"THE RHYME OF
THE ANCIENT
MARINER" AND
"THE 'RIME' OF
THE MODERN
'ASTRONUT'
(M. ABBOTT LEWIS)


                                          PART V.





“I feare thee Modern ‘Cosmonut’!                                         The NASA Official feareth the smart-ass
I feare thee are a schmucky nut!                                             Shuttleperson bugging him thusly.  But
For thou art long, lank and lean                                               the “Astronut” persuades this fruit fly
Shaped like a septic tank’s starboard beam!                          from Shuttledom with a worn out
Come now ‘Astronut’!  Come clean!                                       condom sprinkled with pseudo-scientific
Or I’ll kick thee in thine balls!                                                 jargon of his unethical bombardment and
For I have other business after all!”                                         continues to nageth unto him.
“Feare thee not by Lucifer’s left twat!
I’m really not space rot!”

“Alone at last!
On the vast expanse’s electrified turf.
Stoned on the Martian Grass
Sucking radioactive icicles and brunching
On plutonium sassafras.
Just me and my Bunsen Burner
And all because of good ole Von Werner.”

“O fie!  Fie!  O me O my!
What a life!
How I hate this god forsaken sky!
What I’d do for a piece of the corporate pie
Or just a thin slice of roast beef on Red Chinese                         He protesteth against the Ambiplasma  
Rye!”                                                                                               chimera and its black bung-hole
                                                                                              characteristics.

“Here I am, as helpless as a wingless bumble bee
A stupid Schnook upon the ironic sea.
I turned to Hell
And commenced to yell!”
‘Santa Claus was not dead
He simply converted to a holographic bedspread.’
At that self-same moment
Me self-same-self
Took an aspirin
And swallowed my Neo-Synephrine.

I leapt forward like an oily Mexican Jumping Bean
As if stepping from a solar wet dream.
The God Fly fell from my oily loins
Like a counterfeit religious coin.”                                               His headache cleared upeth.  His
                                                                                            drugged stupor ceaseth.