it on paper!...”Whereas, the parties hereto have had the opportunity
to be fully, separately and independently apprised of their
respective legal rights, remedies, privileges, and obligations
arising out of the marital relation or otherwise by counsel of
their own choice and selection, and Whereas, the parties
hereto each warrant and represent to the other that they, and
each of them fully understand all of the terms, covenants,
conditions, provisions and obligations incumbent upon each of
them by virtue of this agreement to be performed or contemplated
by each of them hereunder, and each believes the same to be fair,
just, reasonable and to his/or to her respective interests.”
“ARTICLE I: SEPARATION.  From the date hereof, it shall be
lawful for each party at all times hereinafter to live separate
and apart from the other party at such places as he or she may
from time to time choose or deem fit.”
“ARTICLE II: NON-MOLESTATION.  Each party shall be free from
interference, authority and control, direct or indirect, by the
other as fully as if he or she were single or unmarried.  Neither
party shall at any time compel or attempt to compel the other to
live or cohabit or dwell with him or her and neither party shall
in any manner whatsoever molest or trouble the other.”
lease the marital residence, premises located at 62 North Lowe
St. Burbank, California.  (The property).  a. The parties hereto
warrant that Wife, Lenore Sansone, is to remain in such premises
for as long as she deems fit.  b. The parties agreed to the
deposition and division of their household furnishings and other
items of personal property as set forth in Schedule ‘A’ annexed hereto.”

....Coerce changes that are good for you.  Make new friends.  Keep your old friends.  Plan weekends in advance if you fear being alone and dreariness.  But maintain
private moments.  Constant activity is not the answer.  Be alone with yourself.  

Keep this Journal.  Don’t put yourself down.  You are witty, pretty, sensible, sexy, fine and decent.  You can do anything with your mind if you plan.  Calm down.
Relax.  Work on smoking less. You’re not even trying!  You can give up smoking.  You gave up Lief, didn’t you?!  Don’t make life a habit, or a habitual form of
childishness.  Be nice to your children, yours and at school.  Don’t let them victimize you.  Don’t listen to negative thoughts and remarks by other co-workers.  
Block them out.  Do your own thing.  Love the kids.  They are good to love.  Be happy.  Enjoy life.  Plan ahead.  Want to live.  It’s going to be a good year!!

May Day.  It was almost terrific!  Jared I was there presenting a loving card.  I didn’t lose a friend I gained a fuck!  That means something!  Carnaby was hot and
wonderful.  His play made me feel good.  We were dancing, kissing, loving to be all together.  It was a wonderful birthday!  Even Rochelle and Stephen enjoyed
themselves.  Lief as well as others didn’t show--but they missed out.

I am about to compose a “Dear Jared” letter.  My fantasies and thoughts are overpowering so I better cool down.  Leave it alone.  The poor kid.  I only wanted to tell
him about my pain and ask him if he needed to resolve the problem this way.  The ache within me is only a void soon to be replaced by after thoughts.  How shallow I
am if this is true.  Maybe I ought to compose a new life instead.  40 and nothing.  When all I think about is tenderness and affection.  The need must be a great one.  
Mine, is, and I should recognize it for what it is!  Leave him alone!  There will be others.  Like Ramone.  I’m not seeking to find this.  I’ve sure been fucking around
a lot--as if this is a death wish.  Well, anyway, Jared I, here’s your unwritten letter.  You’re my fantasy, not a real person.  The trust I envisioned that night was
coming from me.  It all came from me because I’m an unresolved romantic.  Here goes.  For you Jared!

“Thank you for coming to my party.  It must have been difficult for you and I admire your courage.  I did not invite you, but Juniper thought it would be a nice way
to resolve a problem and retain a friendship.  She is a dear.”

“Now, let me be clear.  I was very pained that you made the choice not to call and deal up front with me.  My forwardness must frighten you.  I feel a tenderness for
you not unlike a sister for a brother and I wanted to hold onto that feeling.  It was misunderstood.  I would like nothing more than to have your friendship but your
needs are apparent.  An experienced woman for the night.  It was fun!  Nice to know you!  Good-bye!  You seemed so sad leaving the party.  Not even saying good-
bye.  Why?  Oh, Jared, I would say none of these things to you.  I couldn’t.  But the need is so great and I can’t even compose an ending.  Tomorrow I’ll try again.  
Time to sleep.  Goodnight my fantasy!”

“With affection,

June 21st.  Summer.  Lance’s birthday.  He’s becoming a wonderful boy.  A real son.  I love him.  He wants and needs my love so much.  Lance’s party yesterday.  A
long day.  A nice one for him--for me tiring.  Lief--stayed.  Unfastened the couch and disposed of himself on it.  He finally got medication for Strep Throat, thanks to
me and my medical plan.  Roxanne’s ear infection isn’t painful.  Lance fell off to sleep at 6:00PM.  Fatigue from his late night and response to his shot.  Boy, what a
hell of a weekend!  And now I’m left alone with my thoughts, my book, myself.  The bottomless pit.  A little pleasure would fill it only partially.  There’s a leak that’
s straining to be plugged--an empty, sorrowful sore spot that only goes away when I’m in constant motion or filling my tactile woman’s receptacle with pleasurable
excretions.  They are so scarce, so the hole widens, burning with life’s seminal fluids seeping through with ever widening intensity.  I say let go!  Let me burst!  Let
me go to the bottom.  How far down must I descend before the fall ends, before I reach the relentless pavement below.  It is in me, this thing that wants to swallow
up the world.  And I am alone.  No calls.  No love.  It is within myself--this love.  I want to love the world but no one wants my love.  No mistakes.  I must not make
mistakes.  Must be forced to be strong, to be what I am not.  Can’t afford to be hurt again.  I’m so fragile--so easily ripped apart.  This fragility frightens me and I
need a protective coating.  A wall to screen out the pain of the outside world.  Can one wish away emotion.  It is me, this emotion.  

So much a part of me.  It is my soul.  My emotions, my fantasies.   Boy I want to make love again!  Carnaby is so much a perfect man for the part.  Did I have to
insult him or was he insulted?  He figured me out.  I’m perfect for that part in his play production.  Woman meets attractive man.  Fuck and good-bye.  So what!  So
why does my entire existence seem to revolve around this?  I’m a sexy bitch!  I love to make love!  But why do I have to care about that person like the eternal
woman?  Need him, why?  It’s the company, people I need you!  I need you!  I can’t be alone anymore!  That’s why I need you to comfort me.  Everyone!  I must
engulf you!  Make you a part of me.  Hear my call, everyone!  

“ARTICLE IV:  SUPPORT AND MAINTENANCE.”  1.  Husband, shall, during the joint lives of the parties, make the following payments for support and
maintenance of the children, $200 per week for the support and maintenance of the children.  2.  Husband shall be required to inform Wife immediately upon any
increase in Husband’s income.  3.  Husband shall be required to provide proof of income, to Wife or to Wife’s attorney or her designee.  4.  Aforesaid Children’s
support and maintenance payments are to remain in effect until the first to occur of any of the following events.  The death, marriage, emancipation or attainment
of the 21 years of either of the children.”

‘The aforesaid payments shall be made in advance, by check or money order, at the residence of the Wife, or such other place as she may hereinafter, in writing,
designate, commencing on the first Monday after the execution hereof, and on each and every Monday thereafter.”

The Summer. July 4th.  An empty space--as you see Journal.  I was a busy girl--teaching, going to school, trying to catch moments in-between--the beach--the
children--the Bay Lodge--the Seaside--that was summer.  Then guess who returned from his summer?  Yep!  Read ahead!  

The troubles that follow.  Lief thinks I’m great.  Shit, if he could finally fall in love with me I suppose others can!  But the right others!?

“Dear Jared,

Did I hurt you?  You really stuck the knife in deep when you said,
‘I’m not obligated to you.’  You’re the last person I would con-
sider obligated to me.  Have you any idea how much your words hurt me?
It’s not easy feeling affection for you.  But I did on Saturday.  Then
you burned me.  Why?  What did I do to deserve to be treated so?
Why make me your victim?  I only wanted a friend.  Forgive me if I
caused you pain.  But I don’t understand.  I thought you liked me
some.  It was really one and a half weeks of torture.  Perhaps I can
live again with myself.  For having known you was no pleasure.  Caring
for someone without it being returned is hell.  And I no longer care.”

What now?  My work is brutal.  Where do I go?  Of course it was undeserved but those
observations were his perception.  His fears.  God, I didn’t want to love him!  Why can’t I
control those urges.  I didn’t expect anything from him just a little joy.  Get out of this job   
now!  How?  I hate it!  The people, my nerves, can’t take it--my children--therapy too

Jack, Miranda, Rochelle, Juniper coming, perhaps Tamarra and Jonquil--Lief already here.  Like old times.  I’m looking forward to it.  A little of the ole crew.  Still
a little sad about the craziness of my lack of love life but I’m surviving.  Perhaps someday I could learn to feel detached from men.  But it doesn’t seem inevitable--
it’s very unlikely.  Either they change or I do without.  I really don’t know why I care about him.  He surely doesn’t want it from me.  Maybe he yearns for someone
else.  But that’s not what I was offering.  It was companionship I wanted.  But he’s incapable of that.  Doesn’t want to for sure and is just crazy.  I need to talk to
someone special.  No one.  That’s sad.  I need a way out.  Perhaps a man?  But who?  Where?  How?

It was fun having old guests again.  Miranda, such a lovely, gentle woman.  It’s sure strange how life turns out.  A thriller.  That’s what I should write.  My life
story.  What a thriller.  The growing up of an unhappy child to an even more unhappy adult.

October 31st.  Halloween.  Another time--now--it’s always now--yesterday, today, tomorrow--where’s the change over the year?  I’m still linked to Lief.  Fear my
children.  Don’t love them.  You’re going to leave them soon.  Too much self-absorption.  Time to remove myself from myself.  I’m a creature of habit.  No
independence.  No initiative.  Are these traits I see in Lance?  The anger.  I loathe these traits.

Pros and Cons of Living
1.        I want to live.                                        1.         I want to die.
2.        The kids who need mothering.               2.         I’m a bad mother.  They’re better off without me.
3.        Life is hope.                                           3.        Too much pain and humiliation.
4.        Change does come.                                4.         Aging!  I fear it!
5.        Pleasure.  There’s a lot.                         5.         No one really cares.  I’m replaceable.
6.        Friends.                                                 6.         Don’t hurt them, they care.

”ARTICLE V: DEBTS.  1.  The Wife hereby agrees to save and hold the husband free and harmless and indemnified against all debts, obligations and liabilities of
any kind or nature or hereafter incurred by Wife.  2. The Husband hereby agrees to save and hold the Wife free and harmless against all debts, obligations and
liabilities of any kind or nature heretofore or hereafter incurred by Husband.”

ARTICLE VI: INCOME TAX.  1. The parties shall file separate federal, state and city income tax returns (amended or otherwise) for any year for which it is legally
permissible for them to do so.”

Nov. 22nd. -- Thanksgiving.  I’m still alive.  Must review the choices.  Again, frantic stress, no grave depression.  The house keeps me active.  One room to go.  All
weekend painting.  Lief and Rochelle helped.  Fatigue.  Car accident.  Change of class imminent!  Too much stress!  Kyle is really sweet.  I worry.  What are my
motives?  A trip with the kids tomorrow.  Hopefully okay.

“ARTICLE VII:  CUSTODY AND VISITATION.  1.  The Husband and Wife shall share custody of the children provided that the Husband is situated in a suitable
apartment that meets with the Wife’s approval, such approval not to be unreasonably withheld.  Otherwise the children shall remain with the Wife.  The Husband
shall have the right of visitation with the children upon reasonable notice to the Wife.  a.  On weekends, holidays and school vacation.  b.  Such visits by the Husband
will be held at the Wife’s premises until the Husband obtains his own premises of sufficient size and suitability so as to enable the children to visit him therein.  c.  
Travel by the Husband with the Children will be unrestricted with reasonable notice.  2.  Each of the parties shall keep the other informed at all times of the
whereabouts of the Children.”

“3. The Husband shall have the right to communicate with the Children by telephone during reasonable hours as long as the same does not interfere with the
Children’s daily routine and does not disrupt their normal activities.  4.  On all matters of importance relating to the Children’s health and education, the parties
shall confer with each other with a view to adopting and following a harmonious policy, and decisions on such matters shall be made jointly by the parties except in
case of medical emergency rendering such consultation impracticable.”

Nothing to worry about.  Only more stress.  Some fatigue.  The car is repaired.  Leif and I, a week ago again.  Still making it big in bed.  I don’t understand it at all.  
A relationship born of nothing.  Going no place.  Never loving before.  Terrible sex--blossomed into an unaccustomed, occasional, but exciting sexual affair,
that’s all.  No strings attached.  No love.  No fantasy.  No hope for any special feelings.  But for the moment the physical tides me over until the next time.  

Do I want a next time?  Or a time after that?  But it comes, always inevitably.  Who am I to complain?  So shallow isn’t it.  That two lovely people, separate and still
need a body?  Ahh... but the warmth of a body one loves.  That’s where the treasure lies and to be found by me would be a miracle beyond conception.  To be found at
home, raising two children who need so much...Mom.  I’m like the ultimate mom.  I’m so needed.  This is my future.  I love those kids but they’re not my life.  I’m
just an integral part of their lives and my presence for them is necessary if they are to develop into healthy adults.  There is no choice when you give yourself no

Jan. 1.  I fell in love last night and it’s wonderful!  But take it easy!  One day at a time!  Perhaps it will be better or perhaps disappear.  Jared II.  Jared I is no longer
numero uno and hasn’t been for a long time.  

We have little in common and yet so much to say to each other.  I feel wonderful!  What next?  Let him plan.  I’m just enjoying the now of it.  It’s one of the
happiest moments of my life and should go down in my personal history.  He’s great--protective.  (I like that--my shortcoming) and an attractive person.  
His shortcomings are many.  He’s overweight, but good looking--naive and conservative--teasing but forgiving, kind, open-hearted and open minded.  I’m
frightened!  This has to progress before it dies.  We move so slowly.  A kiss for you Jared II and many thanks--as usual.  Last a little longer, please!

February 14, Valentine’s Day.  He’s gone to Guadeloupe.  I’m off to Florida in 2 days.  Ever since I recognized my caring for Jared II, an everlasting doom has hung
over me.  “I’m not in love with you.”  Why, at moments of such joy and ecstasy, after sex, does he say this?  I reply.  

“I’m a woman and a woman wants to be special.”  “You are special, very special to me.  I care for you so much.”  Externally we have so little in common, but
that’s superficial.  Internally we have so much to share.  We’re both compassionate people.  Jared, why does it hurt so then?  That you’re off falling in love in the
Caribbean and putting me aside?  “Don’t hate me”, he says-- saying good-bye.  I don’t hate you Jared.  I only want to stop thinking about you.  His niceness I came
so much to enjoy.  You spoiled me with your goodness.  That’s cruel in itself.  I’m on my search for other compatriots but inwardly I’m looking forward to your call
when I return.  It’s foolish how your “hello Lenore” has come to mean so much to me.  Even the way you fondle my hair--the way you’re so understanding of my
problems and finally of your good advice.  I miss your caring--more than I could miss any pretty face or handsome physique.  This relationship has come to mean so
much to me.  I hope we’ll make the picnic and the Bay-- a dream too far off to contemplate.  It’s his second relationship in three years following his divorce.  How
can I be anything serious if he doesn’t love me?

I frighten him!  Fuck him!  When was it that he became so good in bed?  It was nothing at first--blah!  And now--it’s making love.  And it will be over soon.  Please,
not this time!  Let it last or let me fall out of love first!  I refuse to be hurt again!  Jared, I came to trust you.  I will talk to you.  You’re so afraid of my wanting
you.  Why?  When did you begin to matter?

It’s now more than a month.  My euphoria and sense of doom still exist.  His calls, not so numerous, nor full of joy.  The times together have been less frequent but
affectionate.  Sex has been the best with this guy, why?  Tomorrow I will call another man and try to protect myself.  The picnic and the Bay still in the future.  You’
re not eliminated yet.  You son of bitch, I love you!  You Schmuck!  You’re not committed to me for one moment.  Boy I’m scared shitless with this obsession!  But I
don’t want it over yet.  He says that the sex is mental.  We’re compatible.  Real meaning of his words...”it’s worthless and senseless”.

My financial problems are so bad.  Lief’s loss of job--the depression.  My ability or inability to cope in this mess.  It’s so hard for me.  Everything is so hard.

At the Shore, lovely time, enjoying my friends and lovely walks.  Stuffing food.  No awkward feelings with Lief.  Did not think of Jared today, only yesterday.

I fell in love and I am loved and it is wonderful!  “You are everything I want in a woman.”  A serious statement.  What will be next?  I don’t remember when anyone
was so much in love with me before!

Breakaway Island--All the love I needed before!  Now the doom.  It’s over inside me!  I’m panicked!  Where is he?  Why doesn’t he call?  Why didn’t he come?  To
call his parents, not permissible.  Another time, only in an emergency.

Mustn’t--big mistake!  Why am I so possessive!  Overwhelming!  He doesn’t want me!  I blew it!  I will, if I pester.  Other things.  Other people.  Strength!  Help
God!  Now I need you more than ever to give me strength, to pull me through!  Calm down!  Really.  It will be fine.  You will be loved by others.  There will be other
kind and gentle men.  It was good.  It’s not over!  It’s not over!  Jared is yet to call but he will.  He would tell me!  He would tell me!  I hate the telephone!  Ahh, I’m
so alone!  So lonely!  So mixed up!  So crazy!  Why was he so cold and distant to me?  Someone else?  Is he calculating?  I can’t call his parents.  I can’t!  A knock on
the door!  It’s Jared!!!

He came last night.  The next day, Tuesday, I feel apart again.  I called him at his parent’s house.  He came and spent the day with me at home.  Today he called.  He
wouldn’t give up his golf game Friday for me.  My only day without the kids!  I’m having an anxiety attack.  Can’t sleep!  I feel really sick!  Roxanne’s ill.  I took
two aspirins.  What I need is a Valium pill.  A little more self-respect.  I feel robbed of it all and have got to get myself together again.  He does not want a
possessive relationship.  That is his right.  But what are my rights?

It’s now Tuesday and I haven’t heard all day.  A grand mystery.  I feel great pain again.  Anxiety is threatening.  If he doesn’t call me I am calling his folks by
9:PM tonight.  It’s a strange way to care for someone.  He has all the security.  I have none.  He can see all women and enjoy them.  I have no other pleasure.  My
flirtations are lessening.  Just want to be myself.  He is busy despite the fact that he has no responsibilities. I have all the responsibilities but feel empty and bored. I
want his presence even more than his touch.  His kind words.  Not his monstrous ones.  He cares for me and then he hurts me so.  Often unintentionally.  I need
interests outside of him that are rewarding.  No drama, no song, no classes.  No interests outside of him. Other men are simply not the answer.  I’m not interested
and that bothers me a lot.  I guess I really do love him.  Will you ever tell me that you love me?  Give me that present!  He is not a sadist.  He does not gloat at
hurting people.  As a man he is thoughtful.  At times, maybe more than most.

On Labor Day we were in love.  His defenses and distance evaporated.  My fantasies came true on our walk down by the sea.  It couldn’t have been more romantic.  I
was immersed in love.  When he didn’t call I called my best friend.  She was hurt.  Why?  Because I’m so preoccupied.  Not caring about her.  Her condition.  Her

Lief returned Lance’s call.  Lance is in pain.  We talked.  A most emotional and heartbreaking discussion of feelings.  Now that I am off from work I never see

It’s over!  Or at least I feel it is.  Not since Jared I had I felt such pain as I did Monday night.  I wanted this man!  Really wanted him!  I will not live without his
touch!  His sex!  His friendship.  For the respect and caring is gone and I did it!  When you yelled at me I knew that I lost you.  It’s really over now.  Relief and
tears.  Reflecting on my personality, a dumping, callous, uncaring individual.  Of no use to anyone.  Only what I can get.  It has been recently that I have
nonetheless felt a surge of love for my children.  

Until it’s really over will I be able to piece my life together?  Find interests outside my own psyche?  How damaging this relationship has been to my body and soul!  
Boy I feel like shit!  Lief’s presence was bad enough.  He dumped on me and made me feel like shit!  I’m in my own world.  Please take me out of it!

Saturday was the last morning that I spent with Jared II.  It is now over!  He was unable to give what I wanted most, himself.  It’s easier now.  Not waiting for the
phone calls.  Knowing it’s over.

Veteran’s Day.  Jared II fell in love!  It’s a miracle!  And I am very happy!  It sure took him a long time to accept me.  I feel he has accepted our love and the
seriousness of the relationship.

Thanksgiving.  Outside of two basketball games two weeks ago, I have not seen Jared II.  That’s it for love!  He loves me no more!  There is only stress!  Two kids!  
No Lief!  No money!  No help!  No love!  I needed Lief until Jared I and Jared II arrived on the scene.  Now I have neither.  I need someone who wants me and the
two kids.  I’m dying.  Help I’m dying!  Never again!  Shall I die before I call again!  Sounds like last year!  Different Jared, different persons.  I called Jared II and I
remembered why I loved him.  It was a delight!  Christmas.  I feel desperate!  Why can’t I be alone?  New Year’s Eve.  After we saw each other it was a revival.  We
loved that night but it was dead for certain.

“ARTICLE VIII: EMANCIPATION.  1.  With respect to the Children, an emancipation event shall occur or be deemed to have occurred upon the earliest happening
of any of the following:  a.  Reaching the age of 21., b.  Marriage,  c.  Permanent residence away from the residence of the Wife., d.  Death.  e.  Engaging in full time
employment upon and after attaining the age of 18 years, f.  In the event Children have attained the age of 21 years and are attending school at such time.  In no
event shall said emancipation be extended beyond the Children’s 23rd. birthday.”

ARTICLE IX:  MUTUAL RELEASES.  Subject to the provisions of this agreement, remised, released and forever discharged and by these presents does for himself
and herself and his or her heirs, legal representatives, executors, administrators and assigns, remise, release and forever discharge the other of and from all cause
or causes of action, claims, rights or demands whatsoever in law or in equity which either party thereto ever had or now has against the other, except any and all
cause or causes of action for divorce.”

And so my love dies today and I mourn.  There is nothing there, at last.  Happy Valentine’s Day!  Alone and at peace this morning.  A friend, dear Mical.  Have I
awarded you in my Journal?  You are often on my mind.  Mical, all generosity, but needy and lost, selfish, needing me, using me.  But giving.  And there when I
needed him.  Any explanation will do.  Lief?  A plane of another dimension.  Beyond reach.  And just as I touch him he’s lost to me again.

March 5th, my birthday, my 41st, perhaps my last.  I’m sad.  Rochelle and Jocelyn called.  Jocelyn sent over a gift with a meaningful card.  Mical’s money and card
were wonderful.  Reginald will call later.  Drinks, perhaps, with Mical.  But I’m still sad.  Let it pass.  Roxanne’s “Happy Birthday”.  All sweetness.

March 8th, my ten year old’s, Roxanne’s poem for me...


The snow looks like a

long sheets of white

The hills look like big

bright lights

The trees look like

ice cream cones

You’ll have so much fun

You won’t want to go home.

Fear of Mical.  Strange.  I have such a wanting.  I need someone.  My body is craving lust.  But his friendship I must keep that.  He says he is my friend.  I only
trust him within the boundaries of a fine line.  Because I lost the trust for men.  I fear new losses every day.  My new friends.  My comedian.  Are you really here
for me?  What are your motives?  Why me?  You are always in search of a new involvement.  Mical.  You touched us.  Will you remain?  It’s up to you to control
the relationship.  My therapy session disclosed it was Lief’s manipulation of me, his knowledge of my sense of guilt that continues to plague me.  Lief’s not dead in
me and I want to kill him forever within myself.  And I will.  Because through his death I can resolve this conflict and begin to take care of myself.  And I will!  Until
that time I remain married to death and won’t be able to accept new challenges and grow.  Mical, you let me down!  I expected too much of you.  You’re not for me.  
Nor should you be.  Despair.  Suicide in my thoughts but no actions.  Because despair departs and moments of happiness seep in and replace the nausea.  I failed at
everything in life.  No money, bad mother, bad teacher, bad housekeeper, bad manager, bad lover, bad ex-wife.

April 15th., Income Tax Day.  Lief’s birthday.  I’ll ignore it this year for the first time in 15 years.  Mical, now you’re so important.  So important!  Such a friend.  
Caring.  What do I do with this feeling.  You are a special man.  My feelings for him are all good and pure and then confusion--impurities, they creep through--
desires, uncertainties.  I love Mical but not with the same feelings that I had for Jared I and Jared II.  Three good men in one year!  Can’t one at least be for me!

The feeling continued and then a new anxiety peeked through.  Mical’s feelings.  Mical, if I called you and told you I was lonely how would you feel?  Would you be
here for me, your pal?  I’m so available, so lonely!  There is no one for me.  When with Lief, always so lonely.  When I am with Mical, just warmth radiates.  A
kindness.  Fun too.  Even pleasure.  My good, good friend.  It is a revolutionary concept.  Loving a friend.  Why do you care so?  As if you were a part of me.  I asked
him?  Why he’s so interested in helping my social life?  He piercingly looked into my eyes and said, “Don’t you know?”  I need someone to share the pain and
sorrows of existence.  Kind of like Mical.  But give me the passions.  Mical likes Fern.  Men!  Yes, they all stink!  Even the nice ones!  Bull shit caring!  Using.  They
want what they want when they want!  He likes her.  And it’s sickening for me to hear.  I like no man!  Never again!  I hate men truly!  They are all fucks to me!  I
allow myself to be manipulated.  How did I manage this one?  He gets to me more than Lief.  You expect too much of people.  People do not change.  Lief, Jared I
and Jared II and now Mical!  They have ways of getting what they want.  If Fern fails he’ll be back.  If she works out, I’m out.  Who am I, shit, to be treated without
meaning.  I have suffered a lot of rejection.  It’s time to stop.  This friendship is an insult to me!  He came at the opportune moment.  Pushed his way into my
barren world and gave me hope.  And I’m even in love. Mical, you can’t have it both ways.

June 21st, summer.  Twice we made love and it was good.  I knew it would be.  And friends we are still.  That is also good.  No fantasies, no mirages.  There can be
none when there is no desire to stay close that way.  The picnic.  The children and Lief.  It was a day of blessing, a family.  It felt good for awhile.  Being a family.  I
no longer hate Lief.  He’s a good soul.  Only weak in ways and helpless to see how he mistreated us.  There is only one I hate and he I loved!  More than life, I truly
hate him!  For not caring.  For not seeing, not knowing me.  Mical fills a void.  I love him.  He is good.

July 4th.  Bango!  Who’s to say it can’t happen again!  God keep him and me well.  I don't want to love Mical. What a fight!!

“ARTICLE XVII:  ENTIRE AGREEMENT.  This AGREEMENT constitutes the entire understanding of the parties.  There are no representations, promises,
warranties, covenants or undertakings other than those expressly set forth herein.  On this day of June, Lief and Lenore appeared before me personally and
executed the foregoing instrument.

Labor Day.  I blew it!  I began my Journal in depression and I end it on the same note.  Depressed.  Kids are fighting!  The phone is not ringing!  All of a sudden I
can’t take it anymore!  Freedom!  I want to fly!  Fly to the heavens!  Mister Mical!  You great funny man!  You touched me and now you’re on your way to better
things.  You deserve it all!  You’ll get it!  It will be yours.  Sometimes we should not tell the truth.  Well Journal.  Dear Journal.  I went through a lot these past
three years...

Dear Lief,

Beloved Husband, Roxanne and Lance, sacred Children, Jared I and Jared II cherished lovers, Mical, devoted friend, Rochelle, Jonquil, Camille Monica and deceased

Others cared for you as people--but for me you were human beings that I loved in very special ways.  And if God brought you down to earth for me, for whatever
short while, to know your kinship and feel the closeness of your souls, then thanks to your creators for that.  Now I feel the loss as I move away.”

“The pleasure shared, our moments together--no lover could equal the brothers and sisters that you became on such short notice.  I feel the loss as we return to our
separate realities.  I am left behind.”

“I feel good writing this letter.  It is hard to say to each of you in person.  You are no longer understood by me, no, longer connected.  We can end because we were
never truly friends, lovers or relatives.  We were simply souls that touched for moments before we divorced and moved apart.  It is a great loss for me, but thank
you for being there for a time.  No other people in my life will be missed as much as I miss you all.  You were dear to me.  But if the time comes when you need me
again I will not be there.”

“I have always felt that you loved me too, in this special way, each of you in turn.  And I have totaled up all of your separate loves but it did not equal the totality of
love that I craved so much.”

“Then you needed me.  Now your dependencies are over.  And your lives filled with pleasures that distance you from my sunken humanity.  You are home again.  
You have returned to your true beings.  We change.  Our friendships did not end here because what is already passed is gone.  There is the depression, the
emptiness for me.  I cannot bring you back to me and you should not want to come back because you are healed and whole.  Time helped you find your separate and
collective strengths.  You need no one.  You are not unhappy people.  The sadness.  There is no place for me in your lives.  No way I can know you without feeling
turned away and put aside in the biblical sense....




“NOTICE:        The nature of this action is to dissolve the marriage between the parties, on the grounds that Plaintiff and Defendant lived separated and apart
pursuant to a written Separation Agreement for a period in excess of one year after the execution of said Agreement.”
The relief sought is a judgment of absolute divorce in favor of the Plaintiff dissolving the marriage between the parties in this action, therewith.”
“Wherefore, Plaintiff prays for judgment against Defendant.  Divorcing the Plaintiff and Defendant herein and dissolving the marriage between them.  ADJUDGED
& DECREED that the marriage between them is ENDED.

DECREED that a judgment be entered on the date hereof, December 24....

DEATH CERTIFICATE California:        State Department of Health.

Name:        Lenore Annabel Sansone

Female 42, Decedent born 3/5/54.

Time of Death: 12AM, Jan. l, 1997.

Marital Status:  Divorced.

Surviving Spouse: Lief Sansone

Children:  Roxanne and Lance Sansone

Usual Occupation:  Teacher

Residence:  62 North Lowe Street, Burbank, California

Disposition:  Cremation.

Death was caused by Suicide.

Immediate Cause:  Drug Overdose --Tranquilizers.

Due to, or as a consequence of:  DIVORCE DECREE.


         VOLUME IV



  It was at this critical-mass juncture, shortly after securing The Henchman Hotel for a Singles’ Function that the three guiding threads in my life, i.e., my douche bag
jobs, my marriage and my promotional hi-jinx were beginning to seriously unravel.  Since events had become rather complicated at this time in 1983 or thereabouts (with
so many things occurring at once) it is best to describe each thread separately.  Let me stick with the promotional front for now.

At the time that I joined Bandito Corporation I was still mired in my marriage but getting ready to separate.  I was working full time during the days at WBJ but was
about to be fired.  I was knee deep into Singles’ Promotions, mostly behind the scenes by making alliances with most of the Promoters in the Bestchester Singles’
Operations such as they were.

Now that I had secured a hotel and a book sponsor, The Henchman, I decided to look around for an event to throw in their lounge.  I attended a Singles’ function called
Hams-On-Stage, held at a local church in Bardsley, New York by a sprightly redhead Thelma “The Tit” Titkin, who hailed from Spring Valley, New York.  She had started
about two years ago with dramatic, informal group sex.  She graduated from private orgies to public orgies where she and her friends would put on skits for the
entertainment of other friends.  This was supposed to be a means where Singles could meet.  The format had become quite popular, so much so that she decided
to organize more formally some of the hard core members into a Singles’ Repertory Theater Group.  They had been appearing incognito, in each other’s arms and homes
doing comedy skits and improvisations when I discovered them.

This idea struck me as kind of lewd, crude and rude and yet intensely original--almost as innovative as had been Marion Smith’s tennis parties that mixed sports with
Singles’ get-togethers.  I thought it might be successful because in the late 1970’s and early 80’s the comedy improvisation clubs were beginning to blossom and would
eventually reach maturity in the 1990’s on the Cable Television Comedy shows.

One night I went to one of their soirees in the basement of the Bardsley-On-Hudson Church.  The skits were funny and by the end of the night I knew that I wanted to
put them on at The Henchman Hotel Lounge in White Pains.  I decided to “Four-Wall” Thelma’s Production Group.  I went and talked to Thelma after the show and
simply told her she was wasting her time in church basements with her shows.  That an idea such as mixing singles with comedy entertainment improvisation might be
just the antidote to draw crowds to Singles’ Functions not to mention the fact that it would put money into my pockets as well as hers.

At first she was skeptical.  After all I was a stranger coming out of the woodwork but alas, greed got the better part of valor and she asked me what my cut would be?  I
told her most generously that I would collect a dollar a head for everyone who crossed the threshold.  She went into a hushed huddle with her Groupies and consulted a
live-in disc jockey who alternated between coupling with her and playing disco music at her affairs of state.  A week later she gave me the go-ahead to bring Hams-On-
Stage into The Henchman Hotel in White Pains.

Basically The Henchman Hotel Lounge usually drew a mixture of welfare frauds, the underemployed and over employed, loafers, local yokels from the City’s garbage
dumpsters, a few scatter-brain municipal clerics--i.e., the usual assortment of drunken bureaucratic bozos.  The Henchman Hotel, since the beginning of the century, had
been a hotel on its way down faster than a downturn in the economy.  That is the reason why old “Black Bridge” Negroponte (Manager of The Henchman not of the Death
Squads fame of Honduras) let me in there in the first place.  He was wishfully thinking that his new alliance with Worst Western Hotels would upgrade their image.  He
went so far as to make me promise to use their logo on the magazine I was putting together for them with Bandito Publications.  This certainly would be a real test to see
if a Singles’ crowd could mix well with the regulars especially in view of fact that we were going to charge admission at the doors.  That was something these hotels and
lounges were not in the habit of doing.

Thelma went back to her group and started to rehearse them seriously for their first fiasco appearance at The Henchman Hotel Lounge.  I wasn’t quite finished with this
particular promotion yet.  I sought to expand my influence in the Singles’ Business by linking Hams-On-Stage with Paula’s Singles.

I approached the other two promoters.  Marion wasn’t interested in going into The Henchman Hotel if there was going to be another Singles’ promoter there even if on a
different night.  It was against her WASP principles to appear in any location where the stench of one of her competitors might be detected on the Richter Scale.  She
warned me to get rid of Paula and Thelma.  That I wasn’t about to do.

Marion was faring well at her Sunday night soirees and this was probably the reason for her not joining us.  Paula, however, was tuned in and agreed to come in on the
night that Thelma wasn’t performing.  This was quite a coup getting two promoters to appear in the same place on different nights.  As far as I knew it had never been
done before.  I made the same dollar a head agreement with Paula.

I concentrated on Paula and Thelma and attended some of Thelma’s less than remarkable rehearsals and church appearances.  The lounge at The Henchman Hotel was
small but adequate with a small dance floor.  The band would play free of charge.  They were being paid by Management. “Black Bridge” would also serve a buffet.  The
deal struck was free food and drinks for the Cast.  We would charge six dollars entrance fee.  The event went off well enough in light of the fact that we were mixing the
regular crowd of ginks with the nerdy Singles’ crowd.

The quality of the comedy skits ranged from poor to excellent and most of the drunken sots who made up the audience were entertained.  Paula, however, didn’t find it a
bit amusing because of the light turnout.  She was used to getting large turnouts of older people interested in ballroom dancing at her home base in The Colony Club of
New Rochelle.  It was obvious to one and all that The Henchman Hotel wasn’t really right for her.

It occurred to me that with Thelma’s Group I could move them around to different lounges in Bestchester County and across the Hudson River into Orange County.  I
started to look around for another lounge to put her in and came up with the Bolly-A-Day-Holiday Inn just across the Bridge outside of Kayak, New York.  Although on
the path not taken, they gave us the Blue Room, a big dance floor and performance area.  I booked “Salami” Thelma in there for an extended engagement.  
Simultaneously I booked Thelma into the Venus Adonis Restaurant, a not so elegant Greek restaurant on this side of the Tappan Zee Bridge in the village of Hardysville,
New York.

Still, the results weren’t too bad.  Since the actors in Thelma’s group were strictly amateurs or volunteer voyeurs from the street, they did not share in the fees we
collected.  Their performances were inconsistent from week to week.  They couldn’t be trusted to show up, much less wear clean underwear if they did.  The original
sound track working hypothesis behind Hams-On-Stage was that backed by a few “rehearsed” hard core performers and hangers-on from Thelma’s Stable she would
obtain audience participation during the pre-determined skits.  If audience participation was not forthcoming the actors would pick up the slack.

It occurred to me that there was some potential to widen the concept of this idea and have Thelma form a Repertory Group with her people.  They could go on tour or as I
later sketched out, take part in a permanently based theater in Bestchester.

Before I could put these grandiose ideas into full swing, the manager at The Venus Adonis Restaurant started to get greedy and squeeze me out by getting hold of Thelma’
s middle Eustachian Tied Tubes and proposed to her the salient fact that I wasn’t needed.  That the two of them could run the operation without my agent activities.  (This
is the typical owner’s ploy.  Once the middle man has done all the work it appears to the owner that the promoter is doing nothing useful so it’s
time to cut him out of the action.  This notion is sheer nonsense for without me in the first place he would have never been able to get a hold of this acknowledged
business “enhancer” so cheaply, not to mention the fact that he would not be able to keep the inertia of the event going on his own).  Thelma informed me of his lurid
intentions and naturally she said she would remain loyal to me.  Of course, shortly after that she withdrew her support for expanding the whole operation.  My activities
with Bandito Corporation, i.e., my signing up of hotels and restaurants in New York and New Jersey to be sponsors of magazines went hand-in-hand with my promotional
Singles activities.  As I lined up the restaurants and bars I also approached them for possible appearances by Hams-On-Stage or other Singles’ Groups.

I succeeded only partially with some of the popular watering holes like Peter Pastoral in White Pains and the Ramada Inn in Elmsford.  For the most part these places
needed much larger mailing lists than Thelma had.  The debut at the Holiday Inn went off well.  We also had an engagement at the Holiday Inn in Elmsford.

Thelma began complaining that she just didn’t have the patience to keep the group together for the usual production reasons--absences, abscess teeth, time consuming
rehearsals and the expenses of promotion and mailings.  She was getting an Excedrin headache from dealing with the various warped psyches in the theater troupe.  She
was thinking about retiring from the Singles’ business in order to raise genetically honed killer tomatoes with ear muffs that could come back someday and eat
Manhattan or concentrate on her teaching career and her forlorn lover.  Worse than that, Thelma was getting fed up with the whole Singles’ Scene and was seriously
considering eloping with her Disc Jockey consort to, of all places, Texas A&M, in order to dig for oil with the help from the new scam technology of G.I.S.

At this juncture I realized that Thelma’s group had exhausted its potential--that Paula was going her own way and that Marion was refusing to budge from the Marriott
Hotel.  I figured that it was time to shift gears in another direction.

At this time I was still working for Bandito Corporation soliciting books from local restaurants, hotels and real estate firms.  La Reserve, a new plush hotel that had just
sprung into being in downtown White Pains had been completed and I thought they would be ripe for a magazine.

Since I was heavily involved with Singles’ Events at this time, I thought it might be a good idea to join the two operations and La Reserve Hotel seemed to be the perfect
place.  On the top floor was the Penthouse Suites that came complete with bar, bedrooms and kitchen facilities.  There were three penthouse suites on the top floor.  One
was leased for about $250,000 annually.  The second was unoccupied and the one I had my eye on was the largest of the three with a sunken bathtub as large as a normal
size room, gold fixtures, six inch thick wall-to-wall blue carpeting and many other social amenities.

It occurred to me at the time that this would be the perfect place to hold a luxury Singles’ Party on a weekly or monthly basis.  It also occurred to me that I couldn’t do it
by myself because the rental of the room would be too expensive.  I decided to broker the idea with Marion for she had the natural upscale membership who could afford
such an operation.

My idea was simple as a pimple-- throw a weekend party by invitation only charging $100 a person.  The room could hold about 100 safely and therefore a ten thousand
dollar gross would be realized.  We would fill the bathtub with champagne and the party would last until the following morning with breakfast being served before we
threw everyone out.  I would sleep the rest of the weekend in the luxurious quarters of the Penthouse.  Once we were rolling we could consider the Penthouse and the
very Hotel itself our center-piece of operations and international headquarters.  From here we could expand Marion’s operations into the two surrounding states, namely
New Jersey and Connecticut in order to capitalize on the upcoming Singles’ Scene.  We would continue to lock up the southern New York market and then go and
compete with the “hot shot” promoters of New York City.

First we had to convince La Reserve to let us have the Penthouse once a week with no “up front” monies.  You guessed it, since that was a “Four-Wall” Operation that
would be my job.   My approach would be simple.  Since the hotel had two out of three suites unoccupied and not making them any money to date, it would be wise to have
them start earning their keep.  If they gave us the Penthouse to hold Singles’ Events the publicity and advertising word-of-mouth, that La Reserve was now the new
upscale Singles’ Headquarters in Bestchester County, would probably lead in short order to the other suites of the Hotel being rapidly filled.  We would also consider
giving a percentage “off the top” to the Hotel.

Marion’s participation would be to lend her name to the operation and the utilization of her mailing lists.  The split between Marion and I would be fifty-fifty.  Marion
liked the idea and gave me the go-ahead to use her name in negotiations.  Before I rushed into talks with La Reserve I would use one more bargaining chip--a Bandito
publication free magazine for La Reserve.  I figured that if I approached them on the magazine deal first that that would give me a toehold to advance my idea for taking
over the Penthouses.  I proceeded in that manner and they were very receptive to the idea of a free magazine to put in anything they wanted to about the hotel.  They
signed a contract and I hurriedly went to work on their magazine.  Before the magazine was finished I let it be known to Management that I knew of a way they could
enhance their reputation and perhaps fill the other rooms of their hotel rather quickly.  The Management appeared interested at the very first meeting and passed me on
to Robert Martin Corporation, the real estate holding company that had built the hotel.  There’s where things got bogged down into what turned out to be a year long
futile attempt to jointly convince the Robert Martin Corporation and the Management at La Reserve to give us the Penthouses.

The first bit of chicanery they tried to come back with was that though they liked the idea they didn’t want to ruin the image of the high class hotel with what they
visualized the Singles’ Scene to be, wild orgies, drunkenness and all the rest of the myths.  The facts were just the opposite.  The Singles’ Scene, such as it was and still
is, was rather sedate, stodgy, childish, bitchy, paternalistic and extremely conservative both in politics and foreplay and if anything, for the most part, boring and

When these types of rejections failed to phase me, they came out with another load of elephant shit and camel piss.  They felt that the damage to their rooms with all
their custom made silicone fixtures, schlock paintings, fake Omar Khayyam Oriental Rugs purchased from Omar The Tent Man or damage from thrown cigarettes would
overshadow any benefits of having these Rites of Passage at their hotel.

The third crock-of-shit that issued from their flagrant Nostradamus’ nostrils was that if they were to go along with this scam they would want to sell us the food and the
liquor for the parties at retail rates.  Well that was absurd for two reasons.  If we bought at their retail prices they would be gaining everything and we would gain
absolutely nothing.  Marion Smith had her own tie-ins through her husband’s deli on Manhattan’s Upper East Side.  She also had other wholesale connections with her
food and liquor sponsors that donated supplies as long as their names were prominently featured at her events.  I hustled to pull together the La Reserve Magazine
thinking that this would be the icing on the cake and quell any final objections concerning the Penthouse Rooms.  

For months on end they held us at bay on this demand.  My strategy was to try an end run on Brutus, the General Manager of La Reserve who had been a former head
Chef at the Pie-In-The Sky Town Hilton.

Finally, without much help from the Robert Martin Corporation, the holding company that had built La Reserve, I threw the magazine together with the photographs and
PR materials at hand.  Brutus was unaware that I was pulling both strings--lobbying for the Singles’ Event while putting out his magazine.  When the copy of La Reserve’
s magazine finally came out I rushed over to La Reserve to show it to Brutus.  I thought, considering their lack of cooperation, that it didn’t turn out too bad.

Brutus hit the Penthouse roof and said he wanted it off the market unless we made several changes that he had in mind.  Apparently he expected the magazine to have
the quality of a national tabloid.  Since he was getting it free, he had nothing to complain about.  He threatened to break the contract.  When Bandito, head of my
company, heard this, he blew his Italian Papal Stack!  I convinced Bandito that it might be a good idea for him to come over and meet with His Excellency, Brutus, and
convince him that in reality he had a quality magazine at a bargain rate.  Bandito agreed because his Venetian pride had been wounded.

The day we met we collected in one of the lavish meeting rooms of La Reserve decorated with a one hundred yard long conference table.  Bandito came in blowing his
Fidel Castro poison cigar smoke in everyone’s bleary eyes.  Brutus came flanked by his entourage of young “pisslings” dressed in the latest ethnic folderol.  
Bandito flashed his synthetic pinkie ring.  He was the first to get up and deliver his Knute Rockne lecture to Brutus’ entourage on how he had been in the publishing
business long before Brutus had ruined his first salad.  That La Reserve had a nerve and a half telling him what a lousy magazine he had published when La Reserve had
been uncooperative from the beginning via their Holding Company, Robert Martin, Inc.  Bandito had done their level best under the negative circumstances.

Then Brutus unzipped his fly, got up on his Magna “Carta” toad stool and started a rap in Italian American arrogance on how he had expected the magazine to
have the same format as ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST and with a magician’s flourish he pulled out a copy making believe he knew what was between the covers.  As a
former chef of the Pie-In-The Sky Town Hilton I don’t think he could have read the recipes in the back of the magazine never mind related to the artistic configuration
of the magazine in and for itself.  This harangue went back and forth for about an hour with each entourage attempting to out piss the other.

Eventually I intervened and worked out a compromise which both parties agreed to and that was that.  We would do the book over again only if we had their full
cooperation and we got all the material we requested.  Brutus made an about face towards his flunkies and told them to tell Robert Martin Corporation to stop dragging
their feet and give this top priority.

By the end of the day we had saved the magazine but lost the Singles’ Operation because I knew then when Brutus found out who was behind the Singles’ negotiations
besides Marion “My Lady” Smith, he would squelch the dirty deal.

The negotiations dragged on for another quarter of a century before they gave us a final no to the Penthouse Rooms.  In the end they used the original objections of lack
of insurance coverage, possible irreparable damage to the premises and the ruining of the lily white reputation of La Reserve if word got around that La Reserve was a
Singles’ hangout.  They said they were after the business crowd, not the horny Singles’ crowd.  Meanwhile, they didn’t have any crowd--Single, Business, Rich or Poor!  
(La Reserve Hotel is now defunct--maybe).  A year later the expensive Penthouse Rooms went unrented as La Reserve flirted with Chapter 11.  The final and ultimate
reason (closer to the truth) was the fact that we wouldn’t buy their food and liquor at retail prices.    

The reason that I started up with the Ramada Chain was that “Dunking The Doughnut, The Flying Dutchman” and Barbara “The Wig” Sergeant (the two Birds of
Paradise who got me into this Bandito mess) were considering dumping Bandito and starting their own firm in Europe.  I don’t think that the idea ever got off the
ground.  Their not very original scheme amounted to producing the magazines themselves and then just using Bandito for distribution and publication.  I don’t think
“Emperor” Bandito took too kindly to that idea.  It was shortly after discussing the Ramada connection and linking it up with the Ramadas’ in the States that both “The
Wig” and Duncan were summarily fired.  I never saw their cute little Dutch asses again!

As far as the Bandito job was concerned, after the collapse of the Penthouse Caper Scheme for control of La Reserve Hotel, my heart valves weren’t into soliciting for
any more hotel sponsors.  However, during the previous months I had made forays into Danbury, Connecticut and signed up the Danbury Ramada Inn along with the
Ramada Inn at Armonk, New York.  I did not get the Ramada Inn at Elmsford to complete the three way coup.

After the Ramada Inns I made another stab at hotels in New Jersey.  Also included in my sweep were restaurants near the Fort Lee and Teaneck area.  The reason that I
chose New Jersey area was that my former mistress, Rose Hips (Fang's erstwhile cousin), who I had dated on and off for about six months, was living, working and
fornicating just across the Washington Bridge in Teaneck.

“Rose Hips”, who had been teaching for twenty years, had reached the teacher “burn-out” stage and was looking around for something else to do.  As is the case with
most burned-out teachers, they usually wind up in sales when they find out that the corporate world is not waiting for them with open arms.  She first linked up with an
obscure catering firm in central New Jersey doing field sales.  It was there that she got a lead on a job as Catering Director for The Bill Clinton Inn Hotel in Teaneck.  
Her job was to con people into using the hotel facilities for Special Event purposes.  The Bill Clinton Hotel was a natural situation for a magazine for the Bandito
Corporation.  After several meetings, social, sexual, psychological and economic, she convinced the owners to sponsor a magazine for their hotel.

This turned out to be the last magazine I did for Bandito.  It was at the time of the completion of this magazine that I was going deeper in hock at WBJ and so asked
Bandito for an advance or at least a loan.  This he refused to give me because I wasn’t a full time sales person.  I duly resigned and that ended the Bandito career.  I
never seriously considered going full time for them because the figures on straight commissions just didn’t pan out.  I was incorrect of my assessment of that situation
because at the time I was only getting $200 a week from WBJ.

Rose Hips and I broke off our romantic entanglements.  Although I wasn’t in love with her she was quite attracted to me and would have liked to get married.  I, at that
time, was still married.  One of my final encounters with Rose Hips consisted of borrowing two hundred and fifty dollars from her under the pretext of using the money
for some furniture that I had promised Sue on our honeymoon twelve years ago.  The next to last encounter with her was about five years later when we met
in New York City to go to one of the street festivals.  At this time she was dating rather regularly someone else and then we lost track of each other in much the
same manner that I lost track of my college sweetheart Barbara Delaney (Canavan).

I was still working for WBJ at this formidable juncture but I was increasingly finding it difficult to contribute to our household.  The Singles’ Events weren’t bringing in
any money to speak of.  They were just taking up time.  I mentioned earlier that my job at WBJ was Classified Editor and as such many checks came across my desk that
were then forwarded to the Accounting Department.  We also did Reprints of articles that vendors requested for publicity purposes.

From time to time to time these checks would come across my desk and made their way into my comfortable fur-lined shallow pockets.  It became rather tempting to
confiscate some of these checks because of my dwindling funds.  After a while it became an addictive habit to take every fifth check through various nefarious
complicated accounting manipulations.  I guess you could consider it the first time in my life that I did something really dishonest.  It seemed so necessary at the time
and once started it was hard not to become dependent on this source of income.  I rationalized that it was right seeing that “Old Skin Flint Canker Sore” had been
dragging his feet and not paying commissions, not just to me, but to the whole goddam office.  I convinced myself that I was simply taking in advance monies owed to me
and my cohorts.  I estimated that I was owed about $2,000 and that was just the amount that I took before I was discovered.  I didn’t feel good about it even with the
various rationalizations.  I knew my days at THE JOURNAL were numbered one by one.  This was at the same time that things were going sour with Bandito.  The
Singles’ Operations and my marriage were on the verge of collapse.  I was now embarking on the beginning of the year 1983.  I was forty-four years old.

After wrapping things up with “The Flying Dutchman”, “The Wig” and Bandito “The Pinkie Ring”, with the completion of THE BILL CLINTON INN MAGAZINE, I
began to rethink getting involved in the Singles’ World again but this time on my own.  Since I had access to free space in my Classified Section, while still at WBJ, I
decided to put in an unobtrusive ad in the Real Estate Section asking for owners of property who might want to go in as silent partners by offering to donate their
property for a Singles’ Event.  I got a few token responses that didn’t amount to a consummation in the first week.  The second week that the ad appeared, a call came in
from a certain Reginald “The Realtor” Brillo of Platonic Real Estate in Mt. “Shish-Ka-Bob”, New York.  He said he would like to meet.  Fine!  I love to meet!

I took off a few hours during lunch period to visit “Real Estate” Reginald in Mt. “Shish-Ka-Bob”.   Over the phone he had indicated that he had a real estate office near
the train station that he would give over for my use.  When I heard what type of property it was I was hesitant to proceed but since no other offering was on the sullied
horizon I decided to take a look see.

When I arrived in Shish-Ka-Bob (which is small fishing village a few thousand kilometers north of White Pains) I went straight to Platonic Real Estate and found that
indeed it was nothing more than a real estate office and a small one at that.  Brillo shook the back of my hand and immediately tried to convince me that this would be a
good place for Singles’ Events on a weekly basis.  My promotional instincts told me that this was a terrible spot even if put on a second by second basis.  It would not be
romantic to throw Singles’ Parties in a cluttered office.

However, Brillo was persistent, throwing in the tantalizing proposal that he was a member of the Saw Mill River Parkway Tennis Club and that if things got out of hand in
the office he would be able to use his influence to get the use of the Club.  Then he drove me over to the club to impress me with its amenities.  This atmosphere was
something that Marion “My Lady” Smith might have been intrigued with because Tennis events were her forte.

It was an elegant sports club but it didn’t have adequate facilities for Singles’ Events.  It was also located away from the mainstream of Singles’ Events in Southern
Bestchester.  I much preferred to have something in the White Pains area but seeing that everything was being offered for free and my only expense would be for soda,
pretzels, wine, chips and the advertising, I decided to give it a try on a fifty-fifty basis.

It turned out just as I expected, a complete disaster!  The really killing blow was another snowstorm on the night that we had the party.  That kept only but the most
desperate single souls at bay.  About a baker’s dozen showed up and they spent the night complaining about the absurdity of throwing a Singles’ Party (Marty’s Parties as
I had dubbed it) in a real estate office among the dung heaps of office machines, files and furniture.  We sat around moaning and groaning for what seemed to be an
eternity in a bottle and then I called it off.  Needless to say I never got the use of the Saw Mill River Tennis Club and that ended my brief alliance with the balding
ingénue middle age entrepreneur Reginald “Real Estate” Brillo.

I made a few other valiant attempts to get things going with Marion Smith again on a joint by joint venture.  I reasoned that with Marion’s upper class lists that she could
draw heavily on a Mansion based operation.  There were several such mansions located in and around the County and some of them might be anxious to give us the use of
them because they were required to pay enormous amounts for property taxes.  With income from Singles’ Events some of the taxes could be defrayed.  From our
vantage point it would certainly be a lush and erotic environment to throw Singles’ Events.

Simultaneously with these efforts I almost teamed up with a woman I had met at a Singles’ Event in White “Pains”, a Carol “The Con”.  She became romantically
involved with me but I wasn’t with her.

She invited me up to her sprawling colonial complex north of Condom-On-Thy-Hudson and tried to convince me to throw an Event there or in her local synagogue.  Her
real motive was to have an Event with me in bed!  I visited both locations, not the third and saw that they were too run down and out of the way to be practical (so was the

Next on the agenda I stumbled across some publicity material pertaining to the Mansion, Esterwood-On-The Hudson, near Bardsley, New York.  After discounting a few
other locations on the River because of the expense, I talked Marion into visiting Esterwood and to see if we could get it for free.  Esterwood was located on the Sudsy
River on a huge two hundred acre estate and was being used for various and sundry business conventions and meetings.  It was a mansion of the Classic Colonial 18th
Century Style and would have made an excellent choice to throw our “by invitation only” orgies.  However, it turned out that they wanted several thousands dollars for a
one day rental fee with no guarantee of a long term contract.  Marion and I were interested in a long term commitment of at least a year.  At least some good came out of
the Esterwood visit.  I was so impressed by it that the short story THE SAINTS OF ESTERWOOD, a surreal tale, was inspired by it.  I later combined that short story with
FEED NOTHING BY MOUTH-PRN.  But that was to happen two years later in 1985 after I resumed writing a year later in the Summer of 1984.

With Esterwood down the tubes, I made a few other vain glorious attempts to get two other mansions.  One of them was the Miles Davis’ Artist Estate on the Sudsy near
Washington Irvington-On-The-Hudson.  His wife was interested in throwing events there when her husband was out of town.  There again the expense was excessive.  The
last attempt was the musical center at Lyndhurst in Sorrytown, New York adjacent to the Rockefeller Estates.  In this instance the bureaucratic red tape and the rules
prevented us from organizing the type of event we had in mind--a weekend extravaganza of both indoor and outdoor orgies.  Again, like La Reserve, they were afraid of
damage to the property and after I saw the handbook of rules for rentals, I scratched that mansion myself without getting Marion “My Lady” Smith involved.

My next to last dealings with Marion “My Lady” Smith centered around my futile attempts to secure another prime location.  This one was on the outskirts of White
“Pains” called Boffer’s Hotel.  The hotel had been completely restored after being burned to the ground by a disgruntled “single”employee three years before.

We thought rightly, that the hotel, in an effort to regain its image as a safe haven, would welcome the attraction of Singles’ Dances.  It just so happened that within the
hotel grounds was a beautiful 18th Century Colonial Mansion to supplement the ballroom facilities of the hotel proper.  Both Marion and I fell in love with not only the
hotel but the mansion.

We were told it was used for the usual business bull shit meetings and conferences by the neighboring heavy hitting corporations.  We both set our hearts on securing the
mansion but we couldn’t talk management to commit for the year on an every weekend basis.  They felt that they would lose corporate business that way and they couldn’
t afford that because they were just getting back on their feet.  Marion stood firm and wanted the long term commitment out of them.  I believed she was right because if
we could have secured control of this hotel we would control the County even more so than if we had the La Reserve Penthouses.

Instead they offered us their lounge which was used by businessmen during the week but was empty during the weekend.  Marion didn’t like that idea because the lounge
was too small and she felt she would over crowd it.  I liked the lounge as an alternative.  At least it would give us a foot in the door ploy to eventually secure the complete
control of the hotel and mansion.  It was a plush lounge with thick carpets and comfortable bucket seating for at least two hundred.  I felt that it was a great opportunity
since we were getting it for nothing with a possible split of the bar proceeds.  Marion didn’t want to stake her reputation on the lounge and so declined the offer.  I asked
her if she had any qualms about me going ahead and throwing Marty’s Parties there on a weekly basis?  She had none except that she would be a silent partner because I
was using her lists and the split would be fifty-fifty without her participation but with use of her name.  I would also have to change the name of the Event from Marty’s
Parties to Marion Smith’s Parties.  That was agreeable to me for the price of securing my own Event at a plush hotel.  The Management said they would get back to us
with a firm answer after they put the Proposal to Upper Management.

While these negotiations were taking place with Boffer’s, I came up with the idea of Midnight Cruises along the Hudson River and Long Island Sound for the spring,
summer and autumn months.  Marion immediately picked up on the idea.  We made a trip to the Greenwich, Connecticut Boatyards to check out some fishing boats that
had rather large facilities for such an event.  However, the ships we checked out were overrun with fishy smells and unsightly fishing paraphernalia.  Some of the larger
ones would have accommodated crowds of up to three hundred or more but Marion, being very fussy, wanted something more sedate.  

The upshot of these excursions was that Marion eventually went ahead on her own with some cruises out of the Boatyards of New Rochelle on Long Island Sound.  A few
years later these cruises became a regular staple of the Singles’ Promoters (usually termed Cruises to Nowhere).  From the cruises she went on to be the first to set in
motion the “staged” Mystery Play acting Murders in the Catskill Mountains’ Resort Hotels where the singles’ attendees would try to figure out “who done it?”  These
Events became the rage in the middle and late 1980’s.  It was Marion who got things started in that direction.

Finally, after the eventual unsuccessful takeover attempt of Boffer’s Hotel, the direction most Singles’ Organizations and their larger umbrella organizations was to take
was in the area of packaging travel trips.  Marion maintained her bread and butter operations at The Marriott Hotel and the Sound Shore Tennis Club in Porkchester,
New York as well as some Long Island Hotels and an occasional Manhattan Lounge Event at the Top of the 666’s Hotel.  Except for Marion and the success of the
“talkathon” sessions of the Unitarian “Rap-Bull Shit Throwing” operations out of Bestchester and Connecticut, the Singles’ Scene was slowly evaporating.  (The Internet
was still years away).

Meanwhile back at WBJ Canker Sore replaced Ginseng with Jake “The Rake” Flake.  Within thirty days Jake “The Flake’s inane ideas for improvement of the
paper’s advertising position collapsed faster than a Schrodinger Quantum Wave Function Equation and so did Jake.  He was hustled out of THE JOURNAL’S gilded offices
when it was discovered that while giving us long wind bag lectures on the not too subtle art of cold-calling and telemarketing techniques, he was out taking three hour
snoozes in the back seat of Canker’s Renault and then topping it off with a cold-call tour of the local restaurants to bring to a vapid conclusion his four hour lunch
period.   Not once did he go to the field himself to show us how it was done and yet this was his favorite threat during his morning tirades to the beleaguered sales staff.

“The Rake” did have one handicap beyond his control and that was that his exhortations for more and more sales were falling on deaf and dumb ears.  No one on the sales
staff was about to put in extra effort when they hadn’t been paid their commissions.  Some of these commissions ranged into the thousands and were overdue as much as
two years.

At every sales meeting he was faced with the prospect of mutiny.  When he tried to push us to produce we just threw the issue of back pay into his “jelly bean by the
book” face.  His response was that though he sympathized with us, back pay and selling space were two unconnected issues.  Back pay was Canker Sore’s bailiwick.  He
would see what he could do.  He did nothing.  But he saw to it that he was the first in line for his money.  When Canker started to give him a song and a dance on his
commissions Jake “The Rake” was out the back door.

The last such sales meeting we had with him was a mutiny led by yours truly when we all decided to go in as a group and demand our money. Canker panicked, grew pale
as a “La Belle Dame Sans Merci Knight-At-Arms” and said he would immediately hire a credit collections person that would hound his debtors unto death do they
“parteth”.  When he got his money we would receive ours.  His first blunder was to fire a twenty year employee bookkeeper named Nickie “The Female Bookie” and
replace her with a 16 year old tart Bonkers Guidette Bimbo, wise ass, big mouth brat who didn’t know squat about successful collection techniques.

Her main tactic was to call up and scream in C Sharp Major at whom so ever answered the phone.  After a month of this, Canker, fearing he would lose whatever client
base he had, fired her.  Then he brought in a grinning Cheshire cat grade school drop-out an “Uncle Tombo” looking vicar like character.  This was Canker’s bid to
comply with the Equal Opportunity ERISA Act of 1976 by hiring a “token booth boot black” bookkeeper just to prove that he wasn’t a Saracen, New York bigot which he
certainly was.  This was just another in a series of transparent shell game stall plays by Canker Sore.  He knew this guy knew even less than the last Bimbo.  He thought
we would all be intimidated by his Al Jolson black face and reverse affirmative action racist mannerisms and wouldn’t bother him anymore.  He could simply throw the
blame on this poor, uneducated, hapless “Uncle Tombo”.

Canker was now desperate because if the company ran in the red too long he would be forced to dip into his own personal savings to keep the paper afloat.  It was
rumored that one of the stipulations of the Bequest to the Canker Clan was that in order for him to continue drawing money for his own personal peccadilloes he would
have to keep the newspaper afloat.

One thing for sure, “Uncle Tombo” was a bad omen for “The Metaphysician”.  I could see that he was one of those go-by-the-book black bureaucrats (the type I had run
into in my Case Worker days).  This was his first job since being turned loose from a prison work release program at Riker’s Island so he was going to do his best to
impress Canker “The Honky” Sore.  Coming as he did into the middle of a revolt he was ignorant of who the real culprits were and he went after the wrong people with a
vengeance.  It just happened to be my bad luck that he was one of those persevering bumbling bureaucratic blobs (diligent to the letter in carrying out his ignoble duties)
because it wasn’t long before he uncovered my skull-duggery Reprint Scam an the pocketing of fees during the past two years.  Before that came to pass however, my
marriage was about to enter the separation phase.

Before I move into the separation and divorced years, bringing my story up to then ontological present with the increase of creative activity, I want to tie up some loose
ends of the two years previous to separation.  I already mentioned that a year before separation Sue and I took our only trip together, except for the European escapade
the summer before we got married.  Sue’s friends, Ruthie “The Bachelorette” and Smack “The Ethiopian Quack” accompanied us to Block Island, Rhode Island in the
North Atlantic.  I believe that Rachel-Rachel and Ira “The Pink” were also in attendance.

It was due mainly because of my contact with this romantic island, Block Island, The Bermuda Triangle of The North, that the first twinges of creativity seeped back into
my veins.  I purchased at the local general store in the center of town, two history books on Block Island.  Within the covers of those books were tales relating the myths
and folklore en-shrouding Block Island’s history.  I derived inspiration from those tales and upon returning home tried my hand for the first time since the age of 19
(The Age of Aquarius) at a different medium than poetry (the Short Story genre).  After I came home from Block Island I pasted together TIME’S BOTTLES from bits
and pieces of the Block Island history books.

My father, at the age of seventy two, had entered Albany Hospital.  He had never had anything worse than a cold.  He was walking one day on one of his
long, surrealistic jaunts around the City of Albany when he began to get stomach pains.  He took a cab to the emergency room and they diagnosed colon cancer.  He
was to spend the next four years, following his colostomy, in and out of the hospital.  He was to never to regain his full strength and spent the last few months of his life
at the Veteran’s Memorial Hospital.  My sister, Evelyn, who was a nurse at the nearby Albany Medical Center, saw to it that he got the best care possible.  He returned
home after his colostomy an aged man.

By this time my mother and father had both moved to an apartment complex in the center of Albany on Mercer Street.  In reality it was a few short blocks from
where I spent my childhood years on Park Avenue.

A short time elapsed before my father was back in the Veteran’s Hospital and never left it.  He died at the age of seventy six.  I didn’t see much of him those last
few years.  I came in occasionally with Sue and the children to visit Evelyn and made a few trips to the hospital.  I just couldn’t breach the distance that had developed
between us since childhood.  I simply had trouble relating to him but certainly wish now that I had made more of an effort.

He was buried in a Jewish Cemetery at the fork of Western Avenue and Wolf’s Road.  This is where most of the Trilling, Lewis and LaVine Clan now reside.  A
few years later my mother passed on and was buried next to him.  It was a cold, damp funeral day when she was buried.  The thing that stands out in my own mind
concerning the funeral was when my sexy cousin broke ranks and came up to me and silently kissed me on my pale wan cheek.

With both parents gone, separated from Sue and no real friends to speak of since my army days, I became isolated and alone.  Rita, my eldest sister, was living in a Half-
Way House in Rochester.  The authorities thought that she had improved enough to fend for herself.  She would make occasional trips to Albany to visit my younger
sister, Evelyn, but she mostly socialized with her one and only friend in the Albany area, our cousin Shirley “Twirly” Filson.  Irwin, another cousin from my Amoco gas
station days, had remarried for the umpteenth time and finally left his mommy’s domicile.  Our Aunt Rose “The Hose” was approaching ninety and passed on at about
that age in 1988.  Sanford (my cousin) was consolidating his sporty empire and was now to be seen more at his home in Delmar  (instead of traipsing around the world like
a motorized Frisbee) or off sailing on his fully equipped three bedroom yacht up and down the mighty Hudson River.  His wife Ruthie “The Bust” became quite a
successful real estate personae in the area.  This was mostly due to the salient fact that she was well connected in the Jewish Organizations such as B’nai
B’rith, Hillel, ORT and several other hell raising Jewish groups.  She managed to get my sister Evelyn a house at a good price near her own luxurious home in Delmar,
New York.

Becky, Evelyn’s daughter by her second husband, Sam “The Yam”, entered college, graduated and moved to an island off the Florida Coast to be with her
childhood sweetheart who had become a chef and working for a Florida billionaire.  That bit of nonsense ended in about a year and she betook herself to Vail,
Colorado where she met, married and had three kids by a local luxury house builder in Colorado.  Billy “The Kid” (adopted son by Evelyn’s first husband Gene “The
Think Tank”) had fallen in with the wrong crowd as a teenager.  He was in trouble up to his navel with the Albanian Constabulary for minor gangster pranks.  He fell in
with a sixteen year old girl of that crowd and she became pregnant and Billy “The Kid” became a father at 16.  He never married the girl.  They lived together for a short
while and then Billy assisted on a “second story” heist, was caught, but jumped parole and fled to the West Coast ending up at twenty one a “David The Fugitive Jansen”
street person selling discount jewelry in and around concerts of THE GRATEFUL DEAD.   He sneaked in and out of Albany at will evading the probation officers looking
for him and finally fled the country to the Caribbean to work at an assortment of jobs namely in construction.  Meanwhile, the Albany authorities still had an all world
bulletin out on him and so that made it impossible for him to come back and put his life together back in Albany.  The bureaucrats in Albany were insisting that he serve
some time for jumping probation but Billy “The Kid” didn’t agree with their assessment and so this situation remained a stand-off between the 19th Century Albanian
judicial system and young Billy “The Fugitive Kid” despite Evelyn’s best efforts at paying lawyers and negotiating with judges to no avail.  They were treating Billy “The
Kid’s” offense like a serious misdemeanor which it surely would not be in most jurisdictions. Time passed and Billy “The Kid” slowly made his way back to the states and
settled in Montana by 1996.  He was making his way out of drugs and working steady in construction.  The last time “The Fugitive” resurfaced was when Becky, his sister,
married.  He had a girlfriend in tow but was still considered a “dangerous fugitive” and then he disappeared again.

Irwin’s son, Howard “The Hunk” also ran afoul of the law.  After securing a good job selling computer software for Radio Shack, he managed to get himself involved
in the height of the cocaine frenzy.  He carried a gun strapped to his crotch a la Joey Trillio style and was eventually arrested by the Feds.  He was being persuaded by the
government to assist in their investigations at the same time he was being pursued by the underworld.  Upon his release he decided for the better of mankind to go back
into software consulting.  

Sanford’s adopted son, Ronnie, went on to become a Jewish State Trooper in a small, southern town.  He moved back to Delmar and with the help of Old “Money
Bags” Sanford he became a State Trooper on the New York Thruway.  After having children, he divorced his first wife, then remarried a State Trooper.  (Together they
traveled the highways and byways in matrimonial bliss until two years later after more children they got a divorce.  In 1994 he remarried for the third time and had more

In Troy, my Uncle Morris “The Furry Furrier” and his wife Ainia “The Vagina” and their son Eddie “The Gay Blade” respectively perished within five years of
each other leaving “Twirly” Shirley with all the “Morris the Cat’s shekels.  My Aunt Edith, in New York City, also passed in the 1990’s.  Uncle George, “The Gambler”
and his wife passed in the late 1980’s. Shirley went bye-bye in the middle 90’s.

Saint Sue’s father passed away a few weeks before Sue and I were married.  Sue’s brother Irving divorced and retired after many years of teaching and
“principaling” in the Brooklyn public schools.  (God dammit! I just remembered.  I still owe him some money for my promotions!)  Sue’s mother lived to be 80 and died in
Florida where she moved to a new old age development complex at King’s Point at Del Ray Beach. That little autobiographical summary is for all of you obnoxious critics
out there and now back to the main events.

                    CHAPTER XXXV

                   THE WANDERER

                THE JEWISH BEDOUIN

Now that I was no longer working for Ranno I needed another job to supplement my diet and income.  I answered an ad in the newspaper to
deliver PENNYSAVERS to Southern Bestchester residences.  This was an embarrassing and humiliating position for it was equivalent to becoming, at the age of forty
four, a paper boy all over again.  They paid sub-par wages, something less than minimum wage based on how many papers were delivered to each doorstep.  My station
wagon was still active and I used it to carry THE PENNYSAVERS to the area of delivery.

From the early morning sunshine, it would take all day to deliver them because the areas were infested with hills and most of the doorsteps sat well back from
the road.  That is why I couldn’t just throw them from the car window.  I did this for several weeks and then managed to wrangle a better assignment when they gave me
the store route--delivering to all the retailers on Mamaroneck Avenue in White Pains.  Mamaroneck Avenue was the main business area in White “Pains” and it was
very close to the Y where I was living.  I was constantly worried about meeting someone I knew and having them see me delivering PENNYSAVERS.

On the social scene I was attending Singles’ Events on a larger scale and had a brief affair with Maura “Moria The Irish Wind”, a woman I had met at the
Bonkers Singles’ Convention.  Maura had just broken up with Conrad “The Weatherman”, the publisher of THE DATE BOOK.  Conrad made a good income from this
magazine dedicated to announcements for the Singles’ World and the printing of Personals.  I was never in love with Maura “The Wind-Moriah” but she was intriguing
from a craziness standpoint.  She was wild and irresponsible.  Although smart in some areas, a high school drop-out, she had been divorced from her first husband and
lost custody of her teenage son because she was judged to be an unfit mother.  She was Bulimic, Anemic and Anorexic all in one breath depending on her mood swings
which were as varied as her weight swings--going from an 80 pound weakling to an over two hundred pound dead weight talking gorilla, Beluga Whale and then back
again in a fortnight.  She was like me in many ways in the sense that she never stuck to a job for very long.

From time to time Maura and I saw each other, either in New Jersey where she lived or in Bestchester where she played.  I once arranged a trip to Block Island in
the middle of the winter because I was anxious to see what Block Island was like during stormy conditions.  When we arrived at Point Judith, the departure point for the
Ferry to Block Island; it was a cold, foggy, blustery winter’s day with the visibility down to zero.  All transportation to the island had been canceled.  As it was, even under
normal conditions, the Ferry only ran once a day during the winter season.  Maura went flying hither and thither about Point Judith like a horny humming bird,
“hondling”, hawking and “micturing” (“hondling” in Yiddish) everyone she could find to take us across to the Island--small fry fishing boats as well as the local pilot’s
association, the Chamber of Commerce and even pilots at the small airport in her efforts to get us over to Block Island.  She was judged by them to be a wild woman from
the City and dismissed out of hand as a nuisance and a Johnny-Come-Lately.

Wherever we went she was always bringing strangers into our most intimate conversations or she was interfering and mixing in with other people’s conversations.  Being
a very private first class secretive person myself, this personality quirk of hers was a pain in the ass.  Maura also had suicidal tendencies and she had been treated at the
hospital for manic depressive episodes.  She did have her moments of glory when she could be very warm and loving.  Although I didn’t have a very strong emotional
attachment to her, I was fascinated by her Irish Soda Bread shenanigans.

Maura fancied herself another Greta Garbo but she was no more an actress than was Georgie Parker (of my distant childhood days) a Major league duffer.  She
couldn’t convince Thelma “The Tit” that she had any discernible talent.  Thelma did all she could to keep Maura off-stage.  Maura became Thelma’s arch enemy and
would never forgive her.

I continued to run three miles every morning and was getting into good shape.  I weighed about 170 pounds which was close to normal weight for a 5’ 10” frame.

Things were about to come to an uncertain head at THE JOURNAL that would change the direction of my life for the next ten decades.  Sooner or later it was bound to
happen and one day it did.  “Uncle Tombo” Canker Sore’s erstwhile bookkeeper had been keeping meticulous records and was assisting Canker in feeble attempts to
cheat the staff out of their just due.  He stumbled across my not too well concealed manipulations that I had done to prevent the discovery of the pocketing of Reprint
Fees.  I was hustled into the Front Office to explain and I mumbled something about just taking my future commissions.  Of course they thought that that was
nonsense.  I don’t think that I was fired for at least three weeks after that embarrassing meeting of the minds.

I had been looking around for another space sales job and noticed an ad in the newspaper for a Yellow Page Rep. in New York City.  I decided to give it a try.  Two weeks
before I left for the City I moved out of the Y because I didn’t have rent money.  Since I was to depart for the City shortly, I decided to spend the last two weeks sleeping
at WBJ’S offices at night. After two scary weeks of this I got the axe.  I told “Sweet” Susan that I was going to look for a job in New York City.  Fortunately her friend
Ruthie “The Bachelorette” living on the Lower East Side in a cramped one bedroom apartment, was going to visit her ailing parents who had moved from Brooklyn to
California.  She would welcome someone to baby sit her apartment and to water the plants while she was away.  I called Ruthie and made arrangements to come a week
before Ruthie was to vacate the apartment.  I also thought that as long as Ruthie was there and I had nothing better to do (I was without a femme fatale at the moment)
I might as well seduce Ruthie.

Ruthie could be quite attractive when she fixed herself up and decided to shave her legs.  She was on my wave length and like me had had many jobs.  She was still single,
never having married and approaching her mid 40’s.  She had had several affairs of the heart but recently Zack “The Quack” had to honor and
obey a marriage contract to one of the numerous Queens of Ethiopia.  This was a prearranged marriage farce made by his parents back in the home land.  As bad luck
would have it, having an affair with me was the last thing on Ruthie’s mind.

Simultaneously with my arrival she had met a man, Harry “The Glassblower”, in the laundry room of the cellar of her flat.  In fact on that very first night that I arrived
he paid a visit and Ruthie and he could be heard fucking away in the very next room to mine.  Nonetheless I moved in the living room for the months of June and July
with a station wagon full of my droppings.  Ruthie departed for California a week later.  I was left behind to water her plants.

The first order of business was to close out my promotional career with a final follow-up call on the Stouffer’s Estate Gambit.  After about six months of stalling I decided
to contact them and get a final vote of confidence.  A no would mean I would leave promotions and a yes, a return to Bestchester to put the operation into full gear.  The
answer was a resounding no.  The reasons were the same illogical reasons given by the hapless La Reserve Management.  That the mansion was out of the question
because it was booked a year in advance by the corporations.  The bar lounge was out of the question except on a week-by-week non-committed basis.  These
arrangements were out of the question for me.  Just as you got the promotion into high gear you had the rug pulled out from underneath you by being kicked out of the
place.  I decided to leave it at that and concentrate on making a legitimate living.

The moment I walked into the Yellow Pages’ Offices in New York City and heard their flamboyant peacock shaped CEO give his butt-hole sales pitch to the hapless new
victim Reps., I knew the whole scheme was a giant size space sales scam--promising you the moon in return for an enormous amount of your blood, sweat and tears.  
There wasn’t any salary, strictly commission and cold calling.  You would make appointments by phone and then go out and try and shove Yellow Page advertising down
the throats of small retail business owners.  Even though you weren’t getting paid until a sale was made and money collected, they expected you (as do most phony sales
jobs) to attend all meetings and honor and obey all their silly, asinine rules.  It was obvious that Marty Lewis “The Rebel With A Cause” wasn’t going to last long at this
douche bag job.  But I gave it my worst and managed to set up what I knew would be a rather large sale to a major boat supplier on the docks of Larchmont, New York off
Long Island Sound.  (I decided to work the Bestchester Territory because my immediate plans had not been to move permanently to New York City.  Therefore it would
be wise to secure clients in Bestchester).  After I paid a visit to the outhouse of the boathouse, the owner was very interested in a lucrative ad but put me on the usual
owner’s hold.  I just didn’t have the finances to wait him out or to stick around at this job waiting for owners of businesses to make up their besotted minds.  I needed
some cash coming in.  After two months of Yellow Page harassment I decided to return to Bestchester.  As soon as Ruthie returned I did just that.

Meanwhile, I continued my jogging up and down the East River Boardwalk alongside the docks.  I had a brief affair with a Doctor of Psychological Warfare that I met at
Jerry Rubin’s Disco Danny’s Studio 54 (the same of the Chicago 7 protest fame).

The Yellow Pages’ job as it turned out was to be my last sales job.  Like most douche bag sales jobs it was a certain dead end followed by certain death.  Unless you have
plenty of start-up capital to wait for prospects to spit out “yes”, have plenty of moxie, contacts or are independently wealthy; it is virtually impossible for anyone but the
most dedicated slobs to do more than eke out a living above the poverty level.  I had by then been in sales for a decade.  My sales career, like my promotional career drew
to a vapid conclusion.

When I returned to Bestchester in July of 1984, I was jobless, penniless, childless, loveless, toothless and hairless.  My only mode of transportation was the station wagon
that had close to 150,000 miles on it and was running on bladder juice and water.

The first night back in Bestchester I decided to stay at Saint Susan’s for I bethought it would be better to stay there until a room could be secured at the White Pains Y.  
But Sue didn’t want me around.  (She was involved in one of three long term affairs that would take her supple body through the latter quarter of the 20th Century).  
She thought it would be good for my character if I slept in the car elsewhere. So much for the charity of ex-wives.  During my two months that I had been in New York I
had to cut my child support payments because I made just enough to support myself.  Sue had her income from her teaching job to keep things together.

That weekend I left Sue’s in Bossining on a wind swept, rain swept night to sleep a la carte in the car at the Croton-On-Thy-Hudson Camp Grounds.  This was a besotted
area designated for campers but they graciously rented me space for the night.  The wagon was jammed full with my clothes, books and some past writings, other knick-
knacks and past memorabilia.  There wasn’t any room to stretch out and be comfortable but I made do in a kosher pretzel like fashion.

That night at the campgrounds was interesting from a meteorological standpoint.  I remember enjoying with pure fascination nature’s display of electrifying, death
defying lightning bolts issuing from a vicious thunderstorm that poured its guts out most of the night.  

In the morning, Marvelous Marty, “The Jewish Bedouin” headed for White Pains to inquire hither and thither and anon about vacancies at the Y and was told that I could
not get back in for two weeks at best.

Perchance I realized that I would be sleeping in the car for a fortnight or two because I didn’t have motel money.

The next few nights I spent wool gathering and getting familiar with the outdoor sleeping accommodations around Bestchester County.  I was soon to find out that
Bestchester does not have many outdoor places where a bum can just pull off the road overnight and remain unmolested by the Police.  Except for two horny truck rest
stops, one on the Major-Deegan-Thruway-Connection and the other on Route 684, the highway to upstate New York and Connecticut; there is nowhere where one can
stop and get an uninterrupted night’s rest.  The night I spent in El Paso’s jail produced much superior accommodations.

Of course, Bestchester, being a County Fair, for and by the rich and infamous; it didn’t come as any surprise that they didn’t encourage transients to linger.  The City of
White Pains itself was a perfect example of “exclusionism”.  There, one was not allowed to park on the streets past 2:AM.  Even New York City had all night alternate
parking!  The Republican powers to be wanted to keep Bestchester exclusively for the skanky corporate and “scuzz” ball moneyed interests.

All in all there were a half a dozen places that had the pleasure of my horizontal body that I stayed at—one of which was Caldor’s Department Store Parking Lot in
Greenbacks, New York and on the Sawmill River Parkway Exit just outside the frightful town of Sillyford and oh yes, the forlorn gates of Union Carbide Corporation
Parking Lot.  It was at this stop that I got rousted by the Scotland Yard cops at 3:AM, my second morning out on the town with Bestchester Bounty as my ungrateful
host.  After I identified myself as one of “The Ten Most Unwanted Men” and ex-nilo -husband -at large-- that had been thrown out of the house douche bag and baggage
(in order to explain away all my valuable possessions in the Wagon) the policia smiled with patronizing sympathy and asked me to move on down the line.  I felt like the
Johnny Cash of Bestchester.  

There was a rather pleasant spot near Mt. Shish-Ka-Ba, going south on Route 684, halfway to Brewster, New York.  But my favorite rest area was on the Major Deegan
close to an all night truckers’ cafeteria.  For safety’s sake, being this was a major truck stop, I felt more comfortable there.  Many nights I would park my station wagon
fully loaded with domestic goods and services between two huge tractor-trailer trucks.  I didn’t get much sleep because I was still fearful of being harassed by the State
Police.  Then too there was the constant noise and lights from the headlights of the trucks.  The “rin, tin, din” kept me in a half-awake-half-asleep posture.     Whenever
I was in the White Pains area I managed to shower, shave and shit at the Anglo Saxon Woods State Park swimming pool facilities.  I did most of my quick changing of
clothes in the station wagon or in bathrooms throughout the County.  I even managed a social life of sorts.  I decided I might as well pass the time by going out at night
to some of the local single spots such as the Marriott Hotel in Sorrytown.  I changed for these momentous occasions in the Caldor’s Parking Lot.     It was a very lonely
time but I didn’t dwell on that too much because my mind was on what to do for money.  At this rate, in a few weeks, I would have none.  The first week on the road I
went to the Unemployment Office in Greenbucks, New York. While they were checking out my unlikely story and verifying my past employment with The Journal, I
continued to live on the road and await for accommodations to open up at the Y.

At the Marriott Hotel one night, at one of Marion Smith’s bashes, I ran into “Rose Hips”.  We had a friendly drink together and she filled me on the latest “goings on” at
Urang’s.  As I said before, that Urang had fired Tennis “The Menace” and went into partners with the “hot to trot hot shot” insurance agent, Mendelson “The Mensch”
who had come to Urang’s just I was being unceremoniously escorted from the premises.  They sold the amateur brothel across the street from the infamous Building in
Hardysville.  Urang bought out an established agency in Bonkers and put Rose Hips in charge of it.  He staffed it with his bimbos from The Bronx.  Rose Hips and I made
some hazy plans to rendezvous at Block Island.  I wasn’t able to keep that engagement because I was broke.  She thought I had stood her up.  I
wasn’t to see Rose Hips for another three years.     On another night I ran aground on a nurse who invited me to her home.  I had it all arranged how I was going to give
her my hard luck story that I was broke and trying to get back on my feet.  “Couldn’t she put me up for a while?”  At first glance she rejected my advances because she
didn’t trust me especially after she found out that I was living askance from my car.  That seemed unreasonable enough.  It seemed I wasn’t going to get laid that night.  
Yet after having been cold and rejecting, just as I started to walk out the door she throws herself at me feet first and says she wants to fuck in the doorway for the whole
neighborhood to watch.  She couldn’t understand why I was completely turned off from her previous rejection.  I wasn’t about to warm up just to satisfy her doorway
fantasies.  I left her buttoning up her clothes that she had summarily stripped off.  At first I was going to file attempted rape charges but then thought better of it
because of my transient situation.

On another sexual provocative occasion, while sipping a piña colada at the Gambit Room of The Marriott Hotel, I was gently tapped on the shoulder.  It was a middle aged
man who had a note in his sweaty Palm Sunday hands.  I opened it.  “That it was such a shame that such an attractive man should be all alone.  Please accompany Max to
my table”.  I did.  I was introduced to Elbow “Spanish Fly” Gotcha, a beautiful dark skinned Fallopian Filly, raven haired, Spanish speaking spit-fire in-her-eyes
beautician.  This was the first time I had been picked up by such a beautiful woman and I felt flattered to the groin.  It turned out that she and her girlfriend were at The
Marriott guests of one Max “The Tax Shelter”, a wealthy real estate merchant from across the Tappan Zee Bridge in Orange County.  They had done Max some favors in
his real estate business and now he had just taken them for dinner and drinks.  All that appeared to be true because later Max drove them to Nyack in his polished
polychrome Cadillac.  He seemed to have no designs on Elbow “Spanish Fly” Gotcha.  Elbow and I started our sordid affair by phone and we planned to meet at a motel
one night.  Foolishly we had let our imaginations run amuck by anticipating what a great sexual feast we were about to embark upon.     

The night of our sexual conference at the hotel was a bomb.  Elbow, though beautiful, was dull witted, conventional and not too sophisticated sexually.  She thought
because she was so beautiful that all she would have to do was strip and one would immediately be turned on.  Well that wasn’t the case.  I was impotent that night not
because of my lack of sexual prowess but because of the big build-up and her ignorance of sexual techniques.  We tried all night but nothing worked.  It was her negative
attitude that squelched the night.  Right from the oral beginning of foreboding foreplay she would make “downer” comments such as “you’re drinking too much wine.  
You’re smoking a joint, that will make you impotent”. Of course these reprimands became self-fulfilling prophecies.  Then she wanted to bring a flashlight to bed to
check me for bed lice.  The next morning I got up and said, “we’ll let’s not have a total waste.  Since you’re a beautician you can cut my hair.  In the nude, I got one of
the best haircuts ever.     I saw Elbow a few more times but was gradually and ruefully realizing that besides our sexual incompatibility that we had nothing in
“uncommon”.  Although I was willing to give it another go at her place she would never invite me over to Nyack.  Until one day she finally broke down and invited me to
her place for her birthday party.  Then at the last minute she cancelled out.  I went to Albany and didn’t call Elbow for two months. When I did call her she let fly her
Spanish Fly temper and berated me for waiting so long to call.  She told me that she had a non-kosher uncircumcised boyfriend and to get lost in Peruvian terms.  And
lost I did get.  I hadn’t had so much fun since “See Ya” Maria of Juarez, Mexico!

While waiting for “Godot”, as well as my first unemployment check, I foolishly decided to give old “Canker Sore” one last rousting for my back commissions.  The night
before I was to go up to W.B.J.’s offices in Saracen, I was nervously driving around.  I was up all night going from rest stop to rest stop to pass the time until morning
came.  Close to dawn I decided to wait on Bestchester Avenue.  Now Bestchester Avenue is a twelve mile strip cutting across the center of Bestchester County from West
to East and is known by the Code Name “The Platinum Mile” and houses the largest and wealthiest corporations in the world (the Silicon Valley of the East).  I decided to
wait in one of those large corporation’s parking lots, namely IBM’s.  I was so sleepy at the time that I didn’t notice the divider as I went into the entrance and the bottom
of the wagon got jammed on it.  One of the drunken sot IBM guards came stumbling out and after not being successful in getting it off the divider, he called a tow truck
to pull me off their sacred territory.  Near dawn I arrived in Saracen and promptly raced into the Fire House’s Parking lot and was in such a hurry to park that I knocked
over a parking meter, left the meter where it had fallen (Parking Meter Manslaughter was the official charge to go along with my Army Molesting Alligator’s’ Charge et.
als.) exited the lot and paced back and forth outside the Journal’s offices waiting for them to open.   As soon as Canker Sore saw me bounding up the stairs he flew into a
Scottish rage and practically threw me bodily out of the hallway.  I never reached the top of the stairwell.  I still remember his Scrooge-like visage shaking his bony wrist
at me screaming that he never wanted me to lighten his doors again.  Behind him stood the “Uncle Tombo” grinning like the proverbial Cheshire sucking varmint that he
was.  That was the last time that I put in an appearance at The Journal and yet it was one of the high points of my life.     

Eventually my first checks from Unemployment came in and I could move into the Y.  I still preferred the New Wing and secured a room a few doors down from my old
room.  I was back home, so to speak.  But I knew things were still shaky.  My unemployment check was just enough to pay rent which was $80 a week.  My
unemployment check totaled $125.  This left only forty five dollars for food and not nearly enough to start up my child support payments again.  Our Divorce Decree had
been granted the previous year by mutual consent.  Sue had full custody and I had full ghost visitation rights.    I knew that I had to get another job fast to supplement
my Unemployment check but there were no off-the-books jobs available.  Finally, in desperation, I scouted out a few gas stations and managed to land a job at a
Sorrytown gas station at the foot of the Tappan Zee Bridge.     The owner, Don “The Dum Dum”, was a lucky young squirt in his thirties who had inherited three gas
stations from his father.  He spent most of his working hours fishing and running around with the Sorrytown Tarts while his teenage slaves worked for peon wages.  The
pay was minimum wage.  It was certainly embarrassing coming back after all these years to pumping gas for kids’ wages.  I hadn’t pumped gas since just after my return
from the army.     The gas station pay together with my Unemployment check was just enough to keep me afloat for the next three months.  I knew to be collecting
Unemployment was dangerous since the gas station job was not off-the-books but I felt I had no choice.  I would only collect for a month or two I thought to myself, until
something higher paying came along.  In my heart I knew with the use of the new computer tracking systems they would catch up with me sooner or later.  I simply put
it out of my mind.  By this time the car had had it so I finally drove it to Bossining and left it in the back parking lot.  Several months later the landlord had it towed
away.  I got back on my motorcycle after a two year hiatus and brought it to White Pains.     So here I was pumping away at Don’s gas station in Sorrytown, twelve miles
south of Bossining-- where the kids were safely ensconced with Sue.  The Unemployment computers tracked me down and discovered that I had income on the side.  I was
called in by the State Investigator and she confronted me with the evidence.  I pleaded “nolo contender” and a friend of the court “pro Sonny Bono” to no avail and she
set up a repayment schedule based on my earnings.  

Unlike the journal my embezzlements at the gas station began as a survival measure rather than just trying to recoup money owed to me.  It was actually small amounts
that I used for sandwiches and beer.  The total amount over a couple of weeks came to no more than $100 if that.  But the snub-nosed bookkeeper latched onto it right
away.  I was called in one lollipop afternoon and summarily dismissed.     That weekend I had to do some serious thinking.  I had been called in by the Investigation Unit
of Unemployment and had simultaneously lost my job at the gas station.  That weekend was  a memorable one for two reasons.  First, it was
that weekend when I recommenced my writing.  It didn’t happen all at once but gradually over the next few weeks.  It was now early August 1984.  I was forty five years
old and except for a few false starts on short stories, I hadn’t seriously written anything since the age of twenty nine--a drought of approximately sixteen years.  It came
about innocently enough.  On that depressing weekend I went to the library and borrowed a couple of books on real life Arctic expeditions.  I also read during the same
period other adventure books on the climbing of famous mountains.  When I had finished these books at the end of the weekend I was lying on my cot at the Y.

There in front of me I noticed for the first time my typewriter staring at me as if to say “well, what are you waiting for?  I am the solution to your lemma!  Assez vous
and start to create again.”  It was like being struck by a thunderbolt.  I didn’t start to write right away but I knew then that one of the few alternatives left to me at my
age and with my checkered work history was indeed my Smith-Corona pop-in-cassette typewriter that I had purchased over 15 years ago.  I started to think to myself
that I may not be able to go on an Arctic Expedition or Climb Mount Everest but I could psychologically fool myself into thinking that I was going on a long expedition.  
This room at the Y would be my Base Camp in which I would begin the long arduous journey heading for The Summit of Art.  I started to expand the Mountain Climbing
Metaphor realizing that the first step was to break camp and walk to the typewriter.  I didn’t quite know what I was going to do with the
typewriter because I had dabbled in freelance work and determined it wasn’t for me.  I decided to go along with the metaphor and put myself on a mental mountain
climbing expedition.     

The next weekend which was to be my last at the gas station, I took a walk to my favorite spot in Gedney Park in White Pains before starting my 3 to 12
Midnight shift.  For some reason that escapes me now, I took along with me a pocket size tape recorder.  After about an hour of laying out in the sun I started to think
about the Mountain climbing metaphor again.  I started to ask myself the question: how is it that I came to be here in White Pains at 3:PM in the afternoon?  What were
the intervening steps that led me to where I was at this moment?  I decided to go back as far into the past as I could and trace the diverse paths that I took to get to
where I was today.  Perhaps with such an analysis I would stumble across not only the why but where do I go from here solution.  It was actually a Freudian therapeutic
exercise at first and not the literary scientific, philosophical (Metaphysical) one that it was to become about a year into the project.  A secondary reason had to do with my
children as I thought it might be a valuable exercise for them to read of their father’s adventures.  Because in my own case I hadn’t had much of an idea of what my
father’s life was like previous to his marriage to my mother.  I decided then and there that the easiest and most productive way to do it was with a tape recorder because
then there would be nothing between me and the flow of words, ideas, thoughts and associated memories.  I knew once I got started that material would come in a torrent
and that if I started to take it down in long-hand the project would be overwhelming.    

I began that very afternoon reaching as far back as the age of six.  I taped at least twenty pages on the very first day.  It wasn’t until a year later that one day
while I was dictating into the recorder that it struck me again like a bolt out of the blue (my personal James “Joycean” epiphany)--that all my jobs, even the weather
positions, were just adventures I was partaking in as a distant observer.  In other words, I was actually an Artist (spelled with a Capital A).  Whereas before, in my
teens and early twenties, deep down I never actually believed in myself as a real artist.  On the surface I thought I was extremely original as a romantic poet seeing
that during the Shifty Sixties nothing but political rhetoric was being accepted by publishers.  All the maneuvering and detours that I had taken during the last twenty
five years had been in preparation for a recommencement of my artistic career.  In fact, much later, the book of surrealistic short stories was titled DETOURS for that
very reason.  In other words, I should make a commitment to Art.     I had left Base Camp when I walked across the room, sat down at the typewriter and began the dash
for the Summit of Art.  During the next thirty years I would take many detours from the actual composition of the autobiography in order to get a book of
short stories written, updating my two poetry volumes THE DISORDERED SPRING and THE MILK OF PARADISE, composing some satires on contemporary existence
and the reevaluation of my Philosophy of Science book on Infinitism that I had discarded in Graduate School.  In the light of the latest discoveries in Particle Physics and
Chaos Theory, the time seemed ripe for a synthesis of these grandiose theories with Gravitational Theory, Quantum Mechanics, Symmetric and Asymmetric Theory.  It
appeared to me that finally the Science of Philosophy was about to catch up to where I had left off in 1961.  

At last, in the middle 1980’s I was to embark on my newest of creative endeavors, i.e., the setting to music and sound effects the great works of Art including my
own and the piece d’resistance--the complete rendering of Dante’s THE DIVINE COMEDY replete with sound effects, Classical, Gospel, New Wave, Folk and Heavy
Metal music-- all in all—years later (into the second decade of the 21st Century) forty-seven CD’s (over fifty straight hours or in total 175 original works of
Classic Poetry set to music, sound effects, narration, narrative chanting and narrative singing from 2000BC to 2015AD).  Subsequently, in this Century to be found in
some major Libraries, Universities and Vatican Archives and major Churches as well as Poet’s House in New York City—in the digital format for the most part.    

Unbeknownst to me, around the year 1989 another woman had been recording the same poem for Blackstone Audio Books (not to be confused with the California
Law Review Book Publishers) a major audio book tape recording house in California.  Her rendition was simply the narration on tape-- on ten hour and a half cassettes.  I
believe my work was superior to hers because it represented an improvement on an existing Work of Art and the end result was in fact something new.  

Be that as it may, because of the length of the work it became impractical for any commercial type of recording house to consider it for production.  This left open
only the possibility of live performances with full production company and my narration (narration I might say greatly aided and abetted by my first attempts during my
childhood days on the ball fields of Albany).  However, here the size and “Wagnerian” scope of the project would chase away only but the most courageous of producers.  
Each section, Inferno, Purgatory and Paradise done alone would take thirteen hours a piece without any breaks.  But I am getting ahead of myself-- back now to 1984.  
The problem of making a living while I was pursuing these artistic endeavors was still pressing.  It was at that very time that a partial differential solution presented
itself which indicated that again the typewriter would be my savior.

-                                                                CHAPTER XXXVI

                             MARTY THE TEMP-- THE MCI SCAM

I now come to the rather bizarre phase of my career.  Perhaps it was inevitable that I would end up as a Temporary Office Worker in light of the casual way that I
discarded jobs.  I needed more than just gas station type of wages to survive.  The Monday following the weekend of the beginning taping of my autobiography, I was
strolling down Main Street in White Pains.  Just as I was passing a string of storefront windows I noticed a sign that read “Jobs Available, typists, clerks, word
processors”, etc. I stopped in my tracks and looked at the sign for a few moments and then in my reverie my memory flashed back to the moment of epiphany in my
room at the Y where the typewriter was going to be the means of my artistic salvation.  It could also be a means to my financial salvation.  It might be a better way to go
than douche bag jobs like gas jockey and delivery boy.  It probably would pay more and perhaps I could make more by getting into “word processing.”  The word
processing aspect could be valuable now that I was writing again.     Well, I was only a “hunt and peck-in-paw” typist but I estimated that I could do about fifty words a
minute because over the years I had become quite adept at typing in this fashion. I stopped at the “Help Wanted” sign and walked in the door of CoverTemp Agency on
Church and Main Street in White Pains.  It was located right across the street from Macy’s, where incidentally, a few months later I would land my night and
weekend douche bag job to supplement my Temp. pay.     

By nightfall I was employed.  I filled out the usual bull shit biologically invasive application forms and took the usual simpleton tests in basic Math, Reading and
English (which I did not pass with flying colors—it would be at least twenty years before I was to become a teenage Einstein).  Then came the hard part--the typing test.  I
had not only to take it and pass it to be sent out on a decent assignment, but I had to fool them into the fact that I had taken a typing course.  Fortunately when you took
these tests, the dildos giving them didn’t stand over and watch how you typed and I passed.   Strangely enough my first assignment wasn’t a cleric’s assignment.  Since I
had put down my sales experience in advertising, they asked me if I wanted to do customer service.  I said sure and I was sent out to MCI (the long distance scammers
conglomerate) in Purchase, NY.  I was to do customer service work at the slave wage of $6 an hour.

The main thrust of the job was to sit in front of these computer screens (CRTs in those days) like an 18th Century dildo with a head set and receive incoming calls
requesting supposedly discount rates on long distance calls.  In the late 70’s and early 80’s MCI had won its long battle with AT&T to deregulate the industry and the
Baby Bells were formed.  MCI had been one of the first companies to jump on the bandwagon and piggy back on AT&T’s valuable underground cables and to fight for
access to them.  Then MCI could undercut AT&T’s rates because they didn’t have to develop, purchase or build equipment such as transmission lines which were already
in place.  They simply leased it.  (In other words they jettisoned their dinky small operation overnight without doing a dam thing!)   MCI simply leased the lines and they
were in business big time.  In the 1980’s they really made their big push to steal away AT&T’s customers as they won battle after battle in the courts giving them more
and more access to Ma Bell’s and subsequently the Baby Bell’s disintegrating Evil Empire.     

My job was especially linked up with the aggressive push to steal customers away from AT&T.  At least once a month MCI would have a major advertising campaign on
national television aimed toward the college market and we would be flooded with calls from naive college students who would use their service to hopefully cut their costs
of long distance calls back homeward angel.  

In reality, neither MCI nor any of its competitors’ (such as U.S. Sprint, et als), rates were cheaper than AT&T’s.  At the very most the 10 to 20% savings certainly were
not worth the trouble of switching services (in exchange for poorer quality) or to make up for all the phony advertising that MCI used to claim rate cuts of forty to fifty
percent depending on the circumstances.  Usually those bigger discounts were reserved for the business commercial arena where companies did in fact gain an advantage
if they were heavy users.  In the 1970’s, when the push for Deregulation of Ma Bell was in full swing MCI did indeed offer a cheaper advantage for large corporations who
used WATTS Lines for extensive long distance calls such as the tele-marketing companies just coming into their own at about this time.  But let’s face it, MCI could
afford to lower its rates since it jumped in the business practically with no outlay of capital or sweat of their own brow.  But when MCI tried to apply this strategy to the
individual small consumer it was a complete fraud perpetuated on the public and they should have thrown the whole criminal pack of upper management corporate
skanks in jail.

For one thing, as I became more acquainted with this customer service job, it became apparent that there was no way MCI could handle or service the influx of calls
coming in.  They were promising prompt and efficient service.  But in reality they didn’t have the service people in the field to handle the volume of business pouring in.  
It would be months before these people would get the service they ordered.  (Proof: did you ever see an MCI service truck on the roads back then? The Plaintiff rests its
case).  Then, after finally getting the service the quality would range from poor to fair.  There was as yet the uncorrected “tunnel” effect of the voice quality of the calls.  

AT&T, with over one hundred years in the business had built up a solid service, distribution and sales operation.  It was a company that consisted of more than just leased
telephone lines and cheap micro-wave cookware pre-satellite dishes.  And despite all the smoke and mirrors, that, in effect, was all that MCI was-- a con game.  It was
simply a parasite shell of a corporation blowing smoke in the public’s eyes with a large Four-Wall publicity and public relations campaign.  Fooling the easily fooled Herd
that they were a full blown service company when in effect they were only piggy backing on AT&T’s assets built up over the past century.  Overnight, with massive lucky
breaks in the Federal Courts they went from a two bit schlock fly-by-night organization into the Big Time and with an impending merger with IBM and the computer
revolution in full revolt they were about to get even bigger.  Subsequently they got too big and in the latter part of last century were swallowed up by an even greedier
corrupt corporation in Not So Great Britain or Germany (one of those Fascist monarchies).

In order to keep pace with their growth it was necessary to hire supplemental Temps. and then pay them coolie wages to sit in front of these CRT’s and input the sales
that came in as a result of the “off and on” advertising push.

But as an early indication of what a sham organization MCI really was, was the way they treated their Temps. and even their own employees.  I give the following
instance: during the very first two weeks that I was there.  There was a rumor spreading throughout the company that three hundred Temps. had been laid off without
notice on the very day that they had expected to be hired on for a long term stretch.  They came in in the morning and by the afternoon they were unceremoniously
escorted out the door by MCI’s schlock bag goon squad security people.  MCI had a policy in place that in order to save money they would get hundreds of Temps. to man
the overloaded phones and then when the calls slacked off dismiss the Temps. without notice.  They would then go to another agency when the next surge of calling came
in and bring in a new group of Temps.  This turned into a local scandal when the newspapers got wind of these tactics.

There were several editorials condemning MCI because Bestchester County had made it extremely advantageous for corporations to locate there.  Corporations had been
fleeing the crime and high rents and taxes of New York City.  They had been given numerous tax breaks and other benefits if they would locate their main headquarters
in the County.  Many corporations did just that.  Central Bestchester around White Pains held the bulk of the Fortune Five Hundred Companies on what they called the
Platinum Mile.  In reality this twenty mile expanse stretched from Sorrytown, New York on the Hudson River to Dorkchester, New York on the Connecticut border.  The
main thoroughfare of the Platinum Mile was a superhighway 287, the Cross Bestchester Expressway, named locally as Bestchester Avenue.  MCI was one of these
corporations in this vast territory.  The area was similar to the Silicon Valley enclave high-tech corporations in California.  There were also numerous other Industrial
Parks springing up throughout the County especially in the northern section of the County near the Putnam-Bestchester Border.

MCI had been one of those companies given special advantages and now they were treating their Temporary work force like dirt.  Naturally, the editorials had little effect
on MCI for in those days (and even worse in the 21st. Century-the Contract Worker scams) the corporations were in the driver’s seat.  MCI continued right on with its
policy of hiring Temps. and firing them without notice.  I happened to come in with a new batch of Temps. just as a group of Temps. were being let go.  I survived for
about three months.

Beside the rude, paternalistic and patronizing manner in which they treated us they were also very paranoid about security.  We were always being surreptitiously
watched and computer-monitored.  They would use the computer banks to monitor our calls and we would be evaluated on our sales presentations just like telephone
operators were harassed by New York Telephone Supervisors in the distant past.  We were supposed to make canned presentations.  We even had a week’s worth
of Berenson like gorilla propaganda training where the trainers spent most of their time patting themselves on their backs on how good MCI was.  These tirades were
followed up by long boring hours on techniques for making presentations and the implementation of good phone manners.  They utilized the computers to determine how
many minutes you spent on your breaks, talking, or how long you spent farting or eating your lunch.  They could tell you to the second what you were doing each moment
of the day.  These young pre-cyber space punks would call you in and interrogate you about the statistics they had collected.  A complete abuse of the technologies at
hand!  They would also evaluate your every move giving you a copy of the computer printout for your sales results compared to the other ding-a-lings in your group.  

Ironically I had a very high ratio of sales concluded to calls made even though my phone method by their standards was very poor.  I couldn’t have cared less and
wasn’t putting one bit of effort into the sales area because I thought we were being completely exploited as Temps. being paid rock bottom wages, no commissions and
expected to perform like high priced sales executives.  As soon as I got fed up with their boorishness I would just ask my agency to be moved elsewhere.

This nonsense went on for about a fortnight or two and then one day, towards the end of the day (at 3PM to be exact) one of the managers walks over to me and says this
will be my last afternoon please check out and turn in my temporary badge at 4:30.  Terrific!  Professional notice!  I realized, even though I had only been temping for a
short period, that corporations felt that Temps. could be let go without reasonable notice.  However, in practice, reasonable firing policies in the industry dictated that the
Temp. was usually let go at the end of a work week especially when the unspoken agreement to him/her had been that it would be a long term assignment.  That he or
she had already been at the firm for a long time and it would be reasonable to expect, barring any unforeseen circumstances, that the assignment would continue into the
near future.

They escorted me out of the building and in their degrading, paranoid manner made sure that I wasn’t going to take any State Secrets from their company.  Naturally I
was outraged and stormed back to Schlep Temp’s office, marched into the manager and told him in no uncertain terms that it was one thing to be a Temp., on temporary
assignment but quite another not to be treated in a non-professional manner.  I was going to write a letter to the President of MCI, cc: the newspapers and the owner of
this agency for not standing behind the Temps. who were treated in this shabby manner.  The agency may have had to worry about losing a major client but I didn’t.

Well the manager got all flustered and decided that if I wrote such a letter he would lose a major client so he pacified me by getting on the phone and calling up another
client who just happened to be IBM.  The next day I was guaranteed an assignment as Call Director (slang for a schlep who answers the phones and takes messages).  
Unfortunately the assignment was at a reduced rate of $4.50 an hour.  I didn’t have much choice and preferring not to be out of work I took the position.  I agreed not to
write a letter or start any more trouble.  So that was my introduction into the suck-ass degrading world of the Temp.  (By the way, here in the year 2015 they have a new
term for the Temp. worker; it’s called Contract Worker ((same dodge-scam different term—still sucks!)).

                                   CHAPTER XXXVII

                              “IBM’ER”:  KING OF THE HILL

As a postscript to the MCI story, five years later MCI was bought up by IBM just before IBM started to embark upon bad times.  As far as I was concerned the two
corporations deserved each other for they both had many things in common.  IBM as it turned out had a bigger paranoia problem than MCI and was overly security
conscious.  You were always being watched, scrutinized and challenged (“Halt, who ‘goest’ there?”).  They also had an undeserved superiority complex which was to
explode in their faces as the 80’s decade progressed.  They lost a goodly market share to other more down to earth smaller firms.  Both corporations had contempt for the
freedom of the individual.  IBM treated Temps. in the same distrustful, childish and patronizing way that MCI did.

My career lasted six months, not by choice; but because that was one of IBM’s asinine policies for Temps.  The reasoning they gave was that seeing that they were a
major contractor in the area they were constantly taking bids from all the agencies and were interested for, altruistic reasons, (yeah, right) to spread the wealth around
(the only wealth spreading they were doing was in their own pockets) so each agency got its share of the business. This was nothing but “undistilled” IBM bull shit.  For
one thing it didn’t make any sense from a productivity point of view.  Just as you were trained and getting proficient on the job you were let go and a new Temp. brought
in who had to be retrained all over again.  It seemed to me a complete waste and silly policy on those grounds alone.

The real reason behind the policy was IBM’s paranoia over a few bombings and several bomb scares during the political agitation of the 1960’s.  IBM, because of its
worldwide affiliation with despotic nations was a prime target.  This paranoia carried over in the 1970’s and 1980’s long after the real threat of this type of terrorist
takeovers had long since passed.  And it was certainly well before our own century of paranoia.

In effect, they were fanatically afraid that you were going to walk away with their trade secrets and give them to Omar K’Dhaffi--or worse still to another company.  In
the first place, most of IBM’s regional offices in the 1980’s had very few secrets to be discovered.  Most frontier leading edge research work was being done in their
Armonk or Hawthorn, New York locations.  There were no computer secrets to hide and if there were it wasn’t IBM who had them.  After all, IBM in the main was
nothing more than a company that sold office machines in spite of the fact that they tried to project to the naive public and other competitors that they were this gigantic,
romantic company whose influence extended to the far reaches of the universe.  And these mysteries were open only to a select few on the IBM Team.

In reality, IBM wasn’t doing anything different than any of the many companies that I eventually temped for.  They were sending out the same asinine memos and
arcane reports back and forth among themselves for most of their work week.  If not issuing inane memos they would be playing their favorite sport--telephone tag
among executives interrupted by coffee and lunch breaks.  Their computers were spitting out the same paper wasting meaningless statistical data as any other

IBM also had its version of a musical chairs Three Card Monty shell game policy that they played with their own executives.  It worked so well they decided to play it with
the Temps.  This was the favorite corporate game of not letting anyone get too comfortable in their position at any one location for too long a time.  They were constantly
shuffling their executives around, making superficial reorganizations, calling for spending freezes and various other “blow smoke in the eyes” of their employees,
shareholders and the public at large to cover up the fact that nothing of any interest was really happening within the corporation.  By this incessant movement and phony
growth indoctrination they tried to project a worldwide image of a corporation going places.  Frankly, IBM was one of the biggest duds and they were especially obnoxious
from a Temps’ point of view and ranked third only to Citibank and MCI on the All Time Worst Corporations’ List.

I found it a curious fact that the developer of the computer itself put out the worst computers!  To this day, 2015, they still have not designed a decent personal, tablet,
palm top, wrist top or laptop computer.  It took them many years to catch up to the thunder stealing Apple.

IBM’s computers, in their Series for Word Processors that we clerics used, were absolutely abominable!  It came as no great surprise that IBM would design a paranoid,
security conscious software.  The company acted in a paranoid fashion in most other areas so why not in Systems Design!  To do the simplest thing on their computers
practically took a Top Secret Clearance from the FBI.  One had to go through a host of screens, buzzers, bells, whistles, passwords, swear words, kiss ass words, secret
codes from Battle Creek Michigan and asexual sign-ons just to get to page one of the document!

Yet it was at IBM that I began my introduction to the computer.  My real introduction at White Sands (1958-1962) had only been with archaic software and monstrous
hardware of the vacuum tube variety.  It wouldn’t, however, be until two years hence that I switched over to word processing assignments as distinguished from the
“robotron” like work of answering phones and doing clerical work.

I spent my first IBM assignment at the 1013 Building on Bestchester Avenue along the Platinum Mile which was actually only a thirty minute walk from the Y and made
it quite convenient.  My first job there was answering these wretched phones on a gigantic phone deck board.  The phones would light up the board like a Jewish
Christmas tree.  Over and over again the same middle management spoiled brats would be contacting other middle management spoiled brats that wouldn’t be at their
fucking desks.  About 80% of the messages and phone calls amounted to nothing more than hi-tech telephone tag wherein one party would call another.  The latter party
would as often as not be in so the first party would leave their number.  Naturally the initial party would wander away from their desk.  Then the called party would
return the call and have to leave a message on the other end necessitating yet another call.  Sure enough the called party had wandered away and you would take another
message ad nauseam.  (Sound familiar).  This nonsense would go on for the rest of the day.  Much of the time nothing more important was being said when the mutual
parties finally touched base than “hello, how you been suck head?  Good-bye, fuck face!”  I estimated that about 33% of corporate calls were actually business related.

Most calls were personal or social.  What I am driving at here is that it was silly to have this call answering business as a major bread and butter project for Temp.
Agencies.  A single answering machine could have eliminated all this musical telephone business and saved the corporation millions of dollars in revenues and gains of
several thousand percent in increased productivity ratios.  Guess what?  Ten years later Voice Mail!  (Nothing but a sophisticated answering machine service!)
The company propaganda concerning the use of answering machines was that people preferred a human touch.  The fact was that the companies themselves
were responsible for promoting the impersonal, sterile atmosphere by allowing the growing encroachment of computers into every segment of industry.  Therefore it
became hypocritical of them to say that they were interested in promoting the human touch.  In reality NYNEX, AT&T, HP and some of the more forward looking
companies were developing answering systems which practically eliminated this superficial phone answering nonsense.  It was working perfectly well because I temped at
both of those corporations and had first hand experience with pre-Voice and E-Mail equipment and software.  It eliminated 30 to 40% of the corporate telephone
tag.  When Voice Mail Systems came on board a few years later at least 50 to 60% of unnecessary calls were eliminated.

Be that as it may, answering phones was my assignment at IBM.  I had many assignments similar to it over the next few years.  I was always annoyed at the insipidity
and obnoxiousness of the corporate callers.  It was such a boring, ho-hum job--saying the same thing over and over.  I struggled through this assignment as best I could
for the next six months.

The most interesting thing I observed at IBM was the great pressure that middle management was under due to the computer revolution.  Middle managers were
constantly vying for position in their bosses’ eyes.  One Senior Manager in particular Woody “The Woodpecker Head” Klein acted like the typical IBM tyrant and always
had a group of subordinate lackey managers watching his every burp and catering to his every capricious fart and whim.  Just to give you an idea how regal some of these
“Dons” of the typical corporation fancied themselves, I remember the day when Woody “Woodpecker Head” Klein had a mild heart attack.  Middle Management flunkies
wanted to clear all the byways and hallways of people that would see Woody on his journey from his office to the ambulance.  They didn’t want anyone to see him
incapacitated on the stretcher.  Evidently it would be very humiliating and a “Michael Korda power loss” for an IBM Kingpin to be in such a precarious human position.  
No one was allowed along the route that the ambulance attendants would take to exit the building.  We were let back into the areas after he had been summarily dumped
into the ambulance like a sack full of IBM computer shit which he ultimately was.

The building I worked in at IBM was a warehouse affair that stretched for several thousand yards in all directions.  It was lined with cubbyholes where there were
computers in every room--literally thousands of computers.  IBM had a half a dozen sites throughout the County just as massive as this one with its main headquarters in
Amok, New York.  Later in the decade most of IBM would pull out of the White Pains area and move further north or down South.  Thousands of Temp. jobs would be
lost as a result of IBM’s as well as other major corporations’ exodus into Connecticut and Northern Bestchester and Dutchess County.  The heyday for the Temp.
Agencies in Bestchester County would be over by 1988 due to the Globalization of “Hoboization”.

Speaking of the Agencies themselves, a word is in order here on the culpability and greediness of these businesses themselves.  I am referring to their fee structures and
the amount of money that eventually ended up in the Temps.’ pockets versus the Agencies’ pockets.  Now it is customary that the Agency charge a fee to the
corporations for finding Temps.  It is reasonable that that fee come off the top of the Temps’ pay and be a judicious amount in the light of the fact that they are taking
care of all the paper work and seeing to it that the corporations get decent employees.  However, the amount of money that the Agencies rip off from the Temps.’ salary
is unconscionable.  I believe, that by law, it is suggested that the Agencies receive no more than 33% (excessive) of the Temps.’ wages on a weekly basis but in reality the
Agencies clip off anywhere from 40 to 50% of the wages.  While on the other end they charge the corporations highly inflated prices for the Temp jobs.  For example, a
Word Processor in Bestchester County in the beginning of the 1980’s was making $12 an hour and it was not uncommon for the Agency to be charging the Corporation
$20 or even as high as $25 an hour.  In essence that would mean that the Agency was clipping, close to 50% of the gross earnings of the Temp.  The net result was that
the Corporation was paying over $40,000 a year for what amounted in most cases to a clerical position.  That same position could have been filled by a full time employee
for about $15,000 plus $5,000 in benefits.  Now even I, one of the best mathematicians of this or any century, which you are about to find out in a few more pages in this
book, can see the real screwing going on here.

Evidently it was to the corporation’s benefit to pay these highly inflated wages rather than just hire a permanent employee.  Although I could never quite figure out why
because even with a pension package and health benefits the cost of that particular type of employee would not even come close to $40,000.  By hiring a permanent
employee they would be getting a loyal member for the corporate team instead of a rather dubious employee, poorly trained who had no allegiance to the corporation.  
The Temps. ran the gamut from the very poor to excellent but overall this policy didn’t make sense and could only weaken the structure of the corporate base to have it
infested with Temps on the lower levels.  Back then some companies actually operated with 33% Temps. on the lower levels.  They had established large departments to
oversee the Temps. and soon they became an integral part of the corporation.  The Temps. received security badges for identification purposes but were given none of the
other privileges or benefit plans and were usually treated like second class citizens by both the agencies and the corporations.  The corporations treated them like non-
entities as if they didn’t exist or as some kind slave labor.  They were chained to their desks and shouldered with all sorts of inane chicken shit army rules which
permanent employees didn’t have to put up with.

The corporation expected perfect performances from the Temps. because they didn’t distinguish between who was getting ripped off and who was getting the real money.  
They just knew they were paying a hell of a high rate for clerical help under the guise of the misnomer “Word Processor”.   In point of fact I spent the next twenty five
years of my career as a Temp. I never had a legitimate word processing job!   Even though, along with Alan Turing, I invented the computer (not true).

In any event, little by little IBM got its comeuppance wherein the smaller more agile and aggressive computer companies led by Apple started to grab IBM’s territory
away and by 1990 they had lost most of the personal computer markets not by dint of bombings or corporate sabotage but by better competitive technology than theirs
and poor marketing practices and 19th century arrogant management worker relation policies.  Other companies that I temped for had the same fate, some of whom
floundered close to the precipice of oblivion, namely Texaco’s Chapter 11, American Can’s Chapter 11 and other assorted corporate failures.  IBM bought out one of the
other corporate barracudas MCI and finally got on the bandwagon with decent PC’s, Laptops, Wrist-tops, Palm Top and Toe Tops but IBM would never regain its “stature”
of the 60’s and 70’s.

                               CHAPTER XXXVIII

                         THE MACY’S DAY PARADE

As a Temp., I was making during my first years 1984-1987, about $5 an hour and it wasn’t until I moved out of IBM and moved on to Hewlett-Packard that my wages
started to climb as my word processing skills improved my wages reached the maximum for Bestchester County at $12 an hour.  It was obvious that I needed more cash
flow than just the "Temping" job so being right in the center of White Pains and within walking distance of most of the retail stores I secured a quick succession of sales
clerks cashier jobs-- at first A&S then Bloomingdale’s and I finally wound up at Macy’s for a four year stint.

When I began at Macy’s in October of 1984 I was able to drop another of my double douche bag jobs, namely delivering The PENNYSAVERS up and down Mamaroneck
Avenue on Saturday morning.  I came into Macy’s just when the Christmas season was heating up and was at first installed in the TV camera department.  I finally had a
slightly above poverty level income by combining Temp. work with night and weekend work at Macy’s.  Fortunately half of the Macy’s stores were unionized and so even
the part-time employees managed to eke out of The Scrooge Mentality Management some basic health, dental and vacation benefits.  

My singles life began to reorganize around going to various single events in and around White Pains.  Over the next several years I went through a succession of women
from these events.  The three longest affairs I will speak of later.  Interestingly enough, two of these long term relationships were struck up at events that occurred at
the White Pains Hotel in downtown White Pains.  The White Pains Hotel had a local lounge and the usual assortment of Mafiosi look “alikes” would populate it during
the weekends.  I had long since severed my ties from the singles’ promotions of the previous decade and had to simply become one of the forlorn attendees at these

Needless to say, Macy’s was a zoo during the frantic pre-Christmas months when I joined them.  This was especially exacerbated by the swelling demand for Walkman
Radios, microwaves and other electronic gadgets that were flooding the market in 1984 coupled with the frantic craze of the Cabbage Patch Dolls.  I remember the long
endless lines right up until Christmas for these adorable ugly dolls.  Even employees had to line up for hours to obtain one of these prized objects.  I remember going
from department store to department store attempting to get one of these dolls for my own daughter Tania and I finally managed to finagle one at a special shipment for
the Macy’s employees.  The zoo-like atmosphere was further exacerbated by the institution at this time of The One Day Sale, one day of the month, when many prices
were slashed by 50% on selected items   Macy’s chose Wednesday night for this extravaganza bit of nonsense and extended working hours to 11PM.  It was a tiring day to
say the least and often I pulled what they called the Iron Shift from 8AM to Midnight and I went home completely exhausted and drained.

These were the Macy’s Go-Go years and the One Day Sales for the first couple of years were extremely successful and brought in enough revenue to make up for any
slack days during regular days.  Macy’s at this time was leading the pack in profits but in a few short years it too would suffer from the Recession that retail stores were
to find themselves in when the 90’s decade rolled around.  Although Macy’s remained solvent during the rough years of the late 80’s and early 90’s, its profits plunged
but it managed to avoid Chapter 11.  Macy’s got in trouble when it made a bid for Federated Stores going after their “Jewel” Bloomingdale’s but lost out on its $6 billion
bid to a Canadian conglomerate which in a few short years would find itself in trouble.  Around the time that I joined Macy’s they were undergoing a serious
Reorganization when they had gone private after a few hundred top executives had pooled their funds led by “Frankenstein The Fop” as CEO and they managed to buy up
50% of the shares offering huge profits as bait to the upper managers in five years when they expected to go public again.  The irony of that situation was that when the
Recession hit in 1988, the One Day Sale profit gloss had waned considerably.

The new Management got their comeuppance in less than five years when most of these hot young Turks were in turn swept under the Recession Rug as Macy’s did what
it could to avoid its own financial collapse in the early 1990’s.  Our White Pains store was right in the thick of these union and management battles.

During the next three years, before I permanently moved to NYC Titty City, I had a plethora of Temp. positions in most of the large, medium and small size corporations
and businesses throughout Bestchester County ranging from IBM, Hewlett-Packard, AT&T, NYNEX, American Can, Texaco, MCI, MONY, Citibank et al.  The lengthy
stays were at AT&T, NYNEX and Hewlett-Packard.

It was while at Hewlett-Packard that I had a wake up call on the long dormant theory of Infinitism that I had first stumbled across in 1959.  The vehicle that shook the
foundations of physical and mathematical theory was the popularization of Chaos and Non-Linear Recursive Reiterated Systems that had been brewing ever since the
early 1960’s.  The early pioneers being Prigogine, May, Rosslerer, Mandelbrot (at IBM of all places—I guess around the same time I was there-- doing his Fractal
Shtick)), Feigenbaum, Lorenz and during the previous century the theory had been hinted at by Poincare and Boltzmann et al.  James Gleick wrote the popularization
which brought the interesting notions to the general public in 1987.  After reading his account it occurred to me that physicists, mathematicians and astronomers had
pretty much caught up to where I had been in the late 1950’s and in some areas had radically even surpassed my position and it now appeared that the radicalism of
Infinitism was quite a staid and conservative theory compared to the speculative directions that physics, astronomy and mathematics were pursuing.  It occurred to me
that it was about time that I stake my claim to the territory I had carved out a generation or two ago by essentially bringing my theory up to date for the 21st Century
and by clarifying the basic concepts as far as the Philosophy of Science, Metaphysics and Cosmology was concerned.  What follows is the essence of such a clarification
with the inclusion of the over 500 Axioms of the some 1,000 axioms which form the core of the proof for the following assertions.  The central idea in all of the
subsequent discussion of course is that as far as structure was concerned, space (dimensional space) can be “fractalized” and fractionalized and therefore some if not all
previous mathematical and physical theorems have to be corrected, modified or expanded in a 3+ dimensional way to reflect the “fractalization” and “fractionalition” of
the Structure of Being.  To whit Fractional Fractal Mechanics supplants Quantum Mechanics as the leading theory for the accurate description of the Structure of the
Universe.   The Symmetrical theories of the nature of the Universe are dethroned by Asymmetry and Non-Symmetry reconceptualization’s.

               VOLUME V                  






                THE SUPER-THEORY OF


In 1905 Albert Einstein wrote an article on Electrodynamics that was to change the foundation of Physics.  At the time few people had the patience or
the inclination and talent to understand the technical aspects of his theory.  A decade or so later, 1917, that was all to change.  Even though the second
theoretical summaries were not any more accessible than the first publishing venture, nonetheless the Theory of Special and General Relativity had
somehow taken hold of the public’s imagination.  Fifty years later both theories would crumble before the onslaught of Infinitism and its sister
science Chaos.

In the area of the Philosophy of Science there is a need to tie up the loose ends that have been unraveling with respect to the revolution in Quantum
Mechanics, Lattice Mechanics, Interface Mechanics (Fractal-Fractional Mechanics) and all subsequent attempts to link those theories up with the  
theory of Relativity via the gravitational unification.

With the fall of C (Charge Conjugation-Symmetry) P (Parity - Left right, Chirality -A-Chirality-Symmetry) and T (Time Symmetry) or CPT
violations; with the fall of Light speeds as the ultimate arbiter of velocity, (i.e., that light is the ultimate speed obtainable by material bodies; with the
fall of Euclidean & Non-Euclidean 3-D Integer Structures and with the fall of Super Symmetry Superstring Theory indicating that the pathway to
Unification led only to “DeUnification”; it was becoming increasingly apparent that the search for Perfect Symmetry and ultimately the Reductionism
program itself was doomed without the incorporation of the Asymmetric properties of the Universe.  The following Axioms take us down the less
traveled Asymmetrical pathways.

My major theme of a dynamic Infinity was thoroughly worked out by the “Chaoslogists” in the 1960’s.  Use of Absolute Logic uncovered the Theory of
Infinitism (i.e., the theory that there was no such quantitative or qualitative structure in the universe as that of the Finite structure).

A breakthrough came in 1961 with Lorenz’s discovery of the Butterfly Wings Syndrome and the Strange Attractor Complex that opened the way
towards a whole host of investigations into the nonlinear structure and description of Nature culminating with Mandelbrot’s consideration of Fractal-
Fractional Geometry to replace Differential Geometry.  This is turn led to the theories of Chaos which have held sway over several Disciplines in the
latter part of the last century.  It was at this juncture that there was a real need to bring together Relativity Theory, Quantum Theory and Chaos
Theory.  This area focuses primarily in the area of Ontology (the Structure of Being, i.e., the structure of the universe) and more specifically focuses
on the fields of Micro-Macro Physics and Cosmology.

When we first meet The Axioms after the introductory essay, they sketch out the pathway to Symmetry from the 19th Century to the present time--
the year then being 2006.  The presentation summarizes the logical processes which led to the formulation of the various Symmetry Theories that
predominate contemporary Physics.  The presentation is a thumb-nail sketch of the search for the Unification of the four basic Forces of the Universe--
the Electromagnetic, the Strong, the Weak and the Gravitational Forces.  I prefer to construct the edifice for Symmetry using the Axiomatic Method,
moving from the unencumbered conclusions of the latter part of the 19th Century to the abstract solutions for Unification of the beginning part of this
century.  Approximately four hundred Axioms lead to a near perfect Super Symmetry.  The discussion does on a straight track from the early
conceptions of Chirality, Mirror or Reflection Symmetry, on through to Sub-Atomic Rotational Symmetry.  It becomes apparent as I wend my way
down the ladder of Symmetry that it will be necessary to analyze the stairway of Asymmetry using a similar methodology.  The latter Axioms deal with
the Asymmetrical anomalies of the Universe in order that a more holistic picture of the structure of the Universe can be unveiled.

The overall attempt is to join Symmetry with Asymmetry in order to give a complete picture of the Universe.  The tools used are Fractal-Fractional
Geometry, Chaos Theory and Non-Linear descriptions of the Universe in order that Relativity theory, Quantum Mechanics Theory and the black
sheep of the family, Gravitational Theory, can be fully synthesized.

The linking up of Symmetry with Asymmetry not only leads to Unification but also entails “DeUnification” or Separation.  The solutions to the key
problem of describing the transitional boundaries between the microscopic and the macroscopic world provides a complete picture of the universe and
answers the basic question: how does a macroscopic world emerge from a microscopic world?  The trip from basic Symmetry on through to Super
Symmetry (encompassing Gauge Theory) readily shows the shortcomings of Physics’ attempts at Unification without first incorporating the other half
of the coin Asymmetry Theories such as Chaos, Nonlinear Systems and Fractal-Fractional Dimensional Analysis.

The Axioms take us swiftly from the beginning descriptions of Symmetry-Invariance Theorems beginning at Axiom 2: “A geometric figure is
Symmetric under operations if those operations leave it unchanged.  These operations are geometrical in nature and have rotational features.”  From
here we move quickly through Symmetry’s and Chirality’s basic laws: reflection, mirror images, the Four Forces and then plunge down the subatomic
staircase to the Symmetries of Particle Physics until we reach the first break in Symmetry’s smooth pattern--the discontinuities of Parity in the CPT
interactions.  Axiom 24:  “It is during discontinuities or violations of Parity that the particle under observation is looking for a place to park and
therefore appears to be in violation of CPT but in reality this may only be a special case of suspended ‘particlization’ in higher or meta space as shown
by a discontinuous cross section of space at a given time.  This interaction is an incomplete interaction of volatile particles with the 4th Dimension, a
Dimension incidentally whose nature is not to be confused with Group Theory’s representation of Dimensions beyond the fourth order.  Group Theory
dimensions are simply geometrical and mathematical constructs in an idealized mathematical scheme.”

From here, I stroll along through the Axioms of Relativity Symmetry including the Space-Time-Gravitational connections known as the Relationships
of Einstein.  I am now prepared to link up with the basic Axioms of Quantum Physics as a direct result of Noether’s Theorem.  Axiom 87: “Energy is
conserved if the physical laws do not change with time.  Angular momentum is conserved.  Energy is conserved and all are Symmetric.  Symmetry
constitutes transformations such as reflection, rotation and Lorentzian that do not change fundamental physical action.”  This Axiom yields Axiom 88
“Quantum Symmetry.  Energies move from lower to higher and higher to lower orbits in Symmetric or quantum leaps like wave-particle fluctuations.”

Symmetry Breaking occurs at Axiom 93: “M. Abbott Lewis Principle.  It is only under infinite Transformations that Non-Symmetric properties are
able to function in a religiously Symmetric Universe.”

The next 100 Axioms continue to descend the sub nuclear particle ladder with a description of the elementary particles and the physics that guide their
erratic behaviors.  We arrive at the basic constituents of matter the Quark and ‘Gluonic’ Structures.  It is here that I begin a cursory tour through
Quantum Electrodynamics and Quantum Chromo Dynamics and their special relationships to Symmetry and Symmetry Breaking processes.  Axiom
171: “Spontaneous Symmetry breaking is different from Explicit Symmetry Breaking.  If the action is approximately Symmetrical the Symmetry is
broken explicitly.  Explicit Symmetry Breaking is where one puts the Symmetry Breaking into the action.”

The essence of Quantum Physics is stated in Axiom 177: “In Quantum Physics the strength of an interaction is measured by the probability amplitude
that two particles separated by a certain specified distance would interact and that interaction is due to the mediator going between the two particles.  
The probability amplitude is equal to the product of the three probability amplitudes, i.e., the amplitude for one of the particles to emit the mediator,
the amplitude for the mediator to get to the other particle and the amplitude for the other particle to absorb the mediator.  In Quantum Physics, as in
the real world, the probability that a chain of events will occur is equal to the product of the individual probabilities for each event.”

Leaving Quantum considerations aside for a moment, after the various traditional Geometries of space are considered, an old theory with new
applications to Unification, Superstrings and Super Symmetry is approached at Axiom 229: “Every point in the Third Dimension of Space, on a Super-
Microscopic level, is in reality a circle with an extremely small radius.  We see these circles as points and deduce our world of Three Dimensions

Returning to Quark Theory, the first suspicion of a major Asymmetry in the structure of space can be gleaned from Axiom 260: “Quarks have
fractional charges.  Therefore matter, time and space have fractional dimensionalty.”  (Naturally, this follows only if the transformations can be
performed on electrical charge and that the charges are interchangeable with spatial construction.  The indication that such transformations are
allowed by Chaos Theory buttresses this Axiom).  (Lewis).

The Standard Model is elucidated at Axiom 288:  “Matter built from Quarks and Leptons is held together by fundamental forces mediated by particles
called Gauge Bosons.  The Strong Force is a Color Force.”  In addition, Quantum Chromo Dynamics of Axiom 289 yields the following statement:
“Quarks carry Color and are bound together by particles called Gluons which mediate the Color Force via Flavors.”

Getting close to the bottom of physical micro structures is Axiom 291: “Gluons.  Quantum Theory implies that all Fundamental Forces are
transmitted by Carrier Particles or Gauge Bosons.  In the Strong Force there are eight varieties of Gluons which are massless bundles of Strong
Radiation just as photons are massless bundles of Electromagnetic Radiations.  Gluons operate only in spaces of 10-15fm (Femouniverse wherein 1
Fentometer is the radius in the generalized size of a Proton or Pion).”

“Gluons are confined in Hadrons as the Quarks are.  Quarks carry electrical charge and feel the Electromagnetic Force but carry a form of charge
known as Color.  QCD or Quantum Chromo Dynamics is modeled on QED (Quantum Electrodynamics) and is described mathematically and
statistically by Group Theory and optically ‘observationally’ by Rotational Transformations of Chaos Theory-Infinitism) (Lewis).  Quantum Mechanics
is simply Group Quantum Mechanics where Color Charge can be positive and negative.”

At this juncture, in order to shore up SUSY Theory, SST (Super String Theory) is interposed at Axiom 314:  “Characteristics of Strings.  Super Strings
are 10-33cms.  Strings can rotate and vibrate and are extended in five + Dimensions up to 26 but preferably to 10D as opposed to dimensionless points
and are not continuous but discontinuous”.  (Schwarz, Green, Nambu and Witten).”

A tentative Weak Synthesis is proposed at Axiom 315: “Mass is not fundamental but massless strings are.  Basic laws of nature are Asymmetric to
avoid Symmetric Symmetry Breaking (Penrose).  Zero mass curvature equals the Cosmological Constant.  Empty space does not curve.  The link
between Relativity and Quantum Mechanics is Fractalization-Fractionalization-Chaos (Lewis).  Einstein has space as continuous.  Penrose and Lewis,
et. al., have space as continuous and discontinuous.  Space is Fractalization-Fractionalization known as Quantum Fractalization-Fractionalization
(Heisenberg, Lewis).  Space-Time can borrow energy or virtual photons provided they are returned.  This borrowed energy curves Space-Time but
“uncurves” it after the gravitational debt has been repaid leading to fluctuating universe of contraction and expansion underlying the expansion that
takes place on the microscopic level and astronomic levels of being 10-33cms. where Space-Time = Black Hole.  The topological description of the
Universe shows how similar objects can be transformed into each other and thus maintain their Quantum integrity and continuity by stretching,
contracting and deforming objects and their Transformations can then be formed at a distance.  Here general Topology is akin to Nonlinear Topology.  
The foregoing Synthesis attempt falls short and is obviously premature at this juncture.

Descending past the Quark Structure Axiom 320 takes us beyond Gluons where “Superstrings of SUSY are said to underlie the Quark Structure.  
Here the Strings or Penrose’s Spinors-Twisters generate our particle world.  SD Matrix Theory describes scattering Processes including excitations and
resonances.  Wheeler uses a whole series of approximations that taken together add up to the total interaction where a complicated quantity is
calculated by adding up a series of approximations known as Perturbation Theory.  Quantum Electrodynamics describes what happens when two
particles collide electromagnetically.  It was possible to calculate all possible ways in which particular interactions add up.  Virtual interactions
occurred at short time and high energy intervals.  Virtual particles are borrowed particles and at end of the interaction energy sums balance.  There
are an infinite number of interactions or infinite number of ways in which virtual particles can be borrowed and then paid back but each reaction or
result is smaller than the one that came before.  It is still possible to add the series and produce a finite result”.

“Quantum Diagrams fail in Hadron-Hadron interactions of S Matrix calculations where an infinite number of finite terms yield Infinity because
Strong Force too strong in the interactions.  For example:

“Leptons and Leptons collision work-Electrons and Positrons
Leptons and Hadrons work-Electron and Protons
But Hadrons-Hadrons do not work-Proton-Proton.  Hadron-Hadron interactions successive terms are so large that their sums are infinite.”

“Superstring Theory works in 10 Dimensions and Dual Resonances work in 26 Dimensions but both produce ghosts in 4 Dimensions.”

After an impasse was reached with Super Symmetry Theories, it was necessary to direct my attention to a new direction on the pathway to
Unification.  These were the fractal pathways uncovered in the past fifty years dating backwards from the year 2006.  It was necessary for me to link
up the events which occurred between dimensions 1, 2, 3 and 4 in order that the transitional states between the macroscopic and the microscopic would
then be rendered complete.  To this end the discovery of the dynamic physics of nonlinear systems and their fractal measurements became of
inestimable value.  Therefore from Axiom 400 onwards to 1,000 it was necessary that I always keep somewhere in the background of the discussion,
the fractal-fractional nature of the Universe especially when it came to discussing the Asymmetrical properties of the Universe.  If anything, this
would make Unification a more complicated project than Einstein and his successors had envisioned when they first tackled the problems of a Unified
Field Theory in the 1930’s.  Axiom #400: “A Fractional Dimension is the degree of irregularity corresponding to the efficiency of the object in taking
up space.  It is the behavior of matter near the point where it changes from one state to another, from liquid to gas, from not magnetized to
magnetized (macro to micro or vice-versa) as singular boundaries between two realms of existence.  Phase transitions tend to be highly nonlinear in
their mathematics.  Allowing mass to vary depending on the scale one could recognize similarity across scales.  By acknowledging self-similarity you
can collapse complexity, i. e., using Renormalization Group Theory”.

And the space where all this fractal activity takes place is defined by Axiom 410: “Phase Space is composed of many dimensions and variables.  One
needs to describe a system’s movement.  In Phase Space systems contain several components each one free to move in any three directions with a
different speed for each of the three directions.  A single particle requires a 6D Phase Space, 3 space directions and 3 speed directions.  A system of n
particles will require 6n Dimensional space.  For most systems movement is described by 3 directions of movement and 3 directions of momentum.  
Most systems settle down to move in a very tiny surface of the larger Phase Space.  But going from Order to chaos is a study of how this simple
limited motion breaks down to that of the system and explores all the implications of the much larger Phase Space at its disposal.”

Atomistic and Nuclear Chaos step forward at Axiom 425: “At the smallest and most basic level of matter, self-referential iterations occur.  Elementary
particles generate themselves by a constant process of creation and destruction through iteration from the false vacuum state.  The ultimate entity
owes its stability not to some static quantity but to a dynamic cycling quality or process in which the particle constantly folds and enfolds within the
quantum field.  Iteration shows that stability and change are not opposites but mirror images of each other.”

Again at Axiom 435: “Iteration pumps up microscopic fluctuations to the microscopic world.  The part is the whole, for through the action of any part,
the whole, in the form of Chaos or transformative change may infect the transformative part and the incipient whole is the missing information
through which iteration traces out the systems unpredictability.  The shape it traces is the Strange Attractor.  The Attractor is the shape created in
Phase Space by the missing information.  The shape of uncertainty or Attractor shapes are the infinitely complex order of the whole revealing itself.  
There is a connection between the missing information and Gödel’s incompleteness theorem.”

The structure of fractal space is now given at Axiom 450: “The properties of space are not inherent, not given, but emerge in the large scale out of the
cooperative interaction of Quantum Systems.  Quantum Systems may lock together to create not only space but time and other macroscopic
structures.  It is therefore unnecessary to draw a line between the linear and Quantum world and the nonlinearities and structures.  The classical
level structure that evolves becomes relatively stable and therefore, as in the case of our solar system, relatively insensitive to individual Quantum
fluctuations.  But other large scale systems phase lock in a way that leave them sensitive and close to a chaotic region.  In such cases the classical
structure or collective system is responsive to individual Quantum fluctuations so that it enhances chaotically unpredictable under the influence of the
Strange Attractor.”

Axioms 501 to 1,000 take up the topic of Asymmetry in more detail.  The result of the first 500 Axioms leads us to the following considerations with
respect to the E = MC2 formula.







fGF(Fractal-Fractional Gravity fEf (Fractal Energy) = fGf fMf fC2f  =  fEf=fMf C2f = &/ =fMf fCf 3-Inf.




S.O.D. =  FGf FEf = & /= FGf FMf FC2(L.O.S. = DARKNESSf)



It may be a note of mild historical interest that I first came into contact with the visualization of the irregularities of The Science of Chaos (The
Science of Discontinuities or Catastrophes as I then envisioned it) in 1945, at the age of six, sixteen years prior to a fellow weather watcher’s (Lorenz’
s) discovery (in 1961) of the Sensitivity of Partial Differential Equations To Initial Conditions Principle (The Butterfly Wings Syndrome).  The secrets
unraveled curiously enough while I sat at my observation window watching the sun’s playful shadows gradually spread across indoors’ as well as out-of-
doors’ objects.  I would monitor the sun’s playful journey across the heavens as perceived by the reflection of the shadow’s “undulatory” but self-
consistent, generally speaking, non-consistent, contradictory yet conciliatory movement across the chaotic, thread-bare wooden floor.

I abandoned this visual corpuscular analysis and did not return to it until 1959 while at White Sands, New Mexico, where I took up in earnest the
implications of Merger and Transformation Theory.  (These theories are popularly known today as the Study of The Corpuscular Nature of Stability,
Chaos, Linearity, Non-Linearity, Continuity and Discontinuity and their implicative Basin Boundary characteristics).

At this juncture, with some basic philosophical tools at my disposal and with nothing more than the acquisition of Aristotelian Categories and Platonic
notions of Absolutes as guideposts, instead of approaching the problem of Chaos from the scientific-geometrical-mathematical viewpoint; I decided to
tackle the problem from the vastly superior philosophical approach using the powerful analytical crowbars of Classical Deductive Logic to unearth the
invisible chaotic gemstones of Structure.

The theory I proposed at this juncture was termed Absolute or Perfect Logic and was derived essentially from the basic Theory of Opposites and
Logical Contradictions (1959).  It was a short step from those first prestidigitations at White sands to the leap of faith for the reinterpretation of The
Theory of Opposites into the Theory of Infinite Logic.  Herein the major principle was that no Infinities, no matter how diffuse or separated in time
and space or varied in physical structure or composition, are not the same, not connected or not related.  All Infinities are equal to each other by the
Laws of Identity and Continuity in any physical or psychologically based system.  All Strange Attractors and their accompanying fields of Discontinuity
are equivalent and therefore linked.  There is no such entity as a Finite quality or quantity in an Infinite environment.

All phenomenon are linked by oftentimes a casual, barely perceptible connections.  The Force (Symmetry) between Electromagnetism and Gravity will
be determined when the intermediary reactions occurring between them are unmasked to reveal their equivalencies.

In short, I applied Absolute or Perfect Logic to determine what would be the structure of an Absolute Universe based on Infinity in the macro as well
as the microscopic and submicroscopic levels.  Structuralism was born and is the preliminary science of determining the underlying fabric constituents
of the universe.

I went on to make the stronger case (assumption) for Infinity and plunged head first across the headwaters of Chaos.  Infinitism was invented not as
a polemical tool for eastern philosophical traditions that viewed the universe as nothing more than worlds within recurring worlds adrift on seas of
illusions.  I followed instead the more skeptical path.  I remained steadfastly opposed to Berkleyian Idealism and rejected out-of-hand the "Descartes-
ian"-Kantian pathways to Subjective Rationalism.

My next step was to take a closer look at 20th Century notions of Time in order to see how such pre-conceptualizations fit into the growing complexity
of an Infinite, Fractalized universe.  My Masters took up the thermodynamic problem inherent in traveling backwards in Time and eventually
disposed with the knotty Arrow of Thermodynamic Time Problem.  The Thesis was nothing more than a philosophical discourse, in a most engaging
manner, that blended the Metaphysics of Infinity with the quasi -physics of SpaceTime Metrics and thereby merged Pure Physics with Pure

The Thesis itself was the annihilation of the nonsensical mathematical language analysis pouring out of England at the turn of the previous Century
and that was being passed off as meritorious philosophical discourse.  Having dispensed with this upstart movement, I turned my undivided attention
to the equally absurd notions of existential psychologically based systems and just as blatantly relegated them to the dust bins of philosophical thought
thereby paving the way for a serious overhaul of the foundering fields of the Philosophy of Science and The Science of Ontology in particular.  

I was grappling with the underpinnings of the Universe and some of those underpinnings, both here and abroad, had been cleverly, but not so
accurately diagnosed by 20th Century Academic Phenomenologists.  Clearly they had not gone far enough in their analysis.  I probed even deeper and
ripped asunder the last remnants of the phenomenon and explored the pre-constituents of pre-phenomenon, i.e., the phenomenon of phenomenon
themselves.  It is these noumenon that eventually make the Universe intelligible to us because the noumenon operate in, out, above, below, by
circumscribing reality.  The noumenon infuse reality with a certain kind of “giveness” that is not readily accessible to the novice exploring the normal
channels of scientific inquiry.  Infinity was a powerful tool to be used to show that underlying all points-of-view was the popular notion of a dynamic,
discontinuous Infinity that would be self-evident once we looked beyond the counter-intuitive suppositions of the latter 20th Century.

It is not all that surprising then that the Theory of Infinitism would isolate the solutions to the basic riddles of Particle Physics.  I was engaged in the
creation of what contemporary philosophers would designate as the Philosophy of Philosophy.  Absolutism was not the right tool for the analysis and so
Infinitism supplanted it when studying the Chaotic, Asymmetrical properties of the Universe in conjunction with the Universe’s Symmetrical
properties.  Absolute Logic was the springboard into the life force of Infinity that was now construed as a Four+ dimensional flesh and blood entity in
its own right.

The preceding discussion leads directly into The Theory of Potential and Kinetics, i.e., the theory concerning stable (linear) and dynamically (non-
linear recursive) systems in “vacuo”.  Items of nature have the Potential to draw sustenance from the Infinite Regions and then to Kinetically become
viable in the real Universe of our perceptions.  The underlying reason why in reality it does not happen quite in this fashion on the macroscopic level
(as opposed to the scalar microscopic level where such transformations and transmutations are occurring all of the time) is that the transformations
among the “go-betweens” of the two worlds are discontinuous.  Modern Physical Theory breaks down when it comes into close proximity with these
“transmutational”, transformational deformed dysfunctions with each new De-accelerating energy packet it encounters.  Events that are not apparent
or topologically mapped correctly on the macro and micro level are apparent on the super micro and super macro level wherein the basic laws of the
macro-micro universe go amuck.

What were needed were the transformations, the micro-mathematics, the computer driven Fractal Basin derived Geometries, the Modified Quantum
Mechanics that would unite the micro-macro, super-micro and super-macro worlds.  Until we had these integrations no unified hypothesis could be
formulated to explain the dynamic flow to be derived from the First Postulate of Infinitism.  The Postulate had to be buffered with the perfect logic of
natural contradictions.

The micro, macro, super-micro and super-macro worlds are and are not parallel, continuous, contiguous and congruent at the same and different
times.  The laws of the Science of Philosophy are non-residual, complicated and not “renormalizable” in any recognizable Group Theory sense.  They
are not simplistic.  Complication begets complication as well as simplicity.  Occam’s Razor is not only overblown but it is overthrown!  The basic
constituents are pointing the way towards the Transformations that in themselves translate into the higher dimensions.  My analysis was nothing less
than the give and take features of the micro structures of a singular particle in hyper-space at the juncture of massive De- accelerating energy levels,
at the apex of the “Transformational” Barriers in the very Heart of Darkness.  The analysis sketches the geometric forces impinging on these super-
micro structures within a given darkened micro-space.

The basic solution to the structural composition of the semi-topological Universe is not, and never has been, simple, but is complex like Complex
Irrational Number Information Theory, Group Theory, Linear-Non-Linear Theory and consists of Tensor Analysis, Computer Driven Topological
Geometry and Juncture “Transformatic” Trans-mutational considerations.

To digress for a moment, (as stated previously in this section) one of the many glowing examples of a Discontinuity at the edge of Chaos in Particle
Physics is the violation or Discontinuity of Parity where particles under observation are looking for a place to “park” and thereby appear to be in strict
violation of Parity the nemesis of Charge Conjugation.  In reality, the particles in question are taking part in the special case of spherical metricized
suspended “particlization” in hyper or meta-space as shown by a discontinuous cross-section of space at a given time.  This instance is an incomplete
interaction of volatile particles with the Fourth Dimension.  This Dimension incidentally is not to be confused with Group Theory’s representa-tion of
Dimensions beyond the Third Order.  Group Theory Dimensions are simply gross over generalizations of geometrical and mathematical “de-rigeur
diagrammatic” constructs in an idealized, twisted topological space.

Another example of Discontinuity is the observed Speed of Light (S.O.L.) where it is independent of how fast the observer is moving and is absolute
or Asymmetric in comparison to all other forces.  Nature does not prefer an absolute speed but does recognize one.  This rule for limiting velocities
becomes obsolete in an Infinite Space and is not relevant for The Speed of Dark  (The Speed of Darkness—my original coinage).

The next example of a Discontinuity at the Barriers, is Doppler Negativism where Spectral Red and Blue Shifts are due not to recessions but to the
“disappearing” of wavelengths into Negative Quantum Space which quite naturally produces color or spectrum aberrations at all wavelengths of the
highest order.  Such a Discontinuity has an important impact on predicted distances and recessional velocities in our Universe of Positive Quantum
Space (Rainbow-Wave-Length-Gravity Theory 2000-2015--Smolin Et. Als.).

The attempt to describe the ultimate Symmetric Transforms, i.e., of the Symmetric relationship between Celestial Mechanics, Terrestrial Mechanics
and Magnetic Mechanics has heretofore disregarded the Symmetrical and Asymmetrical properties of Gravitational and Radioactive Mechanics.

In Astronomical Cosmology, a Closed Universe (Einstein-Bondi-Gold Steady State) is one that is curved-finite like the surface of a sphere.  An Open
Universe, likened to a saddle or a sphere with bubbles protruding, is an Infinite one in direction.  The compound of the Open and Closed Universe
combined gives the Pulsating-Expanding-Contracting Universe (Wheeler, Hawking).  Only the Closed Universe is completely symmetrical.  Today’s
view supports an Open-Infinite Universe in the expansive phase.  When expansion reaches its absolute zenith and contraction begins, the Universe
becomes Closed in a direct relationship to the passage of Time and the singular particle, or fractalized-fractionalized particle, that initiates the
reversal of Time’s (Chronon-“Chronactic” behavior) flow thereby converting expansion into contraction.  (Lewis).

A fourth instance of Discontinuity is where (in contrast to Fermat’s Principle) light chooses the path of least resistance which allows it to arrive via
the geodesic at its destination (destiny) in the least amount of time.  The Universe is actually indifferent to or independent of positive quantum
mechanical considerations with respect to the governing properties of light (photonic emissions) on the Fractionalized-Fractal Boundaries of the
Basins.  Therefore, the structure of the Universe does not depend on light propagation properties per say but more properly depends on S.O.D.  Thus
the Universe can, in principle, be structurally Infinite.  This principle becomes self-evident after a review of the Asymmetric Theory of Self-Similarity
in Negative Space.

It is only by Infinite Transformations that non-symmetric properties are able to function in tandem with the Laws of Accumulation in a religiously
Symmetric universe.  The connection between the Symmetric and Asymmetric modalities , i.e., the connection among the perceptions of these
modalities, although tenuous to say the least, are susceptible to a rational analysis.

Perhaps the most remarkable Discontinuity of all is the Speed of Darkness (S.O.D.) Discontinuity that occurs not only in deep space but throughout
the visible Universe.  It will become apparent that the phenomenon of The Speed of Darkness will have high priority in the Pure Physics of this the
21st Century.  It is important to note that Darkness (Darkons) outnumber Lightons (Photons) by almost 80% in the visible spectrum of the universe.  
Eighty percent of the Universe is not illuminated.  Why should it be that way if not for the fact that the Darkons have a greater importance than do
the Lightons or Photonic structure in the fabric of the Universe?  What then are the structures, velocities and angles of secular orientation of the
Darkons (D)?

Taking a closer look at Darkons we find that when Light comes into contact with D it becomes realigned.  That is to say, the Light does not bend in a
Gravitational Field, nor does it curve but it becomes Realigned in Darkness.  This Realignment of Light by Gravitational forces is the Velcrolization of
Gravity’s main component the Gravitons.  Contraction and expansion are merely expressions of concave-convex polarization realignments depending
on the acceleration or De- acceleration features of Pure Lightness and the medium of Darkness into which Light swims.

Gravity gradually dissolves into a “tendrillic”-like structure, becoming alternatively elongated, mis-aligned, foreshortened (aligned) or
“gravitonically” realigned depending on the greater measure of “Darkonic” structure that is functioning at the moment of observation.

The interaction between Lightons and Gravitons causes Gravity’s grappling hook-like structure and photonic wave-particle structure to conform to all
respective internal structures. A simple analogy that illustrates this obscure presentation is when a Bar Magnet is placed next to iron filings. The
filings line up structurally with the North and South Pole alignments.  That is to say, they become properly aligned along the axis of rotation-attraction
and repulsion. When the Bar Magnet is removed from the environment (but not the Field) the filings become more or less random, chaotic, scattered,
misaligned or unaligned.

Within the Gravitational Field, all components are in massive alignment when they are pulling in the same direction (as happens with the common
process of Textile “Velcrolization”).  When Gravitons are misaligned their combined forces are executed at 0 Degrees to 179+ degrees.  I personally
don’t have a problem with misalignments of up to 359+ degrees (approaching 360 Degrees as a Spherical Limit).  When the Axis of Alignment is
realigned the pull is at the approachable Limit of 0 degrees around the spherical axis.  This state simulates the perfect state of Discontinuous
Alignment or the Unification of The Four Field Forces.  It is because initially, Gravity, rarely, if ever, is in perfect alignment with Darkons and
Lightons that Gravity is not united with the other three Forces.  Therefore, it is not ever increasing energetic states that will produce Unification (via
particle accelerations) but the reduction of energy states and velocities as they approach their absolute limits in a super conducting system that will
produce visible Unification Alignments.  It will be the De- acceleration of Darkness that will produce Unification.

Light does not bend in Gravitational Fields but instead Darkness contracts “convexly” and expands “concavely” within a certain nexus zone.  More
succinctly expressed, Darkons overrule Photons when they interact in Photonic Fields.  Gravity is the equivalent of Polarized Darkness and the
interaction with the Photonic Fields of Action take place via the medium of a fiber thin connective tissue between the super-microscopic, microscopic,
macroscopic and super macroscopic worlds by the Discontinuous use of Fractal-Fractionalized Basin Boundaries.  Different degrees of Darkness
permeate the trans-natural viscosity of the transitional Barrier Boundaries between the false vacuum aligned dichotomies of physical phenomenon.  
This approach explains how stability can be generated between the instability of the quantum micro world and the classically stable macro physical
world of Epistemological Empiricism.  Thereby we have a clue as to how stability arises from instability.

In Particle Physics, the Gluons or “Gluonic” activity necessitates the realization that the “Gluonic” Forces cannot be rent asunder because of the
inflexible Velcro quilt like structure of Gluons that are perfectly aligned.  Only when the “Grappleonic” like hooks of the Gluons become misaligned
can they be severed each from their fractalized-fractionalized mates.  The “Grappleons” of Gluons are like the tendrils of the Gravitons in a compact
Gravitational Field.  Through the manipulation of the orientations of “Grappleons”, Gravitons will provide the Alignments necessary for the various
long sought after Unifications.

In the special case of Light we note that darkness is the brimming primary force in the Universe because Light is at Zero Degrees Alignment with
perfect interlocking hooking of “Velcrolization” action across its Field.  The other ends of the hook-like structure are buried deep in the Heart of
Darkness and are severely misaligned allowing Darkness to bounce along at any speeds where the Photons are not peaking properly.  Since the range
of Photonic Speed is limited to one speed, namely that of Light per say; then it is apparent that Darkness can function at any other speed except the
Photonic one.

To summarize the important points of this digression: the “gnomish” “gluonic” structure of particles on closer inspection show the same tentacle-like
nature as does “velcroized” material under super-microscopic examination.  Unification of the Four Forces comes about with the alignment of
Gravitons, Gluons and Photons from their misaligned and previously aligned pre-conditions in the observable Universe.  Thereafter, realignment takes
place in Darkness at the Speed of Darkness.

As a direct result of the above digression, whereby important Discontinuities in Nature have been described, we can see that Classical Physics applies
to the reality of the senses and the macro world of molecules.  Quantum Physics applies to the microscopic world of the atoms and the nucleus.  
Infinitism and Chaos applies to the subatomic, nuclear and sub-nuclear world as well as the Supra-macro world of astronomical distances and events
well within the confines of Darkness.

My analysis is custom tailored for three different interstices by the tangential nature of an interlocking peripheral structure.  The macro world of
basic reality is Existential, Psychological, Classical, “Chiralized” and Symmetrized.  The micro world of the atom and molecules is Symmetrized,
Phenomenological and Quantized.  The super-microscopic world of the nucleus is positively Quantized, Negatively Quantized and “Infinitized”.  The
super-macro world is negatively Quantized, A-Symmetrized, “Infinitized” and A-“Chiralized”.  There, parallel and perpendicular Universes in 4+
Dimensional orbital rotations have an interesting effect on the super-micro world while acting on the range of interactions or transformation depots
forcing the results to be a synthetic combination of the Symmetric and Asymmetric (Non-Symmetrical) and is described by the new Science of
“Transformatics” and “Symmetrics” termed “Asymmetrics” or Fractal-Fractional Mechanics.

As for Space itself, every point in the 4th Dimension, on a Super-Microscopic level, is in reality a circle with an extremely small radius.  We see these
circles as points and deduce our world of Three Dimensions.  (Klein-Kaluza).

In a 5 Dimensional world an observer would perceive Gravity differently, in two ways--Gravitationally and Electromagnetically.  (Klein-Kaluza).

If  Spacetime is 5 Dimensional, Maxwell’s Electromagnetic energies emerge as a piece of Einstein’s Gravitational action.  (Klein-Kaluza).

In a 4 Dimensional Space, Gravity can pull in more than 3 directions--at least 4.  We interpret that pulling as another Force but in effect it is the
Electromagnetic Force of our Four Dimensional Space-time or an approximate “fractalization”-fractionalization representation of Space-time.  An
action describing Physics in 5 Dimensional Space-time splits when viewed as a Four Dimensional Approximation.  One piece of it is Gravity and the
other is Electromagnetism.

The disparity in strength between the Gravitational and Electromagnetic interactions can be accounted for physically if the radius of the circle is
extremely small-- 10 to the negative 18 times smaller than that of the proton and accounted for philosophically by the notion of strength of gain or
loss as Darkness regresses or progresses in Negative Space either “Dopperly” away or topologically towards Positive Quantum Space.  The Three
Dimensions of Space, after careful consideration of their secular properties, are infinitely large while the 4th Dimension is infinitely small.  (In reality
there is no sharp distinction between the infinitely large and the infinitely small).  The action of Time is all embracing.  Therefore Gravity begets
Electromagnetism, both topologically and “Dopperly” linking it to Superconductivity.

Each anchor or pinion point in the Kaluza-Klein scheme is a tiny sphere.  Space-time is Six Dimensions because a sphere’s surface is represented in
two Dimensions.  The Einstein Action for the Six Dimensional Space-time representation splits into two pieces via Group Theory Transformation when
viewed in Four Dimensional Space-time.  One of those pieces is the Four Dimensional Einstein Action, i.e., Gravity and Electromagnetism.  The other
piece is the Yang-Mills--the Strong and Weak interactions and their Fractal-Fractional counterparts.  The extra Four Dimensional curved up spaces
are called Compact Spaces derived from Symmetry Theory, where each pinion point in our 3 Dimensional Space is a tiny d-Dimensional Compact
Space.  Therefore, Space is [3+d]-Dimensional and Space-time is [4+d]--Dimensional.  Here, Geometry can be converted into Physics because
Geometrical Symmetry transforms into Physical Symmetry.

The opposing view to Klein-Kaluza is that Gravity is not fundamental but a manifestation of the Grand Unified Gauge Interaction.  Gauge Interaction
yields Gravity.  It is harder to renormalize Einstein’s Theory of Infinite Sums if we add more dimensions to be summed.  The problem becomes more
acute with the Fractal-Fractional Distillation of Dimensions where one adds Infinite Scales while at the same time subtracting components on a scalar
basis as one goes deeper into the Infinite Regress of the “Vortextual” Sink in the Fractal-Fractional Basin thereby complicating the various
Topological Integrations and Differentials (Lewis).  (As derived from the Basic Theory of Chaos developed by Lorenz, Mandelbrot, Smale, May,
Feigenbaum et al).

Kaluza-Klein suggested that Electromagnetism was the effect of Gravity spilling over from the Fifth Dimension where the Fifth Dimension curls into a
small area.  The Weak and Strong Forces may be Gravity expressing itself from higher Dimensions.  Their theory proposed one of  Ten Dimensions
where Four Dimensions expanded to form our Space-time Universe, the other six remained in a coiled spring contractive phase.  Here particles arise
not as points but as extensions of lines in space, resonating, vibrating and superconducting with Dimensions of the order of 10-36.  They are referred
to as Strings or the Super Strings of Super Symmetry.  They resonate all of existence out from themselves in a self-similar, self-replicating, self-
iterating (mathematically speaking) way in much the same manner as a tuning fork does when it resonates sounds by vibrating.

The Asymmetry of the Universe on the micro and macroscopic level, commonly derived from Fractal-Fractional Basin Geometry (Mandelbrot and
Lewis) is nothing more than the result of Super Symmetry breaking down to Symmetry and Asymmetry either Spontaneously implicitly or explicitly
(Lewis).  Superstring Theory produces our Universe and shadow universes running dimensionally discontinuously and scalar to it where some of the
universes have Gravity in common tugging at the fibers of each other’s Matter-Matrix Fields.  A reflection of such tugging shows up at the apex of
White and Black Matter in Deep Space (Lewis).

              CHAPTER XXXXI


If when we view the Universe we are taking a backward, twisted, chaotic look at time, then every event we perceive at a particular distance from the
central observation point is occurring in the past.  That means that for each particular observer on a local plane, only that observer’s time is absolute
for the present moment.  The computations concerning distances can only be made when the local observer takes into account future projections that
take cognizance of the increments of time passage, i.e., galaxy recessions (expansions and contractions) and are manifestations of past time not the
present at the observer’s point of origin.  The computations bear little relationship to the future projections of the current status of the Universe that
purport to give the immediate status of events which the local observer is presently experiencing.

In other words, if we view a certain galaxy, let us say at five billion light years distant, according to 21st. Century Astronomy we are seeing the event
as it occurred five billion light years ago.  In order to get an accurate description of the physical processes that are occurring today we must project
those processes five billion years into the future so that we might anticipate the nearly correct formulae for the interactions that would apply to our
present local observer.

Only future projections of distant objects can give accurate summations for the accumulated changes occurring at the local foci (or nodes) of
observation.  This leads to the rather disturbing conclusion that the formulae we use today in Physics, Mathematics and Astronomy are only as
accurate as the implied perceptual distances are from the nodes of observation.  If the distances are extremely close and non-chaotic they certainly do
map or topologically approximate the present physical matrix perceptions.

This rather awkward principle explains, in no uncertain terms, why Heisenberg had trouble representing actual events and was forced to reduce his
thinking to an Uncertainty Principle and why Bohr relied so heavily upon the Principle of Complementarity.  These observational (“perturbational”
atmospherics if you will) problems become resolved via the methods of Rotation, Transformation and Transmutation on the local level, via Infinite
“Reverseamatics” on the regional and distant level and by projection on the massive cosmological level at the very edges of Fractal-Fractionalized
Boundaries of the Universe at large.

Projection Geometry and its Sister Science, Fractal-Fractional Geometry of Boundary Basin Conditions (i.e., the calculations of the formulae
pertaining to 5 billion light years in distance) can only be accomplished by projecting the current state of a given star as it would appear five billion
light years into the future.   Should that star suffer collapse during the interval under discussion then the distance and interaction within its cluster is
a direct result of such collapsed formulations (not referring here to the collapse of the Quantum Wave Equations).  Its true state can only be
represented in the present moment by those futuristic equations.

In brief, currently the mathematical, geometrical and physical formulae describing the Structure of the Universe in a linear fashion have very little to
do with an accurate description of the Universe and most formulae will have to be revamped in order that we may correctly depict the present and
future state of the Universe.  What in fact Science has been describing is the true state of the distant and not so distant past locally and sometimes
regionally but not cosmically.  It is for this reason Newtonian Mechanics, the Classical Methods, were accurate for small distances and low energy
levels on a local level and Relativity and Quantum Mechanics have been accurate for somewhat smaller or larger regional spaces and distances but
both break down on the Grand Unification scale of meta-mega-micro distances at the nodules of the galaxies' barriers where Time is extremely warped
or flowing back towards us in a non-linear Infinite array indirectly out of Darkness.

These subtle but important aberrations explain why Gravitational Theory and the Forces it claims to enshroud have yet to be unified under Gut Theory
(Grand Unification Theory).  Gravitational processes extend fully throughout the Dark Universe in a more generalized diffuse pattern than do the
Electromagnetic, Super-Weak and Electro-Weak Forces.  Gravity is responsible for the spreading out of the collective Forces of S.O.L.   The reversal
of this process’ process, or the diffusion (de-diffusion or Realignment) will unite Gravity with the other Forces.

Since the Electromagnetic, the Strong and Weak and Super Weak forces are not as pervasive as the Gravitational Forces they can be considered as
somewhere between the local and the distant interactions with respect to distances and therefore local (or at best regional or of a slightly higher
magnitude than the local parameters) compared to the Gravitational Forces that are distant as well as being at the same time regional and local.  The
Weak, Super-Weak and Electromagnetic Forces can only periodically be considered distant Forces for they flow Discontinuously at various
intermediate determinate trajectories to the flow of Time and Distance Barriers at the frightful edge of Chaos.

To incorporate Gravity (Darkons) Fractal-Fractional Gravity (“Grappleons”) into the triad of the Weak, Super-Weak and Electromagnetic (Strong)
Interactions, a fuller projection of Gravity’s formulae must be undertaken.  It is with such projections that Asymmetry (“Chiralty”-Anti-“Chiralty”)
Non-Symmetry, Symmetry, “Transformatics”, Non-“Linearality” and “Reverseamatics” begins its rudimentary analysis.

For example: take the simple formula E=MC2 (or more accurately) FEf = FMf FC2 f (applied in a ”Darkonic” Environment--S.O.D.) not in a Photonic
Environment) where F, the fractal value, (and f  the fractional value) is only accurate for sub-nuclear particles (at the Gluon Stage of development) at
very close distances with very close time frames in a two dimensional expansion.  In order to correctly map this topological equation it is necessary to
expand the terms dimensionally.  Thereby the equation can be construed as the spreading out of the flat dimensional plane of the present and elevated
to the robust dynamic of 3+ dimensions in present and future Space-time.  The expansion modification differential of the Standard Energy Packet
Formula looks something like the graph illustration that follows:   (Insert diagrams here--the Graph Diagram and the Old Standard Equation For The

*The New Standard Equation For The Universe derived from the preceding pictorial representation in an idealized universe now becomes the First
Expansion of the Four Dimensional Formula FEf = FMf FC2f.  Where of course FEf = the Fractalized-Fractional Energy during the initial stages of
Energy Expansion and Contraction and is in a direct relationship (:) to FTf 1 (Fractal-Fractional Time Past), FT1/1(Fractal Time Present) FT2 (Fractal
Time Future).  Where FD1 (Fractal Distance Trans-versed Past) FD1/1 (Fractal Distance Trans-versed in Present) D2 (Fractal Distance Tran-versed In
Future) in conjunction with FI/m (Fractal Interaction Modification) FW FSW FS FG (The Fractal Electromagnetic, Fractal Weak, Fractal Strong,
Fractal Super Weak and Fractal Gravity Forces) m(modified) Interactions across the STF Gap (Fractal Space-time Coordinates) are equal to (=) & not
equal to (/=) the Interaction Modification producing Fractal Mass FM in its direct relationship to those same parameters of Fractal Time and Fractal
Distance Functions as the left hand side of the equation times Fractal Light Speed (Fractal Light or Photon Speed) squared (2) through the range of a
hyper-cube up to an including Infinity where the exponent is raised through the Range along a Discontinuous course or continuum from the Square
through and including X (any number--and starting at the range say of the Hyper-Cube) raised to the NF Power (Fractal Infinite) together with the
relationships of FT and FD and Distance Functions expressed on the right hand side of the equation together with the Interaction Modification (not to
be confused with the Cosmological Constant) of FE-FW-FSW-FS-FG. across the FST Gap (Fractal Space-time Coordinates) yielding the approximations
for the T/2 (Time Present) interactions “in vacuo”.  (Insert Gravitational Unification Diagram and Quantum Infusion Equations here).

                                         CHAPTER XXXXII


     What follows are the Axioms to support the conclusion of the preceding pages.  These pages can be skipped if you agree with
those conclusions-- if not here are the proofs.  

Before I can interpret the complexities of the combination of “Symmetrics” and “Asymmetrics” (Non-“Symmetrics”: The Grand Synthesis-Unification-
“DeUnification”) in an infinite, unbounded, (open-closed) universe; it is necessary to sum up the known facts of the Symmetric, Infinite, Unbounded
Universe as interpreted by Physicists and Cosmologists in the 20th Century.  Infinitism, “Transformatics”, “Reverseamatics”, “Asymmetrics” (Non-
“Symmetrics”) and the Metaphysics of Structural Cosmology will be derived in the last 687 Axioms after I take a look at the special case of Symmetry
(Axioms 1-313).

In the last decade there has been an attempt to merge GUT Theory (Grand Unification Theory) with TOE Theory (Theory of Everything) by combining
their counterparts GUUT Theory (Grand “UnUnified” Theory) and TON Theory (Theory of Nothing or Theory of S.O.D. - Speed of Darkness Theory)
incorporating SMGT Theory (Super Modern Gravitational Theory, which also includes the Forces and interactions over and above the four know
Forces), in order to discover the solution to all the major interactions along with their minor constituents.  (See Axioms 314-1,000 on “Asymmetrics”
and Non-“Symmetrics”).

A discussion of the “Chronons”, the quanta of time, “Chrono-Dynamics” and its special relationship to “Symmetrics”, “Asymmetrics” (Non-
“Symmetrics”) and to the particle-wave quanta, is reserved for the last 650 Axioms.



ONE THOUSAND STEPS TO CHAOS                           




The Physics of Symmetry (Symmetrics-Transformatics: The First 313 Simplexity Axioms).  Before I can interpret the complexities of the
combination of Symmetrics and Asymmetrics (Non-Symmetrics: The Grand Synthesis-Unification-De-Unification) in an Infinite, Unbounded, (open-
closed) Universe; it is necessary to sum up the known facts of the Symmetric, Infinite, Unbounded Universe as interpreted by Physicists and
Cosmologists in the 20th and 21st Century.  Infinitism, Transformatics, Reverseamatics, Asymmetrics (Non-Symmetrics) and the Metaphysics of
Structural Cosmology will be derived in the last 687 Axioms after I take a look at the special case of Symmetry (Axioms 1-313).

1.        In the last decade there has been an attempt to merge GUT Theory (Grand Unification Theory) with TOE Theory (Theory of Everything) by
combining their counterparts GUUT Theory (Grand Un-Unified Theory) and TON Theory (Theory of Nothing or Theory of S.O.D. - Speed of Darkness
Theory) incorporating SMGT Theory (Super Modern Gravitational Theory, which also includes the Forces and Interactions over and above the four
know Forces), in order to discover the solution to all the major Interactions along with their minor Constituents.  (See Axioms 314-1,000 on
Asymmetrics and Non-Symmetrics).

A discussion of the Chronons, the Quanta of Time, Chronodynamics and their special relationships to Symmetrics, Asymmetrics (Non-Symmetrics)
and to the S-Wave Quanta, is reserved for the later Axioms.

The basic solution to the structural composition of the Universe is not simple but complex like Complex Irrational Number Theory and consists of
Tensor Analysis, computer driven Fractional-Fractal Geometry and Juncture “Transformatic” Geometry considerations.  It is best visualized by
viewing the graph (the Cosmological Map of the Infinite Universe) of the expanding nature of the Energy-Mass-equivalence-non-equivalence formulae
following “Simplexity” Axiom #505.   

2.        INVARIANCE:        A geometric figure is Symmetric under operations if those operations leave it unchanged.  These operations are
geometrical in nature and have rotational features.

3.        It is necessary to check Symmetry principles with computer designed rotations of geometrical figures through 360o via Fractional-Fractal
analysis (M. Abbott Lewis).

4.        Reflections leave simple geometrical figures invariant.  A circle is invariant by reflections across any straight line that passes through its
center just as a figure appears the same to two observers whose viewpoints are rotated away from each other at some angle.  The square looks tilted,
the circle remains the same.

5.        Physical Laws are Invariant under rotations of any angle, which equals Rotational Symmetry.

6.        The Four Fundamental Interactions are the Electromagnetic, the Gravitational, the Strong and the Weak.  There is an additional one termed
Superweak and recently a sixth has been unearthed that has to do with levels or Gradients of Gravity (Waves-“Gravitonic”Action).  This conjecture
seeks to explain why Gravity is so difficult to link up with the other Forces because of the disparity between Gravity and the other Forces.  Eventually,
as all the intervening Forces are unmasked between the Gravitational and the Electromagnetic-Weak-Superweak, the disparity will not seem all that
large and the natural linkage will be recognized (M. Abbott Lewis).

7.        The Electromagnetic Force holds Atoms together and governs the propagation of Light and Radio Waves.

8.        The Electromagnetic Force causes chemical reactions.

9.        An Atom has an Electron and Proton and is located in a Nucleus.

10.        The Gravitational Force holds the Contraction and Expansion of the Universe in check.

11.        The Strong Force binds the Nucleus together.

12.        The Weak Force causes certain radioactive Nuclei to Decay.

13.        The Strong and Weak Forces do not play any role at the human scale (except an observational one, M. Abbott Lewis).

14.        All Four Forces may be studied independently or together.

15.        The Strong Force is greater than the Electromagnetic, the Weak weaker than the Electromagnetic and the Gravitational is weaker than the
other three.

16.        Nuclear Spin.    The thumb usually points up for direction of Spin when the fingers curl around the Atom's Nucleus in direction of the
Spinning orbit.   The thumb or direction is down when direction of Spin is in the direction of the curled fingers.

17.          Pauli's Principle.     Nuclear Energy remains Invariant due to the creation of a Neutrino which carries away the unaccounted for Energy of
the Interaction of Strange Particles during Decay under the influence of the Weak Interaction.

18.        Yang Principle, 1986.          With Spinning Nuclear Particles Nature shows a preference for direction of occasional emitted Particles.

19.        Law of Rotation.    Rotating our viewpoint necessitates that Reality remains the same or equivalent.

20.        Physics does not pick out a special direction in Space during physical or mechanical rotation.  This rule applies to Electromagnetic and
chemical rotation but not to Radioactive and Gravitational rotations.

21.        The Weak Force is the transformation of a Proton interacting with another Proton, then transforming to a Neutron brought on by the Weak

22.        With the Electromagnetic Force, the Electrons and Protons hold Atoms together.  The Strong Force binds the Nucleus together and the Weak
Force causes the Radioactive Nuclei to Decay.  Gravity becomes the strongest Force in the Macro World because it is additive in strength and Gravity
becomes the weakest in the Micro World where the close proximity of the Strong and Electromagnetic Forces make the Charges involved stronger
than Gravitons.  Electro- Forces are not additive but only as strong as the Charges involved.  The Four Forces become one of varying degrees of

23.        Two Symmetries.  The main Symmetries of Physics are Rotation and Reflection, the Left-Right Symmetry of Nature.  If Nature doesn't show a
preference between right and left then she is fully reflection Invariant and Rotational Invariant.  Up to 1956 Nature appeared to be Right-Left
Symmetric.  Strange Particles showed a preferred direction.

24.        M. Abbott Lewis Postulate.  It is during Discontinuities or Violations of Parity that the Particles under observation are looking for a place to
"park" and therefore appear to be in Violation but this is in Reality only a special case of suspended "Particlization" in Hyper or Meta Space as shown
by a Discontinuous cross section of Space at a given Time.  This is an incomplete Interaction of volatile Particles with the 4th Dimension, a Dimension
incidentally whose Nature is not to be confused with Group Theory's representation of Dimensions beyond the Fourth Order.  Group Theory
Dimensions are simply geometrical and mathematical constructs in an idealized science.

25.        In 1966 it was discovered that Parity Invariance does not apply to the Weak Interactions between Particles.

26.        The Neutrino is responsible for Parity Violation.  (Feynman & Murray-Gell-Mann).

27.        Anti-Particles exist.  Anti-Electron is the Positron or Anti-proton.  (Dirac, 1929).

28.        Particles-Anti-Particles have the same Mass but opposite Charges.

29.        Dirac Principle.    Physics does not favor Matter over Anti-Matter.

30.        Charge Conjugation, C, is the replacing of all Particles participating in a given physical Process with their reflective Anti-Particles.  Nature
does not prefer Matter over Anti-Matter so Charge Conjugation is Invariant.

31.        The Weak Interaction violates Charge Conjugation Invariance.

32.        CP is combined and Invariant.  Charge and Parity are combined.

33.        Nature violates CP (Lee, Yang & Cronin 1964).

34.        CP Violation is due to a new Interaction weaker than the Weak i.e., the Super Weak.

35.        Relativistic Invariance is Symmetry or the impossibility of defining Absolute Motion.  Parity Invariance tells us that we cannot distinguish
mirror image World from our World.  Relativistic Invariance tells that we cannot distinguish mirror World from our World.  Relativistic Invariance
also tells us that it is impossible to decide whether we are at rest or moving at a constant rate.

36.        Collection of all formulae relating Velocity, Energy, Momentum, Temperature, etc., as measured by two different observers is known as the
Galilean Transformation.

37.        Relativistic Invariance.    Two observers in relative motion at constant velocity must arrive at the same physical Laws despite the fact that
they differ in their measurements of various physical quantities.

38.        Basic issue of Symmetry is whether different observers perceive the same Structure of physical Reality?

39.        Symmetry Formula E = MC2.  Velocity Formula = Velocity = Velocity + u where u = steady State of Speed (steady acceleration or velocity). V'
= V+ u.

40.        Coulomb's Law.    The Electric Force between Electrified Forces varies inversely as the square of the distance separating them and is
Symmetric with Gravity Law and the Laws of inverse proportion.

41.        Electrical and Magnetic events are related or Symmetric with each other and give us the Symmetry of Electromagnetism.

42.        Strength of an Electromagnetic Field is similar to Coulomb's Law.  (It is Symmetric with it).

43.        Maxwell's Equations specify how the Electromagnetic Field varies in Space and Time.  One equation expresses how the Electric Field varies in
Space in the presence of a Magnetic Field that is varying in Time producing Faraday's Law of Induction.  By moving a magnet around a wire we
produce an Electric Field that pushes Charges forward in the wire, generating a current.  Coulomb's Law specifies how the surrounding Electric Field
decreases with distance away from the Charge.

44.        Electromagnetic Waves are Symmetric with Light Propagation.  Electromagnetic Fields propagate Electromagnetic Waves, which produce
Waves or fields in adjacent vacuums next to those same propagating Waves.

45.        If we have in a region of Space, an Electric Field changing in Time, then a Magnetic Field is produced in the neighboring Space.  This Magnetic
Field is also changing in Time and it generates an Electric Field.  An Electromagnetic Field propagates out in a Wave undulating between Electric and
Magnetic Energy.  The difference between the undulations is Symmetric.

46.        The Speed of the Wave = the Speed of Light.  Speeds are Symmetric in the accompanying gradients up to an including the Speed of Light.

47.        Light is nothing more than the combination of Forces at work within the Electromagnetic Wave commonly called Photon Interactions.

48.        Newton's Law is Galilean Invariant.

49.        Maxwell's Laws of Light or Electromagnetism are not Galilean Invariant.

50.        The observed Speed of Light is independent of how fast the observer is moving or is absolute or Asymmetric in comparison to all other factors,
i.e., Nature does not prefer an absolute Speed.  This rule does not apply in an Infinite Space (M. Abbott Lewis).

51.        The Speed of Light is an intricate property of Nature and derived from the way an Electric Field varies in Time and generates a Magnetic Field
and vice-versa.

52.        Symmetry has two distinct components--Invariance and Transformation.  When physical Laws are Invariant we must specify the Law of
Transformation that makes them Invariant.  For Rotation Symmetry the Transformation is Rotation.  For Reflection the Transformation is
Reflection.  Before 1956 these Symmetries were considered Invariant under the Transformations of Rotation and Reflection.

53.        In Relativistic Invariance, the Transformation is used.  In Electromagnetic Theory, Electromagnetism is not Relativistic Invariant under the
Galilean Transformation with respect to Light propagation.  The Speed of Light is Invariant and therefore it is not Symmetric in its consequences.

54.        Einstein proposed that Physics must be Relativistic Invariant and abandoned the Galilean Transformation.

55.        Absolute Time no longer exists.

56.        Different observers in relative motion at constant velocity perceive the passage of Time differently.

57.        For a given interval, Proper Time, the Time of each individual Particle's own clock is always less than the Time measured by another
observer.  Time is dilated by movement.  For each of us our own perception of Time is always less than that of anyone else’s.

The higher the relative velocity between the observer and the observed, the larger is the ratio of Observed Time to Proper Time for Light Speeds.  
Photon Speed Time is instantaneous or Photon Time never changes.

58.        Events in the physical World = location in Time and Space of t, x, y, z where t = Time, x, y, z are the three Dimensions of length, width and
depth.  t is according to a given reference Time and x, y, z are according to a given reference point.  The observer of a given event, or in, or on an
event equals t, x, y, z.  The observer on the outside of that event = t', x', y', z'.  The Transformation Laws of Space and Time are the formulae
relations t, x, y, z to t', x', y' and z'.  The Galilean Transformation is t = t'.  The Einstein or Lorentz Transformation is t = and/or t/=t', (where /=does
not), or t = t' within the event but t /=t' outside the event.

Space and Time transform the event so that Speed = the c & c' of the observer and the observed.  Therefore Space = Time or Space-Time.  When v or
velocity between observers is small compared to the Light, t' is approximately = to t.  t' depends on t and on the coordinates of Space x, y, & z.  
Transformed Time depends on Space and Transformed Space depends on Time.

59.        Maxwell's Theory of Electromagnetism is Relativistic Invariant under the Lorentz Transformation or is Lorentz Invariant.

60.        E=MC2 as the Momentum of Newtonian Mechanics is Mass in motion and under the Lorentz Transformations becomes liberated.

61.        The Particles’ opposite in Charge to those properties of the Electron is the Anti-Electron or Positron-Anti-Matter.  (Dirac, 1929, Carl
Anderson, 1932).

62.        Schrodinger's Equation is Lorentz Invariant when discussing erratic behavior of Electron circulation about a Nucleus in an Atom of a Molecule.

63.        Gravity is Lorentz Invariant since it involves the movement of Particles.

64.        The attempt at the ultimate Symmetric Transformations, i.e., of the Symmetric relationship between Celestial Mechanics, Terrestrial
Mechanics, Acoustics, Heat, Optics, Electricity and Magnetism leaves out Gravity and Radio-Activity.  For Newton the same Laws governed Celestial
Mechanics as governed Terrestrial Mechanics.

In the Science of Acoustics, sound is due to Wave motion of Molecules and friction.  Other Interactions are mechanical.  Interactions are also
Electromagnetic in nature between Atom and Molecules of objects.  The motion of Particles is mechanical in nature but Gravity and Radioactivity are
not yet within this Unification of Symmetry.

65.        Einstein's Equivalence Principle.        In a small region of Space the physical effects of a Gravitational Field as perceived by an observer are
indistinguishable from the physical effects reported by another observer accelerating at a constant rate in the absence of a Gravitational Field.  
Equivalence applies only in a region over which the Gravitational Field is unified in magnitude and direction.

66.        Equivalence allows us to work out formulae in local regions--to know the Laws of Electromagnetism in the presence of a Gravitational Field or
the study of Photons in the vicinity of a Black Hole by working out Maxwell's Equations for an observer accelerating at a constant rate.

67.        To deduce the effect of a varying Gravitational Field in Space-Time apply the Law of Equivalence to Space-Time divided up into small regions
so that in each region the Gravitational Field is constant and is described by the mathematics of transforming coordinates.

68.        A theory of Gravity must deal with all possible Gravitational Fields.  t', x', y', z', depends on t, x, y, z in all possible ways.  A Calculus or
change of Space-Time coordinates t, x, y, z to t', x', y', z', with (t', x', y' z') depending on (t, x, y, z)) in an arbitrary way or in any way we want, is a
general coordinate transformation.  Lorentz Transformations are two Sets of coordinates related in a specific way.  To study the Physics in any Gravity
Field we can study the Physics of the field in the absence of Gravity and then perform a general coordinate transformation.

69.        Einstein stated that the Laws of Physics preserve their structural form and is a general coordinate transformation, which he termed the
Principle of Covariance.

70.        Not only is Lorentz Invariance a Symmetry but general Covariance Theories are Symmetric.

71.        Lorentz Invariance says that two observers in relative uniform motion perceive the same physical Reality or is similar to the Symmetry of
Rotation.  Covariance Symmetry states that an accelerating observer would also see the same physical Reality but that the observer can interpret the
difference between the physical Reality he experiences and the physical Reality the non-accelerating observer experiences as being due to a
Gravitational Field.  General Covariance is a statement about the nature of Gravity.

72.        Covariance is a dynamical Symmetry as opposed to the static Symmetry of the other Symmetries of Physics (Weinberg).

73.        The Physics that governs dynamical behavior of the Gravitational Field itself is not explainable by Covariance at first glance.  Only the Physics
of the Matter moving through the Field fits Covariance because the Forces of the Field itself are too weak for observation.  Eventually it was seen that
Covariance did describe the Field itself.

74.         Gravity warps Space-Time to make the Covariance Principle hold under all experimental conditions.

75.         Gravity bends Light according to the Equivalence Principle even though Photons have no Mass.  Gravity objects fall at the same rate
regardless of Mass.

76.        A Closed Universe (Einstein) is one that is curved-Finite like the surface of a sphere.  An Open Universe, likened to a saddle or a sphere with
bubbles protruding, is an Infinite one in direction.  A traveler in a straight line would not arrive back at his original starting point.  The compound of
the open and closed Universe gives the pulsating-expanding-contracting Universe.  Only the closed Universe is completely Symmetrical.  Today's view
supports an open-Infinite Universe in the expansive phase.  When expansion reaches its zenith and contraction begins, the Universe becomes closed in
a direct relationship to the passing of Time.

77.        Einstein favored the Steady State Theory or the Stable, stagnant theory of the Universe.

78.        Einstein's theory uses the Cosmological Constant to maintain Stability and to stop expansion.  The Constant prevents contraction due to the
equal distribution of Matter thereby keeping Gravity in check, Stable and non-collapsible.  The problem remains unresolved in theory of how we can
have a Cosmological Constant and still have an expanding and contracting Universe?

79.        Since Symmetry unifies Space and Time into Space-Time and Electric and Magnetic Fields into the Electromagnetic Field, we cannot have an
equation standing all alone describing the variation of the Electric Field in Space.  That equation can only be one piece of a unified equation describing
the variation of the Electromagnetic Field in Space-Time.

80.        Einstein's Symmetry dictates design of Universe.

81.        Fermat's Principle.  Light chooses the path that allows it to arrive at its destination in the least amount of Time.  In Relativity Theory Light
chooses the path that allows it to travel along the Geodesic in the least amount of Time.  Light chooses the path that allows it to arrive at its
destination with the accumulation of the most amount of Time.  In Relativity Theory, Light chooses the path that allows it to travel along the Geodesic
in the most amount of Time which it does as Fermat’s Theory envisions. Therefore, Light has ample Time to accelerate to a limiting velocity but
Darkness does not have to realize its darkening Potential in the same framework.  Therefore, Dark arrives at Infinity abruptly whereas Light does so
gradually (M. Abbott Lewis).  

82        M. Abbott Lewis Principle.  The Universe is indifferent to or independent of Quantum Mechanical considerations in respect to the governing
properties of Light (Photon Emissions) notwithstanding the resolution of the Singularity problems in deep Space surrounding Black and White Holes
via Wheeler, Hawking and Penrose.  Therefore, the Structure of the Universe does not depend on the Thermodynamic nature of Light propagation per
say.  Thus it can be structurally Infinite.  (This principle becomes self-evident after the consideration of “Asymmetrics” and “Fractology”, Lewis).

83.        Principle of Least Action (Action Principle) operates in Mechanics.  Particles follow histories of the least Action.  Principle of Most Action.  
Particles follow histories of the most Action in Darkness (M. Abbott Lewis).  

84.        Action formula for the Universe is the Classical notion: where 1/GxR represents Gravity and 1/g2F2 represents the other Interaction formulae
needed to tie all Actions together.  They are listed as the six separate Actions of this formula:

s = Sdx√g[1/GR
+ 1/g2f2 +  Y ø Y
+ (D   )2 + V (  )
+ Y  Y ]

85.        Physical Reality can appear different to different observers but the Structure of physical Reality must be the same.

86.        Several different Actions Invariant under the same Symmetry Transformations would have the same Conservation Laws.

87.        Noether's Theorem.   Energy is conserved if the physical Laws do not change with Time.  Angular Momentum is conserved.  Energy is
conserved and Momentum is conserved and all are Symmetric.  Symmetry constitutes Transformations such as Reflection, Rotation and “Lorentzian”
movements that do not change fundamental physical Action.

88.        Quantum Symmetry.  Energies move from lower to higher and higher to lower orbits in Symmetric or Quantum leaps like Wave fluctuations.

89.        Energy and Momentum of a Photon are determined by the Wavelength of the associated Electromagnetic Wave.  (Planck, Einstein).

90.        Quantized Wavelengths related to Energy leads to Quantization of Atomic orbits.  (De Broglie).

91.        Physics in order to possess Symmetry has to have the Action Invariant under the Transformation associated with Symmetry.

92.        Symmetry Theory is the Invariance of the Action under various Transformations.

93.        M. Abbott Lewis Principle.  It is only under Infinite Transformations that Non-Symmetric properties are able to function in a religiously
Symmetric Universe.

94.        Symmetry dictates the form of Action (Einstein).

95.        Two major types of Symmetry are continuous Symmetries-Rotation and discrete Symmetries such as Parity.  One can continue the
Transformation corresponding to a continuous Symmetry.  In Rotation one can vary the angle of Rotation continuously.  With Parity there is
reflection or there is not.

96.        Noether's Principle.  For every continuous Symmetry in the Action there results a conserved quantity.  Conservation Laws apply to Symmetry.

97.        The Symmetry responsible for Charge Conservation is Gauge Symmetry.  

98.        In Sub-Atomic Particles there are Actions of corresponding Symmetry.

99.        Electrons can occupy only certain orbits.  Energy of Electron is Quantized and does not lose its Energy continuously but by leaps and bounds or
Discontinuously (Bohr).

100.        Probability Quantum Mechanics.  Waves (or Wave Mechanics) specify the probability that the Electron would be found in a particular place

101.        Uncertainty Principle.  When we observe a system we disturb it and therefore Position and Speed (Momentum) are not determined
simultaneously but Symmetry is left intact (Schrodinger, Born).

102.        The Law of The Quantum.  The probability amplitude of a given path being followed is determined by the Action corresponding to the path.

103.        Path Integral Formulation For Quantum Mechanics.  Action is Invariant under certain Symmetry Transformations and that same Action
controls Quantum Physics (Noether).  Thus the Action continues to possess the same Symmetry.  The Classical Action determines the probability
amplitude for a specific chain of events to occur and the probability that either one or the other chain of events occurs is determined by the probability
amplitudes corresponding to the two chain of events.

104.        The symbol 1 greater than represents the classical State.  The symbol 1 " <   " represents the probability State in Quantum Physics.

105.        The Quantum States of an Electron in an Atom belongs to representations of the rotation group.  Rotational Symmetry tells us that the
States belonging to the same representations all have the same Energy because the various States can be rotated into each other.  (See Asymmetric
Transformations for a discussion on conversion of physical quantities into other physical quantities.  It goes without saying that topological
manipulations accomplish the same feat, (M. Abbott Lewis).

106.        Rotational Symmetry can by the notions of Group Theory turn out to be Zero under certain conditions.  The Selection Rule comes into play
when an Electron cannot make a particular Energy leap.

107.        Selection Rules are tied to Symmetry and Conservation.  The presence of Symmetry implies the Conservation Law (Noether).  Processes
that do not conserve Energy are forbidden and certain Quantum leaps are forbidden because they violate Conservation Laws (Wigner).

108.        Symmetry restricts possible forms of basic Laws.  We can add Quantum States due to the probabilistic Waves of Interaction.

109.        States belonging to the same representation must have the same Energy.  Symmetry regulates the Quantum leaps between States.  
Symmetry tells us about the underlying Laws and about the actual physical States.

110.        Matter is made up of Electrons, Protons and Gravitons.  Chadwick added the Neutron in 1932.

111.        Protons and Neutrons = Nucleons.  Interaction between Nucleons is the Strong Force and is 100 Times stronger than the Electromagnetic

112.        Strong Interaction is short-ranged.  Weak or Electromagnetic Interaction is long-ranged.

113.        If there is no Strong Interaction there will be no Nuclei except Hydrogen (one Proton and one Electron).  If there is no Electromagnetic
Interaction there are no Atoms.

114.        Weak Interaction is 1,000 Times shorter than the Strong Interaction.

115.        Short range of Strong and Weak Force prevents Interaction on Macroscopic level.  The Electromagnetic and Gravitational Forces are long-
range and are evident on the Macroscopic level.

116.        M. Abbott Lewis Principle.  The transition stages between the Macro, Micro, Super-Macro and Super-Micro (that is the area between the
Discontinuities or Fractal Basins of the short-range of Strong and Weak Force and the longer-range of the Electromagnetic and Gravitational Forces)
are filled with transformational factors which allow the mechanical communication between these modalities.  The connections between these
perceptions of Reality are susceptible to a Fractional-Fractal analysis.

117.        Atomic States may be rotated into each other with the same Energy.

118.        A Proton can be rotated into the Neutron.  A strong Interaction is Invariant and conserved (termed IsoSpin).  The Group is called SU(2)
where "2" is the Group defined by transforming two objects into each other (Heisenberg).

119.        IsoSpin applies only to the Strong Interactions termed Internal Symmetry. Protons and Neutrons have different Electromagnetic properties.  
The Strong Force between two Protons is the same between two Neutrinos.  Or two observers see it as either a Neutron or Proton depending on their
angle of rotation.

120.        A conserved quantity must be associated with IsoSpin Symmetry (Noether).

121.        Particles that Interact strongly carry IsoSpin and that IsoSpin is Symmetrically conserved (Noether).

122.        Particles that interact Electromagnetically carry an Electric Charge.

123.        Strong Interaction Processes that do not conserve IsoSpin are forbidden and the relative probabilities of allowed Processes are determined by
Group Theory.

124.        Constant exchange of Photons between the two Electrons produces the observed Electric Force or Charge.        

125.        Strangeness is conserved in the Strong Interaction.  Strange Particles always occur in pairs after the Nucleons collide.

126.        Classical Physics applies to Reality and the Macro World of Molecules.  Quantum Physics applies to the Microscopic World of Atoms and the
Nucleus and Infinitism applies to the Sub Atomic and Nuclear and Sub-Nuclear World as well as the Supra Macro World of Astronomical occurrences.  
Some Particles that strongly interact are Strange.  Some are not.  Just as some Particles carry an Electric Charge and some do not.  Proton, Neutron
and Pion (the shuttle Particles between the Proton and Neutron that maintains the Strong Interaction and properties of Conservation and Symmetry
in these Interactions) are Zero in Strangeness or have no unexpected Particles created upon impact.  Strangeness is conserved and therefore
Symmetric beyond IsoSpin (Noether, M. Abbott Lewis).

127.        M. Abbott Lewis' Model of Analysis.    This Model is designed for three different levels or Tangents of Interaction.  The Macro World of basic
Reality is Existential, Psychological, Classical and Symmetrized.  The Micro World of the Atom and Molecules is Symmetrized, Phenomenological and
Quantized.  The Super Microscopic World of the Nucleus is Quantized, Classical and Infinitized; wherein parallel and perpendicular Universes in 3 plus
Dimensional Rotations have an effect on the Super Micro World while acting on the range of Interactions of Transformation Depots forcing the
results to be a combination of the Symmetric and Asymmetric (Non-Symmetric) described by the new Science of Transformatics and Symmetrics
termed Asymmetrics (Lewis).  

128.        Strangeness Conservation signals a Symmetry beyond IsoSpin (Noether).

129.        Particles that interact strongly are Hadrons.  (Nucleons, Pions and Strange Particles).  Particles that interact weakly are the Electron and the
Neutrino or Leptons collectively.

Hadrons are the Pi Meson or the Pions and are intermediate in Mass between the Nucleus and the Electrons.  Particles similar to the Pion are
Mesons.  Particles similar to the Nucleons are Baryons.  Nucleons are in ordinary Matter so are subdivided in the Baryon class into Nucleons and
Hyperons.  The Hyperons are Sigma + and/or                /-/
The Groups separated out in regards to their Yields in the following manner before 1960.  Hadrons yielded Baryons and Mesons, where Baryons
yielded the Nucleons, i.e., Protons and Neutrons and Hyperons.  The Meson yielded the Pion.

The Lepton yielded the Electron and the Neutrino.

The Photon and Graviton were in a class by themselves.

130.        All Hadrons must belong to IsoSpin Multiplets.  For example: there are three types of Pions, T+, To, T-.  T+ is positive.  To is Neutral and T- is
negatively Charged.  All 3 have the same Mass.  As far as the Strong Interaction is concerned they are the same except for their Charge.  Two
Nucleons form a Doublet--the Proton and the Neutron.  Hadrons can be ordered into IsoSpin Multiplets.  The Strong Interaction has a Symmetry
larger than IsoSpin in regards to Strangeness Conservation, i.e., Strangeness properties are Symmetric (Noether).

131.        Summary of Subnuclear Particles, 1960:    8 Baryons-Nucleon Twins-Photon and Neutron.  Sigma & xi Hyperons, Sigma in three States-
Positive, Neutral and Negative.  (Sigma Symbol +, Sigma Symbol o and Sigma Symbol Negative -).  Sigma Hyperons belong to IsoSpin Triplet, xi
Hyperons to an IsoSpin Doublet.  A Hyperon called Lambda = A with a tail as symbol--IsoSpin Singlet.

Summary Diagram.    8 Baryons are indicated by a dot plotted on a Two-Dimensional World Grid.  The Baryon corresponds to dots joined by horizontal
lines and belong to the same IsoSpin Multitriplet.  Baryons on the same horizontal level have the same Strangeness.  Nucleons have Strangeness Zero.

For the Meson Diagram there are eight Mesons, besides 3 Pions, four Mesons, called K Mesons or just Kaons, which belong to 2 IsoSpin Doublet and a
Meson called Eta by itself in an IsoSpin Singlet (1961).  Mass in the following diagram of the Baryons and Mesons is in MEV Units (  ) after the letter
denoting a given Baryon or Meson.  Members of the same IsoSpin Multiplet have almost the same Mass as dictated by IsoSpin Symmetry.  All 8
Baryons have the same approximate Mass, give or take a few hundred MEVs.  Pions are radically Light.  All the Particles are related to each other in
more than superficial ways pointing to a continuous Symmetry.

132.        If the fundamental Action is Invariant under Group Transformation then there are Quantum States that transform into each other and
represent the multiplicative structure of the Group.  These Quantum States are Particles since the Masses are only approximate.  The Symmetry
involved is more approximate than IsoSpin Symmetry.

133.        SU(2) transforms 2 objects into each other.  In general, the Group SU(N) transforms N objects into each other in its defining representatios

134.        The higher Symmetry of the Strong Interaction is SU(3) and is a higher Symmetry Group than is SU(2) where the Baryons belong to an Eight
Dimensional representation of SU(3) labeled the Octet (Gell-Mann and Neeman, 1961).

135.        SU(3) = (8 yields 3 + 2+2+1).  Eight Baryons yield Sigma (  ) (Hyperons) and form an IsoSpin triplet.  The Nucleons and the (  ) Hyperons
form 2 doublets and the (  ) Hyperson forms a Singlet.

136.        Extremely short-lived Particles are called Resonances.  In 1962 nine Resonances existed.  Resonances are related by IsoSpin and the rows
are related by the Eight Fold Way.

137.        Omega minus ( - ) is the tenth missing Resonance when SU(3) has a Ten Dimensional representational representation (Gell-Mann).

138.        Quarks are Up, Down and Strange and have different Charges that are smaller than the Electron and are the Triplet Particles in the SU(3)
representation (Gell-Mann, Zweig and Neeman, 1964).

139.        Hadrons are the stronger Interacting Particles and are made up of Quarks and Anti quarks the same way in which an Atom is made of
Electrons and Atomic Nuclei and they themselves are made of Protons and Neutrons.

140.        Quarks located in Hadrons have not been observed (but are probably there except in an unrecognizable form, namely “Flowons” linked to
Gravitons, M. Abbott Lewis—year 2015.

141.        Non-Abelian Gauge Symmetry is also termed Non-Abelian Gauge Theory (Yang-Mills).

142.        A Symmetry involving Transformations that vary from point to point in a Gravity Field is Local.  To deal with Gravity Fields divide Space-
Time into smaller and smaller regions where the Coordinate Transformations vary from point to point.  A Symmetry involving Transformations that
do not vary from point to point is Global.  Global Symmetry means that all the Transformation transactions are exactly the same leaving the structure
of physical Reality Invariant (Einstein).  IsoSpin Invariance is an example of Global Symmetry.

143.        Strong Interaction Physics is Invariant under Transformations when the Proton becomes a Neutron and the Neutron becomes a Proton.  
Strong Interaction does not distinguish between the Proton and the Neutron (Heisenberg).

144.        If we perform an IsoSpin Transformation rotating the Proton into the Neutron we have to perform the same rotation everywhere in the
Universe in order to leave the Action Invariant.

145.        Symmetry responsible for Electric Charge conservation is Local (Weyl).

146.        Light is a case of Local Symmetry or Gauge Symmetry.

147.        The Symmetry actually responsible for Electric Charge conservation are the Transformations involving the Quantum Probability Amplitude.

148.        The Action of the World including Electromagnetism possesses a local Symmetry called Gauge Symmetry.  Local Symmetry determines the
form of the Action or Symmetry creates the design (Einstein).  Internal, as well as External Symmetry is exact and Local or Non-Abelian Gauge
Symmetry (Young, Mills, Heisenberg, Einstein and Weyl).

149.        Quantum Field Theory.    Particles are described by the Probability Amplitude Waves governing their motion.  The Waves are specified at
each point in Space and in Time.

Particles in the Quantum World are described by Fields (Faraday).  The Action is constructed out of Fields combined in such a way that the Action will
satisfy whatever “Symmetrics” are desired.  To construct a Quantum Field Theory describing the Interaction of Electrons and Protons--combine the
Electric Field and the Photon Field (the Electromagnetic Field) into an Action, which satisfies Lorentz Symmetry and Gauge Symmetry.

150.        Massless Particles in Yang-Mills Theory are Gauge Bosons.  Electromagnetic Theory is a special case of Yang-Mills Theory.  The theory
postulates one Gauge Boson--the Photon.

151.        When a Particle emits or absorbs a Gauge Boson, it changes to another Particle.  A Gauge Field transforms Particles into each other.

152.        The four fundamental Interactions are characterized by a coupling constant that measures the strength of the Interaction.  In Quantum
Physics the probability that two Particles will interact determines the strength of the Interaction.  The constant varies with Energy scales at which it is
measured and is termed Coupling Strength or Coupling.  In Quantum Physics the Wavelength of a Particle used as a probe decreases as the Energy of
the Particle increases and the Coupling strengths of the various Interactions will vary.

153.        If the Coupling becomes weak in a Strong Interaction (Energy is increased as Coupling gets weaker) it tends towards Zero and the Particles
become free to move independent of other Particles.  A theory whose Coupling Strength moves towards Zero under the influence of higher Energies is
called Asymptotically Free Theory.

154.        The Electromagnetic Coupling increases as the relevant Energy of the Electromagnetic Process increases.

155.        Yang-Mills Theory is asymptotically free (Gross, Willizek and Politzer, 1963).

156.        The probability of Electron-Positron (Anti-Electron) annihilation into strongly Interacting Particles should decrease in a definite way as
Energies of the colliding Electron and Positron increase.

157.        There are three Times as many Quarks that are simply copies of each other in the Hadron Strong Interaction and they may be represented
by an artificial coloring.  Each Quark comes in three Colors--red, yellow and blue.  There is a red Up Quark, a yellow Down Quark, etc.  Color then
means triplications or exact copies of the Quarks (Gell-Mann).

158.        A Quark of one Color can transform into a Quark of another Color but remain the same.

159.        Each Quark carries two attributes-Flavor and Color.  The same kind of Quark means it is the same Flavor but a different Color.  Flavors =
Up, Down and Strange.  The three Flavors come in three Colors or nine Quarks in all.  The Mass of a Quark is the same regardless of Color but varies
from Flavor to Flavor.

160.        Yang-Mills Symmetry changes the Color carried by the Quark but not the Flavor.  3 different Colors are transformed into each other or SU
(3) becomes Color SU(3).

161.        Eight Gauge Bosons are Gluons because they glue the Quarks into Hadrons (Quantum Chromo-Dynamics, Gell-Mann).

162.        Force between Quarks is mediated by the exchange of Gluons the same way that the Electromagnetic Force between Charged Particles is
mediated by the exchange of Photons.

163.        Asymptotic Freedom is the Force becoming weaker when two Quarks collide at high Energies or when they get very close to each other.  As
the two Quarks move away from each other the Coupling Strength moves away from Zero and prevents Quarks from separating.  In the opposite
manner the Electromagnetic Interaction between two Electrons decreases as the Electrons move apart.  The Gluons operate under the Asymptotic
principle and have not been seen, (but in 2012 were seen at Geneva as “Flowons” aka Higgs).

164.        The Strong Force is not mediated by the Pion but by Gluons.  The Gluons glue the Hadrons into Nucleons, Pions and other Hadrons.  The path
of the Strong Interaction is from Molecules to Atoms, Atoms to Nuclei, from Nuclei to Hadrons, from Hadrons to Quarks.  Quarks and Gluons cannot
be observed directly.

165.        IsoSpin.    The Eightfold Way and Strong Interactions are all incidental Symmetries.  IsoSpin Transformations change the Up Quark and the
Down Quark into each other.  The Transformations of the Eightfold Way change the Up, Down and the Strange Quarks into each other.  They change
Flavor but not Color.  They are Symmetrical only to the extent that these 3 Quarks have approximately equal Masses.  The Masses of differently
Flavored Quarks are not controlled by the Strong Interaction and there is no reason for them to be equal, i.e., they point to an Asymmetry.  Quarks
with other Flavors exist and their Masses are different from the Up, Down and Strange Quarks.

166.        A Quantum Field Theory is one in which we can sensibly add up all the amplitudes and thereby is “Renormalizable”.  Yang-Mills Theory is
“Renormalizable”.  The negative and positive Quantum amplitudes of the Waves can be added to give a sensible sum (t’Hooft).  One does not add
numbers up to Infinity.  One adds some numbers and subtracts some numbers in Quantum Physics.  Therefore the sum approaches a definite number
instead of Infinity.

167.        From the notions of Parity and Rotational Invariances comes the notion of
Exact Non-Abelian Symmetry.

168.        The four main Interactions of the Universe, the Strong, the Electromagnetic, the Weak and the Gravitational, have disparate Coupling
Strengths and differ in their properties.

169.        The Strong Interaction is 100 Times stronger than the next in strength—the Electromagnetic.

170.        If the actual History of an Action of a Particle is not Invariant under Symmetry Transformations that leave the Action Invariant; the
Symmetry is Spontaneously Broken.

171.        Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking is different from Explicit Symmetry Breaking.  If the Action is approximately Symmetrical the Symmetry
is broken Explicitly.  Explicit Symmetry Breaking is where one puts the Symmetry Breaking into the Action.

172.        One can have a design that has Symmetry as well as lacks Symmetry.  One can have a Symmetrical Action but its History can be Non-

173.        It is possible to have an Action shaped by Perfect Symmetry yet the manifestations of that Action can be totally Non-Symmetrical.

174.        The Weak and the Electromagnetic Interactions are related.

175.        The Electromagnetic Interaction is long-ranged.  The Weak is short-ranged.  The Interaction of Particle is accomplished by a Mediator
Particle shuttling back and forth.  The range of the Interactions is determined by the Mass of the Mediator Particle.  The Nuclear Interaction is short-
ranged because the Pion is Massive.  The short range of the Weak Interaction has a Mediator more Massive than the Pion.  It is the Intermediate
Vector Boson or W (Yukawa, Rubia & Van der Meer).

176.        W and the Photon (the Mediator for the Electromagnetic Interaction) are similar in some respects for W and the Photon Spin at the same
rate.  However, W, is much more Massive than the Photon.  The Photon is Massless.  When a Particle emits a Photon, Parity is conserved.  The Weak
Interaction does not respect Parity so when a Particle emits a W, Parity is not conserved.

177.        In Quantum Physics, the Strength of an Interaction is measured by the probability amplitude that the two Particles separated by a certain
specified distance would interact and that Interaction is due to the Mediator going between the two Particles.  The probability amplitude is equal to the
product of the three probability amplitudes, i.e., the Amplitude for one of the Particles to emit the Mediator, the amplitude for the Mediator to get to
the other Particle and the amplitude for the other Particle to absorb the Mediator.  In Quantum Physics, as in the Real World, the probability that a
chain of events will occur is equal to the product of the individual probabilities for each event.

178.        The amplitude for a Particle to emit a W is no smaller than the amplitude for the Particle to emit a Photon.  Because W is Massive the
probability amplitude for it to pass from one Particle to another is small and it turns back.  Thus the Weak Interaction is weakened or much weaker
than the Electromagnetic Interactions.

179.        W Boson and Photon are Gauge Bosons of the Yang-Mills Theory (Schwinger, Bludman and Glashow).

180.        In Yang-Mills Theory, one Particle is transformed into another upon emitting or absorbing a Gauge Boson.

181.        In the Weak Process of Radioactivity Decay, a Neutron disintegrates to a Proton, an Electron and a Neutrino.  The Neutron emits W and
transforms to a Proton.  On a more fundamental level a Down Quark, the Neutron, emits a W and then transforms into an Up Quark.  Another Weak
Process sees a Neutrino and Neutron colliding and turning into an Electron and a Proton.  The Neutrino emits a W and transforms into an Electron.  
The Neutron absorbs the W emitted by the Neutrino and transforms into a Proton.  The Weak Action then becomes merely a question of what
happens when a Particle emits or absorbs a W. (The “Flowon” mediates the transfer of the “Darkons” from the “Asymmetric Universe into the
Symmetric Universe via the force of Gravity, M. Abbott Lewis, 2015).

182.        The Feynman Diagram is used to depict what is happening when Particles collide.

183.        The Group representing the Young-Mills Theory determines the number of properties of Gauge Bosons to fit the pattern of the
Electromagnetic and Weak Interactions or is SU(2) x (U1) or SU(2) with additional Transformations that use up an extra Gauge Boson—the Z Boson.  
When a Neutrino emits or absorbs a Z Boson it remains a Neutrino.  Likewise, An Electron or Neutron or any Particles for that Matter remain the
same when it emits a Z Boson.  Z and the Photon are alike except that the emission or absorption of Z violates Parity.

184.        Neutral Current Process.  The Mediator of Z produces a different Weak Interaction.  When a Neutron and Neutrino collide they scatter off
each other since the Z exchange between the two leaves them unchanged.  In the Standard Weak Process, the colliding Neutrino and Neutron is
changed to an Electron and a Proton (1973).

185.        Neutral Current Process can explain the Electromagnetic and Weak Interactions.

186.        In Gauge Theory, the Group Symmetries require the corresponding Gauge Bosons to be Massless.

187.        When the Gauge Symmetry is Spontaneously Broken, the corresponding Gauge Boson becomes Massive (Higgs Phenomenon—1957-1959,
superseded by the Speed of Darkness Asymmetrical Analysis—1959- 2015, M. Abbott Lewis).

188.        In Spontaneous Broken Gauge Theory, some Gauge Bosons become Massive while others remain Massless.

189.        Higgs Phenomenon explains differences between the Weak and Electromagnetic Interactions (Salam and Weinberg).  The Standard Theory
uses the method of summing an Infinite number of histories, (not by hand-explicit breaking) but by “plusing” and “minusing” alternately the
ascending numbers in the series.  This yields a final sum by using Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking and is called the Electro-Weak Interaction.

190.        W, Z and the Photon are related as the Gauge Bosons of the Yang-Mills Theory and transform into each other under Group Symmetry.  
After Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking, they appear disparate but W and Z are Massless.  At low Energies their Coupling Strength is Weak but as
Energies increase their Masses become smaller and the Coupling Strength becomes stronger.

191.        The Strong, the Electromagnetic and the Weak Interactions are Unified at some Energy level, namely 1015, and at that level Grand
Unification occurs and is distinguished from Electro-Weak Unification.  At higher Energies Electromagnetic Force becomes stronger while the Strong
Force becomes weaker.  At some level the Electromagnetic Force will become just as strong as the Strong Force.  At high Energies the W, Z and
Photon are Massless.  The difference of Masses at lower levels of Energy is the result of Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking.  At high Energies the
Gluons of the Hadrons become weaker (Pati, Salam, Georgi and Glashow, 1973).

192.        1015 Energies x the Nuclear Mass will convert the Electromagnetic into the Weak Interaction.  The reverse Process is also possible.

193.        Grand Unification unites the W, Z, Light Gluons and Photons and all belong to the Gauge Boson Family of a single Yang-Mills Theory.  
Photons, W and Z are Gauge Bosons of Group Theory (SU(2) x U(1).  The Gluons are Gauge Bosons of a theory with the Group designation SU(3).  SU
(3) transforms 3 objects into each other.  SU(2) x U(1) and SU(2) transforms two objects into each other.  3+2=5. We need SU(5) for Grand
Unification—the Photon, W, the Z, eight Gluons and 2 more Gauge Bosons X&Y.

194.        SU(5) yields Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking into Color SU(3) and SU(2) x U(1) or two Yang-Mills Theories SU(3) and SU(2) x SU(1).  X and
Y Bosons have extra large Masses or 1015 Nuclear Mass.  The Gluons dissipate with the W, Z and the Photon remains Massless.  As the Energy
decreases we come to the Electro-Weak Energy scale.  This is Energy with no more than a few hundred times the Nuclear Mass.  Young-Mills Theory
SU(2) x U(1) is Spontaneously Broken again.  W and Z become Massive while the Photon remains Massless.  Only Gauge Bosons in SU(5), the Photons
and 8 Gluons appear as Massless excitations at low Energies.  The Gluons are confined in the Infrared Slavery inside the Hadrons leaving the Photons
to produce Light.  SU(5) Young-Mills Theory, together with all of its Gauge Bosons lets Symmetry be broken down Spontaneously.  All Massless Gauge
Bosons turn into Infrared Slavery and the remaining visible Gauge Boson is the Photon.

195.        The remaining Quarks and Leptons transform into each other furnishing representations of SU(5).  The Dimension of the representation is
the number of entities belonging to that representation as it is 5 Dimensional.

196.        The Electron carries a Charge opposite but equal in magnitude to the Charge of the Proton because of Grand Unification.

197.        The exact equality of the Magnitude of the Charge carried by the Electron and the Proton is derived from the Group Theory of SU(5) (Georgi

198.        Gauge Bosons.    The Gluons transform a Quark into another Quark with the same Flavor but a different Color.  When a Quark emits or
absorbs a Gluon it retains Flavor and changes Color.  The Gluons leave the Leptons alone.  The W Boson transforms a Quark into another Quark
with the same Color but different Flavor and transforms a Lepton into a different Lepton.  The W Boson transforms the Electron into a Neutrino.  The
Photon transforms an Electrically Charged Particle into itself.  When a Charged Particle such as the Electron emits or absorbs a Photon it remains an
Electron.  The Photon leaves Electrically Neutral Particles alone.  The Z Boson, like the Photon, transforms a Particle into itself but does not limit or
interact with Charged Particles.

199.        Quarks always change into Quarks and Leptons change into Leptons.  Transformations of Quarks are manifested as transformations of

200.         Baryon Number remains constant no matter what Transformation occurs.  Baryon Number is conserved.  The Proton, Neutron and Hyperon
together constitute the Baryon Number.

201.        The effect of the X and Y Bosons is Super Weak but will cause a Proton to Decay into the Pion and Positron (Anti-Electron) leading to the
Destruction of the Universe.  (According to the Symmetry Standard Model-- 5 billion years from now.  According to Symmetry-Asymmetry Theory five
hundred years or much less!!--25 to fifty years from 2015--sorry about that folks that but that's all she wrote...

202.        Coupling Constants move very slowly and they meet only at high Energies.

203.        A Proton can be made of a Positron and a Pion.

204.        The Universe is not empty of Matter.

205.        The Universe is almost empty of Matter.

206.        Before Grand Unification, the number of Baryons in the Universe, Proton, Neutron and Hyperons-could not change.

207.        Symmetry, Local or Global, has to be responsible for Baryon Number Conservation (Noether).

208.        Grand Unification dispenses with Absolute Baryon Number Conservation.  The Proton does not last forever.

209.        Parity falls.

210.        CP-Operation of reflecting Particles into Anti-Particles and vice-versa is violated.  CP Invariance violation discovered in the decay of K-
Meson (1964).

211.        The amount of Matter in the Universe depends on the extent of CP Invariance Violation.  Since CP Violation is small the Universe is almost
empty of Matter.

212.        Local Symmetry with Violation of Baryon Conservation and CP Violation, together with Gravity, to make Universe expand, produces Grand
Unification (without taking into account Acceleration at this juncture).

213.        The Muon is more Massive than the Electron and Decays into the Electron via the Weak Interaction.

214.        The Muon is to the Electron what the Strange Quark is to the Down Quark.  They are both more Massive than their respective counterparts.

215.        The Heavy version of the Up Quark is the Charm Quark as required by the Yang-Mills Theory of Weak Interactions (Iliopoulas, Marani and
Glashow, 1974).

216.        Neutral Current Interaction.  The Charm Quark, Local Symmetry and Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking are connected and essential for the

217.        Matter is composed of Electron, Electron Neutrino, Up Quark, Down Quark, Strange Quark, Gauge Bosons and the Gravity acting on these
Quarks and Leptons transforming them into one another.

218.        Electron is repeated in the Muon.  The Electron Neutrino is repeated in the Muon Neutrino.  The Up Quark is repeated in the Charmed
Quark.  The Down Quark is repeated in the Strange Quark giving the Electron and Muon Family.

219.        A Third Family is more fundamental and that is the Tau Neutrino, the Top Quark and the Bottom Quark.  Tau is heavier than the Electron
but is otherwise like the Muon and Electron and has the same similarities to the other two Families.  Each Family is more Massive than the other.

220.        Questions.   Why are the Replications in triplicate?  Why is each successive Generation more Massive?  Answers.  The Asymmetric Infinite
Universe completely accounts for an Infinite amount of Families.  This fact, although not yet observed, in its own way accounts for the Infinite
properties of the Universe (M. Abbott Lewis 1960, 2008, 2015).

221.        Mirror Particles mirror the image of the known Quarks and Leptons and are present.  There are Mirror Electrons, Mirror Neutrinos, etc.  
Mirror Particles behave as if they are the Mirror Image of the known Particles.  In a Grand Unified Field Theory all Quarks and Leptons belong to a
single representation after Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking.  The representation decomposes into copies of 3 or more of the five and ten
Dimensional representations of SU(5).

W Boson transforms the Electron into a left Spinning Neutrino and the Mirror Electron is transformed into a Neutrino Spinning right.  Mirror
Particles are more Massive than Quarks and Leptons.

Design thereby is Parity Invariant and Parity Violation is the result of Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking and that violation is resolved on the Mirror
Particles level.

222.        The Fourth Force Interaction is not like the others.  The Graviton is not like the Gauge Boson although it acts as a Mediator in the Gravity
Interaction.  The Graviton Spins twice as fast as the Photon.

223.        Quantum Principles appear not to apply to Gravity Principles.

224.        Quantum Gravity is not “renormalizable”.

225.        To sum an Infinite number of amplitudes connected with Gravitational Processes that is additive and therefore the Infinite sum of 1 + 2 + 3
+ Infinity cannot be computed.  Either Quantum Physics falls or Gravity Theory must be modified.

226.        Space-Time is five Dimensional (Klein-Kaluza).

227.        Unity Diagram...

228.        Space is Four Dimensional with Time as the 4th Dimension.

229.        Every point in the Third Dimension of Space, on a Super-Microscopic level, is in Reality a circle with an extremely small radius.  We see
these circles as points and deduce our World of Three Dimensions (Klein-Kaluza).

230.        In the 5 Dimensional World an observer would perceive Gravity differently, that is in two ways—Gravitationally and Electromagnetically

231.        If Space-Time is 5 Dimensional, Maxwell’s Electromagnetic Energies emerge as a piece of Einstein’s Gravitational Action (Klein-Kaluza).

232.        In a 4 Dimensional Space, Gravity can pull in more than 3 directions—at least 4.  We interpret that pulling as another Force but in effect it
is the Electromagnetic Force of our Four Dimensional Space-Time or an approximate representation of Space-Time.  An Action describing Physics in 5
Dimensional Space-Time splits when viewed as a Four Dimensional Approximation.  One piece of it is Gravity and the other is Electromagnetism.

233.        The disparity in strength between the Gravitational and Electromagnetic Interactions can be accounted for if the radius of the circle is
extremely small of 1018 Times smaller than that of the Proton.  The 3 Dimensions of Space are Infinitely large while the 4th Dimension is Infinitely
small.  The Action of Time is all embracing.

234.        Gravity begets Electromagnetism linking it to Superconductivity (M. Abbott Lewis 1987).

235.        Einstein’s Theory is based on Local Symmetry.  Weyl’s Theory for Electromagnetism is based on Local Symmetry.  The Action written as 5
Dimensional Space-Time possesses a Local Symmetry Invariance under Five Dimensional Local coordinate transformations.  When Space-Time is
reduced to 4 Dimensions the Local Symmetry that Action possesses is maintained so the results are the Actions that possesses Local Symmetry or the
Einstein Action and the Maxwell-Weyl Action.  Since the other two Interactions-the Strong and the Weak, are based on Exact Symmetries of Yang-
Mills, this implies that generalizing of the Klein-Kaluza Theory is necessary to include the Yang-Mills Action.

236.        Each point in the Kaluza-Klein Theory is actually a tiny sphere.  Space-Time is Six Dimensions because a sphere’s surface is represented in
Two Dimensions and yields the Yang-Mills Action.

The Einstein Action for the Six Dimensional Space-Time representation splits into 2 pieces when viewed in Four Dimensional Space-Time.  One of
those pieces is the Four Dimensional Einstein Action, i.e., Gravity and Electromagnetism.  The other piece is the Yang-Mills Action-the Strong and
Weak Interactions.  These extra 4-Dimensional curled up Spaces are called Compact Spaces.  Where each point in our 3 Dimensional Space is a tiny d-
Dimensional compact Space so Space is [3 +d]-Dimensional and Space-Time is [4 +d]-Dimensional.  All these compact Spaces are Invariant under
geometrical transformation.  The sphere is Invariant under Rotation.  The geometrical Symmetry of the Compact Space yields Local Symmetry of
Yang-Mills Action.

237.        Geometry can be converted into Physics for Geometrical Symmetry yields Physical Symmetry.

238.        The opposing view to Klein-Kaluza is that Gravity is not fundamental but a manifestation of the Grand Unified Gauge Interaction.  Gauge
Ineraction yields Gravity.  It is also harder to renormalize Einstein’s Theory of Infinite Sums if we add more Dimensions to be summed.

239.        The World is composed of Matter and Light.  Quarks and Leptons are known as Fermions, Gauge Bosons and the Graviton, collectively
known as Bosons.  Matter is Fermions.  The fundamental unit of Light is the Photon or the Boson.  A Fermion can emit and absorb a Boson.  It can
remain unchanged or transform into another Fermion.  Bosons act on Fermions.  The shuttling of Bosons back and forth between Fermions produces
the Forces in the Universe that we observe.  In Gauge Theory, the Symmetry Group fixes the number of Gauge Bosons but with Fermions one can
assign any representation of the Symmetry Group.  Group Theory alone does not determine the number of Quark and Lepton Fields.  All that is
required is that they have to fit into the representation of the Group.

240.        Super Symmetry links the Fermions to Bosons where Fermions are transformed into Bosons and vice-versa.  Matter and Light have a
common origin.

241.        Super Symmetry links known Fermions to Bosons yet unknown and known Bosons to Fermions yet unknown.  In Super Symmetry it is
required that every known Particle be associated with a Super Particle producing double the amount of Particles.

242.        Super Particles of the Quarks and Leptons are Squarks and Sleptons.  Super Particles of the Bosons are the Photino and Gravitino.  The W
Boson is a Wino.  No Super Particles have been found because of their Super Masses and the lack of high Energy levels to detect them.

243.        The Super Symmetry interpretation of Einstein’s Theory of Gravity has made Gravity Super and includes the Gravitino.

244.        The Super Symmetry Theories are broader than Symmetry Theories and therefore more restrictive and cannot readily be described in Four
Dimensional Space-Time (Kaluza-Klein interpretation).

245.        Quantum Physics is built up on the notion that Particles are like tiny balls that can be represented as mathematical points.

246.        Super String Theory looks at Particles as if the mathematics involved for fundamental entities are represented by line segments (Theory of
Strings, Schwarz, Green, et als).

247.        Fundamental Particles are represented as a bit of a vibrating String.  If the resolution of the String is shorter than the resolution of our
detection methods the String looks like a Particle.  As the String vibrates differently the Particles become different.  Vibrating one way produces a
Graviton, vibrating another way produces a Gauge Boson.  Thereby a Graviton is tied to the Grand Unified Interaction.

248.        Super Symmetry Theory imposed on String Theory produces Super String Theory and can be formulated only in a Ten Dimensional Space-
Time (Schwarz, Kaluza-Klein).

249.        Superstring Theory reduced to a Field Theory contains Einstein’s Theory of Gravity and Yang-Mills Gauge Theory.  The Quantum version of
Superstring Theory is “renormalizable” and thereby may solve the problem of renormalizing Gravity (Schwarz and Green, 1984).

250.        Georgi-Glashow’s SU(5) Grand Unified Theory fits the observed Particles seamless behaviors but these advanced theories involve unobserved
Particles so Grand Unification has not been established (until 2006-2008, M. Abbott Lewis).

251.        Nature is invariant under Time Reversal if the Laws of Nature do not determine the Arrow of Time.  This Principle is known as the
Symmetries of Physics Laws under the Reversal of Time flow.  As long as the Process is a backward moving Process and does not contradict any
physical Laws the Law governing that physical Process is Time Reversal Invariant.

252.        All physical Processes can in theory be run backward both on the Micro and Macro level.

253.        There seems to be an Arrow of Time.

254.        In some circumstances the Weak Interaction violates Time Reversal Invariance and prefers a one way direction of Time where the Process
cannot be run in its entirety backwards.  Nature violates Parity and Charge Conjugation (the proposition that Matter and Anti-Matter behave exactly
the same).

255.        P = Parity, C = Charge Conjugation and T = Time Reversal.  Nature respects the combined CP Operation of Reflection, left, right and
turning of Particles into Anti-Particles at the same Time except for the Weak Interaction (i.e., in the Decay of the K Meson, 1974).

256.        The CPT Theorem States that in a World described by a Relativistic Quantum Field Theory, one can violate Parity, Charge Conjugation and
Time Reversal Invariances at will but one cannot violate Invariance under Combined CPT Operations, i.e., taking any physical Process and turning it
into another Process by reflection, left-right or replacing Particles with Anti-Particles and reversing Time flow.  That Process must also be allowed to
take place.

257.        Relativistic Quantum Field Theory is the result of the Principle of Relativistic Invariance combining with the Principle of the Quantum.  Up
to date CP can be violated but CPT has not been seen to be violated.  There is evidence that it may be.  Psychologically we view Time as flowing in one
direction although Physics only detects this in the Weak Interaction of a few Decay Processes of certain Sub-Nuclear Particles.  Therefore, any theory
dealing with the Grand Unification has to link up Consciousness and Physics (M. Abbott Lewis, Zee).

258.        Since the Photon’s Time clock does not move, Velocity = the object’s traveled distance divided by the Time which yields x/0 or Infinity.  The
Proper Speed of Light is Infinite.  The Improper Velocity is the Speed noted by an observer outside the system where Time changes and therefore the
solution is Infinite in any given instance or approximately 186,000 miles per second per/s.  The Proton travels an Infinite distance divided by a Zero
Time limit.

259.        Under certain circumstances a Quantum Theory may not have all the Symmetries possessed by the corresponding Classical Theory and is
denoted as an Anomaly (Adler, Bell and Jackiw).

260.        Quarks have Fractional Charges.  Therefore Matter, Time and Space have Fractional Dimensionality as well as Fractal Dimensionality and
those types of Dimensionalities have to be plugged into all Physical Equations. (M. Abbott Lewis).

261.        Groups in which the order of multiplying Transformations together does not matter are called Abelian.  In Non-Abelian Groups the order of
multiplying does make a difference.  Gauge Theory is Non-Abelian or is called Non-Abelian Gauge Theory.  Electromagnetism is Abelian Gauge

262.        When an Asymptotically Free Theory’s Coupling Strength arrives at Zero it tends to stay at Zero—(exception the Uncoupling-Decoupling
Processes in the Asymmetric Universe, M. Abbott Lewis, 2015).

263.        Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking and Super Conductivity are related (M. Abbott Lewis).  Superconductivity is where a metal wire losses its
resistance under very low temperatures.

264.        Though the Electromagnetic Interaction unifies the Electromagnetic and the Weak Interactions, it still contains two different Coupling

265.        A Neutron actually Decays into a Proton, an Electron and Antineutrino.

266.        The Arrow of Time in our consciousness is linked to the expansion of the Universe.

267.        In Mechanics, the Momentum of a moving object is equal to the Mass Times Velocity.  Physics requires quantities to transform neatly under
the relevant Transformations.  In the Lorentz Transformation, the denominator is the definition of Proper Velocity.  The Proper Time of the moving
object does not change or is an intrinsic property of the moving object and does not depend on the observer.  The elapsed Time clocked by the observer
(the Improper Time) depends on the observer.  Einstein chose to define Momentum using Proper Velocity or E=MC2. .  Once Momentum is fixed the
definition of Energy follows.  Lorentz Transformations make Energy and Momentum related.  Momentum is conserved using Proper Velocity.  The
Momentum of an object is equal to Mass times Proper Velocity.  A Massive object cannot move at the Speed of Light for if it did it would have Infinite
Proper Velocity and hence Infinite Momentum.  Since Momentum, as opposed to Proper Velocity, is a measurable physical quantity, an object cannot
carry Infinite Momentum.  Conversely, a Massless Particle, like a Proton or a Neutrino, travels at the Speed of Light so it can carry its own

268.        The Science and Philosophy of Curved and Semi-Curved Velocities, Momentums, Masses and Energies as viewed from the Symmetric and
Non-Symmetric Perspectives is taken up in Axioms #314 through to #1,000 (M. Abbott Lewis).

268.        Super Symmetry (SUSY):  For every ordinary Particle there exists a Super Partner having similar properties except for Spin.

269.        Summary of Known Physics:  Basic constituents of ordinary Particles are Leptons and Quarks.  There are two kinds of ordinary Particles,
those that are the basic constituents of Matter and those that mediate the Forces or the Interactions among the constituents.  The basic constituents
of Matter are the Leptons and Quarks or in general, Fermions.  A Fermion is a Particle that carries a Spin or an intrinsic Angular Momentum equal
to half integer units (1/2, 3/2, etc.) of Planck’s Constant, which itself is the fundamental unit of Angular Momentum in Quantum Theory.

The basic Particles that mediate Forces are the Bosons, Particles whose Spins are integer units (0,1,2, etc.) of Planck’s Constant.

The Electron’s are of the family of Leptons.  There are six Flavors of Leptons, the Electron, Muon, Tau, Electron Neutrino, the Muon Neutrino and
Tau Neutrino.

Interaction between Leptons and Quarks can be accounted for by the Four Forces.  The Electromagnetic binds Electrons and Nuclei to make Atoms.  
The Atom is Electrically neutral and interacts through Residual Electromagnetic Force to form Molecules.  The Strong Force binds Quarks to make
Protons, Neutrinos and all other Hadrons.  The Residual Strong Force between Protons and Neutrons is the Nuclear Force that binds them into Nuclei.  
The Weak Force is responsible for some Nuclear decay and the Fusion Process that releases Energy from the sun.  The Electroweak combines the
Weak and the Electric Force.  The Forces are transmitted by the exchange of a number of Particles.  The Photon is the Quantum of Electromagnetic
Radiation and is the carrier of the Electromagnetic Forces.  The 8 Gluons mediate the Strong Force.

The Photons and the Gluons are Lines of Force and are Particles of Zero Mass.  The Weak Force is mediated by the W+, the W- and the Neutral Z0
and are heavy Particles with Masses 100 Times the Mass of a Proton.  The mediating agent (unobserved) of Gravitational Force is the Graviton (up to
and including the year 2006—“Grappelons” thereafter, M. Abbott Lewis).

270.        The theory that describes the Quark, Lepton and their Interactions is the Standard Theory Model.  The Higgs Particles must exist for the
theory to stand up mathematically.  The Masses of the W+, W- and Z0 and the Quarks and Leptons are generated through the Higgs Particle.  The
Higgs Particle Interacts with the other Particles but its actual Mass is unknown (2012-2014).

Fermions occupy different Energy States.  Bosons clump together in the same Energy States.  Each Fermion should have a Super Partner, a Boson and
each ordinary Boson should have a Superpartner, a Fermion.  An AntiParticle must be considered for each entity and the Graviton should be Massive.  
An AntiParticle is identical with another Particle in Mass but with opposite Electric Charge.  W- is the AntiParticle of the W+ Boson.

271.        Leptons and Quarks are Spin ½ Fermions.  (It is necessary to compare and synthesize the equations relating to Leptons and Quarks of Spin
½ with Fractional Fractal Dimensions of these same Magnitudes (M. Abbott Lewis, 1995).

272.        Photon, W+, W-, Z0 and Gluons are Spin-1 Bosons.

273.        Higgs Particle is Spin-0 or a Spin-less Boson.

274.        Local Symmetry is where in the Fields of subtle interchanges the Particles remain Invariant and where the same interchange is made at all
points in Space.  Generalized Symmetry is where the interchange varies from point to point in Space-Time and belongs to Gauge Theory.

275.        For every ordinary Particle there exists a Super-Partner with identical properties except that the Spin differs by half a unit thereby relating
the Fermions and Bosons to each other.  Strengths of the Interaction Forces among the Super-Partners are the same as the Interactions among the
normal Particles.

Spin-0 Super-Partners of the Fermions all add the letter “s” to the Particle names.  Spin ½ Electron and the Quark have Spin-0 Partners—Selectron
and Squark.  The Spin ½ Super-Partners of the Bosons add the letters “ino” to the Particle names.  Spin-1 Photon is Spin- ½ Photino.  Spin-1 Gluon is
the Spin- ½ Gluino.  The Higgs Particle has yet to be designated (2015—Darkino, M. Abbott Lewis).  Theory requires both Electrically Charged and
Neutral Higgs Particle, a positively Charged H+, a negatively charged H- and three Neutrals, collectively denoted H0.

276.        Super-Symmetry can account for the fact that two important Energies or Masses differ by a large Magnitude.  These Energies are the W+,
W-, Z0 equaling 1011 E.V.’s Particles and the Planck Mass 1028 E.V.’s.  Planck Mass describes the Mass or Strength of the Gravitational Force.  In
Super Symmetric Theory the W and Z0 are allowed to be 1017 Times smaller (1012-1029) than the Planck Mass, via cancellations and via the Infinite
Summing Theory of Plus and Minus.

Super Symmetry is also related to Einstein’s Theory of Gravity

A Quantum Mechanical Theory of Gravity will be Super Symmetric.

277.        Fundamental Particles can be categorized as Baryon Number (B) Lepton Number (L) Spin (S) and R Number (R).  The R Number is given by
the formula R =3B + L +25.  Lepton, Baryon and Spin vary among Particles types but R is even for all ordinary Particles and odd for all Particles that
are Super-Partners.  R Number cannot change from even to odd even during reactions among Particles.

278.        Feynman Diagrams show reactions among Elementary Particles.  (Straight, wavy, curly line, broken and combinations thereof represent
Interactions or scattering among Particles).  When the lines join they represent Interactions or scattering among Particles.  Vertexes are building
blocks of more complex Reactions.  Interactions in Super Symmetric Theory replaces any two vertexes of the Feynman Diagram with the
Corresponding Super Symmetric Partners.  The Feynman Diagram determines or delimits in a Calculus probing sense the probability that any given
scattering Process will take place.

279.        In Super Symmetry, the Super Symmetry is a Broken Symmetry or a Symmetry that is true approximately or is true for parts of the theory
only if Nature was totally Super Symmetric. Selectrons would have the same Mass as Electrons and would bind to Protons by the Electromagnetic
Force.  The properties of the Atoms so derived would be different than the ones we observe in Reality  As Fermions, Electrons must occupy different
Energy-Mass levels in Atoms.  As Bosons, Electrons would occupy the same Energy levels.  If Atoms contained Selectrons instead of Electrons the
Period-Table of Elements would be different.  Since that is not the case the Mass of the Selectron will be larger than the Mass of the Electron and
thereby the Symmetry is Broken but “by hand” explicitly.

280.        In the Electroweak Force, W+, W- and Z0 are all Massless when the Symmetry is Broken.  The W+, W- and Z0 Particles gain Mass.  In a
Super Symmetric Theory, Super Symmetry is broken to allow the Masses of the Super Partners to be much larger than the Masses of the
corresponding Standard Model of Particles and still maintain experimental and mathematical integrity.

281.        Super Symmetric Particles can be detected by their missing Momentum and missing Energy.  Their direction after the collision is given by
the vector sum of the Particles’ Momentum.

282.        Conservation Law applies to Super Symmetry.  Super Symmetric Particles cannot be produced alone.  They must come in pairs and their
Decays must contain an odd number of Super Symmetric Particles.  The least Massive of all Super Symmetric Particles are Stable since there are no
Lighter Super Symmetric Particles into which they can Decay.

283.        The least Massive Super Symmetric Particles may be the Photon (Photino) and Cosmologically speaking may account for the Dark Matter
and missing Mass in the Universe—i.e., the Quantum structure of Black and White Holes.  The Energy of the least Massive Super Symmetric
Particles is missing or carried away by the same Particles.

284.        The Photino or Higgsino, the Super Symmetric Partner of the Higgs Boson, is assumed to be the least Massive Super Symmetrical Particle.  
The question of whether Nature is Super Symmetric on the scale of the Electroweak has not been answered.  Super Symmetry could be nothing more
than a mathematical property of Quantum Field Theory relevant to Energies greater than we can probe directly.

285.        Particlization of the Symmetric Universe Summary

These Axioms cover Particle knowledge up to the year 2000.

There are six varieties of Quarks with Flavors Up, Down, Charm, Top (Truth) and Bottom (Beauty).

The Protons and Neutrons and other Particles are made up of Quarks.  Quarks combine in threesomes or with Anti-Quarks to form Particles but
never appear alone.

Leptons-Electrons underlies Electric Current.  The Muon is a heavier version of the Electron derived from Cosmic Ray bombardment and includes the
Tau and its Anti-Particles.

The three Neutrinos-the Electron-Neutrino, the Muon-Neutrino and the Tau-Neutrino are Light with possibly no Mass.  If they had any Mass they
would outweigh the Galaxies and cause Collapse in an expanding Universe Cosmology.  The Symmetric Universe is composed of 6 Leptons, 6 Quarks-
12 Particles in three Particle Generations—Up and Down Quark with the Electron and its Neutrino, the Charm and Strange Quark with the Muon and
its Neutrino and the Top and Bottom Quark with the Tau and its Neutrino.  They exist at different Energy levels.  In the Macro Universe only the first
Generation survives.  So Atoms consist of the Proton, Neutron (Up and Down Quark) and Electron.  At high Energies Exotic Matter is built from the
Third Generation Particles.

286.        The Forces that are carried by the Action are the Gauge Bosons and they cluster Particles into Matter and fuel the cycle of the Universe.  
Forces are the Photons in the Electromagnetic Force.  Electromagnetic Radiation produces Gamma Rays through to X-Rays, Ultraviolet, to Infrared,
Heat, to Micro Waves and Radio Waves.  The only difference in these Radiations being in their Wavelengths.  Gamma is short and Radio Waves are
long.  All are mediated by the Photon.  Gamma has high Energies and Radio has low Energies.

Electromagnetic Force keeps Negatively Charged Electron in orbit around Positively Charged Nucleus making Matter solvent.  QED Theory describes
this binding Action.  

The Weak Force is Radioactivity and transmutes the Nucleus of Radioactive Atoms by converting Neutrons within Nuclei into Protons, Electrons and
Neutrinos. W and Z Particles carry the Weak Force like the Photon but the Photon has Zero Mass W and Z are very heavy.  The third Sub-Atomic
Force is the Gluon and is the most powerful and mediated by Gauge Bosons griping Quarks within Neutrons and Protons and holds Atomic Nucleus
together.  The Strong Force acts only in the Nucleus and is 100 Times more powerful than the Electromagnetic.  Together with the Weak Force, the
Strong Force is responsible for Interaction of Protons, which initiate Nuclear Fusion in the Stars.

Gravity is the Fourth Force and has no Action within individual Atoms and yet has most influence on the Macro Universe.  Its Gauge Particle is the
Graviton operating via Gravity Waves yet unobserved (2005, “Grappelon” thereafter, 2015, M. Abbott Lewis).

287.        The release of Electrons from Atoms by the Photon is known as the Photo-Electric Effect.  The Photino liberates Electrons, which can flow and
carry an Electric Current (Einstein).

288.        Standard Model.

Matter built from Quarks and Leptons is held together by Fundamental Forces mediated by Particles called Gauge Bosons.

The Strong Force is a Color Force.

289.        Quantum Chromo-Dynamics.  Quarks carry Color and are bound together by Particles called Gluons, which mediate the Color Force.

Charm is the Fourth Quark bound to its Anti-Quark in conjunction with the Neutral Currents.  Charm of Quark and Charm of Anti-Quark cancel
each other in producing Charmonium.  As long as a Quark or Anti-Quark do not come too close they exist.  Charmed Quark and Anti-Quark move
around each other like the Electron and Proton or like the Positron in Positronium.

290.        Different orbitals of different Energies are possible.  Quark and Anti-Quark of high Energy form a Heavy Particle since Mass equals
Energy.  This Heavy Particle emits Energy as a Quark and Anti-Quark thereby going to a State of Lower Energy and so becomes a Lighter Particle.  
The Energy emits as Pions, Muons, Electrons or Photons.  When they arrive at Lowest Energy State they can’t radiate Particles so they mutually
attract and annihilate and the Energy rematerializes as Lighter Particles.  J/Psi is the Lowest Energy State of Charmonium and is directly accessible
in Electron-Positron Interactions.  J/psi is the second Lowest State.  The Strength of the Strong Force—the Force between Quarks diminishes as the
Energy increases so that at ultra High Energies the gap between the Electromagnetic Force and the Strong disappears.  The Force between the Quark
may be as Strong as the Force between the Electrically Charged Particles.  The Equivalence of the Fundamental Forces at High Energies is central to
the Grand Unified Theories (GUTs).  Here is where the Science of studying the Interactions (likened to Interfaces, Interface Mechanics ((measuring
Superconductive Resistances that result in the same Mechanics that measures Plasma Surfaces in Deep Space)) and the Four Forces comes into play
(M. Abbott Lewis).

291.        Gluons.    Quantum Theory implies that all the Fundamental Forces are transmitted by Carrier Particles or Gauge Bosons.  In the Strong
Force there are eight varieties of Gluons, which are Massless bundles of Strong Radiation just as Photons are Massless bundles of Electromagnetic
Radiations.  Gluons operate only in Spaces of 10-15fm. (Femo-Universe wherein 1 Fento-metre is the Radius or the generalized size of a Proton or

Gluons are confined in Hadrons as the Quarks are.  Quarks carry Electrical Charge and feel the Electromagnetic Force but carry a form of Charge
known as Color.  QCD or Quantum Chromo-Dynamics is modeled on QED (Quantum Electrodynamics) and is described mathematically and
statistically by Group Theory and optically observationally by Rotational Transformations.  Quantum Mechanics is simply Group Quantum Mechanics
where Color Charge can be Positive and Negative.

Quarks are Positive and Antiquarks are Negative.  Identical Electric Charges repel and opposite Charges attract and neutralize.  So Quarks attract
Antiquarks to form Middle Particles or Mesons (Particles like Pions, Kaons and J/Psi and Upsilon).

292.        Color Charge comes in three types unlike Electric Charge, which comes in 1 type—Positive and Negative.  Each of these types can be Positive
and Negative.  The 3 types of Color Charge are red, blue, yellow (or green) like the 3 primary colors.  Unlike Colors attract while like Colors repel.  
Red attracts Blue and Yellow, but repels Red.  Three Quarks of different Colors form Baryons-Proton-Neutron and Omega Minus and consists of any
combination of the six available Quark Flavors—such as 2 Up and one Down of the Proton or the three Strange Quarks of the Omega Minus.  But
they always consist of three differently Colored Quarks.  Particles only exist on which the overall Color Charge is Neutral or White.  In Baryons the
three Primary Colors combine to form a White Particle, in Mesons, the Positive Color of a Quark neutralizes the Negative Color of an Anti-Quark
and gives a White Particle.  We cannot observe Particles that display, at once 2 Quarks or two Antiquarks.  Color is hidden in Baryons and Mesons.

Pauli’s Exclusion Principle states that a Particle cannot contain more than one Quark in a given Quantum State.  Therefore, Quarks come in different
Flavors, Up, Down and Strange and 3 different Colors.  In the Omega Minus Particles the Strange Quarks each have a different Color and are not
identical and do not violate Pauli’s Principle.

It is the Colors not the Pions that transmit the Strong Force.  The Color within the Proton and Neutron attracts and builds up the Nuclei.  Just as
Electrons are exchanged between Atoms bound within the Molecule, so to are Quarks and Anti-quarks-Pion Clusters exchanged between the Protons
and Neutrons in a Nucleus.

Gluons are the Carrier of Color similar to the Photon.  The Photon does not have Electrical Charge but it is Neutral so it does not interact with other
Photons.  Gluons are Color Charged and Interact strongly with each other and with Quarks.  The Neutrality of Photons enables them to transmit
Electromagnetic Force throughout Space.  The power of the Force decreases with distance.  The Gluons tend to pull on each other because they are
Colored Charged.

293.        The Tau is an Electrically Charged Lepton, a heavier version of the Electron and Muon.  It weighs twice as much as the Proton, 20 Times the
Muon and 4,000 Times the Electron.            

It has a Negative Charge and has an Anti-Matter equivalent with a Positive Charge.  It is not affected by the Strong Force but takes part in the
Electromagnetic and Weak Interactions.  It has, like the Electron Muon, its Partner, the Tau Neutron (undetected, 2005) which brings the total
number of Leptons to 6.

294.        The Electroweak Theory needs the Existence of four Gauge Bosons (Force carrying Particles)—the Photon, which mediates the
Electromagnetic, the Weak, 2 W Particles—one plus, one Negative and the Neutral Z.

295.        In the Quantum World the balance of Energy need not be conserved over very short distances during very short Time span.  W links
Radioactivity with Electricity and Magnetism via the Electroweak Theory, which states that we perceive phenomena as diverse because we live in a low
Energy Universe.  At higher Energies the heavy Ws and Zs can be produced as readily as Photons and the Weak Interactions occur as often as
Electromagnetic Interactions.  So the Electroweak Theory ties the two Forces together while Quantum Chromo-Dynamics based on Gluons describes
the Strong Interactions.

296.        Charm and Bottom Quarks manifest themselves via Charmonium and Bottomoniun where they are bound to their Antiquarks.  Charm and
Bottom Particles combine with other Quark Flavors.  The Sixth Quark is the Top Quark.  The W Particle is capable of decaying into Top and Bottom
Quarks as does the Electron and Neutrino.  The Weak Force acts on Leptons and Quarks the same.  The bound system is known as Toponium where a
Top Quark and Anti-Quark are tied together and is equal to the Mass of W’s and the Z’s.

297.        Our Universe with 6 Quarks and six Leptons gives three possible Universes.  Our Universe has the Lightest Particles—the First Generation
is where the Nucleus consists of Up and Down Quarks forming Protons and Neutrons orbited by Electrons and decaying Radioactively by emitting
Electrons-Neutrinos.  The Second-Generation Universe would be heavier with Strange and Charmed Quarks-Muons and Muon-Neutrinos.  The Third
generation is heavier with Bottom and Top Quarks—the Tau and Tau Neutrinos.

298.        One factor that distinguishes Matter Physics from the Force carrying Particles is Spin.  SUSY (Super Symmetry) attempts to link the
Particles of Matter (Quarks and Leptons) with the Force carrying Particles (the Gauge Bosons).

299.        Quantum Theory dictates that Particles have to Spin at allowed rates specific to each Particles just as Electrons within an Atom can only have
certain allowed Energies.  The Spin is expressed in units of Planck’s Constant: where h2pi=1.055x1034 Joule seconds.

Electron and Proton have Spin ½ and W’s and Z’s have Spin 1.  The difference between Matter Particles and Force Carriers is that the Quarks and
Leptons have Spin ½ and the Gauge Particles have Spins of 1.

300.        Super Symmetry requires the incorporation of additional Matter and Force Carriers to link Particles of different Spins wherein Super-Matter
Particles have integers of 0,1,2…, rather than half integers, ½, 3/2...Spin. The Super Forces have half integer Spins rather than integer Spins.

301.        Kaluza-Klein suggested that Electromagnetism was the effect of Gravity spilling over from a Fifth Dimension where the Fifth Dimension
curls into a area.  The Weak and Strong Forces may be Gravity expressing itself from higher Dimensions.  Their theory proposed one of Ten
Dimensions where Four Dimensions expanded to form our Space-Time Universe and the other six remained in a coiled-spring contractive stage.  Here
Particles arise not as points but extensions of lines in Space with Dimensions of 10-36 referred to as Strange or Super Strings of Super Symmetry.  
They resonate all of Existence out from itself like a tuning fork resonates outward sounds when vibrating.  The Asymmetry of the Universe on the
Micro and Macroscopic level is nothing more than the result of Super Symmetry breaking down to Symmetry and Asymmetry either Spontaneously or
Explicitly.  Superstring Theory yields our Universe and a shadow Universe running parallel to where both Universes have Gravity in common tugging
at each other’s Matter Fields in both the White and Black Exotic Black Matter and Energy of Deep Space.

302.        “Quarkmatics” Summary Chart (2006).

The Ten Resonances arranged according to their IsoSpin and Strangeness form a Decuplet.  An Octet is formed when Eight Baryons—the Proton, the
Neutron and their related Particles are grouped according to their IsoSpin and Strangeness.

The Eight Mesons also form on Octet.  There are the three Pions, four Mesons called K Mesons or Kaons belonging to two IsoSpin Doublets and a
Meson called Eta (n) belonging by itself to an IsoSpin Singlet. The Mass is denoted in parentheses.  Members of the same IsoSpin Multiplet have
almost the same Mass in accordance with IsoSpin Symmetry.  All 8 Baryons have almost the same Mass.  The Mesons also have the same Mass but
the Pions are Light so that Eight Mesons are related to the First Approximation.

The Eight Baryons on the Diagram below are indicated by a dot plotted on a Two-Dimensional grid.  The Baryons corresponding to dots joined by
horizontal level have the same Strangeness so that the Nucleus has a Strangeness Zero, Sigma, A, -1, and -, -2.     

303.        Leptons.

Electrons, Symbol E-, Mass 0.511 MEV, Life, Stable, Charge –1, Spin ½.  First Generation, Constituent of Atom, Carrier of Electricity.

Positron, Symbol e+, Mass 0.511 MEV, Life Stable, Charge +1, Spin ½, 1st Generation Anti-Particles of Electron derived from Cosmic Rays.

Muon, Symbol, u-, Mass 105.6 MEV, Life Stable 2x10-6s, Charge –1 and +1, Spin ½ 2nd Generation, derived from Pion Decay, Kaons and Cosmic Rays.

Tau and Anti-Tau, Symbol, t-, t+, Mass 1.784 GEV, Life 3x10-13s, Charge –1, +1, Spin ½, Lepton of 3rd Generation.

Electron Neutrino and Anti-Neutrino, Symbol Ve, Ve., Mass 0 (?) and less than 50 MEV, Life Stable (?) provided it doesn’t move too close to its Anti-
Particle and annihilate itself. Charge 0, Spin ½, Lepton 1st Generation produced by Weak Interaction.

Muon Neutrino and Anti-Neutrino, Symbol Vu, Vu’, Mass 0 (?) and less than 0.5 MEV, Life Stable (?), Charge 0, Spin ½, Leptons of 2nd Generation,
produced by Weak Interaction.

Tau Neutrino and Tau Anti-Neutrino, Symbol, Vt, Vt’, Mass (?) and less than 70 MEV, Life Stable (?), Charge 0, Spin ½, Lepton of 3rd Generation.

304.        Quarks    Up and Anti-Up, Symbol u, u¯, Mass –5MEV, Life*, Stable (*Appears only in pairs, ((Meson)) or Triplets (((Baryons)) lifetime
variable depending on the nature of the individual Meson or Baryon, Up Quark is the Lightest and as Stable as the Proton which contains it) Charge
+2/3, -2/3, Spin ½, Quark of First Generation: Up is Constituent of Protons, Neutrons and other Particles.

Down and Anti-Down, Symbol d, d¯, Mass—10 MEV, Life * Variable, Charge –1/3, +1/3, Spin ½, Quark of 2nd Generation, Constituents of Charmed

Strange and Anti-Strange, Symbol s, s¯. Mass—100 MEV, Life*, Variable, Charge –1/3, +1/3, Spin ½, Quark of 2nd Generation, Constituents of
Charmed Particles.

Charm and Anti-Charm, Symbol c, c¯, Mass—1.5 GEV, Life* Variable, Charge +2/3, -2/3, Spin ½, Quarks of 2nd Generation Constituents of Charmed
Particles. (Bottom) or (Beauty) and Anti-Bottom, Symbol b, b¨, Mass—4.7 Gev, Life* Variable, Charge –1/3, +1/3, Spin ½ Quark of 3rd Generation
Constituents of Bottom Particles.

Top (or Truth and Anti-Top, Symbol t, t¯, Mass—730 GEV, Life* Variable, Charge +2/3, -2/3, Spin ½ Quarks of 3rd Generation Constituents of Top

305. Gauge Bosons.  Photon, Symbol V, Mass 0, Life Stable, Charge 0, Spin 1, Carrier of Electromagnetic Force Packet of Electromagnetic Radiation.

W, W-plus). (W-minus), Symbol W+, W-, Mass 83 GEV, Life 10-25s, Charge +1, -1, Spin 1, Carrier of Weak Force together with Z.

Z, Symbol Z, Mass 93 GEV, Life 10-25s, Charge 0, Spin 1, Carrier of Weak Force along with w+ and w-.

Gluon, Symbol g, Mass 0, Life Stable, Charge 0, Spin 1, 8 types of Gluon: Carrier of Strong Color Force.

306.        Mesons.  Pion (pi-Zero), Symbol K0, Mass 135 MEV, Life 0.8x10-16s, Charge 0, Spin 0, Quark Content uu¯ or dd¯, Nuclear binding, Decays
into Photon; a source of Cosmic Gamma Rays.

Pion, (pi-plus), (pi-minus), Symbol K+, K-, Mass 140 MEV, 2.6x10-8s, Charge +1, -1, Spin 0, ud, du, Nuclear Binding.

Kaon (K-Zero), Symbol K0, Mass 498MEV, Life Short 10-10s, Long 5x10-8s, (the K0 and the Ko form a Quantum System whose superposition yields
two Physical Particles, the short lived K0s and the long lived K01 which reveal Matter-Anti-Matter Asymmetry ((CP Violation)), Charge 0, Spin 0,
Quark Content ds, Strange Meson.

Kaon (K-plus), (K- minus), Symbol K+, K-, Mass 494 MEV, Life 1.2x10-8s, Charge +1, -1, Spin 0, Quark Content us, su, Strange Mesons.

J/Psi, Symbol J/y, Mass 3.1 GEV, Life 10-20s, Charge 0, Spin 1, Quark Content cc¯, first known member of “Charmonium” Family.

D (D-Zero), D-plus), Symbol D0, D+, Mass 1.87 GEV, Life 10-12s, 4x10-13s, Charge 0, +1, Spin 0, Quark Content cu, cd, Charmed Mesons.

Upsilon, Symbol Y, Mass 9.46 GEV, Life 10-20s, Charge 0, Spin 1, Quark Content bb¯, first known member of “Bottomonium” Family.

307.        Baryons.   Proton, Symbol p, Mass 938.3 MEV, Life Stable (?) and greater than 1032 years, Charge +1, Spin ½, Quark Content uu¯d,
Charged Constituent of Atomic Nuclei.

Anti-Proton, Symbol p, Mass 938.3 MEV, Life same as Proton, Charge –1, Spin ½, Quark Content uu¯d, Anti-Particles of Proton.

Neutron, Symbol n, Mass 939.6 MEV, Life in Nuclei Stable, Free 15 minutes, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content dd¯u, Neutral Constituents of Atomic

Anti-Neutron, Symbol n, Mass 939.6 MEV, Life same as Neutron, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content dd¯u, Anti-Particles of Neutron.

Lambda, Symbol, Mass 1.115 GEV, 2.6x10-10s, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content uds, Strange Baryon: replaces Neutron in Nuclei to make Hyper-

Anti-Lambda, Symbol, Mass 1.115 GEV, Life same as Lambda, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content uds, Anti-Particles of Lambda.

SIGMA (sigma plus, Symbol E+, Mass 1.189 GEV, Life 0.8 x 10-10s, Charge +1, Spin, ½, Quark Content uu¯s, Strange Baryon.

SIGMA (sigma-minus), Symbol E-, Mass 1.197 GEV, Life 1.5 x 10-10s, Charge –1, Spin ½, Quark Content dd¯s, Strange Baryon.

SIGMA (sigma-Zero), Symbol E0, Mass 1.192 GEV, 6 x 10-20s, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content uds, Strange Baryon.

XI, (xi-minus), Symbol = -, Mass 1.321 GEV 1.6 x 10-10s, Charge –1, Spin ½, Quark Content dss¯, Strange Baryon.

XI, (xi-Zero), Symbol = 0, Mass 1.315 GEV, Life 3 x 10-10s, Charge 0, Spin ½, Quark Content uss¯, Strange Baryon.

Omega Minus, Symbol m, Mass 1.672 GEV, Life 0.8 x 10-10s, Charge –1, Spin 3/2, Quark Content ss¯s, Strange Baryon—confirmed Theory of
Eightfold Way.

Charmed Lambda, Symbol    c, Mass 2.28 GEV, 2 x 10 –13s, Charge 1, Spin ½, Quark Content ude, Charmed Baryon.

308.        Categorization of Fundamental Particles.

Fundamental Particles are categorized by B (Baryon Number ), L, (Lepton Number), S (Spin and R (R Number), where R =3B + L +2S. L, B and S vary
among the Particles types but R is even for Ordinary Particles—Quarks, Leptons, Photons, Gluons, W+, W-, Z0 Particles, Gravitons, Higgs Particles
and odd for the Super Partners—Squarks, Sleptons, Photinos, Gluinos, Winos, Zinos, Gravitons and Higgsinos.

For Quarks—B1/3, L1/2, R2—For Leptons, B0, L1, S1/2,
R2—For Photons, B0, L0, S1, R2—For Gluons, B0, L0, S1
R2—For Z0 Particles, B0, L0, S1, R2—For Gravitons, B0, L0,
S2, R4,--For Higgs Particles, B0, L0, S0, R0,--For Squarks, B1/3,
L0, S0, R1—For Sleptons, B0, L1, S0, R1—For Photinos, B0,
L0, S1/2, R1—For Gluinos, B0, L0, R1—For Winos, Zinos,
B0, L0, S1/2, R1—For Gravitinos, B0, L0, S1/2, R1—For Higgsinos,
B0, L0, S1/2, R1.

R cannot change from even to odd or odd to even during reactions among Particles.  When Protons are colliding, Super Symmetry Particles must be
produced in pairs or R would change from even to odd.  The Decay Products of Super Symmetry Particles must contain an odd number of Super
Symmetry Particles, the least Massive of which must be Stable since there are no Lighter Super Symmetry Particles into which they Decay.

309.        Representing Super Symmetric Interactions.

Straight, wavy, curly, broken lines and their combinations represent particular Particles.  Where lines are joined they represent Interactions called
scattering among Particles. (Where the lines are related through 360 Degrees, they may be used in Transformations according to the equations from
Transformation and Rotational Theory (M. Abbott Lewis).

310.        Standard Model.

(wwwwW(?)-/Electron                         Z0Particleswww Photon/Electron            wwwGluon/Quark
Particles          Neutrino                                           Electron                    Quark

Super-Symmetric Interactions.

Replace any two lines of the vertex with corresponding Super-Symmetric Particles.

Replacing the Gluon-Quark-Quark vertex yields:

(wwwGluonQuark                        +w wwwGluon/Squark             +wwwGluino/Squark
Quark                                                     Squark                                Squark

Replacing the Photon-Electron-Electron vertex yields:

(wwwPhoton/Electron                            +    (wwwProton/SElectron                             +wwwwwPhotino/SElectron
Electron                                                    Selectron                                                      Selectron

This gives a mathematical procedure for determining the probability that any given scattering Process will take place.

311.        Neutral Current Representations


A Charged Current Process where an Electron and Proton are produced when a Neutrino and Neutron collide.

Neutral Current Process where


In the Charged Current Process the Neutrino emits a W Boson and turns itself into an Electron.  The W then converts the Neutron into Proton.


In the Neutral Current Process the Neutrino emits a Z Boson and stays a Neutrino.  The Z is absorbed by the Neutron.

Neutrino/Neutrino---wwwwwZ Boson---Neutron/Neutron

312.        Charge Related To Particles, Super Particles, Forces and Super Forces

Basic Particles of Matter

Quarks, Fermions with Spin –1/2, +2/3, (UP((.3)), (Charm ((1.5)), (Top ((?)),
Super-Partners, Bosons:  Spin-0, +2/3 for Squarks, (T((?)), (U((?)).

Leptons, (Neutrinos), Charge 0, Spin –1/2 Particles (Fermions), Electron Neutrino (Ve ((  0)), Muon Neutrino, (Vu((  0)), Tau Neutrino, (Vt((  0)).

Super-Partners for Sleptons (Sneutrino), Charge 0, Spin-0, Particles, (Vt((?)), (Vu((?)), (Ve((?)).

Quarks, Charge –1/3, Spin-1/2, Particles (Fermions), Down ((.3)), (Strange ((.5)), (Bottom ((5.0)).

Super-Partners, Charge –1/3, Spin 0, Particles (Bosons), Squarks, (Bottom ((?)), Strange ((?)), Down((?)).

Leptons, Charge –1, Spin –1/2, Particles, (Fermions), Electron, (e-((.0005)), Muon, (u-((.1)), Tau Particles, t- ((1.8)).

Super-Partners, Charge –1, Spin –0, Particles, (Bosons), Sleptons, (t-((?)), u ((?)), e ((?)).

313.        Bosons: Particles That Mediate Forces Related To Charge.

Spin-0 Particles, Charge = 1, Higgs Particles, (H-((?)), Spin –1, Particles W+ Particles, (W+ ((81)).

Super-Partners, Charge = +1, Spin –1/2, Particles Wino (W+((?)), Spin –1/2, Particles Higgsino, (H+((?)).

Charge 0, Spin –0, Particles Higgs Particles, (H0((?)), Spin – 1, Particles Z0 Particles, (Z0((93)), Gluon, (g((0)), Photon, (y((0)), Spin-2, Particles
Graviton, (G((0)).

Super-Partners, Charge 0, Spin 0, Spin –3/2, Particles Gravitino, (G((?)), Spin –1/2 Particles Photino, Y((?)), Gluino, (g ((?)), Zino, (Z0 ((?)), Spin –1/2,
Particles Higgsino, (H0 ((?)).

Charge –1, Spin-0, Particles Higgs Particles, (H-((?)), Spin-1, Particles W- Particles, (W-((81)).

Super-Partners, Charge –1, Spin –1/2, Particles Wino (W0 ((?)), Spin –1/2, Particles Higgsino, (H- ((?)).



314.          Characteristics of Strings.  Superstrings are 10-33cms.  Strings can rotate and vibrate and are extended in five + Dimensions up to 26 but
preferably to 10 as opposed to Dimensionless points and are not continuous but discontinuous.  Shadow Matter yields Parallel Universe.  Feedback
loops are similar to Chaotic Interactions.  (John Schwarz, Michael Green, Yochira Nambu and Edward Witten).

315.        Mass is not fundamental, Massless Strings are.  Basic Laws of Nature Asymmetric to avoid Symmetric Symmetry Breaking (Penrose).  
Quantum of Gravitational Fields twists to left and right Asymmetrically (Penrose).  Zero Mass Curvature equals the Cosmological Constant.  

316.        Empty Space does not curve.  The link between Relativity and Quantum Mechanics is Chaos (M. Abbott Lewis, 1987).   For Einstein Space
was continuous.  For Penrose, Lewis et als, Space is continuous in some of its aspects and discontinuous in others.  Space is Fractional, Fractalized (M.
Abbott Lewis et als). Quantum Electro-Fractional-Fractalization explains this concept. (Heisenberg, M. Abbott Lewis).  Space-Time can borrow Energy
or Virtual Photons provided they are returned.  This borrowed Energy curves Space-Time but “uncurves” it after the debt has been repaid leading to
fluctuating Universe of contraction and expansion underlying the expansion that takes place on the Microscopic and Astronomic Levels at 10-33cms.
Space-Time = Black Hole. Topological description of Universe shows how similar objects can be transformed into each other and thus maintain
Quantum continuity by stretching, contracting and deforming objects and their Transformations can then be formed at a distance.

317.        Particles are classified by their Spins.  Spin increases by 1/2 orbits, others have Whole Spins.  Fractional Spins are Electron, Proton and
Neutron (Fermions).  Whole Spins are Bosons.  Photon is Spin 1.  

318.          Fermions stay away from each other and have different Phase States and Wave Functions.  Bosons congregate like Lasers and Superfluid
dynamic behaviors are manifest.

Fermions make up Matter and Bosons constitute Forces.  Bosons carry Weak, Strong, Electromagnetic and Gravitational Forces.

Quantum level Forces take form of Boson Particles being exchanged between Fermions.  Bosons can turn into Fermions and vice-versa via Super-
Symmetry and Superstring Theory.

319.        2nd Classification of Elementary Particles by Strength of Interaction - Four Forces.

Leptons-Electrons, MU Mesons (Muons) Taus, Neutrinos and other Fermions use Weak Nuclear Force and EM Force but never Strong Nuclear Force.  
Hadrons, Protons, Neutrons, Hyperons, Mesons use Strong Force.  

Hadrons heavier than Leptons where their Mass is related to the strength by which they Interact.  Leptons are Lighter because they don’t feel Strong
Force.  Leptons and Hadrons divided into further families of Quarks.  Resonances, Double Resonances, Ghost Particles and Virtual Particles are
temporarily excited States or composite States explaining some Anomalies of Elementary Particles.

320.        Superstrings of SUSY said to underlie the Quark structure of Strings.  Spinors or Twistors generate our Particle World.  SD Matrix Theory
describes all Scattering Processes including Excitations and Resonances.  Wheeler (1937) via the Feynman Diagrams  shows that a Whole series of
approximations taken together add up to the total Interaction where a complicated quantity is calculated by adding up a series of approximations
known as Perturbation Theory.  Quantum Electrodynamics describes what happens when two Particles collide Electromagnetically.  (Feynman
Diagrams calculate all possible ways in which particular Interactions add up.  Virtual Interactions occur at short Time and high Energy intervals.  
Virtual Particles are borrowed Particles and at end of interacting Energy sums balance.  There are an Infinite number of Interactions or Infinite
number of ways in which Virtual Particles can be borrowed and then paid back but each reaction or result is smaller than the one that came before.  It
is still possible to add the series and produce a Finite result.

1 +1/22+1/3(3)+1/4(2)+1/5(2)+...=Pi(2)/6

Feynman Method fails in Hadron Hadron Interactions of S Matrix calculations where an Infinite number of Finite terms yield Infinity because Strong
Force too strong in Interactions.

Leptons and Leptons collision work-Electrons & Positrons.
Leptons and Hadrons work-Electrons and Protons.
But Hadrons-Hadrons do not work-Proton Proton.

Hadron-Hadron Interactions successive terms so large that their sums are Infinite.

321.        Weak Interaction involves exchange of Intermediate Vector Boson-large Mass, short range.  Hadrons are made out of Quarks.  
Electromagnetism Unified via Strong Nuclear Force so Physics in 1970’s did not need Strings, vibrations, Spinning, twisting, extra-Dimensional
extended objects.  Particles are characterized by Electrical Charge, Spin and IsoSpin (in Abstract Space called IsoSpace or Internal Space and is both a
physical and mathematical entity).

322.        Partners to the Proton are called Hypersons and Strangeness covered them.

323.        Superstring Theory works in 10 Dimensions.  Dual Resonances works in 26 Dimensions but produce Ghosts in 4 Dimensions.

324.        Dual Resonances indicate that Elementary Particles behave as if they are extended in Space.  Quarks underlie dual Resonances and create
extended objects.

Nambu, 1970.  Elementary Particles are not Quarks, points, etc., but are vibrating and Rotating Strings.  Strings had to conform to Quantum
Relativity Theory.  Strings had to be Co-Variant Spinning at the Speed of Light and are called Light Strings.  They are Massless and are Rays of Light
generalized which can vibrate and Spin.  But Quantum manifestations do have Mass.  At small distances Nature can take form of Massless, vibrating
Strings whose ends whip around at the Speed of Light and reproduce characteristics of Hadrons.

325.        [1-D-2/24] 1-(26-2)/24 yields correct String reaction for One Dimensional String operating in 26 Dimensions.  4 Dimensions large and 22 ultra
small.  (Penrose Twistors and Spinors).  4 Dimensions are Really Complex Dimensions as in Complex Math where Negative Numbers resemble
Massless One Dimensional Ray of Light.

326.        Strings interact joining and splitting.  Closed Strings or Loops are Spin Vector Bosons or possible Carriers of the Gravitational and Super-
Gravitational Force because Gravity is curved Space-Time and would indicate Circular Strings.  String Theory predicted Particles faster than Light
Speed or Tachyons with Negative Masses.  Quarks were postulated as the ends of Strings to explain why Quarks cannot be seen.  Break a String and
another pops up.  Spinning String Theory accounts for Hadrons as Fermions or Hadrons changing to Bosons and uses 10 Dimensions instead of 26.  
Bosons and Fermions now link up via Superstring and Super-Symmetry Theory.  Quarks may be the ends of Strings connecting up with Microscopic
World of Particles with the Compact Dimensions.  

Strings were Super-Symmetric and Superstrings were where every Boson had a Fermion mirror image partner (Gliozzi, Scherk and Oliver).  String
Theory through 1976 accounted for only 2 Particles the Pi and Rho Mesons.  The Pi Meson moved faster than Light and was a Tachyon and the RHO
Meson had no Mass.  Physics moved back to the Point Theories in the 1980’s where the Point Theories were being used Super-Symmetrically.

327.        Quantum Theory allows for probabilistic fluctuations of the components of Basic Reality, i.e., Energy in Space-Time becomes smeared out.  
The distance or metric between two points is no longer well defined.  That means the Light Cone becomes smeared out.  Twistors can be defined in
terms of a pair of Spinor points and are affected in Penrose’s picture by Quantum fluctuations.  However, Global structure of Light Cone remains

328.        Initial Twistor Theory suggested that Quark States are made out of 3 Twistors.  However, with the introduction of Charm the Quarks jump
to six in number.  Twistor and Quantum Theory allows all Mass values for Particles.  Mass problem of the Elementary Particles seems to require
deeper theory than Twistor, Quantum or Relativity Theory.  6 Twistors used for the building blocks are too general.  In addition, several Elementary
Particles have the same characteristics but different Masses.  Quantum Theory predicts Particles for all possible Mass values.  So does Twistor Theory,
(i.e., Infinitism explains this better than either Twistor or Quantum Theory, M. Abbott Lewis, 1985-2,000).

329.        In String Theory, a graph of the Angular Momentum of Elementary Particles and Resonances when plotted against the square of their
Masses, produces a straight line, i.e., Regge Trajectories.  All experiments that measure Angular Momentum only measure its square so one does not
know the actual Angular Momentum of a Particles.  The Particle’s square root value could be a negative result.  The Regge Graphs of Particles and
Resonances do appear on a straight line.  This is Nambu’s idea of String Theory where Hadrons are vibrating and rotating Strings that yield both
positive and negative values for Angular Momenta.

330.        Conformal Invariance can be destroyed by non-linear Interactions and Mass can be created or developed by breaking Non-Conformal
Invariance.  The appearance of some Interactions are tied together.

331.        The Twistor Network does introduce Mass and Elementary Particles Symmetries into the picture.  Twistors account for Dimensionality of
+++- rather than ++++ or ++-- and accounts for the Chirality of Nature.  The Trouser Diagram represents what happens when 2 String Loops meet,
merge into a single Loop and then separate into 2 Loops again.  Families of diagrams can be created by adding holes in the Trousers which means that
the math developed for String Theory can be used for Twistor Theory.

332.        The next step in Twistor Theory is to create a new form of Space-Time, one with Complex Dimensions that explains the Wave Function of a
single Quantum of Gravitational Curvature.  Twistors eliminate Field Equations because one has the entire function built into it.  

333.        The Contour Integral Complex Function blows up to Singularities.  Position of Singularities in Twistor Space is related to the physical
behavior of the field and is Space-Time Contour Space Integral and allows us to calculate the way Twistors can be changed by a single Quantum of
Gravitational Curvature.  Integral (summing up) or the Contour Integral is Zero when there is no Charge.  The same number of lines of Force leave
as enter the Contour Boundary, i.e., the drawing of the Contour Boundary around the Electric or Magnetic Charge Forces.  When there is an
Electrical or Magnetic Charge in the Contour, more lines of Force leave than enter and the Contour Integral does not vanish and the Charges are
sources of the EM Field.  

334.        Singularities can be found where Field lines begin and where they end there is no Singularity in a closed Contour.  Then it vanishes.  When a
Contour Integral does not vanish its values are related to the Charges and or Singularities inside. When the Contour is shrunk the same number of
Field lines cross its surface as long as it always surrounds the Charge.  A Contour can be shrunk until it surrounds 2 Charges or Field Singularities
which are sinks (Basins-M. Abbott Lewis) or sources for the Field lines.   Values of a Contour Integral do not depend on its shape but its properties.  
The EM depends on Sheaf Cohomology much like Twistor Space depends on Cohomology and Superstrings also depends on Cohomology.

335.        Herotic Strings.   E8 x E8 breaks down as it “compactifies” in our World.  Each E8 occupies its own Universe leading to a Grand Symmetry E8
x E8.  The E8 x E8 is a Shadow Universe.  E8 breaks down to E6 Su(3) x SU(2) x (U)1 or Grand Unification in a 10D Space.

336.        Heterotic Strings are topologically Symmetric through most Transformations.

337.        Twistor Theory   Twistor Theory of Quantum objects create their own Space, i.e., their own Geometrics and explains the double slit
experiment.  The Geometry of the World depends on one’s viewpoint.  Though beams of Photons of Light pass what seem to be two slits at 2 different
places at once, actually to the Photon the slit compresses into one as it passes through.  Therefore 5 phase crystals can be Symmetric because they are
Quasi-Symmetric.  As we view Reality one way with seeming anomalies from another perspective, say a Quantum perspective, no anomalies need to
be occurring (as described in “Perspectivism” and the Theory of Infinitism, M. Abbott Lewis).

338.        Basic Particles create their own Space.  The Universe is built up on a conglomeration of Basic Particles building their own Space-Time called
Spinors utilizing addition and subtraction not continuity (i.e., Finitude rather than “Infinitude”).  Spin Networks generate proper views of angular
directions in a 3D Space generated at the Quantum level via combinatorial addition and subtraction Processes.  When 2 Spin networks meet, the
mathematical relationship turns out to be Euclidean with a reflective relativistic outlook in the Space generated, i.e., the Spaces are not Symmetric
but Asymmetric which leads to Relativistic Curvature, i.e., Discontinuities at the edges.  The mathematics of fitting regions of Space together to cover
some large curved Space is Cohomology.  Twistors convert extended Spin Networks Quantum Spaces into a general notion of Space-Time because they
only create Euclidean angles and not distance and separation.  These are Static and Non-Relativistic.

339.        Underlying the Universe are products of Complex Numbers and their Conjugate pairing up of Complex Numbers with Conjugates to give Real
Numbers.  Mandelbrot Sets are complicated images that can be generated from a simple Complex Number or Iteration (Iterons).

340.        The Complex Wave Function Y (Complex Wave Function X is its Complex—Conjugate   Y* gives a Real location or probable location in
Quantum Mechanics.

Times is written as:


AB2 = X2 + (ict)2

AB2 = X2 - C2t2
X2 =C2t2



D=square root of i2c2t2 for V less than C
X=ct when v=c

so D=0

= Finite line but Zero length

or null line (Finite in velocity)

(Zero in length)


substituting vt for x in the Space-Time equation gives

square root of V2t2=square root of t2(v2-c2)=D

i of v=c  Space-Time length = 0

341.        Conformal Geometry vs Non-Conformal Fractal Geometry

Null Lines = paths taken by Light and Massless Particles.  Changing scale of Universe all physical quantities remain the same.  The property of being
unchanged under changes of scale is called Conformal Invariance = Chaos Theory.

342.        Conformal Transformations leave causal connections unchanged and leads to a Quantum Geometry or a Universe of Massless bodies moving
along Null Lines via Interaction with other Null Lines and breaks down to Conformal Invariance. Then Mass was born into the Universe.

343.        Twistors lie between Relativity and Quantum Theory.  More general than Spinors, Twistors combine Linear and Angular Momentum and
occupy World of Complex Dimensions (Fractal Dimensions).  Matter is built up out of primitive Quantum entities.  Space-Time is built not out of
points but out of twisting congruencies created out of straight Null Lines.

344.        The lines (Basic Twistors are not only components of Geometry but of the Elementary Particles as well.  Twistors are generalizations of
Quantum Mechanical Spinors and are dynamic not static with Angular and Linear Momentum and are extended object lines.  Fundamental points are
secondary and created through the Interaction of lines, i.e., non-local description of Space-Time replaces point local visualization of Space.  Twistors
relate both the Conformal Geometry of Null Lines with the physical and non physical or unphysical Complex positive and negative solutions of
Quantum Field Theory.

345.        Fundamental properties in Quantum Field Theory are directly related to fundamental Geometrical and Relativistic properties of Space-Time
creating a Twistor structure for the Elementary Particles.  Generalizing Spinor Networks, using Twistors and understanding the single Graviton in
Space-Time helps create the basis and math for Massless Particles and Massless Fields.

Just as Matter is founded in the Elementary Particles, Space-Time will originate in Twistor Space.  Twistor Space as Penrose envisioned it (called
Projective Space) has 3 Complex Dimensions.  A full Twistor Space has 4 Complex Dimensions.   Even if you describe just this Universe from a
Complex 4 Dimensions doesn’t mean you have ultimate descriptions for all possible Universes.

346.        Z (Twistor) is a point Twistor Space and has a Partner .Z* (Complex Conjugate) Z.  Z*=Real number.  S (Helicity) or degree of twist of the
Twistor.  1/2Z.Z*= S + or - Zero.  Zero being Light rays or Null Lines, plus being Matter and Energy Components and negative being non-Real
properties i.e., they have positive, negative and Zero twist and Chirality or natural Right and Left Handedness.

A11Z.Z*=0 line in Special Space PN which divides Twistor Space in half.

PT+ & PT- above PN lies PT+ or positive helicity.  Below PN lies PT- or negative helicity.  PN=0 = 0 helicity degree of twist.

347.        When 2 Spaces include Curvature, Space-Time of individual Gravity Wave Function is Right and Left Handed Curvatures.  There is a duality
between null line in Space-Time and a point in Projective Twistor Space TN.  Local structure points of Twistor Space encode global information (large
scale) about Space-Time.  Secondary points represent intersections of Twistors.  Space-Time is fundamentally non-local.

348.        Superstrings vs Twistors.  Superstrings are Massless, one Dimensional objects with very short length.  Twistors as Null Lines or Light Rays
have no length, no Scale and no Mass. Superstrings are defined in 10D “compactifying” down to 4D Space-Time.  Twistors are defined in a Complex
Space of Complex Dimensions and then they generate 4D Space-Time together with Null Lines.  Superstrings have many internal Symmetries which
are broken as 10D moves to 4D.  Twistors do not need to occur in Twistor Space.

Right handed and left handed Photons and Gravitons are broken in the beginning twist of the Twistor indicating a basic part of its Chirality and is not
caused by Implicit or Explicit Symmetry Breaking.  Closed Loops of Superstrings Interact with the Vacuum of Space by the creation and annihilation
of Gravitons.  Twistors’ Quantum Processes and Gravity Interact differently.  Superstring Theory accepts Quantum Theory.  In Twistor Theory and
Quantum Theory, Space-Time must be altered.

349.        A Relativistic String corresponds to a General Curve in Twistor Space or Relativistic Strings can be derived from Twistor Space.  Certain
Twistor Transforms or Transformations can be generalized to the 10D Space of Superstrings or Twistor formulation is the starting point for
Superstring Theory and is investigated by Complex Geometry and Complex Analysis--Cohomology.

350.        Conformal Invariance means no sense of Scale.  Distances in flux and other components remain unchanged.  It is a property of Null Lines or
Light Rays.  Conformal Invariant Spaces leave structure of Light Cone unchanged.   Changes in Conformal Transformations leave a Light Cone
unchanged.  Gravity breaks the Conformal Invariance to produce Mass, Curvature and Elementary Particles or collection of Null Lines or Twistor
Networks.  Twistors behave like Quantum Operators and passage of Gravitational Wave looks like a Quantum Soliton Process.

351.        In Twistor Space, a Twistor and its Complex Conjugate looks like a Momentum and Position Operator of Quantum Physics.  Wave of
Curvature is Space-Time and looks like a Quantum Process in Twistor Space, i.e., connecting Gravity and Curvature in Space-Time to Quantum
Processes in Twistor Space and  connecting General Relativity, Gravity, Space-Time and Quantum Processes.  (This is apparently a stronger attempt at
Grand Unification than one of the earlier Axioms but this still falls short).  For Finite N, the series blows up when X=0 right at the point that the
series becomes Infinite the shift of the blowup is from x=0 to x=1, i.e., the weakness manifested in Perturbation Theory.  Penrose suggested that each
Graviton carried its own measure of Curvature.  The Gravitational Field splits in 2 parts.  A helicity of +2 Graviton and helicity of - 2 Graviton.  The
Field or Wave Function for the helicity +2 is generated using Contour Integral wrapped around the Twistor Function with a homogeneity of -6.  To
obtain a Graviton of helicity of -2 use a Twistor Function with a homogeneity +2 and the Field is determined by sliding the Contour Integral around
the Function and to make sure all Singularities are enclosed.  Non-linear Gravity in Twistor Space distorts that Space and Complex Space-Time
straight lines now become distorted, curved or holomorphic curves which remain unchanged along with Twistor Transformation by Non-linear or
Quantum Gravity.

Holomorphic curves in Twistor Space corresponds to a Superstring in Space-Time.  Though Gravity disturbs Global structure of Twistor Space you can
use the complimentary Twistor Space-Time pictures.  Local points are not well defined Globally but Null Lines and Light Rays are.  The Light Cone
remains intact.  The Metric of Space is in tact, i. e., its order of length is in tact and solves the Einstein Field Equations.  The pattern of fibers at each
point in Twistor Space is encoded in an ordered way by the Transformations.  The encoding of fibers in Twistor Space corresponds to the Gauge Field
Transformations in Space-Time.  The basic order or code in Twistor Space is the Gauge Field in Space-Time.  Nature’s Fields can be seen in terms of
the Geometrical or “Cohomological” properties of Twistor Space.  The appearance of the Graviton causes the collapse of the Wave Function.  Sparling’
s Five Force Theory can be deduced from Twistor Theory (Sparling, Nature, 1986).  Gravity, Super Gravity, 4D and 11D, Einstein’s and Maxwell’s EM
Theory combine using coding of fiber bundles in Twistor Space.  This Axiom is the next attempt at Grand Unification but once again falls short.

352.        Any Massless Field is defined by a Contour Integral in Twistor Space.  The Contour Integrals are determined by the Singularities of a
General Twistor Function in Twistor Space, i.e., for EM Fields these Singularities are the Charge sources where Field lines begin or end.  The Fields of
Nature are determined by the Singularities present in General Functions of Twistors.  The Field is given by the Contour Integral around this Function
and the Contour Integral is determined by the value of the Singularities of this Function.

353.        Once the Twistor Space is known one can recreate the Field in a corresponding Space-Time picture because Twistor Space-Times are
complimentary points in Twistor Space and correspond to Global properties of EM Field in Space-Time such as Light Rays or congruence of Light
Rays.  A General Function of a single Twistor reproduces EM in Space-Time or any other Massless Field in nature (Yang-Mills-Instantons).  

Integral around a Twistor Function.  Origin of Mass has not yet been defined.

354.        In EM Fields there are 2 indices and the Quantum Particles or Photons corresponding to this Field have Helicity of +1 or -1 or the
Homogenity of the Twistor Function.  The Homogenity of a Function is the number of powers it contains X2y + Yxx3 = Homogenity of +3, X5xx2x3 =
+5 Homogenity.

1/x4 has a Homogenity of -4.  In the case of a Field whose Quantum Particles have a Helicity of 1 the Twistor Function is -4 or the General Twistor
Function having this Homogenity contain powers like 1/x4.  Wrap a Contour Integral around these functions and look for the Singularities inside. The
result is a complete definition of a Photon of Light in Twistor Space.  One thereby gets rid of Differential Equations i.e., the inability to cover a
Complex Space with overlapping regions that are smooth.

355.        The Sheaf allows us to move the ragged edges of Space around until they fit together.  The Twistor Field is given “Chomologically” in terms
of the way a Contour wraps around a Function in Twistor Space.  Light is polarized right and left handed.  Photons have 2 forms of Helicity +1 or -1.  
Photons have helicity +1 and are represented by a Contour Integral around Twistor Function of Homogenity of -4 or 1/x2y2.  For a Photon of helicity
-1 a Twistor Function of 0 is needed or they are Asymmetric.  A beam of Light has 2 different Twistor Functions and they are not mirror images of
one another.  There is no Symmetry between +1 and -1 Helicities.  The Light Beam polarizes in different ways which means its Speed cannot be
Symmetric if its Speed of Polarization is made of two different components.  Its velocity could not be constant because it utilizes Twistor Function of a
different Helicity.  It is a Chiral handed picture of Nature.

356.        Penrose’s picture is that Nature’s Basic Laws are Asymmetric to begin with and not Symmetric.  They do not become Asymmetric with
Symmetry Breaking.  Right handed Photon is given by a Contour Integral in Twistor Space taken around a Twistor Function of Homogenity -4.  The
left handed Photon has a Function of 0 Homogenity.

357.        Quantum Theory allows Axiom 356 for any linear combination of Quantum solution that must correspond to a physical solution.  Single
Photons of mixed Helicity right and left handed Photons are valid.

Particles                                Homogenity

Graviton + 2 (?)                                - 6
Photon + 1                                        - 4
Antineutrino +1/2                            + 3
0* Spin 0 Particles                            - 2
Neutrino -1/2                                    - 1
Photon - 1                                         - 1
Graviton -2 (?)                                 + 2
*Does exist as is.
(?) Unobserved

358.        The property of particular Quantum Particles (Fermion with Fractional Helicity or Spin 1/2) or a Boson (Whole number Helicity type 2)
depends on the Homogenity of Twistor Space, i.e., the connection between the division of Elementary Particles into Fermions and Bosons and the
structure of Twistor Space.

Mass is created out of the Interaction of Twistors or generated using Contour Integrals around Functions of more than one Twistor using Trouser
Diagrams of Superstrings.

Run -1/2 gunR=-KTun

359.        Quantizing Gravity   A Twistor Function of homogenity of +2 defines one half of the Gravitational Field of helicity -2, or is curved left handed
and right handed flat.  A single Graviton  produces Curvature of Complex Time in one sense only.  A Contour Integral around a Twistor Function with
homogeneity of -6 creates a Graviton of Helicity +2 or left handed flat but curved right handedly.  Quantum Theory allows for combination of
solution.  The most general Quantum Graviton is a linear combination of right and left handed Helicities.

360.        There are Complex Spaces that contain both combinations of Curvature and flatness at one and the same Time (Infinitism, M. Abbott
Lewis).  Gravity changes the Whole structure of Space-Time and Quantum Theory.  The Superstring approach has Quantum Theory remain
unchanged even at short distances and background Space is linked to the Strings indissolubly.   Penrose’s Theory says that Gravity and Quantum
Theory must transform each other.

The General Function in Twistor Space has been used to create the Wave Function for Photon, Neutrino and Graviton but not the Gauge Fields which
explain the Forces that operate between Elementary Particles.

361.        R.S. Ward added to each point in Twistor Space an additional geometric structure called a Fiber Bundle.  The Forces between Elementary
Particles are associated with Gauge Fields or Gauge Transformations in Space-Time.  Gauge Transformations in Space-Time have the effect in Twistor
Space of causing Fiber Bundles or combination of tiny arrows to become mixed up but it is an ordered mixing.

362.        Traditional Process use Perturbation Process i.e., an Infinite number of tiny corrections add up to produce a Finite effect.

363.        Einstein’s equations are Non-linear so that Gravity feeds back on itself.  Traditional theories are Linear, i.e., when the Infinite number of
corrections or perturbations have been added, the correct result will be established.  Quantum Theory is assumed to be prior to General Relativity and
Space-Time structure.  The problem is that in an Infinite Series the Gravitons do not have any effect on Space-Time until the limit of Infinity is
reached when Space-Time suddenly becomes current.  (The same problem arises in the transition Space between the Quantum and the Real or Macro
World, M. Abbott Lewis).

364.    The Function 1/x for a large X when the Function is small is: 1/10, 1/100, 1/1,000.  For a small x the Function increases 1/x, 1/-1, -1, -1/2, -2.

so when X=0

the r Function is Infinity

the same for the Function 1/x2, 1x3, 1/x4 the sum of
1/x + x2 +1/x3 + 1/xn when n is a Whole number 10, 100, 1,000, when x=0, the series is Infinite.

Letting the series go right on to Infinity:

1/x-1=1/x +1/x2 + 1/x3 + 1/x4 + ...∞

This series does not blow up to Infinity but equals a Finite number -1.   However, when x=+1 it blows up to Infinity.

365.        Current Superstring Theory has to free the theory from Perturbation Theory and a flat background of Space-Time by applying a Twistor
approach and has to find ways to explain Relativistic Covariance and an account for how 10D Space-Time “compactifies” so that various Symmetries of
Nature and Elementary Particles Masses can emerge, i.e., the derivation of the Chirality of Nature.  Hughes and Shaw’s approach shows a general
curve (Holomorphic Curve or two curves) corresponding to a Relativistic String in Space-Time because points in certain regions of Twistor Space
become point lines in Space-Time and lines in Twistor Space become points in Twistor Space.  The most general of the well behaved structures in
Twistor Space can be generated from the Relativistic starting point for Superstrings.  A holomorphic curve corresponds to a minimal surface in Space-
Time producing The Principle of Least Action in Space-Time.  A Super-Symmetric Twistor called a Super Twistor generates Gauge Theory in 10D.  
Singular points are used in the construction of the Orbifold in which a Torus develops from a flat 3D Space and is folded and then folded again creating
Singularities (Conical Singularities) where properties blow up at these points to Infinity leaving a cross between a Torus and a 3D triangle or Orbifold.  
By combining three Orbifolds in a 2D surface in 3D Space it is possible to create 3x3x3=27 singular points in a 6D Space.  Orbifolds are used in String
Theory to create or represent Space generalized when the original 10D Space “compactifies”, producing Quarks and Leptons in several generations,
namely 32 (too many).  Superstrings live in 10D Space-Time describing the Bosons and Fermions, Chirality and Symmetry.  The Particle equations
break into 2 formats one for 4D and the other for compact 6D producing the equations for actual Mass of the Elementary Particles.  The Electron,
Proton and Neutron have their lives in 4D but their entire Masses in 6D as Superstrings in 6D Compact Dimensions or 1013 GEVs.

366.        Superstrings are fluctuations on 2D World Sheets in 10D Universe.  6D “compactifies” the Strings on the Sub-Atomic Level and are the
Elementary Particles moving in 4D Space-Time and their shadow “compactifies” and shows up as Mass. Since Mass depends on “Compactified” Space,
the smaller the Space the larger the Mass. When the Sub-Atomic World is approached, representing least “compactification”, the Mass becomes 0 (in
Reality the Masses in 4D except for the Neutron are not 0 but a Finite small number).  (Here again the Transitional Problem arises because of the
rather large discontinuous jump between large Masses to 0 Masses, M. Abbott Lewis).

367.        To get Massless Electrons and Protons the D of Space where n=0 is 2 4N + 2 or 2D Dimensions.  The Superstring World Sheet when n=1, 4n
+2 = 6D sp, 6D is the first Dimensionality in which Elementary Particles Masses can exist.  It is still necessary to go beyond the Fermion-Electron,
Proton, Neutron and Neutrino to see if the Boson acts the same way to produce the Gauge Forces from 6 curled up Dimensional 4 flat ones.  The
Particles continue to remain Massless right down to the Energies at which the Electroweak Force breaks Unification.  At this point Elementary
Particles Masses make their appearance as tiny corrections to their Initial Masses.  

368.        Calabi-Yau Spaces or Kahler Manifolds can always be converted by well behaved coordinate systems but Orbifolds with their 27 singular
points cannot be converted.

By putting Complex Spaces over the Singularities we have a smooth or Kahler Manifold or it is topological Manifold and has a series of generations for
the Leptons and Quarks.  Calabi-Yau Space is a smooth version of the Manifold or the radius of the 27 points shrinking to 0.

369.        A Quantum Field is Set up with Symmetries, Grand Unified Symmetry, Super Symmetry and treats Elementary Particles as the excitations
of the Quantum Field as Superstrings.  The general Holomorphic Curves in Twistor Space are Classical Strings and created by First Quantization and
according to the Action Principle Covariant which produces minimal surfaces on Space-Time.  The vibration and rotation of these minimal surfaces are
quantized to produce the String Wave Function.

370.        Using individual Wave Functions generated by Schrodinger’s Waves produces a new Quantum Field or Second Quantization out of the Wave
Function forming individual String vibrations and rotations and creates a Super Wave Function for the String Field.  In case of Heterotic Strings the
ground or vacuum State (no excitations) is a Super Wave of E8 x E8 Symmetry written in 10D.  Upon “compactification” of Space the Symmetry of the
ground State of the Quantum Field would break.  The theory then ends up describing excitations that have Grand Unified Symmetry.  Distances that
are large with respect to the Heterotic String Field Theory would look like a Quantum Field for point Particles and the excitations would appear like
Elementary Particles.

371.        Is Physics just a 2D description of World Sheet?  In other words, Reality begins in 2D, expands to 10D and “compactifies” to 6D and 4D.  
Dimensions are not fixed but evolve and Fractionalize as well Fractalize.  Mandelbrot’s World has the Dimension of a figure change as we move
towards it and see it in even greater detail.  Dimensions are no longer fixed Dimensions but are more mutable (M. Abbott Lewis).        

372.        Superstring Theory predicts the Existence of the Dilaton.  Dirac predicted that the Constants of the Universe are changing with Time.  The
Dilaton should be Massless and but somehow contain a Mass and Violate the Gravitational Effect unless indeed the Fundamental Constants are aging
with Time.  Fischbach has proposed a Fifth Force to account for some Gravitational anomalies.  It is repulsive rather than attractive--Anti-Gravity.  
These are small additional repulsions over a few hundred yards depending on the composition of the material, the total number of Protons, Neutrons
or total IsoSpin.

373.        Cosmic Strings represent trapped Energies from the Big Bang or Symmetric areas of high Energy which have not yet been Symmetry Broken
throughout the Universe.  These Strings would curve Space-Time and exert a Gravitational attraction explaining the clumping together of Matter on
the Cosmic Scale.  Such Strings exist in a Superconducting State and are of the order of 10-30 cms. with trapped primordial Energy in them causing
cosmic bubble in Space.  They bend Light to form double image around a String.  In Twistor Space the Cosmic String Energizes as Space-Time
structures corresponding to Holomorphic Twistor Curves.  The Relativistic Strings are the precursor of a Superstring and the Cosmic String and are
different solutions to Nambu’s Equations.  Cosmic Strings produce mirages in the Universe (“Fractometry”, M. Abbott Lewis).

374.          Topology & Asymmetry Topological objects explain dynamically systems mathematically where 2 points starting together can end up far
part or vice-versa through the use of differentiable dynamic global analysis, manifolds and mappings of Differential Geometry and are the tools of
Chaos.  Chaos is a special form of self-organization not the converse.  The route to Chaos can be reached via Strange Attractors of the Non-Chaotic

375.        10 to the 24 Power is Poincare’s estimate for Eternal Return of all Molecules in the Universe and the age of the Universe is only 10 to the 10

376        Strange Attractors are useful to describe the onset of Turbulence but not for fully developed Turbulence.  Any system that passes through 3
or more successive Hopf Limit Cycles bifurcates regardless of the Initial conditions and will end up in the Chaotic State.  (Ruelf and Floris Takens).  
The behaviors of Matter looks the same on all length scales as one goes to a critical point self similarity where Dimension is a continuous variable.

377.        Newton’s three body problem is the same body problem for Sub-Atomic Dimensions.  Von Neuman had overlooked the possibility of Chaos
with instability at every point.

This is the main question of Physics.  What exactly happens at the Boundaries of the Microscopic-Macroscopic Borders?   Chaos and Unpredictability
(M. Abbott Lewis).

378.        James Yorke proved that in any One-Dimensional System if a regular cycle or period three ever appears, then the same System will also
display regular cycles of every other length as well as completely Chaotic Cycles.  It is impossible to Set up a System that would repeat itself in a
period three oscillation without ever producing Chaos.

379.        Big Bang still possible every billion or so years.  In order for Dark Matter to help form Galaxies it must consist of Particles that do not
Interact with Electromagnetic Radiation Non-Baryonic Dark Matter (Darkons-M. Abbott Lewis) Cold and Hot Dark Matter via Magnetic interactions.

380.        The Noah Effect means Discontinuity when a quantity changes it can change arbitrarily Fast.   The Joseph Effect means persistence, a trend
in Nature that tends to stay in place.  Noah and Joseph Effect working in tandem produce an orderly Chaos.  Trends are Real but can vanish as quickly
as they come.  Noah and Joseph Effect also work in opposite directions.

381.        A numerical result depends on the relation of object to the Observer and is relatively speaking consistent.  The in-between boundaries then
become Fractal Dimensions of 0 to 1, 1 to 2, and 2 to 3.  The degree of irregularity remains consistent over different scales or the World displays a
regular irregularity.

382.        A simple One Dimensional line fills no Space at all.  But the outline of the Koch Curve with Infinite length crowding into a Finite area does
fill Space.  It is more than a line yet less than a plane.  It is greater than One D yet less than 2D.  The Koch Curve is the Infinitely extended
multiplication by 4/3 and has a Dimension of 1.2618.

383.        Systems that lose Energy to Friction are Dissipative.  Astronomical Systems are conservative or Hamiltonian.  Without Dissipation, Phase
Space would not fold and contract to produce an Infinite Fractal-Fractional layering (M. Abbott Lewis).  Strange Attractors could not arise but Chaos

384.        The behavior of Matter near the point where it changes from one State to another, from liquid to a gas, from “Unmagnetized” to Magnetized,
from Macro to Micro or vice-versa are as singular Boundaries between 2 Realms of Existence.  Phase Transitions tend to be highly non-linear in their
mathematics.  Allowing Mass to vary depending on scale one could recognize similarity across scales.  By acknowledging self-similarity you can
collapse Complexity i.e., using Renormalization Group Theory.

As things become small they become incomprehensible in Reality.  Color, in opposition to Newton’s view, is the interchange of Light and Shadow.  
Color is a degree of Darkness allied to Shadow (Goethe).  Color comes from Boundary Conditions and Singularities.  There is a definable Real World
quality of redness independent of our perception.  Tiny changes in certain features leads to big changes in overall behavior.

385.        One way to define a Set is in terms of a test for every point, involving some simple iterated arithmetic.  To test a point, take the complex
number, square it add the original number, square the result, add the original number square the result; etc.   If the total goes to Infinity then the
point is not in the Mandelbrot Set.

If the total remains Finite, repeating, or wandering chaotically, then the point is in the Mandelbrot Set.  Modeling feedback with numbers -- take a
starting number multiply it by itself, multiply the result, etc.   The larger numbers lead to Infinity 10, 100, 10,000..., small numbers lead to 0 - 1/2, 1/4,
1/16...  The Geometric picture is, define a collection of points that when fed into the equation do not go to Infinity or points on a line from 0 upward.  
If a point produces feedback color it is white otherwise it is black.  The shape of the line is black from 0 10 1.  For 1D Processes numbers greater than
1 go to Infinity and the rest do not.   But in a 2D complex plane the shape by iteration can only be known by trial and error and plugging the values in
the equation.

Standard geometry takes an equation and asks for the Set of numbers that satisfy it.  The solution to x2 + y2 = 1 forms a shape or circle.  Other
equations form ellipses, parabolas, hyperbolas of conic sections or complicated shapes produced by differential equations in Phase Space.  But when
you iterate an equation instead of solving it, when a number goes into the equation a new number comes out, the new number goes in, etc.  Points hop
from place to place.  It is dynamic.  A point is plotted not when it satisfies the equation but when it produces a certain behavior, i.e., steady State or
convergence to periodic repetition of States or an out of control race to Infinity.  Mandelbrot Set equals the iteration in a complex plane of the
mapping Z yields Z2 + C.  Take a number, multiply it by itself and add the original number.

A Mandelbrot Set has a main engine-- a loop of instructions that takes starting complex numbers and applies an arithmetic rule to it - Z yields Z2 +
C.   Z begins at 0 and C is the complex number to the point corresponding to the point being tested.  Take 0, multiply it by itself and add the starting
number, take the result-the starting number - multiply it by itself and add the starting number, etc.  To add a pair of complex numbers add the Real
parts to get a new Real part and the Imaginary parts to get a new Imaginary part.

2 + 4i
+ 9 - 2I
11 + 2i

To multiply 2 complex numbers multiply each part of one number by each part of the other and add the 4 results together.  1 multiplied by itself
equals -1 (Definition of an i number).  One term of the complex number collapses into another.
2 + 3i
x  2 + 3i
6i +9i2
4 +6i
4 + 12i +9i2
4 = 12I -9
-5 + 12I
To break out of the loop, if the total heads off to Infinity in its plus Real or Imaginary part the number is not in the Set, i.e., if the number is greater
than -2 or +2 it is heading to Infinity.  If smaller, it is part of the Set.

The boundary of the Set is where the numbers are caught between two Attractors one at Zero the other at Infinity.  This is known as the study of
Fractional-Fractal Basin Boundaries, i.e., the way a system chooses between options.  Predicting behavior at the Boundaries is not impossible (M.
Abbott Lewis).

386.        Sensitivity to Initial Conditions-- the tendency of nearby trajectories to pull away from each other.  The Lyapunov Exponent measures
stretching, contracting and folding in Phase Space of an Attractor.  Giving the properties of all systems that lend Stability and Instability exponents
greater than 0 lead to stretching.  Nearby points would separate an exponent smaller than Zero and means contraction.  For fixed point Attractors all
exponents were negative since direction of pull was inward towards the final Steady State.  An Attractor in the form of a periodic orbit had one
exponent of Zero and others that were not Zero.  A Strange Attractor had to have at least 1 positive exponent.

There are Fractal Dimensions, Hausdorf Dimensions, Lyapunov Dimensions and Information Dimensions.  The feature that gave the amount of
information necessary to specify the position of a point on the Attractor to within a given accuracy is a Fractal Dimension and described the rate of
Decay of predictability, the rate of information flow and the tendency to create mixing.

Simple Systems give rise to complex behavior.  Complex Systems give rise to simple behavior.  The Laws of Complexity hold universally irrespective
of the details of a system’s constituent Atoms (M. Abbott Lewis).

387.        Fractal-Fractional Geometry helps to study the way things meld together, break apart or branch apart.  The way they shatter (M. Abbott
Lewis).  Turbulence arrives in a sudden transition instead of a continuous piling up of different Frequencies.  (Feed forward in Non-Linear Systems is
where the equations have terms that are Discontinuously multiplied by Systems outside themselves).

388.        Phase Space is composed of as many Dimensions and variables one needs to describe a System’s movement.  In Phase Space Systems contain
several components each one free to move.  

Using Nonlinear Models, it’s possible to locate potential critical pressure points in such Systems.  At these pressure points, a small change can have a
“disportionately” large impact.  One difference between Linear and Non-Linear equations is feedback.  Non Linear equations have terms which are
repeatedly multiplied by themselves.  Feed forward are Non-Linear Systems where equations have terms that are Discontinuously multiplied by
Systems outside themselves.

Phase Space is composed of many Dimensions or variables.  One needs to describe a System’s movement.  Phase Space Systems contain several
components each one free to move in any three directions with a different Speed for each of the three directions.  A single Particle requires a 6D
Phase Space.  3 Space directions and 3 Speed directions.  A System of n Particles will require 6n Dimensional Space.  For most Systems movement is
described by 3 directions of movement and 3 directions of Momentum.

389.        Nature undergoes rigid repetitive movements and then at some critical point evolves a radical new behavior.  Phase Space clarifies this
behavior.  The path of a Periodic System always returns to the same point in Phase Space no Matter how complicated the returning path is.  It has one
degree of freedom.  Rockets have 3 degrees of freedom.  It is possible to have Fractional-Fractal degrees of freedom (M. Abbott Lewis).

390.        An Attractor is a region of Phase Space which exerts a Magnetic appeal for a System seemingly pulling the system towards it.  Systems in
Nature are attracted to Energy valleys and move away from Energy hills.  2 Attractors may have a saddle between them or a high peaked mountain
which acts as a point “repellor”. Phase Space trajectories will avoid “repellors” and move toward Attractors.  If a pendulum is given a periodic push or
kick it remains stable where instead of slowing down or speeding up it follows a steady rhythm; unlike a Fixed Point Attractor it is drawn to a cyclic
path in Phase Space or a Limit Cycle or Limit Cycle Attractor.

391.        Rational numbers are like 1/2, 1/4, 3/4, or can be expressed in terms of a Finite number of decimals 0.5, 0.25, 0.75 or as a simple recurring
decimal 1/3 = 0.3333333.  An irrational number cannot be written down as a ratio and its decimal expression contains an Infinite number of terms with
no repeating pattern.  The digits in an irrational number have a random order.  Where the combined system forms an irrational number or Frequency
the point in Phase Space representing the combined system will twist around the Torus and never join up with itself.  A  System that looks almost
periodic but never exactly repeats itself is called quasi-periodic.  There are an Infinite number of rational numbers but there is an Infinitely larger
Infinity of irrational numbers so it would appear that in our Universe quasi periodic systems should be more prevalent than periodic ones.

In the Classical World the Attractors are regular.  Systems Decay gently to Fixed Point Attractors or oscillate in well-behaved Limit Cycle Attractors
around Tori shapes.  There is predictive behavior of complicated Systems over the long run, or asymptotic predictability that if the exact position of
System from moment to moment is not known one knows that no Matter how far into the future one looks the System will be somewhere on the
Torus and not wandering around randomly in Phase Space.

By making Newton’s Mechanics a three body problem, Poincare showed that there is a potential for Non-linearity, Instability and Chaos.

392.        The KAM Theory   Kolmogorov implied that the Whole Universe was potentially Chaotic, a fraction of a decimal point away from
annihilation.  However, it won’t break up if the perturbation or influence of the 3rd body is a very small Gravitational influence.   Second, as long as
the orbits or years of the planets do not lie in simple ratios like 1:2, 1:3, or 2:3 to remain Stable the Planets must be quasi-periodic.  The motion of
their combined orbits loop around and around the Torus without ever linking up.

The critical number is one end of the spectrum that runs from smooth flow, to vortices, to periodic fluctuations, to Chaos and it holds true at different
scales.  Using the number, one can simulate complex systems such as wind or river flow.  The approach of Turbulence at a small scale reflects the
onset of Turbulence in the large scale or the Reynolds Number is the same as the self-similarity of the Strange Attractor.

When the Speed of a brook is low its motion is described by a Point Attractor as the Speed increases the Limit Cycle Attractor applies at the point
where the behavior jumps over from one Attractor to another and is known as the Hopf Instability.  Further analysis of the System yields a cascade of
further Instabilities.  The first Instability is a jump from a Point Attractor to a Limit Cycle followed by a sudden change to a Torus Attractor, a
doughnut shape in 3D, then to a Torus in 4,5,6, etc., Dimensions.  The Bernard Instability shows that Instability moves much quicker than the Hopf

Ruelle argues that the 3rd bifurcation is not a System jumping from 2D surface of a Torus onto a 3D or 4D Torus.  It is the Torus which breaks apart.  
Its surface enters a Space of Fractal-Fractional Dimension (M. Abbott Lewis). The surface of the Torus Attractor is caught between the Dimensions of
a plane (2D) and a solid (3D).

Crumple a piece of paper, a 2D object.  The more tightly it is compressed the more Chaotic are its folds and the closer the 2D surface moves to
becoming a 3D surface solid likened to the Bernard Convection.  Where the movement is back and forth between 2 Dimensions and 3D, the shape it
traces in Phase Space is a Strange Attractor.  Turbulence arises because all the pieces of a movement are connected to each other.  Any piece of the
action depends on the other pieces, and the feedback between the pieces produces still more pieces.  The breakup of order into Turbulence shows that
the Strange Attractor is a sign of the System’s Infinitely deep interconnectedness or of its Wholeness.

393.        At the smallest and most basic level of Matter, self-referential iterations occur.  Elementary Particles generate themselves by a constant
Process of creation and destruction through iteration from the Vacuum State.  The ultimate entity owes its Stability not to some static quantity but to
a dynamic cycling quality or Process in which the Particles constantly folds and enfolds within the Quantum Field.  Iteration shows that stability and
change are not opposites but mirror images of each other.

394.        Intermittency is the memory operating in Non-Linear Systems- the Systems memory of its original Limit Cycle or Periodic Attractors.  
Iteration after iteration goes on as Chaos or Order moves through Phase Space.  But in the intermittency regions the old Order (or Chaos) is
discovered again momentarily and the very iterations producing Chaos or Order produce momentary regularity or Chaos.

Intermittency shows how the Whole range of Order from simple oscillations to the complexity of full Chaos can be present in one System with each
extreme surfacing alternately.  A System’s simple Order and its Chaos are both features of one indivisible Process or a familiar Order as an island of
intermittency in the midst of a universal large Strange or Chaotic Attractor.

Everything from Stability, to change, to Time is generated by iteration.  In deterministic causal dynamically Systems the potential for Chaos
unpredictability is in every detail.

Because of the iterated nature of Non-Linear equations which represent the interconnected nature of Dynamical Systems no amount of additional
detail will help perfect prediction (Lorenz).

395.        Rational numbers are those that can be expressed in terms of ratios of integers 1/2, 1/4, 2/3, 3/4 and have Finite decimal forms or an Infinite
logic like = 01010101.  When rational numbers are fed into this number doubling iteration they generate ordered patterns.  But irrational numbers
which are not ratios of integers have Chaotic patterns.

This decimal expression contains no order.  Each digit appears at random.  It can be calculated to millions of decimal places.  With repetition when an
irrational number is used as the input for the number doubling sequence the result is an Infinite string of numbers containing no order.  Each new
number occurs at random.  Chaos comes from the irrationality enfolded in the original number.  The exponential growth equation or number doubling
equation is one way of producing strings of random numbers.

Combined Chaos and Chance are enfolded or unfolded from the Infinite complexity in the original irrational number.  

Iterative Equations are sensitive to Initial Conditions.  If x in the number doubling equation is changed slightly the sequence will diverge from the
original.  Small errors are rapidly amplified (Lorentz).  For instance, making a mistake in the 4th decimal place of the original iterative series makes
a substantial error by the 11th iteration and the pattern no longer repeats itself by the 17th iteration like the original.  This sensitivity applies to both
rational and irrational numbers in Non-Linear Equations if iterated.  

The Baker Transformation has the effect of moving neighboring points away from each other.  The Baker Transformation governs the growth
equation.  The Verhulst formula is guided by 2 opposing effects, one a stretching factor xn and the other a folding back (1-xn) of the output of the
previous iteration becomes the input for the next iteration and the growth equation with Verhulst’s added Non-Linear term generates totally Chaotic
sequences with complete Determinism.  Here is where you determine all the terms going into the equation but the calculations that follow are not
accurate because of slight perturbations that become amplified with each new iteration.  Although the iterations are Deterministic the round-off error
in Real Systems of computers makes predictions meaningless where highly Non-Linear Equations are concerned.  Chaotic Systems such as the
Weather are said to be locally unpredictable but globally Stable.  Global stability means they always take the shape of their Strange Attractor.  The
Strange Attractor is not only the shape of Unpredictability it is also the shape of the Weather’s dynamical qualities and a picture of its Interaction
with the Whole.  The Whole is not the sum of its parts.  It is the round off error that eventually explodes the equations.

Iteration pumps up microscopic fluctuations to the Macroscopic World.  The part is the Whole for through the Action of any part, the Whole in the
form of Chaos or transformative change may infect or infest that transformative part and the incipient Whole is the missing information which
through iteration traces out the System’s Unpredictability.  The shape it traces is the Strange Attractor.  The Attractor is the shape created in Phase
Space by the missing information.  The shape of Uncertainty or Attractor shapes are the Infinitely complex order of the Whole revealing itself.  There
is a connection between the missing information and Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem.

Where important Logical Systems like Arithmetic and Algebra will always contain Statements that are true but which cannot be derived from a fixed
Set of Axioms; there will always be missing information.

Determinist Systems which maintain themselves by Oscillation, Iteration, Feedback, Limit Cycles are vulnerable to Chaos and face Indeterminate
Unpredictable fates if pushed beyond critical Boundaries.  Regular Order is interspersed with Chaotic Order dragged to Disintegration, Transformation
and Chaos maintaining themselves for long periods of Time.  But eventually all Orderly Systems will return to the pull of Strange Chaotic Attractors.  
Qualitative rather than Quantitative Math describes this behavior.  In the Quantitative Math the measurement of a System focuses on plotting how
the quantity of one part of the System affects the quantities of the other parts.  Qualitative Math plots the Shape of the System’s movement as a
Whole.  The question is not asked how much of this part effects that part but what does the Whole look like as it moves and changes?  How does one
Whole system compare with another?  The Lyapunov Number is a measure of how in Dynamical Systems, the Systems separate from each other.  It
measures how quickly correlations in Systems are broken down and how rapidly the effects of a small perturbation can spread.  It measures how the
System’s information changes the original information where the original information is not lost but transformed.  David Ruelle said that the Henon
Attractor, the Rossler Attractor, the Lorentz Attractor and Strange Attractors of all kinds exist in the cracks of things in the Fractional Realm that
lies between the First, 2nd and 3rd Dimensions of the familiar World of Point Attractors, Limit Cycles and well configured Tori.

Mandlebrot- one can create a measure of irregularity that is based on scales.  Karl Weirstrass described a curve that could not be mathematically
differentiated.  The ability to differentiate a curve from point to point is crucial to Calculus.  Slope is the gradient of the rise and fall of altitude.  
Newton’s Calculus is where the mathematical equation for the climbing road determines the gradient at each point.  This determination is
mathematically equivalent to differentiating the equation of a curve.  If the road or curve was Discontinuous, the curves could be differentiated   
Reymond then presented Weirstrass’s Equations which showed that a curve was Continuous but so complicated that it could never be differentiated.  
Peano then discovered the Space filling curve or a curve so complicated that it filled the plane and thus from 1D became 2D.  There was no point on
the plane that Peano’s curving line would not include.  The very 2 Dimensionality of the plane lay in its Sets of points - Now all these points were on a
One D line.  Now an object could be one and 2D at the same Time.

Koch Curve is where a snowflake is created through the Process of iteration in which each step is taken on a smaller scale.

It is evident that the more detail that is included the longer a coastline gets.  If all detail is included the measurement is Infinite.  All coastlines are
Infinite, that is all measurements are equivalent since all things are Infinite. It all depends on the scale.  Instead of measuring the length
quantitatively one uses a qualitative scale based on measure of the Fractal Dimension.  Instead of quantity such as length, Mandelbrot puts the
qualitative measure of effective Fractal Dimensions first-- a measure of the relative degree of complexity of an object.

If a curve or coastline’s Fractal Dimension is close to one, the coast is smooth and has no fine detail.  The greater the number is above 1 the more
irregular or Chaotic the coastline is with this irregularity persisting at smaller and smaller scales.  Twisting Fractal Lines have Dimensions that are
Fractional such as 1.2615, 1.1291, 1.3652, etc.

Peano’s Curve is so extremely irregular at Infinitely decreasing scales, that its Fractal Dimension is 2 because in effect it becomes a plane because of
the twists but it never crosses itself.

396.        Fractals are characterized by Infinite detail, Infinite length, no slope or derivative, Fractional Dimensions, self-similarity and can be
generated by iteration.  Fractals and Strange Attractors are connected.  In Phase Space Diagrams a Strange Attractor is traced by the point which
represents the System.  In its movement the System point folds and enfolds in the Phase Space with Infinite complexity.  Thus a Strange Attractor is
a Fractal Curve.  Fractal Shapes have self-similarity at descending scales.  For Systems under the folding and stretching influence of the Strange
Attractor any single folding motion of the System represents in a unique instance a mirror of the entire folding operation.  Wherever Chaos,
Turbulence and Disorder are found Fractal Geometry is there.  Chaos and Turbulence come from the same Processes as mountains, clouds and
coastlines or as  organic forms such as lungs, nervous systems and blood supplies.  They emerge from Fractal Order.

397.          Fractals are highly complex yet simple.  They are complex by virtue of their Infinite detail and unique mathematical properties.  No two
Fractals are the same yet they are simple because they can be generated through successive applications of simple iteration.  Z2 + C = Mandelbrot
Set.   Z is a complex number allowed to vary. C is a fixed complex number.  Then keep re-substituting the result in the equation.  The computer
searches for all complex numbers that are not so large as to exceed the capacity of the computer to calculate them.  The Set itself consists of complex
numbers C for which the size of Z2 + C remains Finite no matter how many iterations the equation goes through.

The Boundary Area is the territory that lies between the Finite solid World of the black inside the Set and the Unstable limitlessness of the white and
gray areas.  This Boundary is Fractal.  The journey starts high above the complex plane.  The white numbers go to Infinity when iterated.  The pure
whites go very fast, the grays less fast, the black ones lie solidly inside the Set.  The Set becomes self-similar zooming in on it but it is not self
sameness.  Each one is a little bit different.  Natural growth is achieved through iteration and chance.  The Mandelbrot Set has only iteration and is
therefore too smooth to mirror Reality.  Cantor’s Set counts beyond Infinity and created Trans-Finite Numbers.  For example there are an Infinite
number of points in a plane or that lie on a line.  Remove the middle third of a line, then remove the middle third of the remaining lines, ad
infinitum.  The result is a Discontinuous dust or a “Discontinum” dust of points.  

Cantor Dust has a Fractal Dimension of .6309 lying midway between a point and a line.  The Cantor Dust is at one and the same Time Infinitely
divisible yet Discontinuous.

Mandelbrot thinks it describes the night sky, the clustering of the Stars with corresponding gaps occurs on many scales right up to the Super Galaxies
or Super Clusters--Clusters of Clusters of Stars or Galaxies. (Mandelbrot is wrong, of course, but in his case-- brilliantly wrong, M. Abbott Lewis).

Current data suggests a Fractal Dimension for the Universe of somewhere between one and two.  Turbulence has been described by the Torus that
breaks apart into a series of fine points.  The Torus turns out to be Cantor Dust with Fractal Dimensions.  In the World Turbulence comes in gusts, it
is intermittent and the intermittency of Turbulence occurs on smaller and smaller scales,  The Fractal structure of spatial Turbulence has another
Fractal structure that varies in Time or Fractal Time.  The atmosphere has a multiplicity of different Fractal Dimensions.  Fractal trees illustrate the
point that Fractal Geometry is a measure of change.  Each branching of the tree, each bend in the coastline is a decision point.

The decision points can be examined in finer and finer scales, each scale having further decision points.  Fractals become more organic when at each
step there is a choice between several alternative forms of iteration or when a particular Fractal iteration persists for several length scales and then
suddenly changes.  What is the scale of the Golden Section?  Draw a line and divide it so that 2 segments b and a are in the same ratio to each other
as the longer segment is to the Whole line.  The proportion a/b is equal to the irrational number 1.618.


This proportion can also be found in a series of numbers beginning with 1 where each number is the sum of the two preceding it. 1,2,3, 5, 8, 13, 21...  
The ratio of each number to its predecessor approximates the Golden Mean.  This series is the Fibonacci Numbers.  The ratio of the lung lengths are
classical Fibonacci for ten generations.  Time is self-similar yet random.  It is Chaotically changing scales in its iteration.  Is Time evolving and
shifting like a turbulent stream? Is Time a Strange Attractor?  Strange Attractors have self-similarity.  Why History seems to repeat and yet never
repeat itself exactly?  The intermixing of Fractals unfolding at different scales gives richness to natural forms and to Time.  They evolve in Fractal
measures and are richer by the concept of Random Fractals.  A variety of generators can be used which can be chosen at random at each scale.  
Random Fractals have intricacy of detail but Unpredictability characteristic of Real Systems combining an iterative scaling with a random element of
choice, coastlines, mountains and planets can be generated.

398.          Fractal pictures represent Processes which are simplified idealizations of Reality.  They exaggerate certain aspects to make them clearer.  
No Real structure can be magnified repeatedly an Infinite number of Times and still look the same.  In Nature, after only a few iterations a new order
takes over.

The evolution of Complex Systems can’t be followed in casual detail because such Systems are holistic.  Everything effects everything else.  To
understand them you have to see into their complexity. Fractal Geometry gives a picture of the qualities of change.  Bohm contends that Light and
Energy and Matter all over the Universe are composed of moving interference patterns which bear the mark of all other Waves of Light and Energy
and Matter that they have ever been in contact with.   Directly or indirectly each part or instance of Energy and Matter encodes an image of the
Whole.  Holograms describe the deep construction of Matter and movement of Energy.  Mandlebrot’s Fractals describe the shapes Matter takes and
the orderly and Chaotic Processes that transforms those shapes.  Each part of the phenomenon in the physical World represents a Microcosm of the
Whole Like Holograms Fractals are a new image of Wholeness.  Fractals will reveal more about Chaos hidden in regularity and about the ways in
which Stability and Order can be born out of underlying Turbulence and chance revealing more about the movements of Wholeness.  A Hologram is
made by shinning Laser Light of a single Wavelength through a half silvered mirror.  Half the Laser Beam is directed onto a photographic plate.  The
other half is bounced off an object and then onto the plate.  The two halves meet at the plate and interfere with each other.  The interference pattern
is recorded on the plate and looks like a fine grained picture of the Wave pattern created by pebbles thrown into a pond.

When later a Laser Beam is directed through the plate, an image of the object photographed unfolds from the Wave pattern and projects 3
Dimensionally in Space.

One can walk around this “object” and see it from a different perspective just like a Real object.  The Whole object has been recorded in the
interference pattern.  Cutting a piece from the Hologram and sending the Laser Beam through the fragment also produces the Whole object but not
as sharp.

This holistic effect is analogous to the self-similarity of a Fractal, repeating the shape of the Whole at different scales.

399.        Waves can be pictured as a combination of Sine Waves.  A Sine Wave is characterized by its Frequency or number of vibrations each
second.   A Wave can be considered to be the addition of Sine Waves at different Frequencies.  Waves of different Frequency travel at different
Speeds.  The Sine Waves begin to overtake each other, break up and disperse.  Chaos or Dispersion is because Waves are independent of each other
and in a Linear way.  The Non-Linear Wave or “Soliton” has Stability that binds individual Sine Waves together.  The feedback occurrence at the
bottom of the container causes the reverse of Turbulence.  The Sine Waves couple.  Non-Linear iterations at critical values produce spontaneous self-
organizing forms instead of Chaos.

400.        KDV equation is concerned with what happens when 2 “Solitons” collide i.e., they stay intact.  The memory in the Non-Linear couplings is
where the Wave remembers its former Order similar to what happens in intermittency.  A central assumption of Statistical Mechanics is the Principle
of Equi-partition or democracy of Energy.  The internal structure of a metal is a Stable pattern known as a Lattice of Atoms.  When Energy is added to
the Atoms such as Heat, the Atoms vibrate in a collective way producing many notes associated with a characteristic Energy according to the Principle
of Equi-partition.  If all the Heat Energy were given to a particular note, a particular vibration within the Lattice, then soon the Energy would spread
out and distribute itself to all the other notes of the Lattice.

401.         Adding a Non-Linear term so that the different modes of a Lattice could interact so that Energy could pass from one note to another, Fermi,
Pasta and Ulam found that this additional term dominated the Whole System and transformed it from a linear Lattice into an arena for Solitons. i.e.,
Equipartition of Energy does not apply.  This concentration of Energy doesn’t depend on the strength of the Non-Linear Interaction.  Even a very weak
coupling of feedback will cause the System to branch.  A Poincare Recurrence is where the System would again and again return to the State it was in
when it first received the burst of Energy.  The Soliton is one of Energy which moves through the Lattice in a coherent Wave.  Thus giant Waves can
be considered to be a self focusing or surfacing of the
ocean’s memory in form of a Soliton.  Russel’s Soliton represents a delicate balance of Non-Linearity in the Realm of Dispersion.  But a candle flame
stands for the balance of Non-Linear reactions in the Realm of Diffusion.  For a flame to persist a new source of Energy must flow into it as rapidly as
Heat, Light and Energy flow out.

Wax melts, sucked up the wick by Capillary Action, vaporizes and enters the heart of the flame.  Oxygen diffuses into the flame at the correct rate.  
The Soliton is the balance between inward and outward diffusion of Energy.

402.  Soliton tunnels through Magnetic Fields.  In a Superconducting metal, Magnetic transparency is turned off.  At the critical temperature the point
at which the metal becomes a Superconductor, itself a Soliton, the Magnetic Field is unable to enter.  If the Magnetic Field is made stronger and
bigger there comes a point in the Field where Soliton-like vortices of Magnetism are created that penetrate or tunnel into the Superconductor.  One
Soliton passes through another.

Soliton vortices are found in Super-Fluids.  Fluids can flow without creating Turbulence.  What forms, are not vortices of Magnetic flux but long thin
cylinders or Strings of rotating Superfluid creating a curious texture in the Super-Fluid State.  Soliton vortices or Strings formed after the Big Bang
acted as Quantum objects around which Matter gathered into Galaxies and Star Clusters.

Self induced transparency shows what can happen when Light and Matter engage in Non Linear Interactions.  When crystals, diamonds, etc. are
transparent to Light other solids reflect Light and absorb Light.  In absorbing Systems any Light that manages to penetrate into the solid is absorbed
by the Atoms, then the absorbed Energy leaks away in the form of Atomic Vibrations or Heat.  Forcing Light through opaque substances is to heat its
surface.  When a Laser is forced through a solid intense Light source the solid becomes transparent.  The Light Pulse passes through unabsorbed.  

With a Laser burst the Atoms in the Lattice are pumped to an excitable State and Interact Non-Linearly with the Light and the two fuse to form a
Whole System, a Soliton Wave Front operating collectively.  The Wave is not exactly Light nor exactly Atomic excitation but a complex Non-Linear
combination of both-- a Polarization.  When Solitons collide and Interact they look like the results of collisions of Elementary Particle experiments.  
The solution to one Soliton Equation involves Kinks and Anti-Kinks.  When two Kinks Solitons collide they repel as two Anti-Kinks.  A Kink and Anti-
Kink attract.  They are similar or identical to oppositely Charged Elementary Particles.  Applying the Soliton to Quantum Theory produces a Vacuum
Bubble Instanton.  This is a Quantum Non-Linear object.

403.        When Quantum Energy descends to its lowest scale where the Potential Energy is at a minimum and no way of lowering it, this valley is at
rest and is the Ground State.  But when you are adjacent to a valley that has a lower level than yours, you have to climb.  Quantum Field Theory
pictures Elementary Particles as excitations that arise out of the Ground State or Vacuum State of the Universe.  When a little Energy is added to the
Ground State or Vacuum State, Elementary Particles are formed.  When Energy leaves the Ground State it returns to the bottom of the valley.  If
there were another Universe outside the Ground State with another Vacuum State it is a Potential Universe of lower Energy.  In an absolute sense the
Universe is Unstable because its Energy remains high relative to the Ground State of the other Universes.

Quantum Theory allows the tunneling across to the other Universe.  Solitons can tunnel from the exterior to the interior of Plasma Solitons formed
out of the Vacuum. They can tunnel from one Vacuum to the next.  The Vacuum Bubble Instantons come about if the Vacuum State of our Universe,
like Super-heated water, is Stable until a single Nucleation occurs to begin the boiling in a violent outburst of Elementary Particles.  A Soliton Bubble
could tunnel across from one Ground State to another.  The surface of the Bubble belongs to one Universe but the interior belongs to another
Universe containing the lower Vacuum of another Universe.  Such a Bubble would travel outward at the Speed of Light.

Single Instantons can be produced from the Interaction of extremely high Energy Laser pulses created with the size of a single Elementary Particle,
after one second the Instanton would have expanded 300,000 kilometers containing a stream of Elementary Particles like dropping a speck of dirt into
to Superheated water-the Universe would boil.

Prigogine’s felt that because of Friction and exchanges of Energy with outside World that structures may arise.

404.        Equilibrium is the State of maximum Entropy where Molecules are paralyzed or move around at random.  Take 2 boxes connected by an
opening and put nitrogen in one side and hydrogen in the other.  The 2 will mix so that will be no difference in the concentrations of the System which
has gone to Equilibrium and maximum Entropy.  If you heat the two boxes to slightly different temperatures the gasses will mix but not uniformly.  
The flow of heat has produced more hydrogen in one side and more nitrogen in the other or a near to Equilibrium State or Order in which the System
losses heat as fast as it gains it.  This is a Point Attractor.  It has no sense of Time since the System keeps returning to the Attractor.  

In far from Equilibrium conditions. where there is a great deal of Energy input from outside there is Order out of Chaos.  There is the passive Chaos
of Equilibrium and maximum Entropy where the elements are so mixed that there is no organization.  This is Thermal Chaos.  The second Chaos is
active, hot energetic, a far from Equilibrium Turbulent Chaos where Systems just don’t break down but new Systems emerge.  A pipe pouring into a
basin first produces a dimple as it enters.  At the surface of the oil basin opening, more oil pouring through produces increasing Turbulence and

These fluctuations increase randomly following a route to total Chaos until they reach a bifurcation point.  At this critical juncture one of the
fluctuations becomes amplified and represents a pattern of whirlpools.  Forms and Order has sprung from Chaos.  The whirlpools remain Stable as
long as the flow from the pipe is kept up.  Even if the flow increases or decreases a little, the stability of the whirlpool pattern remains.  Too much
change in either direction causes new Chaos and new Order.

The Bernard Instability is where convection cells dissolve into Chaos or the way Bernard Cells turn into Chaos to Order.  If a pan is heated so that the
lower portion becomes hotter than the upper portion, heat travels from lower to higher regions.  The flow is regular and smooth or near Equilibrium.  
As the heating continues the difference of temperature grows between them.  There is a far from Equilibrium State and Gravity begins to pull more
strongly on the layer which is cooler and more dense.  Whorls and eddies appear throughout the liquid until the System verges on Complete Disorder.  
The critical bifurcation point is reached when heat can’t disperse fast enough without the aid of large scale convection currents.  At this point the
system shifts out of the Chaotic State and the disordered whorls transform into a Lattice of hexagonal currents or Bernard Cells.

Turn the heat up and the Bernard Cells dissolve into Chaos.  In chemistry, the relation between Order and Chaos is complex successive orders of
ordered oscillatory followed by regimes of Chaotic behavior.  Stengers and Prigogine--The Bernard Cells are produced by millions of Molecules
suddenly moving coherently.  The Whole atmosphere might be a sea of seething Bernard Cells.  A far from Equilibrium Chaos contains Self
Organization if the concentration of one of the reagents is increased to a critical point the reaction undergoes a transformation in which chemical
concentration begins to fluctuate regularly like a chemical clock.

405.        Each Molecule is informed about the overall System. The idea of communication and information is tied up to the way random behavior leads
to complex coupling of feedback and spontaneous Order.  Instances of “Disequilbrium” and Self Organization are dissipative structures.  In order to
evolve vortices, slime molds use up Energy and Matter-  open Systems taking in Energy from the outside and producing Entropy - waste, randomized
Energy which they dissipate into the surrounding environment.  Dissipative Structures are Systems capable of maintaining their identity by remaining
open to the flux and flow of the environment in which they find themselves.  Solitons like the Wave of Translation and the candle flame are
Dissipative Structures arising from far from Equilibrium flux riding upon it. In the Non-Linear range, far from Equilibrium gives rise to structure and
brings Order out of Chaos.  Matter has radical new properties in the arena of the far from Equilibrium enabling Self Organization.

406.          A Dissipative Structure constructs itself out of Chaotic Space or organizing Space and gives a direction to Time.  Bifurcation, Amplification
and Coupling lead to both sides of the mirror.

The Bifurcation Points constitute a map of the Irreversibility of Time.  Time is Irreversible but “Recapitulant” and Time’s movement is
immeasurable.  Each decision made at a branch point involves an Amplification of something small.  Causality operates at every instant and branching
takes place Unpredictably.  The mixture of necessity and change constitutes the History of the System.  The idea of Bifurcation Sensitivity is
explaining the phenomenon of Chirality or Handedness.

We live in an Asymmetrical World where patterns manifest themselves in one direction more than another.  The World of Atomic Particles is not
Symmetrical nor is the Macro World.  Electrons come Spinning out of the Nucleus counterclockwise or left handed.  Real life Molecules are left
handed.  In far from Equilibrium States very small effects become magnified.  The extremely small Gravity difference across a few cms. of liquid
would normally be negligible.  In the Bernard Instability the far from Equilibrium Turbulence magnifies the Gravitational effect and results in the
hexagonal Bernard pattern.  Konepudi states that the same phenomena appears with the Spin of the Electron.  In the “disequilbrium” of Chaos new
Molecules are born in a Dissipative System and they quickly magnify or amplify the very small Energy difference in Spin projecting Sub-Atomic left
handedness up to the level of the Organic Molecule.  If we start with Particles which have the same velocities and have collisions they will end up with
random velocities.  But the reverse is not true.  The World is temporarily organized.  There is always an Arrow of Time.  The Big Bang Theory of
Relativity gives the Universe an Irreversible History.  In Quantum Physics Irreversibility is also present.

Unifying Dynamics and Thermodynamics, Microscopic and Macroscopic Reversibility and Irreversibility and Being and Becoming, Prigogine’s System
is a form of Symmetry Breaking.  Complex Systems break the Symmetry that would allow Time to go backward as well as forward.  Complex Systems
give direction to Time.  Any Interaction takes place in the larger System and the System as a Whole is constantly changing, bifurcating, iterating.  So
the System and all its parts have a direction in Time.

Time becomes an expression of the System’s Holistic Interaction and this Interaction extends outward.  Every complex System is a changing part of a
greater Whole, a nesting of larger and larger Wholes leading to the most complex dynamical System, the System that encompasses Order and Chaos,
the Universe.  Once a Complex System appears it becomes separated from Reversible Time by an Infinite Entropy Barrier.  Processes that run in the
reversed direction become Infinitely improbable.

407.        Symmetry Breaking of Time occurs at all levels of Nature.  There is both one Time and Infinite Times.  Time is the Arrow that couples all
Systems together and a multitude of Arrows constitute the Bifurcations and changes of each individual System.  Each of us has our own autonomous
Irreversible Arrow but that Arrow is intertwined with the Irreversible Arrow of the Universe.

408.         Prigogine revises the Big Bang.  The Universe starts with a burst of Entropy Chaos leaving Matter in an organized State.  The Matter is
slowly dissipated.  Obviously in this dissipation Cosmological structure, Entropy has positive and negative powers but the total remains positive.

A System can never be sealed in a box.  The outside leaks in though a breach in the chain of decimals, the missing information. “Nature” is always
Entropic, Turbulent and Irreversible.  Irreversibility does away with the separation between large scale and small scale Universe.  Nature is not built
from the bottom up.  It is built by feedback among all the levels.  Each level of description is implied by another and implies the other.  No level can
claim preeminence.  The Laws of Nature, Physics, are not all given at the outset or logically implied.  They evolve like species, as things get more
complex, Bifurcations and amplifications occur and new Laws emerge.

Grand Unification eliminates the need for the Second Law of Thermodynamics, the Law of Increasing Entropy.  The Universe isn’t an Identity.  All
Particles don’t melt down into one.  If you have Identity you don’t have an Arrow of Time.  Prigogine’s Uncertainty Principal says that beyond a
certain threshold of complexity, Systems go in unpredictable directions.  They have their Initial Conditions and cannot be reversed or recovered.  The
Entropy Barrier is the inability to go backwards in Time.  Prigogine rejects Reductionism.  Time is in all Dimensions of Reality.  Chaos creates
Spontaneous Order.

The root of the Universe is either Chaos or Order of an Infinite Degree of Chaos.  Chaos is a form of Order with the Quantum as the fundamental
level of Reality.  The solution to any problem in Quantum Theory is given in terms of Linear combinations of different solutions--Combinations of
different outcomes.  The solutions given by Linear Theory like Quantum Theory are equally good from a mathematical point of view.  Solutions are
added together in various ways to form more solutions.  But in any actual Quantum experience there must be a definite outcome producing Quantum
Strangeness or the collapse of the Wave Function to produce definite solutions.

409.        Bohr believed that the fecundity of the Cosmic Order is an Infinite complexity of movement. The Order of the Whole is implicit in the
motion of each part.  Schrodinger’s Cat Paradox can be solved by the addition of Non Linearity’s and Phase Locking.  By introducing Non-Linearity
into Quantum Theory, Schrodinger’s equation can be solved by splitting it into 2 parts.  The first part of the equation describes a Classical Electron.  
The second part is the Electron Potential in which Electrons or other Quantum Particles are sensitive to their environment.  The Quantum Potential
of Bohm’s equations are a mathematical Transformation of Schrodinger’s Equation.  They give the same numerical results as conventional Quantum
Theory.  There is a difference however.  The Quantum Potential that dictates the way an Electron moves is Non-Linear and determined in a
complicated way by all Matter and all Atoms and Elementary Particles that surround the Electron in question.  The Quantum Potential controls the
movement of an Electron inside an Atom or as it travels within the experimental apparatus because of its sensitivity of Quantum Potential the
Electron is constantly pushed into Bifurcation points along its path where it can be flowing in one direction or another resulting in Indeterminism and
Unpredictability of an individual Quantum like an Electron, Quantum Chaos but ultimately the movement is totally determined by a Potential of
endless complexity such that attempts at prediction are futile.  The Quantum Potential is an Infinite sensitive feedback with the Whole.  Since all
Molecules in an experimental apparatus surrounding the Quantum System are in a constant State of thermal motion, the Electron’s Quantum
Potential continues to fluctuate in an extremely subtle way.

This fluctuation of the Whole Information Field gives rise to the probabilistic results of Quantum Processes or Quantum Chaos.  The Wave Functions
collapse and are an information collapse making the Quantum World consistent with the Classical World.  There does not have to be any division
between Non-Linear large scale phenomenon and Quantum Linearity, between Determinism and Indeterminism.  Order stretches from the Electron
to the Galaxy.  Nonlinear Quantum Potential explains Quantum Wholeness if you correlate 2 Quantum Particles and send them in different
directions.  Whatever is done to one of them is felt by the other and it reacts accordingly even with the separation in Space.  The Particles are coupled
together with all other Particles by their Non-Linear Quantum Potentials.  The coupling includes the Particles in the measuring apparatus.  The Whole
System moves together and what is done to one Particle is instantaneously registered by a change in the Whole System thus affecting the other
Particle.  Bohm’s causal interpretation of the Quantum Potential is part of the implicate order or a feedback from which Quantum Processes emerge
and where everything affects everything else.  The universal ground of feedback exists before there are things to form feedback relationships.  Each
part or object enfolds the movement of the Whole because it is rooted in the Infinite Non-Linear feedback ground.  Quantum events blend with the
large scale Non-Linear feedback we saw in sensitive Chaotic Systems, bacterial Symbiosis in the Belousov-Zhabotinsky Reaction, and other
appearances or Order out of Chaos.

410.        In the coordination of Electrons a Superconducting Phase Locking occurs when many different or individual oscillators shift from Collective
Chaos to beating together or resonating in harmony.

Phase locking explains how Quantum Level Systems come together to create Classical Scale Systems.  The Michelson-Morley experiment showed that
the Speed of Light measures the same no Matter what direction the observer is or how the Light sources moves.  Lorenz suggested that the Speed of
Light is not constant but experimental effects conspire to make the actual change in the Speed unobservable.  Clocks and rulers are made out of
Atoms and these Atoms are held together by Electromagnetic Interactions so that when any material body moves it must readjust its internal
structure.  This readjustment makes clocks run slower and measuring rods contract.  These small adjustments in the measuring apparatus mask the
changing velocity of Light that the apparatus is trying to measure.  Einstein pointed out that Time and Space aren’t Absolute so there could be no
meaning to Lorenz’s arguments that clocks run slow and measuring rods contract.  But lengths and Times of different Systems run at different rates
relative to one another.

411.    Bohm combines Lorenz’s approach with Einstein’s Relativity Theory to produce material frames.  Observers, including labs and other collective
structures define their own local Time and Space.  The Time within a material frame is generated out of the Phase Locking of Matter within the frame
but without absolute background of Space and Time against which these clocks and distances can be measured.  Time is a measure of the amount of
Process that takes place, the ticks of the frame’s internal clocks. When clocks run slow with respect to each other it is because their material frames
are Phase Locked differently from each other.

Quantum Phase Locking could provide a bridge joining Classical Non Linear Reality and Linear, Quantum Reality.  The answer lies in the
Transformation that occurs when random individual behavior becomes collective behavior.

Through Phase Locking Molecules are built up whose properties lie midway between the Quantum and the Classical.  Such Molecules have on the one
hand certain definite properties and on the other they are still involved in Quantum Processes.  Some Molecules are sensitive to the input of a single
Quantum Particle.

412.        Penrose suggests that when large numbers of Quantum objects are coupled together, Spinors, or the smallest of all Elementary Particles,
each of which take on one of 2 possible values.  By adding these objects together according to the rules of Quantum Theory you end up with a large
network of Spinors.  When 2 networks of Spinors are brought together they will see each other in spatial terms as if oriented at a particular angle one
to the other until they derive a 3D Space or transform from the Quantum World to Classical Space.  

The Properties of Space are not inherent, not given, but emerging in the large scale out of the cooperative Interaction of Quantum Systems.  
Quantum Systems may lock together to create not only Space but Time and other Macroscopic structures.  It is therefore unnecessary to draw a line
between the Linear and Quantum World and the Non-“Linearity’s” of our large scale World.  As Quantum Systems grow they will develop Non-
“Linearity’s” and structures.  The Classical level structure that evolves becomes relatively Stable and therefore as in the case of our solar system
relatively insensitive to individual Quantum fluctuations.  But other large scale Systems Phase Lock in a way that leaves them sensitive and close to a
Chaotic Region.  In such cases the Classical structure or collective System is responsive to individual Quantum fluctuations so that it behaves
Chaotically Unpredictably under the influence of the Strange Attractor.

When one makes measurements one amplifies a single Quantum Process resulting in the change of some large scale variable such as a dial on a
meter.  The result is Unpredictable.  The tension between individual Quantum Chaos and collective Quantum Order is able to create and drive
increasingly complex scales of structures.

Prigogine solves Schrodinger’s Equation or cat problem in Chaos and the evolving Arrow of Time.  Bohm solves it by finding signs of an Infinite
Holistic Order which suggests that the solution lies in Phase Locking Feedback.  It is the ancient tension between the individual and collective
Certainty and Uncertainty, Chaos and Order.

413.        In Sub-Atomic Matter Hydrogen consists of a single Nucleus that contains a positive Electrical Charge called a Proton surrounded by a single
Sub-Atomic Particle called the Electron with negative Charge and are held together by the Electrical Force of Attraction between them.  The question
is how do they arrange themselves inside the Atom?  Because the Force pulling on the Electron would cause it to accelerate and radiate away its
Energy; the Electron would fall into the Nucleus and the Atom would shrink.  So it exists as an Electron Cloud not a Particle made of separate
Electrons, each occupancy a different position in a separate World or Universe.  When no one tries to locate it the separate Universes overlay creating
a single Stable World.

In our World the Electron is a cloud in Space and gives the Atom its shape, Stable with defined Energy.  A change in the shape of the cloud produces a
different Energy.  When the Electron is observed it appears as a point or Particle with no spread in Space.  The Atom has no longer a precise Energy.  
The disparity between the observation of the Energy of the Atom, the precise determination of the location of an Electron, is the principle of
Indeterminism or Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle (UP).

414.        Heisenberg’s UP is the inability to predict the future based on the past or present. The Energy of the Electron at the moment of each jump is
Indeterminate and Unpredictable.  Each position corresponds to a unique Electronic Energy State.  When the lowest Energy or Ground State pattern
emerge the Electron is in the lowest Energy State but without a unique location.  Bohr’s interpretation of the Momentum position paradox is that
large objects follow Newton's Laws.  Atomic sized objects are disturbed by any attempt to observe them.  Eventually a large scale device had to observe
the small scale device,Electron or Atom.  All the large scale objects could do was disturb the small scale object with Unpredictable results or these
disturbances were called Quantum Jumps.  The only thing one could say about tiny objects is to describe what can be observed of them.

The Wave of all possibilities undergoes a sudden change the instant anything physical is observed or the collapse of the Wave Function.  The observer
is responsible for the collapse of the Wave Function.  The collapse means that the probability has changed from less than certainty to certainty or the
observer effect.  The System Quantum leaps into one of the possible States.

The System takes on a physical value.  In the Parallel Universe the observer is part of what he chooses to measure.  No collapse of the Wave takes
place.  The observer is part of the Wave.  The Whole evolves in Time in a correlated and consistent manner.  The Whole system evolves into a myriad
of splitting and merging Parallel Universes.  If a Quantum System evolves to any one of a Set of possible States according to Quantum Physics it
evolves to all possible recognitions of those System States.  The observer becomes part of the System he observes.  In the Copenhagen Interpretation
all one can do is assign a statistical weight to each State according to the relative height of the peak of the Wave representing that State.  The Wave
with the highest peak spread over the most Space has the most probability for a Real occurrence.  The other possibilities exist but are collapsed.  

However, Schrodinger’s Wave Equation does not describe this collapse but does provide the Time evolution of the Wave.

Bohr stated that Atomic Electrons would not radiate Energy when they were in certain constrained types of circular motion or Bohr orbits.  De Broglie
said there was a Wave carrying the Electron in one of its undulations wherever a Bohr orbit existed.  Erwin Schrodinger developed the mathematical
representation of the Wave and believed it was Electromagnetic in character like radio and television Waves but it has never been observed.  Born
said the Wave was a probability and not a Real Wave describing the probable location of an object in Space but never its actual location.  The Wave
and Particle being the same thing.  It changes into a Particle undergoing Quantum jumps upon observation.

415.        The Universe is not everything it once was.  It is everything and not everything at the same Time.  Infinity is reduced to a point, a single
equation, a Space that contains all possibilities including other Universes or Super-Space.  Occam’s Razor does not apply but it does apply rather than
Causality.  Instead of predicting behavior based on the past we base it on that whatever takes place must be consistent with itself. (M. Abbott Lewis).

416.        To locate a Sub-nuclear object you would need Gamma Rays which have smaller Wavelengths.  The shorter the Wavelength required the
more Energies needed.  The Energy of a Photon is inversely proportional to its Wavelength.  Since both Relativity Theory and Quantum Theory
predict other Universes they can be resolved.  

417.        Whenever it is possible to find a Set of equations that produce the same physically observable phenomena in spite of observational
differences where seen from different view points we have an Invariant Relationship.

418.        The Invariance found by Einstein was similar to the simple Right Triangle Invariance found in Geometry.  If Time is a Dimension of Space
and you can construct right triangles with one adjacent side corresponding to Time and the other to Space there can be a Space-Time Invariance
similar to the Invariance found for the Right Triangles inscribed in a semicircle where Time is an Imaginary or new Dimension of Space.  Time is
relative.  It depends on the relative Speeds of the Time observers or on how you construct your Space-Time triangle as long as the Imaginary or Time
side of a Space-Time triangle is longer than the Real side the hypotenuse will be Imaginary or Time like side.  Particles that live longer in Imaginary
Space than in Real Space, or travel more in Time than in Space-- Particles that always travel slower than Light Speed spending their Existence in
longer Imaginary Space (Real Time) and shorter Real Space are called Braydyons or slow moving Particles.

a2 + b2 = c2
Imaginary leg = a = i3 Real leg a length, b=3
(i3 x 3) + (3 x 3) = -9 +9=0
Hypotenuse has length c=0

Zero Time Particles are Light Particles- the Photon.  Zero Time Particles make Photons exist on the borderline between solid tangible and the real
potential simultaneously, spending equal amounts of Time in Space and in Imaginary Space and travel at the Speed of Light.  Zero Time meaning Zero
Imaginary Space and Zero Real Space. or when the Real leg is longer than its Imaginary leg.  This is not a triangle with Zero-Time hypotenuse.  It is
not an Imaginary Space interval or a Time.  It will be a Real Space interval -1

a2 + b2 = c2                a=i3, b=5
(i3 + i3) + (5 x 5) = -9 +25 = 16 =

4x4        C=4.  The hypotenuse
Imaginary Space meant movement in Time without movement in Real Space or standing still and moving in Real Time.  Real Space hypotenuse
means movement in Real Space without movement in Real Time or movement in Imaginary Time. This person is observed by a stationary observer to
move in both Space and Time  i.e., is Real Space and Imaginary Space by how wrist watch travels only in Imaginary Time which is th same as Real
Space.  It is seen by himself as movement in Space alone traveling faster than the Speed of Light.  A Particle already existing with a Speed greater
than Light is not disallowed by Relativity Theory.   No Particle can be accelerated past the Speed of Light because of the Infinite amount of Energy
needed.  There are Tachyon Particles. Tachyons are Particles that move in Imaginary Time as seen by themselves just as Photons are Particles that
move in Zero Time and Bradyons move in Real Time.

Moving a Bradyon in Real Space (Imaginary Time) by simply going to get a cup of coffee and returning to your chair.  You have moved your body, a
Bradyon, in Imaginary Space (Real Time) and in Real Space (Imaginary Time).  Going backward and forward from chair to kitchen and back in
Imaginary Time.  But this is not so easy in Real Time.  Tachyons do not experience Real Time.  They can move backward and forward in their
Imaginary Time Dimension as easily as Braydons go back and forth in our Dimensions,  We would experience Tachyons in Real Time.

419.        If there is a Gravity Field there must be a difference in Time Curvature since our Gravity points downward the Curvature at our feet is
slightly greater than at our head.  The higher we go the less Time Curvature.  The farther down we go the greater Time Curvature and the slower
clocks tick.  Up, Time Speeds up and going down, Time slows down.  Curvature leads to Singularities where all physical quantities take on Infinite

Using Quantum Physics there would be no Singularities at the basic level of Existence.  This fact has to do with the connection of Momentum.   
(Momentum is a measure of Matter in motion- a large hunk of Matter moving slowly has large Momentum because of its Mass).  A small bit of Matter
moving quickly has a large Momentum because of its Speed.  In Quantum Physics, Momentum is a primary quality.  An object can have a well defined
Mass or Speed.  It is called the UP Principle when you try to squeeze an object into a Space that is too small i.e., locate it.  It will resist the squeeze by
making its Momentum more and more uncertain leading to a possession of a large but undefined Momentum to release it from Confinement.  In an
Atom of Hydrogen with a single Nucleus and a single Electron, the Nucleus exerts a confining Electrical pull on the Electron in its vicinity.  Without
Quantum Action that Electron would vanish into the Nucleus pulled by the Electrical Force.  The closer it gets to the Nucleus the greater is its
Uncertainty in Momentum and it quickly moves away.  It takes on the appearance of a spherical cloud surrounding the Nucleus.  The Electron splits
into multiple copies of itself.  No copy actually being under the Force that holds it but all copies dealing with Confinement by forming a ghostly cloud.  
The most probable radial separation for the Electron from the Nucleus Cloud turns out to be just the right distance to counterbalance the Force of
Confinement against the Force of Uncertainty.  Any closer and the UP would cause the Electron to flee away, any farther and the Electrical Force
would pull it closer.  “Quantumally” speaking the Electron evades the Nucleus.  Classically the Electrical Force grabs the Electron and tends to confine
it to a region that would be singular-- or a region of Infinite Curvature and Zero radial separation.  But the cloud exists and no such Singularity does.

420.        The Dirac Equation is a mathematical expression to explain the behavior of Electrons moving near the Speed of Light. Dirac thinks all
Particles move at the Speed of Light following jagged paths through Space.  This jitterbugging motion gives the illusion that Matter is moving slower
than Light.  Every Sub-Atomic Particle is capable of existing below the threshold of any perception and that an Infinite number of Particles exist at
that level.  When certain Energies are created one of these Particles can manifest out of nothing leaving behind a Hole.  This Hole has properties and
appears as the Anti-Particles of the Particles that manifest.

Square roots are related to i numbers.  The square root of a number (4) is another number (2) that you multiply by itself 2x2 to get the original
number (4).  The square root of 1 is 1,  Square it and you get 1,  Take the square root and you get 1,  1x1 = 1 or 12=1.  Negative numbers have square
roots.  The square root of a number multiplied by itself gives -1.  The symbol for the Imaginary number is i, i x i = -1.  All numbers multiplied by i are
Imaginary i5 (i52) = -25.

Minkowski noticed that if you insert i as a multiplier of the Time symbol in Einstein’s equations and you measure all Speeds in relationship to the
Speed of Light you can reproduce all of Einstein’s relationships and give them a visual Geometric  sense.  

Thus Time as we know it becomes an Imaginary Dimension of Space.  Using i Space and Real Space all of the Einsteinium Relationships can be drawn
in the form of triangles.  The Time leg of the triangle was an Imaginary Space Dimension and the Space leg of the triangle would be a Real Space

If one holds a pointer, by orienting it so that it points straight up the holder of the pointer is looking at one Dimensional possibility up-down.  By
holding it so that the pointer points perpendicular to the north wall it makes another Dimensionality north-south.  By holding it so it points along the
diagonal you take into account more than one of the prescribed Dimensions-up-down, north-south.  By swinging the pointer possibilities are
continually changing as quickly as the direction of the pointer changes.  Putting another observer in the room nearly identical to the first observer
and he mimics the movements of the original observer.   The parallel observer is observer –2.  Each Time Observer-1 points in a direction la >
Observer -2 attempts to point in the same direction but misses the mark and points in a direction <bl.  The direction la > is a called a “ket”